Father : No. Why do you ask that?

Son : Well, where did you get mummy then?

Lady : Is this my train?

Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.

Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to Kuala Lumpur.

Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.

Peter : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!

Kirk : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.

Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?

Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.

Wife : Do you want dinner?

Husband : Sure, what are my choices?

Wife : Yes and no.

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"

Second Guy : "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

The girl asked her lover, "Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?"

"Sure, " replied her lover "What's your phone number?"

A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."

The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you , your honour, I'll have a scotch and soda."

'For twenty years my husband and I were very happy'

'What happened then?'

'We met.'

Customer : 'If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Brighton in two days' time?'

Post Master : 'Well it might do.'

Customer : I bet you, it won't.

Post Master : Why not?

Customer : It's addressed to London.

An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.

'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'

'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.

'How long has what been going on?' said the man.

Girl : Do you love me ?

Boy : Yes Dear

Girl : Would you die for me ?

Boy : No, mine is undying love

1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window

2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.

1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.

Man : How old is your father ?

Boy : As old as me

Man : How can that be ?

Boy : He became a father only when I was born

Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"

Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field

Teacher : How ?

Student : Ladies first.

Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.