Searching In Solitude

by Becca

So far from those who’ve embraced me,
on this long path called life.
I hear their half-hearted cries to help me,
but all I see is strife.
Wandering alone and disconnected,
it seems I’ll never belong.
Shrinking from society,
letting life pull me along.
Desolate and afflicted,
having no one to understand,
My soul cries for release,
for someone to take the upper hand.
Never a random smile,
a kind thought, a word, a hug.
The masses wander so sure and steady,
so perfect and so smug.
I’ve said so many times,
why my heart aches,
I’m answered with rebuke,
they stand by while it breaks.
I cannot shake this feeling,
of feeling so empty and vague.
Am I doomed to wander,
unhappy into the grave?
Why do some get happiness,
at so little cost?
And others need to find something more,
their very being the cost?
The few who keep on searching,
know there’s got to be something more.
Is it our imagination,
or is anything else in store?
Is it worth the bother,
to travel the depressed path?
Searching out kindred spirits,
risking the out right laugh?
We don’t always want to push,
our gloom on all others.
But is it so wrong to seek some warmth,
or too much of a bother?
Sometimes we see something,
we think can get us through.
It ends up being only a mask,
distorted by our view.
At times we can be happy,
as cheerful as any.
But insecurity over rides,
troubles there are plenty.
Timidly we deal,
with what we can.
Fighting for what no one knows,
waiting for the end.
So tired and endlessly we seek,
knowledge and peace.
Desperately wanting,
the racing mind to cease.
It’s not that we’re troubled,
to the point of craziness.
Where everyone else just points and gives up hope,
and are glad for their smooth finesse.
Seeing things differently,
just sets us apart.
We cry for understanding.
It’s wrenching at our heart.
And so I travel and roam,
things churning in my mind.
Seeking, looking, hoping,
for things I cannot find.