Granny Smith: The History

Granny Smith was orriginally formed as a three peice in the fall of 1993 from the remnants of some band called Hack that never did a damn thing and that had three people who thought they were the lead singer. Pissed off with the social bullshit of high school and getting screwed by girls all of the time, Michael, Jason, and Joel came together in a small basement in Winn to start rockin the fucking world, and hopefully maybe pick up a few girls along the way. Things were slow at first, playing High School cafeterias, basements, birthday partys, graduations, and coffee shops and trying to teach Joel how to play his damn bass. Teen angst flowing through their veins, cheap smokes filling their lungs, shity 40's of Bull Ice destroyin their livers, and Green Day blasting at all times the boys tried to keep on rockin in the free world. Their big break came after graduation in 1995 when Jay's psycho ex-girlfriend hooked the band up with a group in Clare called Din. The two bands, even though they had some issues with each other, hooked up and started up punk rock shows at the Wesley Foundation in the tradition of Gimp Knuckle. All ages shows went on every month and bands came from all over Michigan to rock the shit out of all the High School and college kids in Mt. Pleasant.

Very soon things went to shit with Din and some dip shit kid got caught coming home high from one of the shows so things got shut down. The boys hooked with the Notorious R.O.B. and started rockin even harder as a three piece out in Fred's barn. At the same time Jay and Joel hooked up with Jason Johnson and the Squid and began the now infamous side project Stationary Noise Makers, or SNM for short. Granny Smith and SNM only played one show together at old one-eyed Fred's barn. The line of that night was, "Well if you didn't like that song, you're certainly going to hate this one!" Since the boys were rockin out in a barn a group of rednecks showed up, fucked shit up, tried to run over some kids, and got chased down the road by a rowdy bunch of drunken punks including all of GS except for Jay who valiantly held the stage and kept on a rockin without the rest of his band. Well that was the last time at Freaky Fred's place cause the boys got the big old boot the next day. Luckily they still had their hook-ups out in Winn and they moved out into another barn.

Things only lasted for a little while longer after that. Michael and Jay moved down to Kalamazoo and the band practices moved to Carson City. Jay informed the band that he knew of a band named Granny Smith in Kentucky that had a record contract and that the name had to be changed. Well Robby and Joel stole an idea from a Dead Kennedy's flyer and came up with the name Uncle SKAm. Jay moved back up to MP, but Granny Smith never got a chance to rock out with the new name cause old Mikey decided to pick up and move off to Montana with some girl.......

With Michael living way too far away to comute to band practice SNM kept on a rockin and Uncle SKAm was finally given birth with a new line-up including Jay, Joel, Robbie, Da Squid, Jason Rhodes, and old Q rippin up the vocals (for more info visit the Uncle SKAm website). Well after a couple shows SKAm broke up and SNM, well SNM went to shit when Squid sold the boys out and joined the National Guard and put his gun and bong above his drum playing....... (just shittin' with ya Scottie) Soon Rob and Joel packed up and moved off to Europe for 5 months and it looked like the scene was dead.......

Just when all hope was lost in the boys a little phone call was made in December 1999 and a GS reunion show was set up at New Moon Records to end off the 20th century. Even though they didn't have R.O.B. on stage with them, the GS boys rocked the shit out of the back room and had the teenage girls screaming for more...... ok, so i lied about that last part, but they still tore shit up that night! Michael went back to Montana but then suddenly re-appeared in old MP with a broken heart and a need to pick up the old sticks again, this time permanently! Proletariat Records hooked the orriginal GS boys up with a benefit show in Island Park where they tore shit up with the Proletariat Army. Since that show the Notorious R.O.B. came back to the band and Jason Johnson, sick of waiting for old Squid to get his brain out of the baggie (just fuckin with you again Scott, we really do love you!), took up the invitation to be the first front man of the new and improved Granny Smith...... Well they were going to change the name but after many arguments and Jay finally admitting that he LIED about the band in Kentucky, the boys decided to say fuck it and keep the old name! That's the story of Granny Smith. Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as they enjoyed living the ultimate rock and roll experience....... God damn that sounded fuckin stupid, just show up to the next show and let them rock the shit out of you with the new line-up!

Your Friendly GS Historian,
Captain Black Lung
ps LONG LIVE ROCK & ROLL!!!!!!