Ukrainian Captive

Okay, people. This is a comepletely REAL convo between me an' Buffy.  The only thing I changed were a few spelling errors. And i missed most of those, too. (and the password mentioned is not our real password-we're not THAT stupid...hey, shut up!) This was a conversation we had on our instant messenger around 8:40 p.m on Oct. 15, 1999. No, not all of our conversations are this weird, but since this one was, we thougt it would be a good idea for you to get a little insight into our twisted and corrupted world.  And if anyone here is Ukrainian, or has Ukrainian relatives or some shit like that, we really don't  want to hear about your being offended. So deal with it yourself. Nor do we want to get responses saying how dumb this is, because, well, we honestly couldn't care less what you think. Also, the story included was entirely fictional, and any similarities to real situations is pure coincidence. Thank you for caring, and have a nice life.


Megan Walker says:
BUFFY!!!!!!!
Megan Walker says:
BUFFORAMA!!!!
Megan Walker says:
BUFFSTER!!!
Megan Walker says:
ummm, hi becki
Becki . says:
lol! 'sup?
Becki . says:
i'm gonna put up the poetry and fiction entries...
Becki . says:
for our site
Megan Walker says:
i just e-mailed you a real letter, and some crap too
Megan Walker says:
be sure you read the thing from me that says "i think this is the final word on...."
Becki . says:
um, ok...
Becki . says:
i'm gonna send you another letter...
Megan Walker says:
it's funny.
Megan Walker says:
read my letter!!!!!!!
Becki . says:
kk...will in a sec
Becki . says:
i was out bummin' with the boltonville peeps...hehe
Becki . says:
it was funny
Megan Walker says:
ok...
Becki . says:
my dada was gona so i could catuaLLY Be out aftyer dark
Becki . says:
lol...i can't type
Becki . says:
dada, gona, catually, aftyer...
Megan Walker says:
wha?
Becki . says:
nothing...just babbling bout my typing skills...which are like none
Megan Walker says:
did you read my letter yet?
Becki . says:
nope...will spoon
Becki . says:
er, soon
Megan Walker says:
the um, stuff one?
Megan Walker says:
uk
Megan Walker says:
ok
Megan Walker says:
yupperz
Becki . says:
lol
Becki . says:
see the page lately?
Megan Walker says:
no
Becki . says:
well, you should :p
Megan Walker says:
oik
Megan Walker says:
ok
Megan Walker says:
oink
Megan Walker says:
oink
Megan Walker says:
oink
Megan Walker says:
oink
Megan Walker says:
oink
Megan Walker says:
oink
Becki . says:
what?@?@?@?
Megan Walker says:
oink
Becki . says:
what the helll?
Becki . says:
oink
Becki . says:
oink
Megan Walker says:
i SAID oink
Becki . says:
oink
Becki . says:
oink
Becki . says:
oink
Becki . says:
oink
Megan Walker says:
oink
Becki . says:
quack
Megan Walker says:
oink
Becki . says:
quack
Megan Walker says:
moo
Megan Walker says:
moo
Becki . says:
quack
Megan Walker says:
moo
Megan Walker says:
moo
Megan Walker says:
moo
Megan Walker says:
moo
Becki . says:
quack
Becki . says:
meow
Becki . says:
meow
Becki . says:
wolf
Megan Walker says:
moo
Megan Walker says:
moo
Megan Walker says:
mmo
Becki . says:
bark
Megan Walker says:
moo
Becki . says:
grrrrrr
Megan Walker says:
moo
Becki . says:
nay
Megan Walker says:
moo
Becki . says:
nay
Megan Walker says:
moo
Becki . says:
nay
Becki . says:
honk
Becki . says:
honk
Becki . says:
honk
Becki . says:
yap
Becki . says:
duh
Megan Walker says:
moommooomoomoomoomoomoomoomooooooooo
Becki . says:
LMAO
Megan Walker says:
:D
Becki . says:
WHAT'S TYOUR FRIGGIN' PROBLEM?!?
Becki . says:
hehehe
Megan Walker says:
talk to the hand....
Becki . says:
cuz you ain;t got a man
Becki . says:
talk tothe palm
Becki . says:
cuz you ain't the bomb
Becki . says:
lol...before even reading your letter i thought about putting that up on our site1
Becki . says:
hehe
Becki . says:
btw....of course i still wanna come over!!!!!!
Becki . says:
and i have a costume from last year lareday...my slutty witch one
Becki . says:
maybe we could find a real party.,..
Megan Walker says:
maybe
Becki . says:
did you get my other messages?
Becki . says:
i have so much shit to put up on the site.,..i started a poetry contest
Megan Walker says:
oooh
Becki . says:
and a fitciotn contest
Megan Walker says:
i hope that angela chick let's me use her poem, it was really cool.
Becki . says:
and i have a billion entries
Megan Walker says:
you can send some to me....
Becki . says:
i have about 29 poems, 2 stories, some drawings, some forwards, etc...
Megan Walker says:
hey! btw, do we have a e-mail address for the website?
Becki . says:
wanna figure out how to do everything? i could send you a poem and you could futz with backrounds and stuff...
Becki . says:
yeah, i'm just using my sigarbaby addy
Becki . says:
er, sugar
Becki . says:
baby
Becki . says:
_
Becki . says:
51
Megan Walker says:
i mean like one for both of us to use that all the site stuff can be sent to?
Becki . says:
chiquita_banana_69@hotmail.com
Becki . says:
i could change it...
Megan Walker says:
what was the password for that?
Becki . says:
goldpony28
Becki . says:
i think
Megan Walker says:
ok
Becki . says:
i'll hafta change it...
Becki . says:
i'll try to tonight
Megan Walker says:
by htae way, im not really megan, i'm some hacker who can now also get into your chiquita e-mail.....hehe, suckers
Becki . says:
yeah, uh, sure
Megan Walker says:
j/k
Becki . says:
*rolls eyes*
Becki . says:
lol...
Megan Walker says:
no really, i am. my name is Olis. I am from Ukraine.
Becki . says:
sure
Becki . says:
ok
Megan Walker says:
you americans are really stupeed.
Becki . says:
of course
Becki . says:
wouldn't matter anywya..nothing's in that addy
Becki . says:
hack into my comp then...
Becki . says:
:)
Megan Walker says:
oh, don't worry, i will...
Becki . says:
are you threatening me?
Becki . says:
hehe...
Becki . says:
you've never seen that...
Becki . says:
brb Olis...
Megan Walker says:
in the mean time, i have also kidnapped megan, and she is to become my personal slave for the next 15 years
Becki . says:
she might enjoy that
Becki . says:
if you were john, i would too
Megan Walker says:
oh, she isn't so far.....
Megan Walker says:
i don't think she will be either
Becki . says:
hm...sex slave...get out of school...see another country...
Becki . says:
what a life
Megan Walker says:
after 15 years, i will probably be dead, as that i s how long i am expected to live...considering i AM 67 uears old already...
Megan Walker says:
no, i don't think your friend megan will be enjoying anything like what you are thinking of...
Becki . says:
tell meggsie to mett me in europe...she';; get there somehow
Megan Walker says:
she will be cleaning up the goat manure at dawn each morning.
Becki . says:
she likes animals
Megan Walker says:
she hates goats
Becki . says:
this is pretty funny muffy
Becki . says:
where'd you get all this from?
Megan Walker says:
besides, manure isn't an animal
Megan Walker says:
i don't know what your taking about.
Becki . says:
that would only be megan's logical reasoning
Megan Walker says:
i am Olis
Becki . says:
k, olis...you hack into my copm while i get my kitties :)
Becki . says:
brb
Megan Walker says:
i have megan here in my castle. she is being held captive in the east tower.
Megan Walker says:
by the way, when i die, she will be inherited as my property to my incredibly handsome young son.
Becki . says:
rebelious rebecca to the rescue
Becki . says:
!
Becki . says:
ooh! i wanna be abducted!
Megan Walker says:
i am sorry. i have only one son, and i fear that because of him, megan is already plotting to keel me.
Becki . says:
is his name Elijah?
Becki . says:
or maybe Curtis?
Becki . says:
if youcan find a really hot guy names John, io'll deny ever takling to you...
Megan Walker says:
no. his name is....Elva
Becki . says:
elva...like elvis?
Megan Walker says:
no...elva, like Elva.
Megan Walker says:
i know not of this Elvis you speak of
Becki . says:
he's our king
Megan Walker says:
i see.
Becki . says:
OMG! someone in ag today mentioned communism
Becki . says:
and i'm a dictator@
Becki . says:
!
Megan Walker says:
i will be back shortly. megan is making a racket in the tower, i must make sure she doesn't escape.
Becki . says:
k
Megan Walker says:
i have returned.
Becki . says:
wb olis
Megan Walker says:
she almost excaped. she was in the basement of my fortress working on a supposed "science project" A likely story. I know she was building something to escape with.
Becki . says:
figures
Becki . says:
that's muffy for you
Megan Walker says:
what is this " wb " you speak of
Becki . says:
watch out for that one
Becki . says:
i would
Becki . says:
wb=welcome back
Megan Walker says:
ah. of course.
Becki . says:
mwahahaha...i tapped into your line while you were gone
Becki . says:
your computer shall start to warp your mind
Megan Walker says:
i now am going to this website you spoke of earlier.
Megan Walker says:
i hope to find something that will give you away so that i can also hack into your computer and kidnap you.
Becki . says:
nope
Megan Walker says:
i will then send you to my brother in law in Yugoslavia.
Becki . says:
too bad
Becki . says:
is he cute?
Becki . says:
he have sons?
Megan Walker says:
he has many goats.
Megan Walker says:
and yak.
Becki . says:
cute goats?
Becki . says:
cute yak?
Megan Walker says:
you know nothing of our Slavic tradition. you would not be fun to kidnap.
Megan Walker says:
yak are ugly
Megan Walker says:
goats are slimy.
Megan Walker says:
neither are cute.
Becki . says:
i'd be returned home within a week
Becki . says:
wait....i'd be ruling the country within a day
Megan Walker says:
oh, no. that would be too expensive. we would have to execute you
Megan Walker says:
i think not.
Becki . says:
i'd much rather be ruler
Becki . says:
all peep would bow to me
Megan Walker says:
i would like to inform you that megan can be returned to the united States on one condition, and if you ever want see her again, you will have to obey it.
Becki . says:
ah, maybe
Megan Walker says:
you must be wed to my brothers goat, Sylvis.
Becki . says:
YES!
Becki . says:
GOATS RULE!
Megan Walker says:
i must warn you however, that he is very fat, ugly and slimy, and that if you accept this offer, you must remain Sylvis' wife until his death.
Becki . says:
ok..i'll kill him
Megan Walker says:
no! he is the sacred goat of the herd, and his purposeful death will bring upon a life long curse!
Becki . says:
MWAHAHAHA! I AM A CURSE!
Megan Walker says:
are you?
Becki . says:
yes!
Megan Walker says:
well then, you should know that a curse upon a curse is the worst thing possible.
Becki . says:
yes, i know....i;d have double power, because me curse is more powerful
Becki . says:
and can use the new one to my own adventage
Megan Walker says:
you must never kill the sacred goat, or you will greatly anger the Slavic Gods
Becki . says:
i'll chance it...none will challenge me when i rule
Megan Walker says:
very well. Megan will be returned to her country as soon as you accept the wedding vows to Sylvis.
Becki . says:
does he have a brother?
Megan Walker says:
in the mean time, sshe wishes to speak with you for a moment, and i will allow her to do so
Megan Walker says:
sylvis?
Megan Walker says:
the goat?
Becki . says:
yes
Becki . says:
the goat
Megan Walker says:
uh, no.
Becki . says:
i will speak to megan now
Megan Walker says:
very well.
Becki . says:
dran...
Becki . says:
anyway...
Megan Walker says:
hi buffy
Megan Walker says:
it's me, the captive.
Becki . says:
hi muffy!
Becki . says:
how's captivity?
Megan Walker says:
wasnt that fun!
Becki . says:
i got abducted by aliens
Becki . says:
lol-that was hilarious!
Megan Walker says:
i have no idea how i came up with that...i really don't
Becki . says:
omg! you like never faltered! that was awesome!
Megan Walker says:
it's just one of theos things that once i got started...
Becki . says:
SERIOUSLY! THAT WAS SOOOO FUNNY!
Megan Walker says:
lol
Becki . says:
but...i can't marry the goat?
Becki . says:
and you get the hot guy?!?
Megan Walker says:
of course you can
Becki . says:
i want the hot guy!
Megan Walker says:
and no, i don't get the hot guy, once you marry the goat, because then ill be returned.
Becki . says:
i'll kill the goat, and the old man, and mary the hottie
Megan Walker says:
he could come back with me, but he doesnt wnat to have to take his wife with him, because of Ukrainian religious laws.
Becki . says:
:( whatever
Becki . says:
i'll stick with john hehe
Megan Walker says:
BUT! if you dont marry the goat, i could get the hot guy...but then i'd never come home, and i would have to kill his father first.
Becki . says:
i'll take my chances with the goat...
Megan Walker says:
then i would have to kill the wife....
Megan Walker says:
it would just be more killing than i could handle
Becki . says:
but i'm killing the goat and the father and marrying him...
Megan Walker says:
nooo, youre marryng the goat so i can come home, then i'm killing the old guy for revenge, and then we're jetting to Europe.
Megan Walker says:
make sense?
Becki . says:
yay!
Becki . says:
to find some european hotties!
Becki . says:
do you haver this whole conversation by any chance?
Megan Walker says:
and then you can kill the goat because he's really ugly.
Megan Walker says:
huh?
Becki . says:
this whole conversation from the very begining?
Megan Walker says:
yep
Becki . says:
i only have half
Becki . says:
seriously?!?
Becki . says:
i wanna put it up! it would be hella funny
Megan Walker says:
okay, i'll copy it and e-mail it to you.
Becki . says:
alrighty...lol..that was hella funny
Megan Walker says:
gonna put it on the site?
Becki . says:
of course!
Megan Walker says:
oh yeah!
Megan Walker says:
yay!!!!
Becki . says:
lol


Well, youv'e seen it all now, haven't you? Anyway, we hope that we at least managed to take away a little more of the precious time you have left in your life. You have now witnessed just a small part of our corrupted lives.  If you are still sane, congratulations.  That's more than we can say for ourselves.