5 minutes that can save your Relationship

Most of us would like to think we’re good listeners. After all, we spend much of our lives around other people, listening to other family members’ problems, to friends moaning about their partners or to partners moaning about their friends. Women are supposed to be particularly skilled at listening. But familiarity can have a habit of breeding contempt. There comes a time when you simply switch off when your sister starts moaning about her boyfriend because you’ve heard it all before, or you jump up to make a cup of tea when your partner goes on about his job.

And even when we want to help, we may not really be listening as carefully as we think. How many times have you chipped in with, "That happened to me, too," when someone was confiding something important to you?

"Although we feel as if we're listening, sometimes we're not at all," says psychologist Susan Quilliam. Instead, we're daydreaming or thinking about what we are going to say next. We might be switched off, irritated or even anxious. The person talking to you can pick up from your body language and tone of voice that you’re not really listening. You, in turn, get the sketchiest idea of what they’re trying to say they feel hurt and angry; you feel confused and bored. In the end, you both feel at cross-purposes.

Learning how to really listen can have big benefits in all your relationships.

• First, you’ll have a better idea of what the person is going through - because you’ve really listened.
• Second, because the other person feels properly 'heard' they don’t get the urge to repeat themselves constantly.

Women often complain that men don’t know how to communicate. But ask yourself whether you’re not sometimes guilty of butting in, talking over people or telling your man what he ought to think. End result? He withdraws into his shell, and you feel even more frustrated. You can learn how to hear what other people are saying, but you might need to practice before you get it right.

Be a better listener

Forget yourself. Put your own thoughts to one side and concentrate on what the other person is really saying.

Do...

• Keep up a steady eye contact.
• Nod and make encouraging noises to show you’re listening.
• Ask questions that will help the other person to open up about their feelings, such as, "When did that happen to you?" or "How did that make you feel?"
• Try to emphasize by saying, "That must have felt horrible," or "You sound really angry about that."
• Make sure you ask them to explain if you haven't understood, with questions such as, "So, why did you go back to work?"
• Set a time limit to how long you're available to listen, otherwise you may end up switching off out of sheer exhaustion. Try saying something like, "I can listen until three o'clock, but then I really do have to get back to the office."
• Be patient to listen to the problems and questions.

Don’t...

• Say, "That happened to me too," or "I know what you mean," and start talking about yourself.
• Interrupt. It shows that you're more interested in getting your own point across rather than listening.
• Offer your advice or opinion. Even if you think the talker has got it completely wrong, it’s not helpful for you to say so.
• Halt the conversation in mid-flow by getting up to make a cup of coffee, or changing the subject abruptly
• Rush to fill in any silences with humour or pointless chatter. Lend a sympathetic ear.

#If you are able to read through above message completely for the first times without reading this statement first, you can consider as a better listener for the first step... (Be patient to read and finish the message. Haha!!!) Can you do that? You may forward this message to your friends. Here is a midi song (Always On My Mind by PetShopBoys) for you. #

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