Saturday, February 1, 2003

Long time no talk, I guess...but I've been thinking about stuff...like the fact that (up until yesterday) there were nothing but girls (and me) on my buddy lists, and I have absolutly zero chance with a single damn one of them (ok, my mom and cousin are on there too...but to be fair, I don't have a chance with them either...nor would I consider it). At least I finally started talking to the one that I really wanted to talk to...and she's got a Webcam setup on Yahoo too, so I can even see her...I should startup a talk so I can hear her too...I miss her so much, I wish I could see her everyday again...in real life, not even just on the webcam. Of course, what's the point in hoping and wishing, that's never got me anywhere...nothing I have ever done has. And on that note, I found this Ziggy cartoon that personifies my relationships perfectly...or lack thereof...I'm too much like Ziggy...we're both short, fat, ugly, and lonely.

I had about five different dreams last night. One of them was me in the middle of a lesbian orgy...maybe the best dream I've had in a while...not the oddest, but... I also had a dream about the trip I'm taking at spring break...and the woman who's going with us (my mom's best friend) had moved into some retirement home...odd. My last dream (which might have melded with the first two dreams somewhat, don't remember) was about a field trip somewhere...and I remember trying to find the girl I mentioned before...which is odd since she doesn't go to my school anymore...and worrying I wouldn't see her...and something about big snowcones on top of the buses...but anyhow...

Well, until next time...go to hell, and/or love always (depending on who's reading).

Monday, January 6, 2003

Well, first back to school...nothing to do today since today is just a weather makeup day...we watched a movie in four of my six periods, and still didn't do anything in the other two...actually, sixth doesn't really count, since I'm a library assistant...no set schedule or anything. Oh, and I did it! (See last post)...I surprised myself more than anyone, I'm sure...it's kinda interesting...I just got someone's username for AIM and I'm acting like someone asked me to go out with them...but, that's just me - I'm socially repressed and irrational.

Also, I was at the mall yesterday, and happened to notice that Victoria's secret is having a "bra sale"...and yet, the woman in the posters wasn't wearing one...oh, well...that's just today's society, I guess.

Well, gotta go catch my bus (yes, a senior who rides the latest bus of the day)...l8r.

Saturday, January 4, 2003

More dreams...this time about a different girl...I don't really wanna say her name here, for one thing cuz that's sorta private, and she might find out...and I'm not sure if that would be a good or bad thing...but it's someone at my school that I don't have a chance with...yeah, that really narrows it down. Anyhow, I dreamed that we were sitting in English...that's the class I had with her...It's sorta a mix of my 11th grade and 12th grade classes...it was the 11th grade classroom, but the 12th grade people...and tables...anyhow, she was sitting across the table from me. Someone came in the room with a gun, and she suggested putting something on the gun to stop it from firing or something...sugar or something. (Don't ask me where the sugar was from, how it stopped the gun, or how we got it on the gun)...anyhow, the guy shot the gun and it was something matrix-like...the bullet was moving so slowly, right at me...but it missed...dunno if I moved or if it just missed...but then we were all congratulating her cuz her idea worked...(of course, I don't know why the gun shot and whatever that was still worked, but hey...it was a dream)...anyhow, I don't remember what else happened, except I remember thinking it was a dream but deciding it couldn't be, because it was so real...anyhow...

The other dream was a field trip we were taking to an amusement park...I have no idea why a bunch of seniors went to an amusement park, but anyhow...and she was there, and I remember thinking "I'm not going to make it one of those field trips"...every time I go on a field trip with someone I "like", I wind up just hanging around them the whole time...and it never turns out very well. There was the art museum (I sorta fought for the girl against another guy...he won), the "aquarium" (not exactly...she asked me out, I said why not, & her friend told me the next day we broke up...so I don't count that as much), the skating rink/bowling alley (she got pissed that I was following her around...if I remember right, I admitted why, and she said "oh, well..." and sorta dismissed the subject), and the most recent at the computer factory (whatever you call it...it's the only one that turned out alright right then...nothing really happened during the tour, but afterwards when we were eating and on the ride home we talked...later she moved away...I sent her an e-mail confessing everything...she replied...long story there, but anyhow I haven't really heard from her in a while and last I heard she has a boyfriend now, so I think my chances are pretty much fucked now...). So, I decided that this wasn't going to be the same way...some shit happens, nothing important...then it skips to my mother taking me and her home (hell if i know why)...we get to my house (apparentally my mother's gonna drop me off, drop her off, then come back for some damn reason)...I asked her if she used any IM proggies, she said yes, AOL, but refused to give me her username for some reason (prolly cuz she really hates me)...then she finally told it to me...i couldn't make out what she said (well, I don't know her username...so prolly my dream just didn't bother making one up)...she wrote it down...and that's about it...I think when I see her Monday I'll ask her for it...prolly the same answer...after all, she pretty much has a title that proves she's the best girl in the city (which includes the school)...she gets her picture in the paper almost every issue cuz of it, so...not to mention the fact that she's bound to have a bf hundreds of times better than me. Anyhow, that's my dreams. I wish I knew what the hell they meant, but I'm not that lucky...that about falls into the same category of me getting AH, I'm not telling you her name...H,A. Well, l8r.

Wednesday, January 1, 2003

Happy New Year. Here's hoping that 2003 is a shitload better than 2002. If you need me, I'll be downing a few bottles of champagne and trying to forget the past 18 years...just like every year.

Tuesday, December 31, 2002

Wow, I've had a lot of weird dreams lately. A few days ago I had a dream about this girl that I had just met, who I will probably never meet again...I was in this place with a lot of people I know...someone's bedroom, I think, and she was there. Everyone seemed to be going after her for some reason, I can't remember why, so I used some sort of spell to turn her into a gold charm. I said it quickly, so I can't be sure it worked right, but she turned into the gold charm, so...well, anyhow I tied her to the fan (keep in mind that the charm was now normal charm size, not life-size), but that didn't work, so I took her down and ran. I went to an old witch-lady and asked her to reverse the spell (apparently I didn't know how), but she was having trouble. Then I woke up, before the lady was able to turn her back to normal.

The next night, I dreamt that I was a nudist or something, naked at school. (I've heard that a dream about public nudity meant you were feeling vulnerable, exposed, but I doubt that's what this was about...I have dreams like this a lot, and there's no big deal to my nudity normally.) Then the dream skipped to me walking around outside my old house (well, we still have it, but I don't live there regularly anymore...but maybe since I lived there for almost 17 years I still consider it my house subconsciously...), still naked, apparently and...well, the next part's fuzzy, but the next thing I remember was being at some girl's house...someone kinda fat and ugly...and still being naked, and she stripped down...I remember her ass-fat jiggling...and then she went and sat on the other sofa...I was sitting on the other one...and...well, then my dream switched to some sort of ad for an amateur porn video...apparently about us. Odd.

Then, last night (or this morning, rather) I had an odd dream...something about being chased by some monster. But the big part of the dream that really stood out (although I think it was another dream) was another thing about the same girl...I think. She was beautiful, and tall, with long auburn hair, and she was wearing a white shirt...I think it was the same girl I had the dream about before (the gold-charm one, not the porn-vid one)...either that or Denise Richards (ha ha)...truth be told, I have no fucking idea who the hell it was...but we were in some underground tunnel (running from something...maybe the same thing as before) and making out (ok, so we weren't running from something...ha ha)...and it just seemed so right...y'know what I mean?

Then, I was taking a nap earlier today and had a really odd dream. I dreamt I was in some odd place...almost like something out of Digimon...but it was a beautiful place, with some sort of palaces in the sky...they sort of looked like Deep Space 9, but were held to the ground by huge chains...anyhow, most of the time I was in this one area that wasn't inhabited, but was where the new creatures rained down...there was one large palace-thing, grounded for some reason, that I was at, and it was the supreme one...the one above the rest and all that. I don't remember all the details, but in the end all that was raining down were little "defective" tags, rather than the creatures...in other words, something was screwed up.

I have absolutely no idea what the hell these dreams mean, but with dreams about saving a girl by using a spell I wasn't sure could be reversed, and then about being naked and screwing some fat, ugly chick, then about making out with a girl while being chased, then about some odd world that was in harmony, then screwed up...well...I have to say the third was my favorite...it was just one of those times that just felt wonderful, like everything was perfect...and it made me realize something: sex didn't have to be some "biological" thing (like in the second dream), it could be a beautiful, loving experience between two people so in love that they couldn't have it any other way. And that's exactly what I want. And yes, my dreams tend to be very vivid.

Wow, ok then...ttyl.

Saturday, December 28, 2002

I don't know what it is about a picture of Christina Aguilera topless and flipping off the world that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside, but it's just an amazing sight. Wouldn't you agree? Well, that's it for now, just wanted to share that. (Oh, btw, that pic is from the Jan 2003 issue of Maxim)