[Camera pans across the capacity-filled crowd at Rosemont Horizon in
Chicago. It pans to Dell Mason, Tommy Snide, and Adrian Stefani who are
standing at ringside. Fireworks explode rapidly and the crowd goes nuts. The
letters...
/|\ /|\
|=| \ |=| \
|=| \ |=| \
|=| \ |=| \ /\ /\
|=| |\ \ |=| |\ \ /=/\ /\ /=/\
|=| |\\ \ |=| |\\ \/=/ \ /=/\ /=/ \
|=| | \\ \ |=| |// /\=\ \/=/ \/=/ /
|=| | // / |=| \/ / \=\ \/ \/ /
|=| |// / |=| / \=\ /
|=| \/ / |=| / \=\ /\ /
\=\ / |=| | \=\ /\=\ /
\_\/ \_|_| \_\/ \_\/
... appear on the screen.]
Tommy Snide: Hello Dawg Pound fans, and welcome to New Year's Bash! I'm
Tommy Snide and it's great to be back on the DPW broadcast team! What a
line-up we have for you tonight, superstars from the DPW, PCW, and EWA come
together to put on one tremendous event! Lets do a run down of the...
[Two men walk into the view of the camera. One is wearing a black leather
jacket with no shirt underneath, faded blue jeans with holes in the knees,
and black shades, with his blond hair slicked back. This is Guy LeBlanc of
the Nordiques. The other man has medium length hair, partially dyed blonde.
He's wearing a tight black satin shirt, faded blue jeans, and black shades.
We'll call him Dylan Blake.]
Tommy Snide & Dell Mason: What the...
Dell Mason: Who are you?
Dylan Blake: I'm Batman.
[The men chase Tommy Snide and Dell Mason away from the broadcast table.
Adrian's about to run, but Guy puts his arm around her and tell her she can
stay. Guy and Dylan pick up the departed Tommy and Dell's microphones and
speak to the audience for the first time.]
Dylan Blake: Hello Chicago!
[The crowd pops.]
Dylan Blake: For all of you who don't know me, let me introduce myself... I
am... JIM RUSS! And my buddy here is none other than, the great "Slick" Rick
Baptist. Bet you never thought you'd be seening him again, huh? I just
couldn't stand seeing Tommy Snide and Dell Mason bore you to death, like
they're famous for, so WE came out here to spice things up a bit.
Guy LeBlanc: And, I had nothing better to do, since the Canadian
Championship Wrestling tag team tournament isn't until Saturday night. And,
I better hope my tag team partner, Claude LaCroix, is out in the CCW gym as
usualy, or else I shall be executed upon my return to Canada. [smiles]
Dylan Blake: Tommy, good to see you back on the DPW commentating team, but
it was even better to see you LEAVE. Adrian got to say, since she's...
Well... A babe. Over the hill and thirty pounds overweight just don't cut it
if you wanna roll with me, so those guys HAD to go.
Adrian Stefani: Sounds good to me, you guys are much cuter than them,
anyway. And Tommy always hits on me...
Dylan Blake: So, lets pick up with what Tommy Snide was rambling about in
between doses of his special Geritol and Rogain elixir. A rundown of
tonight's card!
Guy LeBlanc: We can bring you the same valuable information as them, but we
do it... WITH ENTHUSIASM! So, we're promising you something, no more of
Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum for the rest of the night!
Dylan Blake: Back to this card... We have some of the DPW, PCW, and EWA's
finest right here in this building tonight. Wow, don't we feel privileged?
Guy LeBlanc: CCW!
Dylan Blke: My colleague over there is just a little excited about his
upcoming CCW Tag Team Title tournament, where he shall kick some major
Canadian ass. Back to this card. Lets do a run down of the DPW matches.
ALIVE! versus L.A. Style... Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
Guy LeBlanc: Isn't ALIVE! that movie where the soccer team crashes and wait
for eachother to die, then eat them?
Dylan Blake: I think so... And L.A. Style, well... Who really cares about
them anymore? I think I'll have to pick the team of Who Cares in this one,
how 'bout you, Adrian?
Adrian Stefani: Who Cares sounds like a pretty good pick to me.
Guy LeBlanc: And I pick Who Cares, so Who Cares wins that one in a sweep.
Another tag match, Extreme Justice versus The NEW Negaforce. Both teams look
pretty good, but Terry Storm of Extreme Justice is from Canada, so I'll have
to go with them.
Adrian Stefani: Who Cares looks like the tag team of the future, if you ask
me, I'll go with them again.
Dylan Blake: I think Adrian has a good point there, Who Cares does look like
an up and coming tag team, I'm gonna have to go with them. Next match,
ANOTHER tag team match, but this one has SOME significance. Milky Cereal
defends their DPW Tag Team Titles against the King's Men for the second
time, I do believe. Milky Cereal is pretty good, I guess, but there's been a
trend in the voting so far and I'm gonna have to stick WITH that trend...
Who Cares with their finisher, Super Boredom of Doom Plancha.
Adrian Stefani: I think Mr... What's your name?
Dylan Blake: Blake... DYLAN Blake.
Adrian Stefani: ... Mr. Blake may be right. [smiles] Who Cares is the team
of the night.
Guy LeBlanc: I'm gonna have to go with Milky Cereal. I, being a tag wrestler
myself, have respect for the tag team division. Look for a Moo Kreworama in
this one. Then we have the match of that loveable Denton boy, Dan James,
defending his Skyweight Title against King Cobra. I like Dan James, the
kid's got a lot of heart. Doesn't know how to get down with the ladies, but
he's a nice kid.
Adrian Stefani: I gave Dan Jamest he chance to be with a REAL woman, not my
fault he likes Jules or Jewel or whatever her name is. But... Danny's so
clumsy he gets lucky at the right time, I'll pick him.
Dylan Blake: Hmmmmmmmmmmmm... [rubs chin] I think I'll be the outcast of the
group and go with King Cobra. Him and his Spermpent Lair Corporation are
real cummers. I think we'll see a new Skyweight Champion right here tonight.
Then we have Mr. Robinson defending his Central Valley Title against "The
Karate Kid" Tony Coltrane.
_________________________________Mr._____________________________________
______________________________Robinson___________________________________
will kick Banzai Boy's ass tonight.
Adrian Stefani: I've gotta go with you there... I just hope I don't fall
asleep during the match.
Guy LeBlanc: I don't know... Mr. Robinson irritates me, I think he looks
like Blackdust or something, but he's definately talented. I'll have to go
with "Rising Son" Tony Coltrane with the Osaka Nightmare.
Dylan Blake: And then... We have THE match of the evening, for the DPW
anyway... "Devastator" Mick Morton defends his DPW World Title against
Hollywood. Hollywood's been looking for a BIG TIME World Title for a while
nad Mick Morton was until he won the DPW title. I'm tempted to pick Who
Cares in this one too, but they're a tag team. So, I'll have to go with...
The Woodmeister.
Adrian Stefani: I'm inclined to agree with that prediction, Dylan.
Guy LeBlanc: I can't believe you two are serious... Mick Morton's gonna show
Hollywood what being DPW World Champion is all about. Mick Morton's gonna
retain his title tonight.
Dylan Blake: And that leads us right to the PCW portion of the card, coming
up after the DPW portion. The Television Championship is on the line with
THORN versus Terry Storm versus T'n'T... Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm... Well, we know
T'n'T's definately not gonna win.
Gue LeBlanc: Gotta agree with you there, this is between...
Dylan Blake: Lets just skip this three way predictions, I'll do it myself,
it'll go quicker. [smiles] Mystery Man and Matt Harris....
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... I pick the Mystery Man and I don't even know who he is,
what does that tell ya? Crusher Tech against Asspocalypse... Do I really
have to say? Any team with the Ass Man on it has my vote. Johnathan Shock
versus Steve Stone in some type of match involving wheels... I think Who
Cares will come out and beat both of them into an oblivion. then Drago
defends his Columbia Valley Title against The Prophet... I pick... DTP's
former bodyguard. Everyone agree with those predictions? Alright, great.
Dylan Blake: Now, onto the EWA portion. The Craig Jayhawk/Jeff Bidwell match
gets a big "No One in the Western Hemisphere Cares." Steve Sampson will turn
Spector back into a drunken bum... "Dreamlover" Trace Michaels will take
Caleb Temple apart, because anyone with a brain is dWo for life. "Offensive"
Alex Adams will remove Magus' torso and the UnderStinger will beat HellShock.
Adrian Stefani: Okay, now that THAT's finally over with...
Guy LeBlanc: Lets go back to the locker room for some comments for that
ALIVE!/L.A. Style Match that Who Cares is going to win.
Dylan Blake: Yeah, Who Cares is the team of the night.
==================
ALIVE!
==================
Sybil Dawn: "Hello everyone. Sybil Dawn corresponding for the
Dawg Pound of Wrestling. I'm here in the lockeroom area.
There's been plenty of action here tonight, and more is on the
way. Of course coming up next we have the return of L.A. Style
to the ranks of the DPW tag team division. They'll be facing the
tag team known as ALIVE! from the UEW. (As the camera pulls
away, you can see the Wildman headbutting a locker in the
background.) I've been looking to get a word with L.A. Style
tonight, but they've refused to give any interviews. Rumor has it
that they arrived late to the arena, and aren't even dressed for
the match yet. Since we couldn't get a word with them, I'm
standing here with there opponents, the tag team known as
ALIVE! with their handler Niagara who is wearing nothing more
than dental floss and war make-up, and their manager, Sir
Devon Wallace."
Sir Devon Wallace: "Good Evening."
(The MAsked Maniac starts shrieking in terror.)
Sybil Dawn: "Oh My... Sir Wallace, you've brought your team of
the Masked Maniac and the Wildman here to the DPW for this
one match against the Tag Team of L.A. Style. This will be the
first match the tag team of ALIVE! will wrestle together since the
Fall of 1995. Are there any thoughts on your mind that your
team is at a disadvantage as far as experience goes."
Sir Devon Wallace: "I do not believe that holds any truth. If
you're forgeting, L.A. Style has not wrestled in 5 months. What
makes you think there aren't any rust stains in the bolts oftheir
game plan?"
Sybil Dawn: "Sir Wallace, your tag team of ALIVE! has been
labled in e-wrestling history as the most uncontrollable, and
vicious tag team ever in e-wrestling. Do you think your so called
business venture to bring this tag team back together in the
UEW will not come crashing down on you?"
Sir Devon Wallace: "My dear, I am well prepared for the
side-affects of managing this tag team. That is why I have
enlisted the services of the handler, Niagara to tame them. With
her around, my life is made a lot of easier.
At this time, I'd like to make an invitation to the UEW
tag teams, and any other tag team here tonight. Watch
ALIVE!'s match tonight very carefully. Tonight you are going to
see what these men are all about. (Masked Maniac walks up to
the camera.) Tonight you will see that they are major players in
the UEW tag team division and should not be taken lightly.
Head my warning now, because once we've marched through
the competion in the UEW, there will be no stopping us.Sir
Devon Wallace has made an investment, and it is known as
ALIVE!."
Masked Maniac: {BURP}
(Fade to black)
===========================
TAG TEAM ACTION!
L.A. Style
VS
ALIVE!
===========================
by: Alan
===========================
Dell Mason: "What a card it has been her today at the New
Year's Eve Bash. This has certainly been one of the more
action packed Pay-Per-View cards in the historeies of the
DPW, PCW, and EWA. We're far from done here as our next
match will feature the return of L.A. Style, and the first look of
ALIVE! in the ring in well over a year. Joining me at this time is
the man who's career in broadcasting started at the same time
both these teams broke in, and I'm talking about Tommy Snide."
Tommy Snide: "Thanks You Dell, it's a pleasure to be here and
that's right, my broadcasting career started in the old WCWF
around the same time these two teams broke through that area.
And I think we should go to the ring now because Michael
Graves is ready to introduce one of the tag teams."
Michael Graves: "Ladies and Gentleman.... The following is a
Special Tag Team Attraction scheduled for one fall, and it is
sanctioned by the Dawg Pound of Wrestling. (Ratamahatta by
Sepultura begins to play) About to be making their way to the
ring.... They are accompanied by Sir Devon Wallace and
Niagara (A wierd hush falls over the crowd as the team of
ALIVE! emerges from behind the curtain and rushes the ring
with Niagara, their handler behind them, and Sir Devon
Wallace, trying to catch them and his breathe.) Representing
Ultimate e-Wrestling. At a total combined weight of 661
pounds... from the Deepest, Darkest corners of the world... here
is the team of the Masked Maniac and the Wildman... ALIVE!"
Crowd: {{Booo!}}
Dell Mason: "We have to be prepared for anything in this match
up because this team is insane!"
Tommy Snide: "Exactly Dell. In their days, they were known as
the most vicious tag team ever to step in the ring. They are the
former Livewire Wrestling Conference Tag Team Champions of
the world. These men are Cannibals at heart!"
Dell Mason: "Indeed! We've seen the vicious nature of the
Masked Maniac in singles action before. Let's go back to the
ring announcer."
(The L.A. Style Theme Song Begins To Play)
Michael Graves: "And there opponents hail from the City of
Angels, L.A. California... Making their return to the ring.
Weighing in at a combined 508 pounds. Here are "Hollywood"
Alex Sutton and "Ravishing" Jason Shade.... L.A.
STYYYYLLLLLE!!!!!!"
Crowd: {{{{YEAH!}}}}
Crowd: {{{{BOOO!}}}}
Dell Mason: "Well that pretty much sums up L.A. Style's
relationship with the fans. Either you love L.A. Style, or you love
to hate them!"
Tommy Snide: "L.A. Style making their way back into the ring
for the first time in 4 months. L.A. Style has captured the North
Eastern States Heritage Tag Team Titles twice in their careers
and they've also worn the Central Valley Tag Team Titles 3
times. They're back and of course looking for more gold..."
Dell MAson: "But the question is, Where is L.A. Style? They've
yet to make their way to the ring."
Tommy snide: "I don't know Dell... wait here they come..."
Dell Mason: "Yeah, but they don't seem to be ready for
twrestling unless they're going to wrestle in tuxedos because
that's exactly what they're wearing!"
Tommy Snide: "I don't understand it. They got microphones in
their hands. Maybe they'l explain what's going on here."
"Ravishing" Jason Shade: "Ladies and Gentlemen, in case you
live under a rock, then you wouldn't know that the Ravishing
one, and Hollywood's only son are back."
"Hollywood" Alex Sutton: "L.A. Style is back, but right now we'd
like to do something a little different here for the DPW. EWA,
we'll take care of you later (Alex Chuckles.) So, right now if you
can please cut the music... please turn off the L.A. Style
theme... (The L.A. Style Theme fades out.)We'd like to reveal
our plans for this evening."
(L.A. Style climbs into the ring. They're wearing tuxedos.)
"Ravishing" Jason Shade: "We decided DPw, that it's time for
something new. L.A. Style's been doing a lot of work, and
thinking to plan for this day, and it's about time the e-wrestling
world get's a little taste of the future."
Alex Sutton: "What my partner is trying to say, the future of tag
team wrestling starts here tonight. And L.A. Style is proud to
present.... AND MANAGE IT!"
Jason Shade: "Ladies and gebtleman... allow L.A. Style to
introduce the opponents for this evening."
Tommy Snide: "L.A. Style's not gonna wrestle!?"
Dell Mason: "Then Who is?"
Alex Sutton: "Take a good look as we present to you the
master of insanity, UNION JACK! and the Master of a 1000
gimmicks, the CHAMELEON... Together they are the most
insane and unpredictasble tag team you will ever see in the
ring."
('O-Fortuna by Apotheosis begins to play)
Jason Shade: "We give to you... INDUSTRIAL STRENGHT!"
Dell Mason: "And the Wrestling world finally gets to see what
Industrial Strenght is."
Tommy Snide: "And here they come..."
(Two men emerge from behind the curtain. One is 6'5". He has
his hair in long braids and is wearing black tights that say
Industrial on them. This is Union Jack, who rolls his eyes back
inside his head as he looks into the camera and gives a sadistic
smile. His partner, the Chameleon, the shorter of the two, is
wearing black pants that say ALIVE! on them. He's also
sporting the same mask the MAsked Maniac is wearing int he
ring.)
Dell Mason: "Take a look at these unique individuals as they
come running into the ring. And everyoen cleears out! Sir
Devon Wallace falls right on his ass to the outside!"
Tommy Sndie: "Unpredictable they are, and we don't know
what to expect here. This is their first outing, so Industrial
Strenght can either succeed or fail here! The Chameleon
catches my eye... he's dressed as the Masked Maniac's twin!"
Dell Mason: "I don't know what to make of that, but Union Jack
is headbanging, and now makes his way over to the corner
where he's headbanging away at the turnbuckle! These guys
have some screws missing!"
Tommy Sndie: "And they've been brough to the Dawg Pound of
Wrestling by L.A. Style. Sir Devon Walllace is complaining to
the ref. about L.A. Style being the opponents."
Dell Mason: "The ref. isn't saying much and he calls for the
openeing bell."
{DING!}
Tommy Snide: "We're going to have the Chameleon start it off
witht he Masked Maniac.... both men are facing each other
face to face in the middle of the ring. With the exception of
height and weight differences, they're both identical twins."
Dell Mason: "Look at the Masked Maniac. He's confused by
the Chameleon being his spitting image. The Masked Maniac
turns and looks at Sir Devon Walace, and now he decides to
tag out. The Wildman steps in... and the Chameleon rushes him
with an elbow to the head! Chameleon swings the Wildman into
the corner, but the Wildman reverses it. Wildman comes
running in a with a Lariat, but Chameleon puts a boot up and
catches the wildman in the head. What the heck? The
Chameleon starts rubbing his belly and pointing and the
Wildman."
Tommy Snide: "Schyzophrenia must have kicked in with the
Chameleon, because he thinks he's the Masked Maniac, and
it's drving the Masked Maniac insane by the sounds of his
grunting!"
Dell Mason: "The Chameleon climbs to the top and drops a
headbutt onto the Wildman. The Chameleon now pics up the
Wildman off the canvas and sets him up. The Chameleon runs
to the ropes and jumps up and off the top rope... Huh?"
Tommy Snide: "Exactly... What the heck was that? Chameleon
just did the Sour Milk, Lactose Intolerant Man's Finisher!"
Dell Mason: "Now The Chameleon heads for the corner and
tags in Union Jack. Union Jack turns to the crowd and points
into it while letting of a hideous laugh. Union Jack walks over to
the Wildman. He pics him up off the mat and applies a Rude
Awakening Neck Breaker. Thw Wildman is in trouble. Union
Jack goes for a cover."
1.
2..
Kickout...
Tommy Snide: "Industrial Strenght is using their sadistic
psychological warfare to get an early advantage in this one.
The Chameleonsure took the Masked Maniac out of his game
plan."
Dell Mason: "Union Jack now pics up Wildman off the canvas.
DDT! and wildman is in trouble! Union Jack walks over to their
corner and tags in the Chameleon. Chameleon comes in and
walks around Wildman who's laying motionless in the middle of
the ring. What's he got planned now?"
Tommy Snide: "I don't know Dell, but wait... he's slapped the
Prey Imobilizer on the Wildman! That's the MAsked Maniac's
finisher"
Dell Mason: "Submission maneuver here by the Chameleon,
and th eMasked Maniac can't take it anymore! He's running
into the ring and nails the Chameleon in the head with a hard
right hand!And Chameleon breaks the hold. The ref. is trying to
get the Masked Maniac back into his corner. Union Jack
comes in now andis going fist to fist with the Masked Maniac."
Tommy Snide: "This is getting a bit out of hand. The most
vicious tag team vs. what L.A. Style called the most
unpredictable tag team. This one can get out of hand folks!"
Dell Mason: "Union Jack throws the Masked Maniac to the
outside and is now foccusing his attention on Wildman.. Wait a
second!Masked Maniac has grabbed the leg of Union Jack
and is pulling him to the outside from underneath the ring ropes.
The ref. is trying to break them up while in the ring, Wildman
and Chameleon are struggling to there feet. Oh My! Short arm
Lariat sends Union Jack falling onto the ring steps. The Masked
Maniac grabs him by the hand and wings him into the steel
post! Union Jack is busted open."
Tommy Snide: "This is getting out of hand."
Dell Mason: "No kidding. Back in the ring, Wildman has made it
to his feet and drops a knee intot he small of the Chameleon's
back. Masked Maniac is back on the apron. Wildman is going
for a tag. Tag is made. Union Jack is shaken up on the outside.
Alex Sutton is over to check him out. Meanwhile the MAsked
Maniac comes in as the legal man. He pics the Chameleon up
by the mask. Wildman jumps off the ring apron and starts
working on Union Jack again. The ref. is over to break it..."
Tommy Snide: "C'mon ref. Turn around. The Masked Maniac
has taken off his mask, and is biting away at the Chameleons
face. The Masked Maniac now runs to the ropes and connects
with a devastating clothesline."
Dell Mason: "Union Jack is going to go into the sting ring post
again. An all familiar ride of a moment ago... NO! he reveresed
it, and the wildman find himself in pain! Union Jack is still
bleading. Jack rolls back in and is going to the top rope.
Wildman is stagering on the outside. The refs. back is still
turned as the Masked Maniac has the Chameleon in in the Prey
Imobilizer. Union Jack comes off the top with a double axe
handle onto the Wildman who's down once again on the
outside of the ring."
Tommy Snide: "I think the ref. is asking for the bell in this one.
He's lost all hope to keep control."
Dell Mason: "The Masked Maniac still has the Chameleon in
the Prey Imovbilizer. What The!?"
Tommy Snide: "Union Jack just cleared the Time Keeper's table
and is bringing the table intot he ring! Masked Maniac doesn't
see the table yet. Niagara is trying to convey to the aniac to
turn around."
Dell Mason: "He does, but Union Jack is waiting to drive the
table into the Maniac's mid-section. Union Jack is now setting
up the table."
{DING! DING! DING!}
Tommy Snide: "The mayhem is continuing in the ring as this
match has been thrown out."
Dell Mason: "Union Jack pics up the Masked Maniac and puts
him on the table. Union Jack is now going up top.Union Jack
gives the arena another evil grin as the blood poors down his
face. AND UNION JACK LANDS A MOONSAULT ONTO THE
MASKED MANIAC AND THE TABLE!"
Tommy Snide: "OH MY GOODNESS!"
Dell Mason: "The officials are her to break this one up. Well,
Industrial Strenght is truly unpredictable, but they've got a lot
more to prove if they're going to make it in the Dawg Pound of
Wrestling, or anywhere in the Wrestling World Today."
Tommy Snide: "L.A. Style is there to show them the way, and
only time will tell for Union Jack and the Chameleon. As for
ALIVE! they've worked the kinks out here tonight, but they
have to keep at it to make it in the UEW. Now we'll take you to
the lockeroom area for this scoop!"
===============
Tony Coltrane
===============
(Scene cuts to the locker room area, where Adrian Stefani is talking to
Tony Coltrane. Tony has a white towel wrapped around his waist, and his
black hair is tied back into a short pony tail)
Adrian Stefani: "With me now is 'Rising Son' Tony Coltrane, who will be
facing Mister Robinson later tonight for the DPW Central Valley title.
Tony, nice towel. Is that a foreign object you got there, or are you just
excited to meet me?"
(Tony looks down)
Tony Coltrane: "Huh???"
(She winks at him and he goes bright red)
Adrian Stefani: "I said, are you all set for tonight?"
Tony Coltrane: "Uhhh..... yeah! I'm going into this match as one of the
biggest underdogs in DPW history, but you know what? With all those great
fans out there behind me, I'm gonna give it my best shot. You think I have
a chance, Miss Stefani?"
Adrian Stefani: "Uhmm..... nice towel, by the way...."
(Cut to another interview)
================
Milky Cereal
================
*Trix is walking back to his and LIM's locker room. HE is dressed in
street clothes and winks at the camera*
Trix: Hey How is it going?
Snide: Just fine, can I ask you a few questions before you go to your
locker room.?
Trix: GO for it, but continue walking. *smiles*
Snide: Ok, first off what is up with you and LIM arriving at two different
times?
Trix: *laughs* Well LIM drank some Strawberry milk and well got Milk
Drunk. *shakes head* I know I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't see it
with my own two eyes. *smiles* Fuckin' scary man.
Snide: ANd what is with your new attitude?
Trix: What? oh, Times fuckin' change man. *grins* When Push comes to
shove, Trix si going to kick your face in. Got that Sir Joe and Baron
Peter Von Nazi racist bitch. *laughs* Trix is going to kick you whole
Fuckin' head in! Trust me. You two bitches are going down.
*Trix gets to his door, Unlocks it and start to go in.*
Snide: What is this surprise you have for us?
Trix: This interview is over! *closes door behind him*
Snide: Well there you have it, One half of the DPW tag team champions upon
his arrival. He has changed alright, but it looks like for the better. *is
walking back when he sees LIM and the Milk Maid* LIM! LIM! Can I have a
minute of your time?
LIM: Sure thing. *LIM is wearing sun shades and both him and MM are
dressed in street clothes* I have to walk MM to her Dressing room which is
next to mine and Trix's *smiles*
Snide: Trix just got in and well what do you think about his new attitude?
LIM: *smiles* Well I would prefere he not swear as much, but hey, it
brings out a better wrestler in him. *smirks* I would hate to be Sir Joe
and the Darn Baron!
Snide: HE said you wer Milk Drunk?
LIM: *laughs* hehe it was true. When I drink to much of certain kinds of
milk I get like that, mental thing. *smiles*
Snide: What are your thoughts about tonight?
*LIM unlocks the door next to his and lets MM in*
MM: Milky Cereal will kick butt!
LIM: She said it. *MM closes the door behind her* Ok, first off Sir Joe is a
jobber, and I proved that when I kicked his no good butt. *removes
sunshades and glares* Baron is a good wrestler, but he needs to cheat to
pin people. *laughs* They think that they know what Milky Cereal is all
about, well they don't, and they will learn the hard way tonight. Punks!
*points to camera and knocks on the door*
Snide: What do you thin kabout Trix's surprise?
LIM: well I am as curious as you Snide, I really am. *The door opens
slightly and LIM slips in* Later man!
Snide: *the door closes* WEll there you have it, is MIlky Ceral ready for
the King's Men? I think they are. King's men you out of your league, but
enough of my bias oppinion because love these two teams or hate them, this
will be one hell of a match. *smiles* Back to you....*get cut off and fades
to static*
=================
The King's Men
=================
Reporter: Here I am backstage at DPW's New Years Bash trying to get a few
words from the King's Men who will go up against DPW Tag Team Champions,
Milky Cereal.
Reporter: Ah, here they are now. Gentlemen, can I get a few words from you?
Sir Joe: What do you want to know?
Reporter: As the moment for your match comes closer and closer, how do you
feel?
Sir Joe: For one thing, I'm tired of reporters asking us such damn stupid
questions! Second, how do you think we feel?
Baron: Buddy, you're looking at the next DPW Tag Team Champions. We're
excited. We're excited because we're finally showing the DPW that we are
the rightful holders of those belts.
Reporter: Can you share with us your strategy for tonight?
Sir Joe: God damn it!
Sir Joe: Listen, pal, if we told you everything that we're going to do
tonight, it'll be a sure loss for us! Now, get your microphone and your
camera crew, and get the hell out of our faces! We've got to get ready.
Reporter: Geez, what's his problem? Let's get back to the action now.
===========================
TAG TEAM ACTION!
Extreme Justice
VS
The New Negaforce
===========================
by: Eric
===========================
[The camera goes back to Dylan Blake, Guy LeBlanc, and Adrian Stefani.
Adrian's head is on Dylan's shoulder. Dylan's head is back, while sitting in
his chair. Guy's head is down on the table. All three are asleep. Guy peeks
up, sees the cameras are on, and sits up. He pushes Dylan a bit...]
LeBlanc: We're on...
[Dylan slowly raises his head. Adrian wakes up as well. Dylan rubs his eyes
with his hand.]
Blake: Welcome... [yawn] back. What a great match we just witnessed... Well,
we didn't witness it because we were napping, but I'm sure it was great.
Stefani: Yeah, probably.
Blake: Now we have another match... Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... [looks around on
the table] Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... [looks a little more] Christ, I can't find
it. I guess we'll see when the combatants are introduced. Lets go down to
that Grave guy...
Michael Graves: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for
one fall...
[A pipe organ intrumental starts up and the crowd boos loudly, the Sailor
Moon boys are about to come out.]
Graves: Led to the ring by Zoisite, From parts unknown, at a total combined
weight of 524 pounds... The team of Malachite and Jedite... THE NEW NEGAFORCE!
Blake: These guys... [yawn] are gonna win... Wait a minute... I can't even
remember who their opponents are... Damn, I'm tired.
LeBlanc: I think their opponents are...
[Guy's head drops back down on the table, as he falls back to sleep.]
Stefani: Yeah, me too.
[Adrian rests her head on Dylan's shoulder again. Dylan's the only one of
the three still awake.]
Blake: You can use me as a human pillow any time, baby. The New Negaforce in
the ring... [yawn] Alive and kickin'. Yay... [yawn] Fireworks. Pretty...
Michael Graves: And their opponents!
[The crowd pops loudly as "Zombie" by the Cranberries blasts over the
speakers in the Rosemont Horizon.]
Graves: Led to the ring by Robyn Shadoshi... At a total combined weight of
568 pounds... The team of former DPW Central Valley Champion Drac "The
Raven" Dravin, and Terry "Shotgun" Storm... EXTREME JUSTICE!
Blake: [singing] Yipiddy doo da... Yipiddy ay... My oh my what a wonderful
day... Plenty of sunshine, comin' my way... [stops] What the hell... There
go those damn fireworks again... This isn't the forth of July... Is it?
Stefani: [waking up] I don't wanna go to school today, mommy...
Blake: [singing] Zombie... [stops] [looks around] Those damn fireworks again...
*DING DING*
Blake: What the... Now I'm hearin' things... [passes out]
[In the ring, Dravin and Malachite are going at it. Malachite shoves Dravin,
but he doesn't move. Dravin shoes Malachite back, but he doesn't move. Both
run to opposite sides of the ring and bounce off the ropes, Dravin ducks
Malachite's clothesline, then bounces off the ropes again. Dravin nails
Malachite with a clothesline and sends him over the top rope. Dravin follows
him to the outside.]
[Dylan wakes up again.]
Blake: Oh my God! The Martians are invading! The Martians are invading! ...
Oh... It was just Malachite... Hey Guy, Adrian... Wake up. We're supposed to
be announcing this thing...
LeBlanc: What? [raises head] Whoa... Hi Drac. And there's Robyn... And Terry
Storm... Malachite... Jedite... Zoisite... We having a party here?
Stefani: Oh, don't worry about the match. I work here, and all I do is paint
my nails and stuff. Those other two guys are the ones that talked about what
was going on in the ring.
Blake: Well, we mine as well try this out... There's Drac with the
uhhhhhhh... uhhhhhhhhhh... ummmmmmmmmmmmm...
LeBlanc: DDT.
Blake: Yeah, that's the word I was looking for, DDT. Oh, by the way, they
got back in the ring while we were conversing. Malachite back up on his
feet, and Dravin with a... ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
LeBlanc: Backbreaker.
Blake: Yeah, backbreaker. Drac kicks him a few times... Woo hoo, THIS is a
party. Drac tags out to that Canadian guy, Terry Storm. Drac's much bigger
than Terry Storm... And Malachite and Jedite, for that matter. I'd probably
put him right up there with Super Shredder from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
II: Secret of the Ooze, in size. Either that or that fine actor that played
the part of Godzilla in all those Japanese movies...
LeBlanc: Terry Storm with a nice snap suplex on Malachite. He pulls
Malachite back up... Looks like he's going for a... Perfect-Plex!
1........................
2.........................
KICKOUT! Malachite kicked out of the Perfect-Plex by Terry Storm at the last
second. Terry Storm back up and down with an elbow drop... And another!
Storm climbing up to the top rope... He's up on the top... Sommersault press!
Blake: Whoa... Cool move... Trippy... That guy better get out of there
pretty soon, he's been in there a while... Malpractice or whatever his name is.
LeBlanc: Nice "MaDsKiLz Fears the Shift Key" sign over there... And there's
a nice "LOL - Justin22" sign... Whatever that means... And a "Rambis For
President" sign... Oh well, back to the ring. Malachite tags out to Jedite.
Jedite and Terry Storm in the ring now... Man, Terry Storm is really gonna
whoop on this guy. He doesn't even have a home, he's from "Parts Unknown."
But, a lot of great wrestlers have come from that city... I believe it's
located somewhere in the West Indies, but I'm not sure...
Blake: Lets go smash some pumkins and throws eggs at those little kids in
the front row with the Mick Morton t-shirts. God... They're REALLY starting
to get on my nerves... And listen to their little chant og "We want Mick!"
Who let those kids in here in the first place?
Stefani: I don't know, I could have them removed if you want... Just say
they were harassing me or something.
Blake: No, that's okay.
LeBlanc: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm... Dylan... Adrian... There's a match going on in
the ring. Jedite managed to turn things around for the New Negaforce and
Terry Storm's down on the mat. Jedite pulls Terry Storm back up...
Double-underhook suplex! These guys are masters of the suplex...
Blake: Yippee ki-yay. Another one of those suplex thingies... Just let me
call the match... [clears throat] Alright, here we go... Suplex, suplex,
suplex, suplex, suplex, suplex, suplex, suplex, suplex, suplex, suplex,
suplex, suplex, suplex, suplex, suplex, suplex, suplex, suplex, SUPLEX! Now
how hard can that be to do? Tommy Snide and Dell Mason actually get paid for
doing this?
Stefani: Yeah, I know, give me a break. At least I look good, I have some
appeal. Those guys are old, ugly, and they stink. Unlike you two FINE young
gentlemen.
LeBlanc: Why Adrian, I'm flattered... Anyway, back to suplex-o-rama in the
ring. Jedite with a SUPERPLEX now. If there's "plex" in it, Jedite can do
it. Jedite tags out to Malachite... Malachite with a vicious kick to the
head while Storm's still down! That's EXACTLY what I'm gonna do to that no
good Rip Slaughter this Saturday night at Midnight Armageddon...
Blake: Excuse him, folks, he's speaking CCW jibberish again...
LeBlanc: Malachite throws Storm into the ropes, no! Reversal by Storm!
Malachite into the ropes, Storm catches him with a Frankensteiner! Storm
with a fury of lefts and rights, on top of Malachite. Storm back up to his
feet... Off the ropes... Storm drops a fist on Malachite. He turns Malachite
over... Boston crab!
Blake: [singing] I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot his deputy...
Stefani: You know... Robyn Shadoshi's really a poor excuse for a manager.
Nothing against her, but she doesn't really do anything... She just stands
there... She's a master of the martial arts, she should be going to work on
the New Negaforce... Christian's manager, Ambition's like that too... I just
never say anything to him, since he's such a nice guy and all and I don't
want to make him get upset.
LeBlanc: That's understandable... I think Robyn Shadoshi's more there for
moral support and to stop other managers from interfering. Anyway, lets get
back to the match. Malachite finally got out of that Boston crab that Terry
Storm had locked on him. Now Storm tags out to Dravin and Malachite tags out
to Jedite. Malachite with a gouge to the eyes!
Blake: Ouch... Anyway, I'm gonna go to the concession stand and get some
nachos, want anything?
Stefani: From HERE? God no, I wouldn't touch the food in this place.
LeBlanc: I'll take a... Hot dog.
Blake: Sure you don't want anything, Adrian? Rosemont Horizon food is
magically delicious...
Stefani: No, I don't want anything. I'm sure.
Blake: Okay, ciao.
LeBlanc: Malachite has a sleeper locked on Dravin... I wonder if a Kudos bar
would help Dravin out of this... You know, like in the commercials...
Someone's bored or soemthing and they fire a Kudos bar into their mouth.
Stefani: I have no idea what you're talking about...
LeBlanc: Anyway, I'm gonna try it. Just take it out of the wrapper like
so... Gotta get my aim right, now... And... FIRE! ... DAMN! Hit the ref. Oh
well, maybe I'll get him next time, it's not as easy as it looks... Throwing
something in Drac Dravin's mouth from far range. Anyway... Dravin getting
back up... Malachite still has the sleeper one Dravin... JAWBREAKER by
Dravin! That'll put a little hurtin' on Malachite...
Stefani: Oh my God... Drac's climbing the ropes, you think they can hold all
that weight? Look at Drac... He's ripped.
LeBlanc: I'm pretty sure they'll hold... Dravin with an elbow drop from the
top rope! he goes for the pin!
1......................
2......................
NO! Malachite kicks out of it at the last second. Dravin pulls Malachite
back up to his feet... Dravin goes for a suplex... No, Malachite blocks it!
Malachite blocks Drac's second attempt at it... And Malachite with a suplex
of his own!
Stefani: How did he get Dravin up? The guy weighs 345 pounds...
LeBlanc: I don't know, but he did it. Both guys are down on the mat and The
Ref starts to count... That's a pretty big ref, he must be that new guy.
Malachite's starting to move now... He's crawling over to his corner, while
Jedite reaches out for the tag. Dravin's starting to move around now too...
Malachite makes the tag to Jedite! Dravin's reaching over to Terry Storm...
But Jedite kicks him in the head!
Stefani: Poor Dracy...
LeBlanc: Jedite goes for an eblow drop, but Drac rolls out of the way!
Jedite down hard to the mat. Dravin crawling over to his corner now...
Jedite's getting back up, he's trying to stop Dravin... But Dravin makes the
tag! Terry Storm's in and Jedite's backing off! Jedite down to his knees,
begging...
Stefani: He's not gonna do what I think he is, is he? That's disgusting...
LeBlanc: No, I don't think Jedite's into that kind of stuff... Terry Storm
with a big right hand to the side of Jedite's face. And Jedite's eyes fly
out and go flying into the second row... Lucky fan there. Just kidding, no
body parts went flying around in the arena... Storm setting Jedite up on the
top rope... He's going for a Frankensteiner... WHOA! Jedite just turned it
into a powerbomb or tiger bomb of something! He has the pin!
1.......................
2.......................
3.......................
LeBlanc: He got him! WOW. I think Terry Storm was trying to finish Jedite
off, but Jedite reversed the situation and got the pin. Tough break for
Extreme Justice.
Stefani: I guess.
Michael Graves: The winners of this bout as result of a pinfall... The team
of Jedite and Malachite... THE NEW NEGAFORCE!
[Negaforce's music starts back up as the crowd boos.]
LeBlanc: Hey Adrian... You ever been out with a Canadian guy?
Stefani: Probably, I usually don't ask for a man's heritage...
LeBlanc: Oh, 'cause I was just wonderin'...
Stefani: Here... [writes on a piece of paper] After the show.
LeBlanc: [smiles] This is definately do-able... Anyway... Lets go back to
the locker room for some comments.
================
Milky Cereal
================
*LIM and Trix are all dressed up ready for their match with the King's
Men. Joining them is Holly Daye, all dressed up like an elf, Cassandra
Shepherd, dressed in a nice evening gown, white, and The Milk Maid,
dressed in a golden shinning Even gown with Gold opera length gloves.*
LIM: SO the day of distrcution is upon us King's Men, You will parish for
you sins against us. *grins* Got that? Sir Joe, you are a bad man, but
guess what, Trix here is worst then you.
Trix: You tell 'em MilK Man. Sir Funkin' JOe, are you ready to taste the
Rainbow shithead? *smirks* I hope you are, for Your ass and the ass of
that no good fuckin' Baron is going down. Yeah, you think you should be
the champions since you have been here the longest, but guess what.
*laughs* It don't work like that. *smiles* You see Milky Ceral did what in
all you ryears or so couldn't do> We won the DPW belts, and you will never
hold them. *smiles* Truth is , if it wasn't for the weak Tag divison, you
wouldn't have gotten this shot. Hell Milky Cereal might just have been th
NE champions. But that is that. *smiles* Now get ready for the biggest ass
kickin' in DPW history. Your going to taste the Rainbow and fuckin' go
down.
Holly: *smiles* Well I haven't the mouth that Trix does, but Sir Joe and
Baron, your jobbers to the jobbers. nothing more, and alot less. *jingles*
SO get ready to lose, my Bro and his friend are going to pin you. *smiles*
Clark is da man, Trix is the Enforcer, yeah a little horsemen for you, but
*jingle* When your winners, you make the rules, and SIr Joe, you and your
butt buddy never made the rules, cuase you are LOSERS!!!
MM: *smiles* Well said Elf-CHild. THe world is watching as NYB comes
around full circle. 1996, well the end of it has been the year of the Moo
krew, and 1997 will be no different. *smiles* Sir Joe, it all starts with
you and that smelly Baron. Yeah, we believe in Gay rights for your kind,
but heck, when LIM and Trix pin you, trust me it will not be a sexualy
thing, but a winning thing. *smiles* Get ready to lose, and your dreams of
becoming the Tag Champs die here.
Cass: *smiles and spins, her black hair twirls with her* Well what can the
spokeswoman say that already hasn't been said. *thinks and puts a hand to
her ctemple* Not much huh? Well *grins and raises eyebrows* Milky Cereal
will win, trust me, and that surprise of Trix's? Well just wait, for it.
ANd like you two dumbasses think is not what is. *smiles* You think we
would cheat to win like you? *smiles* NEver, we have honor, we have pride,
and we have *smiles* The belts. You have none of teh above King's Men, So
get ready to lose. ANd lose *laughs* Hard!
Trix: Like the lovely ladies said, you two bitches are going down.
*smiles* And Sir Joe, when you knocked out, adn when the Baron is knocked
out. We will pin you. *smiles* Then you and the Baorn can go fuck each
other like you have been ever since you two met in that singles bart.
*shivers* Grossm\ness man.
LIM: SO with all due respect King's Men..... You not winning our belts.
*smiles* You losing a dream you could never live out. *laughs*
MM: DPW, you got to ask your self one question....
Holly: *jingle* Got Egg Nog!!!! *smiles*
LIM: Got Milk *gives Holly a funny look and she just smiles and looks
cute*
Cass: Milk does the Dawg Pound Good. *smiles and winks*
===========================
TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH!
Milky Cereal
VS
The King's Men
===========================
by: Eric
===========================
LeBlanc: Well... Dylan's still not back...
Stefani: I heard Liam Gallagher's here... Maybe Dylan's kicking his ass, I
hate that guy.
LeBlanc: I didn't hear he was here...
Stefani: Well, he's here. I saw him snorting cocaine in the women's
bathroom, aparently he was a little disoriented...
Michael Graves: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for
the DPW World Tag Team Championship!
[Some Beethoven rocks the house as the crowd boos loudly, they know that Sir
Joe and the Baron are about to come out.]
Graves: At a total combimed weight of 610 pounds... THE KING'S MEN!
LeBlanc: [listening to the boos] They sure love the King's Men in Chicago...
Did you know that their finishing move is a HIGH FLYING manuever? Even
though they're both about seven feet tall and three-hundred pounds, they can
still pull it off... THAT's amazing.
Stefani: God... How much did they pay those girls to hang out with them in
that one thing of theirs? The Baron is REPULSIVE...
LeBlanc: I don't know, but these guys are pretty big... They're the number
one contenders for the DPW tag titles. I think that's mainly because All
these other teams are just starting out and they've had about two or three
matches a piece. Whoa! Is that Dylan?
Stefani: I think so...
LeBlanc: Finally back...
Michael Graves: And their opponents!
[The crowd pops as "Milky Cereal" by L.L. Cool J starts up, they know the
Moo Krew's coming out.]
Graves: Led to the ring by the Milk Maid and Holly Daye... Weighing in at
426 pounds... The team of Trix and Lactose Intolerant Man... MILKY CEREAL!
LeBlanc: Okay, what'd ya get, Dylan?
Blake: I got some LOVELY nachos for myself for only $2.99, a hot dogs for
you at the low price of $1.79, and I got a donut for Adrian from some guy
that I ran into. Oh yeah, and some tasty beverages.
Stefani: Who's you get the donut from?
Blake: I don't know, some guy. Jim something...
Stefani: What's this white stuff on it?
Blake: I think it's glazed.
Stefani: Oh, okay... Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... Pretty good donut, want a bite?
Blake: Naw, think I'll pass on that one. Knock yourself out. What the hell
are you doin'?
LeBlanc: Just making sure this hot dog isn't glazed...
Blake: Good idea.
Stefani: What?! What's wrong with the glaze?!
Blake: Nothing...
*DING DING*
Stefani: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!
LeBlanc: It was just the bell, Adrian... Hey Adrian, do you ever get to eat
while commentating when Tommy Snide and Dell Mason are here?
Stefani: No... I think it's against company policy.
LeBlanc: Oh, to hell with company policy. Anyway... We've got Shawn Michaels
in the ring with Adolf Hitler... Oops, I mean LIM and the Baron... They LOOK
like Shawn Michaels and Adolf Hitler though, at a glance. The Baron grounds
LIM with a chokeslam.
Blake: Doesn't that guy offend Jewish people? You know, Adrian, these DPW
officials can be real fuckwads at times. Oh sorry, can I swear on here?
Stefani: I don't care, say whatever you want. Probably not supposed to, but
it doesn't matter to me.
LeBlanc: The Baron throws LIM off the ropes and hits him with a big boot to
the face. Now the Baron follows it up with an elbow drop. He goes for the pin.
1......................
2.......................
Trix makes the save! The Ref shoves Trix out of the ring now, that can't
make Trix too happy.
Blake: Referee brutality! Referee brutality!
LeBlanc: The Baron going up to the top rope... He's perched up there...
Burgermeister!
Blake: What the hell kind of name is that?! Damn Germans...
LeBlanc: The Baron goes for the pin...
1.....................
2.....................
KICKOUT! The Baron pulls LIM back up and throws him into the ropes... LIM
with a leapfrog over the Baron! LIM on the rebound... Superkick by LIM! The
Baron goes down to the mat. LIM climbing the ropes, up to the top! MOONSAULT
by Lactose Intolerant Man!
Blake: COW POWER!
LeBlanc: LIM goes to his corner and makes the tag to Trix. Trix hits the
Baron with an over the top rope legdrop! Trix going up to the top... Flying
Ass Crusher!
Blake: Flying Ass Crusher? What a name...
LeBlanc: Trix makes the cover...
1......................
2......................
KICKOUT! The Baron kicks out of it at the last second. And Trix unleashes a
fury of punches on the Baron. Trix pulls the Baron back up to his feet...
The Baron off the ropes, he makes the tag to Sir Joe! Trix ducks a
clothesline by the Baron, but Sir Joe NAILS him with a spinebuster! The
Baron goes back out to the outside.
Blake: Who the hell is this guy? Diesel Hearst Helmsley?
LeBlanc: Sir Joe locks on the Boston crab... Putting his weight on Trix's back.
Blake: [crunch] These are some good nachos... A lot more interesting than
this card so far, too.
Stefani: There wasn't anything wrong with that donut you gave me, was there?
Blake: Of course not, nothing at all...
LeBlanc: Sir Joe has Trix up and... POWERBOMB! Sir Joe pulling Trix back
up... Gorilla press by Sir Joe! And he drops Trix over the top rope and down
to the floor! Sir Joe steps over the top rope and follows Trix to the
outside. Sir Joe pulls Trix up and whips him into the stairs! Sir Joe turns
around now and he grabs the Milk Maid! She's struggling to get away, but Sir
Joe plants one on her! LIM nails Sir Joe from behind! LIM whips Joe into the
guardrail.
Blake: You know... These guys are really disrespectful, The King's Men or
whatever. That Baron guy's a damn Nazi, and Sir Joe tries to rape LIM's
chick on the outside of the ring, in the middle of the match... The DPW
needs to be... More family oriented. Actually, I don't give a shit.
LeBlanc: The Baron's on the outside now as well, all four guys are having a
brawl on the outside! LIM's all over Sir Joe for kissing the Milk Maid,
LIM's fiancee. LIM with a DDT on Sir Joe. Trix rams the Baron into the ring
post. Milky Cereal is going to work on The King's Men.
Stefani: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... Aren't they gonna get counted out?
LeBlanc: Pretty soon, they probably will... LIM throws Sir Joe back into the
ring and Trix jumps back into the ring as well, they're not gonna get
counted out now. Trix tags back out to LIM, so LIM can get another piece of
Sir Joe for what he did on the outside...
Blake: BUTT, BUTT, BUTT, BUTT, _ANUS_! Now THERE was a tag team.
LeBlanc: The Good Knights were a pretty good tag team, former DPW
Northeastern Heritage tag champs. Sir Jobs-a-Lot wrestles in the CCW too,
and Jobba's there as a manager or something. Back in the ring... LIM hit Sir
Joe with a flying forearm off the ropes and Sir Joe is down. LIM goes for
the pin!
1.............................
2............................
KICKOUT! LIM couldn't hold Sir Joe down long enough to get the pin... Sir
Joe pushes LIM off of him, and both men are back up to their feet. Sir Joe
with a kick to the stomach and he powerbombs LIM! Now turns it into the
scorpion deathlock! Sir Joe just hit LIM with his own move, the Milk Shake!
Blake: Great quality of move names, huh? Flying Ass Crusher...
Burgermeister... Now the Milk Shake. What will they think of next? Flying
Chicken McNugget of Doom? McDonald's Moonsault of Death?
LeBlanc: LIM reaches up and makes the tag to Trix! Trix nails Sir Joe in the
back of the head with a kick! THAT broke the hold. Sir Joe gets up and grabs
a hold of Trix. Sir Joe whips Trix into the ropes... Sir Joe tags out to the
Baron... Trix off the ropes and double clothesline by Trix! Both members of
The King's Men are down.
Stefani: Is it just me, or have we had three tag matches in a row now?
Blake: Yeah... We HAVE had three tag matches in a row...
LeBlanc: We have a bunch of singles matches next. I think... Sir Joe goes
back to the outside. Trix nails the Baron with a legdrop. Now Trix running
across the ring, jump UP right to the top rope! FLIGHT OF THE RAINBOW!
Blake: Flight of the Rainbow?! HAH!
LeBlanc: That's Trix's finisher, he's pinning the Baron now!
1........................
2........................
3.........................
*DING DING*
LeBlanc: He got him! Milky Cereal retains their titles again...
Blake: And with the Flight of the Rainbow, no less. Hey... This guy's name
is Trix, I thought the rainbow thing was Lucky Charms...
Stefani: Me too.
Michael Graves: the winners of this bout and STILL...
[The crowd pops and "Milky Cereal" starts playing again.]
Graves: ... Dawg Pound of Wrestling Tag Team Champions... Lactose Intolerant
Man and Trix... MILKY CEREAL!
Stefani: Trix the Rabbit's grabbing the microphone...
*Trix grabs the microphone and starts to talk*
Trix: Hell yeah, We sure kicked the King's men's asses!!!!! Well it is
time for my surprise. *smiles and looks at LIM* LIM, you have been like a
brother to me, so that makes this really hard. *toses his title on the
floor.* LIM i herebye vacat my half of the DPW Tag titles.
Crowd: *gasp* BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
LIM: *looking down in at the title in Shock* Trix? Why?
TRIX: Well first off, LIM you need to spend time with your Fiancee.
*smiles at Katy* This was all her idea. *LIM looks at MM a little confused*
Besides LIM, we all know that you are a singles wrestler at heart. Brother
you have done all you can in the tag ranks. *looks to fans* AM I right Kap?
Crowd: *erupts* YYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!1!!!!!
Trix: I am a tag wrestler, *points to LIM* you are a singles wrestler.
*grins* SO I am doing you a favor. I am freeing you up to wrestle in the
singles bracket. Hey *grins* You are ranked number 10 right now. *sighs*
Would be higher if they saved your old record, but that is not the point.
LIM, I know there is one other belt you have wanted more than the DPW tag
titles. *smiles* Go get that Sky Weight title
Crowd: YYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! LIM! LIM! LIM! MOO KREW!!!!
Trix: And now for the second half of my little surpise. *smiles* Cassandra
come here and tell the Kap who my new tag partner is!
Cass: Well Trix's new Tag Partner is non other then..............
"SUPERSTAR" STEVE SAMPSON!!!!!!!!!
*"Bad Company" Plays as Steve Sampson walks out in his wrestling gear (Black
trunks, Black Boots, Black Satin "Superstar" Jacket.) He is accompanied by
Jenny Amos. Jenny as always, is gorgeous as sin. She is wearing a black
evening gown with opera length gloves and her red hair is tied up. The men
in the audience begin to sigh and chant "Jenny!!" "Jenny!!"*
Trix: First off *shakes Sampson's hand and hugs Jenny giving her a peck on
the cheek* Sampson and I have a lot in fucking common. *smiles* We also
will kick ass here in the DPW, a new Tag team is born and baby we are ass
kickers.
Jenny: *smiles* Well people The day has finally come. *smiles* The man
know as the "Superstar" Is here in the DPW
Crowd: YYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! SSS! SSS! SSS!
Jenny: That is right, and well I have one more thing to say. STEFANI!! I
know you work here, well Sister you better watch your back, or have the
guy who is fuckin' you watch your back. *smirks* Cause Jenny Amos has
arrived in the DPW and sister I don't like you one bit. Whore!
SSS: *grins for a second when Jenny hands him the mic, then holds his hand
up to his eyes to look into the cheap seats.* Well, well, well. What do we
have here, ladies and gentlemen? You all thought that your dreams and
prayers were met when I left here the last time, didn't you? I mean, you
guys have thrown a ton of wrestlers at me, and I've beaten them all back.
Sir Joe, Steve Stone, Grave Digger, Sabin Rene Figaro. Been there, done
that, and well....you know the rest. Now, however, a new era arises for me,
and that is the era of tag wrestling.
SSS: So the question came up, who to tag with. And as I sat watching
Negaforce and Arrogance Express wrestling one day while calling darks, a
note came to me. Trix here wanted to talk to me, and he told me the plan.
On that day, ladies and gentlemen, DPW recieved its new tag team...Bad
Attitude. Let me say this right now. LA Style, Arrogance Express, Dallas
Kiddz, whoever wants to listen better perk their fucking ears up because I'm
only going to say this one time. Bad Attitude is here, and you're not going
to stop us. Those belts may be off Trix's waist right now, but will be back
sooner than you all may think *grins* and you know what?
*Sampson pauses while the crowd cheers.*
SSS: You're not going to stop us. Sweet Dreams Gentlemen. It'll be your
last night with them.
Trix: THere you have it! Your looking at the Next DPW Tag team Champions!!!
HELL YEAH!!!!!! *smiles and raises his hand in the air as the
crwod goes wild*
LIM: Let me just say one thing. *toses his DPW tag belt on the floor too*
Trix I wish you luck, and you too Steve. And I will earn a singles belt,
just watch. *smiles* For you two, and for the Kap!
Crowd: LIM! LIM! LIM! LIM! LIM!
LIM: and Cassandra has one more thing Steve.
Cassandra: *smiles* Well I was talking to LIM while your were talking, and
we want to invite you to Join the Moo Krew Steve. *smiles and hands him
offical MOO krew Contract.* What do you say Steve. *smiels at steve*
SSS: Moo Krew huh? *looks out to the fans with a shit eating grin on his
face* I don't know man.. . . I got such hot offers from LA Style to join
them...of course I ain't into anal penetration.
*Sampson smirks a bit more, winks at Jenny as if she should know his
decision, and then puts begins to speak*
SSS: I.... hold on.
*Sampson checks his boot and smiles up at Trix.*
SSS: Well.... I ....
*Sampson pauses one more time before smiling at LIM and Katy*
SSS: Got Milk?
*The crowd explodes in cheers as Steve shakes hands with LIM and Trix,
kissing Katy gently on the hand like a gentleman.*
Jenny: DPW, the Moo krew is stronger than ever so beware. *smiles* And
Stefani your a marked Whore bitch! *smirks* I am waiting.
*Crowd erupts as All the members of the Moo Krew leave ring side. *
Stefani: Who does Jenny Amos think she is?! She can't talk to me like that!
She can't talk to me like that! Right, Guy? Right, Dylan?
Blake: Well, uhhhhhhhhhhhh... Of course not!
Stefani: Dylan, baby... Aren't you gonna do anything about it?
Blake: Yeah, uhhhhhhhhhh... Right after we're done...
Stefani: Okay, hon.
===========================
DPW SKYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH!
Dan James
VS
King Cobra
===========================
by: Eric
===========================
Blake: Yeah, right after we're done here, I'm gonna go up to Jenny Amos and
say, "You can't talk to Adrian like that, bitch!" Then I'm gonna kick LIM's
ass, Trix's ass, and Steve Sampson's ass, all at the same time. I'll make
you proud Adrian. Then can we go back to your place and...
Stefani: I don't see how that could be a problem...
LeBlanc: Hey! I thought we were going to...
Stefani: We are... I didn't say when... There's enough to go around.
Blake: Yeah, Guy, don't have to be so selfish... You know Adrian, it's good
to see a woman like you around. The other woman like Jenny Amos, Holly Daye,
Kitty Pryde, Cherry Cheesecake, Ambition, and all those others are so
selfish. They just devote their self to one person and forget about everyone
else... You share yourself with so many different people, you are truly a
generous woman.
Stefani: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... Dylan, I'm flattered.
Michael Graves: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for
one fall and is for the Dawg Pound of Wrestling Skyweight Championship!
[The crowd pops for the match, then starts booing when "Bullet With
Butterfly Wings" by the Smashing Pumpkins starts up.]
Graves: Introducing first, the challenger. Accompanied to the ring by
Becky... Weighing 230 pounds... KING COBRA!
Blake: Whoa... Isn't Becky looking mighty fine tonight?
Stefani: Dylan!
Blake: What? Oh... She doesn't look as good as you, Adrian, but she still
looks pretty good. I mean, no one can compare with you, that goes without
saying.
LeBlanc: Of course.
Stefani: That's better.
Blake: So, Guy, Mr. Wrestling Expert, what's the story on Jake "The Snake" here?
LeBlanc: Well... Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... He's "The Fallen Angel" and he's managed
by Becky... And... Becky's been getting into it with Jewel lately. And both
King Cobra and Jewel think they're Sting, if that helps you at all...
Blake: Good enough.
Graves: And his opponent!
[The fans begin to cheer, they know the Clumsy One from, Denton is about to
come through the curtains, hoping not to trip on the way down the asile.]
Graves: From Denton, Texas... Weighing in at 218 pounds... The Dawg Pound of
Wrestling Skyweight Champion! DAN JAMES!
Blake: HAH! Who the hell is this guy?!
LeBlanc: The DPW Skyweight Champion... Dan James...
Stefani: Awwwwwwwwwwwwww... Poor little Danny just tripped... Maybe I should
go help him get up.
LeBlanc: Naw... You can stay with us.
Blake: Those were some damn good nachos. Now I have some cheese left, but no
chips to dip in the cheese...
Stefani: Try this... [dips a finger into the cheese, then sticks it in
Dylan's mouth]
Blake: That works! But, this stuff's cold now... I'll just toss it back into
the crowd somewhere.
[Dylan gets up and picks up the empty plastic nachos thing, with a little
bit of cheese still in it. He tosses it back into the third row and nails a
little kid wearing a Trace Michaels t-shirt, the kid starts crying.]
Blake: I got one! That was great... Forget all that family oriented stuff I
said before. Instead... They should have an event where the wrestlers eat at
the concession stands, then go in the ring and whip the garbage out at the
fans. That's actually pretty fun. Ever given it a try?
LeBlanc: No... You get sued for stuff like that.
Stefani: Not me, but I'll give it a try.
Blake: That's the spirit!
[Adrian gets up and picks up one of the empty cups, containing only ice. She
hits the same kid that Dylan hit, and ice goes all over the kid. He cries
even more.]
Blake: Alright! You got him!
LeBlanc: I smell a lawsuit coming on...
Blake: What?! To hell with those lawyers, I have every right to throws trash
at little kids!
*DING DING*
LeBlanc: Okay, just try not to throw more trash into the crowd while the
match is in progress.
Blake: I don't know, it's pretty tempting... Okay, I'll try not to.
LeBlanc: King Cobra with a kick to the stomach, followd by a DDT, right off
the bat... King Cobra gets up and drops a nice elbowdrop on Dan James. Cobra
gets up and heads over to the corner... He's up on the second rope... Elbow
drop by King Cobra.
Stefani: Poor Danny... Maybe I should help him.
LeBlanc: I think he'll do just fine, just give him a chance. King Cobra
picks Dan James back up and he tosses him through the ropes, to the outside.
King Cobra runs off the other side... Off the ropes... He nails Dan James
with a slide under the bottom rope! Both men on the outside...
Blake: Cobra Commander's kicking Dan James' ass right now... Wish I had some
more nachos... Just so I could nail that kid back there in the side of the
head. Look at him... He's telling his mom on us, Adrian. Yeah... Come right
on down here, we'll see what you're made of, kid...
LeBlanc: King Cobra's choking Dan James, with his neck on the guard rail...
And Cobra drops an elbow down to the back of Dan James' head! And another!
Cobra goes for another, but Dan James moves! King Cobra just smashed his
elbow down on the steel railing.
Blake: That had to hurt...
LeBlanc: Yeah, that's usually not the most pleasant feeling in the world...
Dan James crawls back into the ring. King Cobra's getting back up now...
Probably damaged his elbow a bit, I must say.
Stefani: Speaking of damaged, I want everyone to know that Dennis Douglas is
a woman beater. I was in the CWF, minding my own business, and the guy
knocks me over and starts choking me!
Blake: How inhumane... At least he didn't damage you.
LeBlanc: King Cobra and Dan James are both back in the ring. King Cobra
grabs a hold of Dan James, Russian leg sweep! Cobra follows it down with an
elbow drop. King Cobra goes for a scorpion deathlock... Dan James turns it
into a small package!
1..........................
2..........................
NO! King Cobra kicks out of it at the last second. King Cobra back up and he
kicks Dan James right in the head. Dan James isn't doing too well so far. We
could see a new Skyweight Champion. King Cobra with an elbow drop. Cobra
back up... And King Cobra drops down and nails Dan James right in the
stomach, with his knees!
Blake: [singing] Janie's got a gun... Janie's got a gun... [stops] Know
what? Lets get Who Cares back out here to do a real number on these guys.
They have some real potential. Loser and the Invisible Man, managed by Plain
Jane, the team of... Who Cares?
LeBlanc: King Cobra picks Dan James up... Shoulderbreaker! He goes for the pin!
1.........................
2..........................
KICKOUT! Dan James has a lot of fight left in him. He may be clumsy and
possibly inbred and retarded, but he has a lot of heart.
Stefani: Awwwwwwwwww.... Hush up, be nice to Danny.
Blake: Yeah Guy, be nice to Danny.
LeBlanc: Hey, you were the ones throwing garbage at the fans. King Cobra
locks on an STF. Man... Dan James is getting his ass kicked...
Blake: Gump 3:16 says "I'm gonna whoop your buttocks."
LeBlanc: Dan James quickly gets to the ropes and breaks the hold. King
Cobra's pulling Dan James back up by the hair, and Dan James tackles King
Cobra! He turns it into a pin!
1..........................
2..........................
NO! King Cobra kicked out of it, but I'm sure Dan James caught him by
surprise. Dan James has almost pinned King Cobra a number of times, even
though he's having, pretty much, no offensive at all.
Stefani: Danny boy's a survivor. Such a loveable little guy...
LeBlanc: Dan James nails King Cobra with a belly-to-back suplex, finally
starting to turn things around for himself. Dan James off the ropes...
Legdrop! He flexes for all the Danamaniacs! He's climbing the ropes... He's
up on top, what's he gonna do?
Blake: Jump?
LeBlanc: MOONSAULT! He makes the cover!
1..........................
2..........................
KICKOUT!
Blake: I'm just surprised Dan James didn't fall off the top rope and nail
his head on the floor or something. That in itself is a victory.
LeBlanc: Someone's up in the rafters! STING'S HERE! STING'S HERE! Wait...
Just Jewel. She's pulling her leather jacket off and leaving it up there...
Now she's coming down through the crowd. Wonder what she's gonna do...
Anyway, back in the ring. Dan James throws King Cobra into the ropes and
nails him with a flying forearm! James picks King Cobra back up and
POWERBOMB's him! Dan James with the cover!
1...........................
2...........................
KICKOUT BY KING COBRA! Jewel's almost at ringside... She climbs over the
guardrail... She's walking towards Becky, but Becky doesn't see her. She's
standing behind Becky and the crowd's going insane... She pulls Becky's neck
back... INVERTED DDT! Becky goes down. Jewel grabs Becky's legs, Ruby
Cutter! She has it locked on... Poor Becky...
Blake: What was the point of all this?
LeBlanc: I guess Jewel's a little upset with Becky or something... Dan James
clotheslines King Cobra over the top rope and down to the floor. Jewel still
has the Ruby Cutter locked on Becky... King Cobra's getting back to his feet
and he sees Jewel and Becky. King Cobra's charging at Jewel. Jewel releases
the hold and knees King Cobra right in the...
Blake: TESTES!
LeBlanc: Yeah... King Cobra's bent over in pain and Dan James nails him with
a hook clothesline! Mick Morton's "Smoosher." Becky's passes out on the
outside, as result of Jewel's attack... Dan James grabs King Cobra by the
hair and tosses him back into the ring...
Stefani: Becky's still knocked out... Oh well. Jewel's heading back up to
the rafters.
LeBlanc: He pulls King Cobra up by the hair and WHIPS him into the corner!
Cobra hit the corner hard... Dan James with a springboard splash into the
corner! He nailed King Cobra with that one. He's setting King Cobra up on
the top turnbuckle... I think he's going for... TOP ROPE HURICARANA! King
Cobra hits the mat hard! Dan James makest he cover!
1..........................
2..........................
3...........................
Stefani: Alright Danny!
LeBlanc: He got him, and I think King Cobra's gonna be feeling that one for
days. Perfectly executed by Dan James. He's a little clueless, but he knows
what to do in the ring.
Michael Graves: Ladies and gentlemen... The winner of this bout and STILL...
[The crowd pops for Dan James.]
Graves: ... DPW Skyweight Champion... DAN JAMES!
LeBlanc: Dan James is asking Michael Graves, politely, if he can use the
microphone for a second...
*Dan James grabs the mic, almost outta breath*
Dan: Now, I've been in this here sport fer about three months now, n' I'm
glad I've had the chance t' meet as many people as I have. I've met Miss
Stefani, I've met Mister Robinson, I've met as many of y' fans as I
possibly could. Mah mind keeps comin' back to one person, though.
That'd be Miss Julia. Miss Julia, I'd like t' thank y'all fer helpin' me
out tonight, that was might hospitible of ya.
*The Crowd erupts as They spot Jewel in the rafters and she starts to make
her way back down to the ring through the crowd. Jewel has no expression in
her face as she gets closer to the ring. She jumps over the guard rail and
climbs into the ring and faces Dan. At the same time Dan is talking in the
ring:*
Dan: I have...I have this here party comin' up on January 7th, n' I...*to
himself, but in the mic, accidentally*, C'mon Danny Boy. Y'all can do
this. She's a nice lady. Y'all can do this. *Focuses back on Jewel*.
Miss Julia, would y'all do me the honor of bein' mah escort t' this
party?
Jewel: *In the first signs of emotion on Jewel's face upon returning to
the ring Jewel's eyebrows go up in question* Huh? What did you say?
*blinks two times real fast* Escort? THat is like a date then right?
*smirks* SO let me get this straight Dan, your asking me out on a date?
Dan: Miss Julia, I swears upon the grave o' mah granddaddy that it'd be
as friends. Y'all should know by now that I wouldn't be tryin' anythin'
funny towards y'all. I know y'all'd probably whip my hiney into alabama.
I don't like alabama. They's some strange folk there. Always askin' me
to squeal like a pig. Oh well. S' what do y'all say, Miss Julia?
Please?
Jewel: *looks around to the cheering crowd* Well I better go with you to
make sure no body kicks your ass Dan. *laughs* Hell you need a friend, and I
will come through for you.....*pauses* This time. *Jewel turns her back to
Dan and raises her arms to the erupting Crowd THen she makes her way back to
her rafter seat. She turns around and calls back* Hey Dan, Meet me at my bike!
*In the ring Dan nods and smiles happily before leaving the ring with his
hands above his head*
Blake: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... How cute... Just like the end of a movie...
[fake sniffle] I think I'm gonna cry... Hold me, Adrian!
[Dylan falls into Adrian's arms, then looks up at the camera and smiles.]
=================
Dragon Dancer
=================
Sybil Dawn: "The PPV is sold out and I'm now out amongst the
crowd filling the arena to see some of the greatest action
around from the DPW, EWA, and PCW. I'm in the crowd for a
reason. tonight as the gentleman on my right is known by fans
around as the Dragon Dancer. Dragon dancer, thank you for
giving us some time here, I have a question to ask, and I'm sure
the fans do to. When, if ever, will you step in the ring again."
(Dragon Dancer laughs)
Dragon Dancer: "It's a good question to ask. Right now, I'm
finished filming of a new action movie with Steven Segal. My
duties were to oversee the accrobatic stunts, and I enjoyed it
very much, but of course, that line of work is nothing like the
sport of e-wrestling."
Sybil Dawn: "So, can we be seeing the Dragon Dancer back in
the ring anytime soon?"
Dragon Dancer: "Well I can't really reveal any plans at this time,
but what I will say is that I've met several times with the dawg
Pound of Wrestling discussing a possible contract, but I cannot
comment on it at this time. Right now I'm here tonight to emjoy
the card. It's a spectacular card and it's featuring the top stars
in the PCW, DPW, and EWA today."
Sybil Dawn: "And of course some who will be in attendance,
can be called enemies of the Dragon."
Dragon Dancer: "Enemies they may be, but I'm a bit dispointed
that Drac Dravin isn't found on the card. In the future, I want to
have a face to face talk with Mr. Dravin."
Sybil Dawn: "Well, only you know what you mean by that.
Either way, it was a great pleassure to talk to you tonight.
Return to the Ring? Maybe as you heard it right here!"
===========================
IN RING INTERVIEW
DTP SHOW
===========================
by: Trace & Scott
===========================
{"Dreamlover" Trey Porter is standing in the ring with a microphone. The
crowd is on there feet in anticipation of what is about to happen.}
DTP - AND HERE HE IS!
{Super Scott comes down the aisle and climbs in the ring}
DTP - Ooh, la, la! Well as always I have the BIGGEST and BEST guest. And
this is just a taste of what you have been missing since I have been gone.
{DTP turns to Super}
DTP - Scott, I'm going to come straight out with it. You haven't been the
same lately. What's the problem, man?
SUPER SCOTT - Well Trey, I have. People are wondering _WHY_ I would HELP
my HATED rival out, and some wonder if he ever WAS my rival. Yes, I'm
talking about Alex Adams, the EWA World Champion. A lot of people think
that I tried to form an alliance with Alex Adams because I am SCARED of
him. It annoys the HELL out of me, but that's all I've heard these past
couple of weeks. In airports, night clubs, hell...EVERYWHERE I GO, I
HEAR THAT CRAP!
"Super, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!"
"Good move, Super! We all knew you didn't have the guts to take on
Adams."
I even heard that ONE person claimed that the Super Scott-Offensive Alex
Adams match would be the BIGGEST disappointment of the year, as OAA would
CRUSH me. That's one man's opinion, but it happens to be a popular one.
You see, a _LOT_ of people think that Alex Adams would CRUSH me.
MYSELF...INCLUDED!
DTP - You CAN'T be serious!
SUPER SCOTT - Oh, let's cut the horseshit, Trey. I'm overrated. Hell,
I was even VOTED the MOST OVERRATED WRESTLER in the Year End Awards. One
of my gifts is to make ordinary things look great. Take a look at what I
did with Silencer, for God's sake. Let's face it people...Silencer was a
scrub. But, I saw GREAT marketing schemes with that guy, so I pushed him
to the moon. I had millions of people thinking that Silencer was the
Extreme Icon, and that he was the next great Superstar.
Look at what happened to that asshole when I didn't have an influence.
He bombed. Silencer is, was, and will always be rememberd as a _LOSER_.
A LOSER, people...and that's exactly what I've become. I fooled a lot of
people for a long time, but its caught up with me. They are realizing
that I'm just not that good.
I _AM_ scared of Alex Adams. I'm terrified.
Now, I know some of you are wondering how a 6'9" 290 lb guy could be
scared of anyone. How a former EWA World Champ, a former EWA North
American Champ, and a former EWA TV Champ could be scared of anyone. Or
how a multi-millionaire with many connections could be scared of anyone.
Wait a minute. Why _AM_ I scared of that little twerp?
DTP - Why are you? For months this guy has wanted you in the ring and at
ever turn you have found a way to get yourself out of it. You really have
to get your head screwed on straight. As a matter of fact you started
acting weird just after your little affair with Cherry Cheesecake. Alex
Adams can be beat. I have proven that on two separate occassions. Now you
and I have faced each other several times without any winnner.
{Super Scott has a very confused look on his face.}
SUPER SCOTT - Huh. Trey, have I been in one lone dream? I just don't
know what to think. Am I just dreaming here, or did I really join a
STABLE...with the DARK DESTROYER?
DTP - You did.
SUPER SCOTT - Is it just me, or did I do some thing with a puzzle or
something, that left everyone even MORE confused, including I?
DTP - {Chuckles} You did.
SUPER SCOTT - Is it just me, or did I go through a period of time where I
was a damn mime and didn't talk...and that I had some Don King
look-a-like with me?
DTP - Yes Scott, you did.
SUPER SCOTT - And tell me Trey...did I _REALLY_ help Offensive Alex
ADAMS?
DTP - That's the one that confuses me the most! For some reason you did!
SUPER SCOTT - Trey?
DTP - Yeah?
SUPER SCOTT - WHAT IN THE _HELL_ HAVE I BEEN THINKING?
DTP - {Grabs Scott by the collar} WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN THINKING? The Super
Scott, I know would slap his granny for a quarter! The Super Scott, I know
would beat the crap out of a 3rd grader for the last piece of cake. The
Super Scott, I know would do _WHATEVER_ it takes to take out an opponent.
The Super Scott, I know would have stepped in that ring a LONG time ago and
beat Alex Adams!
SUPER SCOTT - Huh. Trey, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
DTP - What's that, Super?
SUPER SCOTT - That I've had my HEAD UP MY ASS for WAY TOO DAMN LONG! Its
time I SNAP OUT OF IT, damnit...its TIME I GO BACK TO _BASICS_! Trace,
you know when I had my war with the entire DPW? You remember that? You
remember when I pissed all over Alan Camuto?
DTP - Yeah.
SUPER SCOTT - You know what, Trey? Ahh hell, I'll just tell you. That
was fun. IT WAS A LOT OF FUN. You know what else, Trace?
DTP - What's that?
SUPER SCOTT - I haven't had much FUN lately. This sport had become a
chore, almost. Do you understand what I'm saying?
DTP - You're telling me. NOBODY knows more about that than DTP. But those
people out there _DON'T_ understand that!
SUPER SCOTT - Hold in there, big man...I've got a lot on my mind. DO YOU
SEE THIS GUY RIGHT HERE?
{Super points to Trey...}
SUPER SCOTT - That's my BEST FRIEND. That's my ONLY FRIEND. And, if you
think that I'm friends with you, and your name AIN'T Trey Porter,
well...YOUR A DAMN FOOL. Do you got that, Dark Destroyer? I'm not your
friend, and I never will be. Do you got that, Trace Michaels? And oh
yes...my very own CLONE, Steve Sampson, your not my friend either.
You know, speaking of "Triple S," I've sat back and watched you for quite
some time. Yes, imitation is the greatest form of flattery, but I wasn't
FLATTERED. While watching you, I kept wondering....why am I allowing
this guy to do it, and do it BETTER than me. Well Stevie, your dealing
the the master. You like throwing SHOOT comments out there, huh? Well
dick, step aside and watch the BEST.
You see, its all clear to me now. I don't want to be remembered as the
man you Love to Hate. No, no...I want to be remembered as the man...YOU
JUST _HATE_!
Super Scott and OVERRATED in the same fucking sentence? That's something I
never thought I'd hear. ESPECIALLY coming from the DARK DESTROYER! He
wouldn't have DARED say that last February when I kicked his
mother-fucking ass from here to Timbuktu, and took his precious gold,
now would he? NOW WOULD HE? Two things I don't do are cry or bitch, but
the one thing I do better than ANYONE ELSE is PISS PEOPLE OFF.
From now on, I'm not playing by anyone's rules. And...I'll be DAMNED if
I'm the 1997 Most Overrated Wrestler. No...no, from now on, I do whatever
the fuck I damn well please. Let's change the subject here for a sec,
Trey...'cause I just got another train of thought.
DTP - Hey man, I'm just holding the mike!
SUPER SCOTT - Trey...you rule. But you know, I was thinking. I really
should sign the dotted line for SOME fed. But, should I join the fed
that made ME famous, or the fed that I MADE FAMOUS? That's what troubles
me, big man. That's what trouble me. Hmmm... maybe I should join the
EWA. I mean, I did just punk everyone and their uncle at Showdown, made
Dark Destroyer look like more of a damn ass than he already is, and have
the entire league wondering when I'm going to FUCKING SPEAK. WELL, I'M
TALKING NOW, DAMNIT! The question is, am I obligated to fight in the EWA?
HELL NO! But who knows...I may still sign with them. If the money's
right, of course!
Who knows what I'll do next, and history has proven that most of the
time, I DON'T EVEN KNOW. You don't know WHERE I'm going to show up, you
don't know WHEN I'm going to show up...all you know, is that I'M GOING TO
SHOW UP.
I can see a few people yawning and some dickless piece of shit telling me
to hurry this along, so..well, I'll just do some more rambling.
{Super pauses and takes a deep breath. Its obvious he's in deep thought,
as he scans the arena...}
SUPER SCOTT - Well, this is it. Time once AGAIN for me to say, "I'M
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!"
Only difference is....
{Super pauses and gets a VERY focused look on his face.}
This time...I mean it.
Oh yeah, this is Super's Time once again. You better watch out. I've
got something to prove, to prove that not only am I _NOT_ OVERRATED...but
I'm PRETTY FUCKING GREAT. That I'm one of the very VERY BEST!
What does this mean for the Wrestling World?
The answer to that question is simple...
All HELL....is going to break loose.
{Friday by Ice Cube starts up...but Super stops the music}
SUPER SCOTT - I'm done with this rap shit. Its only fitting that my new
music is EYE OF THE TIGER!
{Eye of the Tiger by Survivor starts up over the P.A. as Super exits the
arena...}
DTP - Ooh, la, la! Once again I have brought the people of the EWA the
scoop of the new year. The Super, you saw in 1996 was a far cry from the
Super that was around when the EWA began in 1995. But you all wanted it and
NOW you all have to deal with it. Super Scott is BACK and there isn't a
d@mn thing any of you can do about it. Most Overrated? We'll see about
that! GOOD GAWD!
===========================
New Year's Bash: DPW
Central Valley Championship
Mr. Robinson (C)
vs.
Tony Coltrane
===========================
By: Rick
===========================
Rogers: Hello, DPW Fans. My Name is Paul Rogers, and I usually handle
PCW Broadcasts. Tonight, however, is a special night, as I'm here doing
the call on this pivotal DPW Matchup. With me as always is the always
moody, outspoken "Superstar" Steve Sampson, and Steve, what's your take
on this match?
Sampson: Well, Old Mr. Robinson is a tough tough competitor. He wouldn't
be 9-0 otherwise. But there's something about Tony Coltrane...he's a
fighter, and will not go down without a fight tonight. This should be
intresting.
Rogers: Let's get up to ring announcer....is this right? George
Jefferson?
Sampson: WEEZIE! WEEZIE!
Rogers: Uhhh...yeah. Anyway, lets get up to George for the introductions
on this match.
Jefferson: Ladies and Gentlemen, this contest is scheduled for one fall,
and is for the Dawg Pound of Wrestling Central Valley Championship.
Introducing first, from Toronto, Ontario, Canada. He weighs in at a fit
235 pounds. He is the current DPW Central Valley Champion. Ladies and
Gentlemen, this is . . . . . MR.........................ROB_IN_SON!!!!
(Robinson makes his way to the ring just glaring at the fans as they boo
him lustily. Robinson gets into the ring, walks over to Jefferson, yells
something at him, and then goes to his corner.)
Jefferson: My apologies, Ladies and Gentlemen, for I have introduced the
wrong man. Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome _THE_MAN_,
MR............ROB_IN_SON!!!!
(The boos get even louder for some reason. Robinson grabs the mic and has
something to say.)
MR. ROBINSON: Dawg Pound Of Wrestling... Extreme Wrestling... Psychotic
Wrestling... _Tony_ _Coltrane_ ... I'd like you to take a look at the
scoreboard up at the ceiling...
Tony... Tony.... _Tony_ , i think we've got a great relationship
together... I'm gonna be the first DPW Wrestler _ever_ to go TEN WINS... and
NO losses... And i'm gonna do it in Style mixed up with a bit of grace.
I've gotta say we work great together. You make me look good... If i want to
be on all the highlight reels in The Western Civilized world, who else do i
want to face? I want to face someone that's just gonna fade into the scenery
that one cares about. Like _you_ ...
Hmmm... Twelve minutes and thirty four seconds... Your job is to make me
look greater... Beside a beating, what do you get? You're gonna get
noticed! No one has ever payed attention to you before, and for damn good
reason... Eleven Minutes... Well i
figured i owe _you_ something.
Well, i'm gonna make you famous... Hmmm...
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...... TONY COLTRANE HAS JUST HIT HIS FIFTH MINUTE OF
FAME!!!!!!!!
You have ten minutes left, consider this a
little gift from me to you...
Rogers: What an asshole.
Sampson: Truly.
Jefferson: And his opponent. From New York City. He is the challenger
here tonight, ladies and gentlemen. Please welcome....."RISING SON"....
TONY.......................COLTRANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Coltrane steps out from the back to a chorus of cheers. He glad hands
with the fans on the way.)
Rogers: Okay fans, and the tension here can be cut with a knife!
Robinson trying to psyche out the youngster Coltrane. Coltrane looks
extremely focused.
Sampson: Yeah, good thing too. I hope he and Kitty didn't spend too much
time out last night. I don't like Robinson in the least. In case you
didn't have the brains or the balls to figure that out.
Rogers: Uh, okay.
*DING, DING*
Rogers: And there's the bell. They're circling around each other, and
now into a collar and elbow tie-up. Coltrane pushes Robinson into a
corner, and gives him a clean break. They lock up again, and now
Robinson pushes Coltrane into a corner. OOH! Heavy shot by Robinson on
Coltrane. And again. Robinson picks Coltrane up beautiful suplex.
Sampson: Coltrane should either get his mind off of Kitty or take a
couple minutes for a breather. Right now, Robinson is beating him silly.
Rogers: Robinson now grabs a leg of Coltrane's and begins to pound the
knee into mat. Coltrane kicks Robinson's knee and Robinson lets go of
his knee. Coltrane climbing back to a vertical base. Robinson over with
a double axe handle, and now a stomp to the hamstring of Coltrane.
Sampson: Come on, Tony. Get your ass in gear, bud. Don't let this
laytex clad clod win! Get to work. Hey Paul...
Rogers: And Coltrane again with a blow to Robinson's knee. What Steve?
Sampson: Do you think Robinson worries? I mean, if he breaks gas in that
laytex number of his, isn't it going to rip?
Rogers: *sigh* Always the philosipher, Steve. Robinson goes to stomp
down on Coltrane again, but Coltrane reverses with a legdrag takedown and
into a half crab.
Sampson: It's not going to be real effective right now, simply because
Tony's leg is destroyed, and he can't lean back well enough to apply
pressure. This is a good move to slow Robinson's momentum down though.
Rogers: Exactly, and right now that's what Tony needs to do. Coltrane
nicely turns it into a front facelock and brings Robinson to his feet.
Coltrane with a nice bodyslam, and back into that half crab. This is
excellent strategy by Coltrane. Wear down Robinson's legs, so as to have
an attempt to lock in the Osaka Nightmare.
Sampson: It's good strategy unless Robinson gets back to his feet and
beats the everloving snot out of Coltrane.
Fans: BOOOOO!!!
Sampson: What in God's name is he doing around here?
Rogers: Chris Deugau is now standing in the aisleway, and he's taking
notes on the match.
Sampson: Probably notes on how to open laytex so as to get Ol' Robinson
from behind, if you catch my drift.
Rogers: Please. Neither competitor has seen Deugau as of yet. Coltrane
now picks Robinson up and delivers a nice backbreaker, and he just holds
him there, bending him in two. This really works on the lower back.
Sampson: Hey Paulette?
Rogers: What?
Sampson: DO YOU MIND IF I DO THE COLOR COMMENTARY! JESUS!
Rogers: Sheesh. I'm sorry.
Sampson: Just don't do it again.
Rogers: Coltrane climbs the turnbuckle, and leaps off! NO ONE HOME!
Robinson now back on the attack, and rolls him up...
1.
2.
3!! NO! He didn't get him, and Robinson's upset now. Robinson picks
Coltrane up...Faceplant! Coltrane's in a bad way, but Robinson's limping
quite noticibly!
Sampson: Robinson has to either do something to get solid control of this
match back, or try to get Coltrane up the butt like he does oh so well.
Rogers: Quit being so crude, Steve. Robinson now lifts Coltrane up and
delivers a shoulderbreaker. Impressive move by Mr. Robinson. Cover!
1.
2.
3...no! Again Robinson is denied. Robinson now picks Coltrane up.
Irish whip into the ropes. COLTRANE WITH A BODYBLOCK!!!! COVER!
1.
2.
3.
NO! Not quite yet!
Sampson: Come on Tony! You can beat the laytex kid! It must be hard to
wrestle dressed as a rubber band.
Rogers: Tony's signaling for the Osaka Nightmare! He's got it locked in.
Robinson's screaming. Tony applies some more pressure! Robinson trying
in vain to crawl to the ropes, but Tony has that locked in good. Deugau
is on his way to ringside.
Sampson: If Tony can wear Robinson out to the point of exhaustion, he'll
have him beat! Tony needs to keep the pressure applied, but I don't know
if he can with that bad leg bothering him.
Rogers: Robinson's being checked by the ref, but Mr. Robinson refuses to
give up. He's been locked in the Nightmare for almost two minutes now.
Robinson is starting to make a move! Robinson reaches for the ropes....
Rogers: BUT TONY HOLDS ON! Somehow, Tony Coltrane is holding on to this
move. It's almost as if he's possessed. Deugau continues to take notes
on this match, and is smiling at Tony right now. He must like what he
sees.
Sampson: Not skill wise, though. Deugau is intrested in other...things,
I think. Of course Deugau has the mental capacity of your average garden
slug, so it's not like it's a big suprise.
Rogers: You're incorrigible Steve.
Sampson: I know.
Rogers: Once again, Robinson makes a move for the ropes, and this time,
he reaches them. Three and a half minutes in the Osaka Nightmare have
not been good on Robinson. Tony off the ropes....OH MY GOD! Deugau just
tripped Coltrane! Coltrane's up like a shot and yelling at Deugau.
Deugau is yelling back, and giving Robinson time to regain his wits.
Sampson: FUCK THE MORON, TONY! GET YOUR MIND BACK ON ROBINSON!
Rogers: Robinson up...ROLL UP ON TONY!
1.
2.
TONY REVERSES!
1.
2.
Robinson Re-Reverses!
1.
2.
Tony Re-Re-Reverses!
1.
2.
Robinson Re-Re-Re-Reverses!
Sampson: Jesus God, Paul. Slow down man.
1.
2.
3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rogers: Did he get him?
Sampson: I think so.
Rogers: I don't know..
*DING, DING*
Rogers: Mr. Robinson does it! He's 10-0! He beats Tony Coltrane here
tonight, but not without help, and not without injury. He's limping
visibly to the lockerroom...and Deugau is walking back ahead of him,
expressionless. Robinson is just happy to escape with his title.
Sampson: Look at Tony. Poor Guy got gypped here tonight, but he did
prove to alot of people that he can hang with Robinson. I say give TOny
a rematch.
Rogers: Agreed. Fans, we're out of here for now. We'll be back to host
the PCW Portion of New Year's Bash. For Steve Sampson, this is Paul
Rogers. Enjoy the rest of the DPW Matches!
===========================
DPW WORLD TITLE MATCH!
"Devastator" Mick Morton
VS
Hollywood
===========================
by: Rudey
===========================
Shane Fitzgerald: Hello everyone! This is Shane Fitzgterald, Tommy
Thompson...
Rock Smith: And Rock Smith on behalf of the UEW calling this championship
match!
Tommy Thompson: This is the highly anticipated match we're ready for!!!
George Jefferson: THIS MATCH IS SCHEDULED FOR ONNNNNNNNNNNEEEEE
FALL!!!!!!!!!!!!
Crowd:
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
George Jefferson: THIS IS THE MAIIIINNNNNNN EVENT!!!!!!!!!! Entering
first.......
<2001: A Space Oddysey blasts.>
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some other cult followers:
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
George Jefferson: RESIDING IN HOLLYWOOD CALIFORNIA.... STANDING AT SIX FEET
TWO INCHES AND WEIGHING IN AT TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTY FIVE POUNDS.....
ACCOMPANIED BY CHRISTOPHER WALLSTREET............. DPW WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP
CHALLENGER.....
HOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDD!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rock Smith: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You gotta
love the new DPW Champion, Hollywood, decked out in a sharp tuxedo... This
man's got the class to rep the DPW!
George Jefferson: AND HISSSSSSSSSSSSSS OPPONENT............
Crowd:
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<"Wax Estatic" by Sponge blasts.>
George Jefferson: STANDING AT SIX FEET, ONE INCH, WEIGHING IN AT TWO HUNDRED
AND FIFTY FIVE POUNDS.... YOOOOUUUURRRRRR DAWG POUND WRESTLING HEAVY WEIGHT
CHAMPION............
Crowd:
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
George Jefferson: "DEVVVVVASTATORRRRR"
MIIICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
MORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!
Crowd:
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shane Fitzgerald: Look at that gorgeous gold belt on his waist... I think
Mick Morton is definately defending!!!
Rock Smith: Let's not talk and see the hardcore DPW footage!
Shane Fitzgerald: Hold up... Mick Morton wants the mic from George
Jefferson!!!
Rock Smith: Mick is standing right in front of the curtain facing outward
with Tommy Snide right behind him...
Tommy Snide: Thank you, George. I am standing
right here next to the DPW World Champion, the "Devastator" Mick
Morton. Mick... We've heard all the bad words being traded back and
forth between you and Hollywood. Mick... I gotta ask you... How do
you feel about the match coming up with Hollywood ?
MICK: You really are annoying. You know that? Let's just say that I'm
going to go out there and kick Hollywood's ARSE! He can say he's
better than me. He can say he's more deserving of this belt than me.
He can also say that I've been preparing for this match in the wrong
way.
However... If he beleives one word he's saying, then he is definately
not living on the planet earth where Mick Morton reigns supreme as
the DPW World Champion.
Rock Smith: Mick is pointing to the belt around his waist...
MICK: Woody... I don't care. You're going to get your ass kicked.
'nuff said.
Tommy Snide: Well, there you have it... The current reigning DPW
World Champion Mick Morton...
Shane Fitzgerald: Thanks Tommy! Now let's get a belt to get this underway!
Tommy Thompson: The champion and the challenger lock up in the center of the
ring... Hollywood with a quick arm drag and arm bar!
Rock Smith: Hollywood is the _real_ champ. Mick Morton is just keeping that
belt warm for him.
Tommy Thompson: Mick Morton starts to twist out of it and is starting to
rise, Hollywood gets to his feet too... Arm bar almost off... Hollywood
changes hold to a standing inside headlock quickly... Mick Morton with a
couple elbows into the ribs of Hollywood...
Rock Smith: Yeah! Hollywood with a quick knee to the gut of Mick Morton!
Shane Fitzgerald: Ummm, that wasn' the gut...
Rock Smith: Whattya know! Mick Morton is on the ground holding his...
Shane Fitzgerald: We've got the picture...
Tommy Thompson: Hollywood with a couple boots turns Mick Morton over onto
his stomach, Hollywood goes down to his knee and applies an arm bar.
There's a lot of pain in that one!
Rock Smith: Hollywood is playing his game, the technical submission is
_awesome_ . I've never met anyone else who can play that game as well as
Hollywood.
Tommy Thompson: "Devastator" Mick Morton...
Rock Smith: Who's being taken to school!
Shane Fitzgerald: It's early... It's early...
Tommy Thompson: Like i was saying... Mick Morton slides on his gut closer
and closer to the bottom rope... Hollywood trying to put a stop to this...
Mick Morton to the bottom rope!!! The ref is calling for a break in the hold...
Shane Fitzgerald: Heh heh heh... Mick Morton has a few words for Hollywood
and a smirk and whoa ho ho! Hollywood tries to smack Mick Morton but the ref
pulls The Woodster and gives him a stern talking to! I think Woody's
feelings are hurt...
Rock Smith: Yeah... Well The Woodster has a few words back to Mick...
Shane Fitzgerald: Tempers are flaring... That's the way it should be, this
is the DPW World Championship.
Tommy Thompson: Mick Morton and Hollywood start to lock up once again...
Mick Morton with some words to Hollywood... Hollywood is enraged and Mick
Morton places a boot into the gut of Hollywood... Hollywood doubles over and
Mick Morton nails a knee lift straight into the jaw of The Woodster... The
Woodster holding his mouth... A few drops of blood from the lower lip
catches an elbow drop on the back of the head courtesy of Mick Morton takes
him down to the mat.
Shane Fitzgerald: "Devastator" Mick Morton might seem stupid as a friggin'
brick, but he can play the mind games with the best of them...
Rock Smith: I agree...
Shane Fitzgerald: You do?
Rock Smith: Yeah, he always seemed as stupid as a friggin' brick to me.
Shane Fitzgerald: He just took advantage of The Woodster with some great
trash talking.
Tommy Thompson: The Devastator with some hard rights to the back of
Hollywood's head... UPPPPPPPP and doooooown with a hard leg drop to the back
of the head... He's already going for a pin...
Rock Smith: Stupid as a friggin' brick...
Tommy Thompson: Mick Morton rolls Hollywood onto his back and Hollywood with
a thumb to Morton's eyes... Hollywood from the mat pulls Morton down... ROLL
UP!!!!
1
.
.
.
.
.
Shane Fitzgerald: Nada!
Rock Smith: Lucky kick out...
Tommy Thompson: Hollywood gets to his feet kinda shakingly, Mick Morton is
up much quicker... Mick Morton charges a sorta slumped over Hollywood and
HOllywood gets an elbow into the ribs of Mick Morton...
Rock Smith: i think he really hurt him...
Shane Fitzgerald: I have to admit, Morton took a hell of a shot.
Tommy Thompson: Hollywood up and looks at Mick Morton face to face....
Rock Smith: Both are filled with emotion, but not all there if you know what
i mean...
Tommy Thompson: Slugfest! Morton with a right! The Woodster responds with a
right of his own! Both men goin' at it! Morton with a couple lefts!
Crowd: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tommy Thompson: The Woodster not backing down with a left across Morton's
jaw... Mick Morton comes back... Blocked by Hollywood! Eye gauge by The
Woodster! Hollywood with a quick lariat and covers Mick Morton!
Rock Smith: New champion! New champion! New champion!
1
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
2!!!!!!!!!!!
.
Tommy Thompson: NOOO!!!!
Rock Smith: Close... Close...
Tommy Thompson: Hollywood gets up shakes his head and stares at the crowd...
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some loyal followers: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Tommy Thompson: Hollywood looks back down at Mick Morton who's showing some
signs of life, Mick Morton seems to be trying to get back to his feet but
Hollywood kicks Morton is his jaw knocking morton onto his chest.
Rock Smith: Hollywood has his lower lip opened but he doesn't seem to
realize.
Shane Fitzgerald: The champ is in a lot of trouble right now, but ya know
what? You don't become the champ for backing down!
Tommy Thompson: Hollywood lifts Mick Morton up and gives him a couple
European Uppercuts that rocks him backwards... And a HUUUGGGGEEEE haymaker
from Hollywood puts Mick Morton on his back!!!!
Rock Smith: I think he can get him now!!!
Tommy Thompson: Hollywood down onto Mick Morton and quickly hooks a leg,
the ref in perfect position with the count!
1
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
.
Tommy Thompson: Kick out! A "barely two".
Shane Fitzgerald: Any luck Rock?
Rock Smith: Not yet...
Shane Fitzgerald: To let all the viewers at home know... Jim Russ bet Rock
Smith ten bucks that he couldn't figure out what type of "cream" are in some
donuts...
Rock Smith: I don't know what it is, it's kinda sticky... Some guy named
"Imperium" figured it out before the show...
Tommy Thompson: Hollywood lifts Mick Morton to his feet... Vertical
Suplex!!! NOOO!!! Hollywood falls forwards and brings Morton down onto his
face in a beautiful goardbuster!!
Rock Smith: No cover?
Tommy Thompson: Hollywood puts a toe hold onto Morton and crawls up with a
chinlock... STF applied!!!
Rock Smith: Oh yesssss... Submission wrestling... I don't know if this will
get Mick Morton but one of these moves sure as hell will! I'm thinking...
Academy Award!
Tommy Thompson: The STF seems to be loosening up Mick Morton... Hollywood
can't get a submission so he breaks up the hold... Hollywood right back onto
the offense... Hollywood snatches up Mick morton from the mat and whips him
off the ropes... Hollywood with his own SMOOSHER!!!
Shane Fitzgerald: You can't do that move on Morton himself!
Tommy Thompson: Seems so, Morton with the duck and puts on the breaks behind
Hollywood, Hollywood spins around... FRANKENSTEINER BY MORTON OUT OF NOWHERE!!!
Rock Smith: Where'd he get that energy?!
Shane Fitzgerald: He's the champion!
Tommy Thompson: Morton tried going for the pin but Hollywood was able to
toss him before the count... Morton pretty much tired lands against the
ground and ropes... legs on the mat, chest laying against the second rope...
Hollywood is on the mat holding his back...
Rock Smith: Even with that deadly frankensteiner by morton, Hollywood is
definately in the better condition right now.
Tommy Thompson: Hollywood walks over to Mick Morton, Hollywood with a bit of
a limp in his step makes his way down to Mick Morton, slumped over against
the ropes... Hollywood reaches down to grab Morton... MORTON GRABS HIS HOLD
OF HOLLYWOOD'S TRUNKS AND HE SENDS HIM CRASHING TO THE OUTSIDE!!!
Rock Smith: Mick Morton was playing possum...
Shane Fitzgerald: Best thinker in wrestling...
Tommy Thompson: Mick Morton looks at the crowd with a glint in his eyes...
Crowd:
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tommy Thompson: Mick Morton pulls against the top rope SLINGSHOT BODY PRESS
TO THE OUTSIDE!!!!!!!
Crowd:
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tommy Thompson: Mick Morton is still getting some adrenaline flowing...
Mick Morton with some hard closed fists to Hollywood's face... Mick Morton
begins to raise The Woodster to his feet but quickly smashes his face into
the steel guard rail. Mick Morton with a firm grip on Hollywood's head,
nails his face right against the ringside!!!
Crowd:
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!
Shane Fitzgerald: The crowd is lovin' this hardcore Mick morton action!
Could it be lights out for The Woodster?
Tommy Thompson: Hollywood Crawls off... Mick Morton grabs Hollywood by his
hair... Hollywood is plastered to the mat, HOLLYWOOD JUST PLAYED A GAME OF
POOL!!!
Rock Smith: That's right! Hollywood just racked Mick's balls!
Tommy Thompson: Mick Morton's eyes are as big as sewer lids, jaw wide
open... Hollywood is delerious right now, he crawls over and grabs a chair
on the outside... The ref is quickly out there too, he's trying to get The
Woodster to drop the chair.
Shane Fitzgerald: Why is the ref doing this? If he wants to DQ himself, let
him, this is pro wrestling.
Rock Smith: Mainevent for the DPW's side of the PPV, i don't think anyone
wants a disqualification.
Tommy Thompson: The ref is trying to get him to drop the chair, BEHIND THE
REF'S BACK!!!
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Rock Smith: Wallstreet with his lap top!!! Smack into the face!!! Wallstreet
drops what's left of the lap top under the ring and starts to twiddle his
fingers.
Tommy Thompson: No DQ...
Shane Fitzgerald: There should be!!! This ain't fair!!!
Rock Smith: No evidence!
Shane Fitzgerald: What?! A gash has opened up under Mick's eye, he's
unconcious and there's a goddamn "p" button stuck to Morton's face! DQ him!
Rock Smith: Shaddup!
Tommy Thompson: Hollywood rolls Mick Morton into the ring and goes for the
pin!!!
1
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
KICK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shane Fitzgerald: I'm shocked he got out of that!
Rock Smith: So am i... So am i...
Shane Fitzgerald: Mick Morton is basically out of it... He's bleeding from
under an eye from the laptop shot...
Tommy Thompson: Hollywood picks up Mick Morton and grips him around the
waist... GUT WRENCH SUPLEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Crowd: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rock Smith: The crowd liked that! Hardcore move!
Tommy Thompson: Hollywood is taking Mick Morton up to the top rope!!!
Rock Smith: For the most part, this match has been Hollywood's!
Tommy Thompson: What's he doing? Hollywood going to the top rope and seems
to be getting ready for a VERTICAL SUPLEX OFF THE TOP ROPE!!!
Rock Smith: This looks like it'll be a brainbuster!!!
Tommy Thompson: Here it comes...
Rock Smith: This could be over...
Shane Fitzgerald: COME ON MICKSTER!!!!!!!!!!
Crowd: <<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Shane Fitzgerald: ..............
Crowd:
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shane Fitzgerald: OH MY GOD!!! Mick Morton reversed the motion into a
lateral press from the top!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Crowd:
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
H!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shane Fitzgerald: Mick Morton slumped on top of Hollywood, goes for the
pin!!!
1
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shane Fitzgerald: I think he got em!!! I think he got em!!!
Rock Smith: No bell...
Shane Fitzgerald: The ref is only holding up _two_ fingers!!!
Rock Smith: Good gawd that was close... Come on Hollywood!!!
Tommy Thompson: Both men laying... Back against the mat... The ref is
putting a count on!!!
1.........................
2.........................
3............................
4...................................
Rock Smith: This will suck if no one gets up...
5.............................................
6...........................................................
7....................................................................
8...........................................................................
9...........................................................................
..............
Shane Fitzgerald: MORTON UP!!!! He's hulking up!
Crowd:
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tommy Thompson: Morton pulls up a dreamy Hollywood and puts a right into the
face of Hollywood!!!
Crowd:
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tommy Thompson: CRESCENT KICK!!!! HOLLYWOOD HITS THE MAT!!!! Wallstreet
screaming into the ring at the ref.
Shane Fitzgerald: look at this...
Tommy Thompson: Morton over the top rope lands a right onto the temple of
Wallstreet, Wallstreet hits the ringside!
Rock Smith: Come on Hollywood, don't let him do that to Wallstreet!
Shane Fitzgerald: He's in no condition to do anything about it!
Tommy Thompson: Mick Morton tosses Hollywood off the ropes... SIDE
WAAALLLLLLKKKKKKKKKKKK SLAM!!!!!!!!! Mick Morton picks up Hollywood by the
head... places it in between his knees... HUUUGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEE
PILEDRIVER!!!!!!
Crowd:
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shane FItzgerald: Mick Morton is in complete control... Hollywood is out!!!
REF!!!! STOP THE MATCHUP!!!!
Rock Smith: The ref ain't stoppin it...
Tommy Thompson: Mick Morton picks up Hollywood... POWER BOMBS HIM TO THE
MAT!!!!
Shane Fitzgerald: ENOUGH FOOLING AROUND!!!! PIN HIM!!!!!!
Tommy Thompson: Mick Morton pulls Hollywood right off the mat and tosses him
into the ring corner... Hollywood slams into the turnbuckle face first....
MICK MORTON WITH THE
________SMOOSHER_________
at Hollywood right into the corner....
Rock Smith: _OH_ _MY_ _GOD_ ...
Crowd: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tommy Thompson: Hollywood fell out of the way... and took a top turnbuckle
with him!!!
Shane Fitzgerald: Mick Morton is out of it!!! He slammed his chest into the
top turnbuckle without padding, right into the steel...
Tommy Thompson: Hollywood crawls on his hands and feet and drapes an arm
over Mick Morton...
1
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2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Shane Fitzgerald: Did he get em!
Rock Smith: He got em! He got em!!!
Shane Fitzgerald: Where's the _bell_ ?!
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Rock Smith: HE GOT HIM!!!!! A BELL AND HOLLYWOOD IS THE CHAMP!!!!
Shane Fitzgerald: THE REF IS CALLING THE BELL OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE REF
IS CALLING THE BELL OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
George Jefferson: There is _no_ bell, the match must continue!!!!!!!
Rock Smith: NOO!!!
Shane Fitzgerald: Wallstreet is rightfully upset...
Tommy Thompson: Both men are laying face first on the mat
Rock Smith: I think they're both out!
Shane Fitzgerald: This is a _great_, _great_, match! This is why the DPW is
so great!
Crowd:
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shane Fitzgerald: The crowd are getting behind these two men, the ref is
laying on the count and Hollywood is showing signs of life, don't count Mick
Morton out though...
Rock Smith: New Champion baby!
Tommy Thompson: Hollywood staggering around... Hollywood is falling all over
the place onto the top turnbuckle. Mick Morton still back against the mat...
Morton is trying to get up. His bent up at the waist trying to make it...
Hollywood is back against the turnbuckle looking out... Mick Morton wobbles
over towards Hollywood, HOLLYWOOD WITH A SAVAT KICK TO THE CHIN OF MICK
MORTON!!!
Rock Smith: Yeeaaaahhhhh!!! End it!!!
Tommy Thompson: Hollywood walks up to the top rope...
Crowd: <<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Rock Smith: BLOOOOCCCKKKK BUSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!! NAILED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Crowd: EEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tommy Thompson: MICK MORTON'S RIGHT FOOT IS ON THE BOTTOM ROPE!!!
Rock Smith: No it's not... Well at least the ref doesn't know it!
1
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Shane Fitzgerald: His foot is on the bottom rope!!!
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Rock Smith: Hah hah!!
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2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Shane Fitzgerald: This isn't fair!!!
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Shane Fitzgerald: LOOK REF!!!
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Tommy Thompson: THE REF STOPS THE COUNT!!!
Rock SMith: He noticed!! Damnit...
Tommy Thompson: Hollywood picks up Mick Morton... Mick Morton falls to the
mat out of tiredness... Hollywood grabs Mick Morton again...
Rock Smith: this is frustrating The Woodster...
Tommy Thompson: Mick Morton, in some other world starts to stagger over to a
set of turnbuckles... Hollywood starts to walk over with a pimp in his
step.. MORTON OUT OF NOWHERE WITH THE SMOOOSHER!!!!!!! WOOOAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
Rock Smith: Good gawd....
1
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3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Shane Fitzgerald: Did he get him?
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Rock Smith: I don't think so...
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Shane Fitzgerald: I guess not... No bell...
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George: HEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEE IS YOUR WINNER........... AND
STILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL DAWG POUND OF WRESTLING WORLD
CHAMPION............. "DEV-A-STAT-OR" MIICCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
MORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Crowd:
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Shane Fitzgerald: Wow!!! What a match... What a brawl!!! Hollywood is on the
mat shaking his head wondering what just went down and Mick Morton is
starting peel himself off the mat as the ref presents him with DPW
Championship belt!
Rock Smith: Things are _not_ over yet!!!
Shane Fitzgerald: What's this?!
Rock Smith: Deranged walks into the ring with a micropohone as he turns it
on and gets face to face with the champion.
Deranged: Well now! People have been wondering. Who will it be that Deranged
will face for the DPW World Title! Well it looks like it will be you. But
are you going to accept the challenge? Will you defend the gold against me?
Because now It is my time. It is time to become what I have always wanted
to. That is the DPW World Champion!
Rock Smith: Deranged is backing off from the champion a bit to speak.]
Now you see I have been here long enough to know what it takes to be or
beat the champion. I know that you may think of me otherwise, but I can and
I will beat you if I am given the chance! That title right there.
Rock Smith: He is Pointing at the belt on the shoulder of the champion.
That is what I am interested in. I am going to work hard and long so
that I may get that. That is the one thing that has eluded me ever since I
got here. But now I know that I can do it. No matter the cost, I will become
the DPW Champion one way or another. Now let DPW see what kind of champion
you are. I am extending my hand so that you may shake it. Then we will
settle whatever is left in the ring.
Rock Smith: Deranged extends his hand and they shake.
Well that all.. For now. But I will be watching you. Just be prepared.
Because I know that I will. See you in the ring...
Rock Smith: Deranged leaves the ring and heads back to the lockerooms.
Shane Fitzgerald: this has been some... some... night... Wow!!!
Rock Smith: For the Dawg Pound, Shane Fitzgerald, me, and Tommy Thompson
representing from the UEW, good night!!!!!
====================
New Year's Bash
Mystery Man
vs.
Hardcore Matt Harris
====================
by: Trace
====================
{The scene cuts to two men sitting at the announcers booth. Upton P.
Styles is a young man with black hair pulled back into a small ponytail.
He is wearing a powder blue sport jacket and orange pants.(this guy dresses
like Jim Cornette)}. The other man is "Dangerous" Dave Fiero, who is a
older gentleman in his late 50s. He is a rather large man at about 6' 5"
and 300 lbs. He has scarred forehead and he has his black hair slicked
back. He is smoking a cigar}
UPS: Hello everyone, I'm Upton P. Styles and sitting beside me is
"Dangerous" Dave Fiero! We are set to bring you more great PCW action as
Hardcore Harris takes on a Mystery Man.
DF: I don't know if Harris is dumb or stupid. What kind of idiot takes
on someone he has never seen?
UPS: Apparently Hardcore Harris! Let's get down to ringside.
{Owen McDonald climbs into the ring and trips over the ropes. He then
drops the microphone a few times before regaining his composure.}
Owen: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! This bout is set for one fall. Your
referee for this bout is BOB SANFORD.
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
{all of a sudden Brian Hackett esq. comes down to ringside with his
special ref, Mike Donovan. He climbs into the ring and grabs the
microphone from Owen McDonald.}
BH: As a member of the PCW Board of Directors, I am taking it upon
myself to assign a REAL official to this bout. And I pick Mike Donovan.
{Hackett turns to Sanford}
BH: Go take a nap old man!
{Hackett leaves the ring}
Owen: And now coming to the ring......He hails from New York City.
Weighing in at 260 lbs.........Here is "HARDCORE" MATT HARRIS!
{"Control" by Juno Reactor starts up on the PA}
UPS: A somewhat luke warm response from the crowd.
DF: He has to be hardcore with a haircut like that!
Owen: And his opponent................
{Owen McDonald stands there not knowing who the mystery man is going to
be}
UPS: Apparently Owen doesn't know who this Mystery Man is going to be.
DF: We all know that the PCW Board of Directors handle everything.
McDonald is just a figurehead.
{"Eye of the Tiger" begins to play over the PA}
UPS: Whose music is that? I don't see anyone coming down the aisle.
DF: You can't tell me that someone is afraid of this wimp with a haircut
like a mushroom.
{Harris is looking down the aisle waiting for his opponent. Then
everyone in the crowd turns and looks as a man is running through the crowd
towards the ring.}
UPS: OH DIOS MIO! SUPER SCOTT JUST HIT THE RING! SUPER SCOTT IS BACK
IN PCW!
DF: Harris pearl harbored by Super.
UPS: Super isn't messing around as he is just repeatedly kicking and
punching Harris. I don't think ANYONE expected this!
DF: This is the PCW, Styles. You gotta expect anything. We are
Psychotic you know. And there ain't anyone more Psychotic than Super Scott.
UPS: Super down on all fours waiting for Harris to look up. HEADBUTT!
Another and another. Super is repeatedly headbutting Harris.
DF: Super just busted Harris open with those!
UPS: NO! Super is the one busted open. Blood is pouring out of Super's
nose, but he isn't letting up. Super picks up Harris and slams him down.
Super going to the top rope. Super waiting for Harris to get up. Harris is
up and looking around. Dropkick right on target from Super.
DF: Not only that, but Super landed onto of Harris. That's 290 pounds of
Lunatic.
UPS: Super trying to choke Harris now. Donovan putting the slowest
count in the history of wrestling on Super.
DF: Smart move by Super. He keeps breaking at four. If Super keeps this
up Harris ain't gonna be able to last much longer.
UPS: Not to much finesse by Super here tonight. He is just laying in
punches and kicks to Harris. Super picks up Harris and presses him over his
head. What a display of power by Super.
DF: And that ain't no lightweight. Super proving that he may be the
sport's strongest man.
UPS: Super just holding him up there. Now he's doing reps with Harris.
That's 6' 7" and 260 pounds he is lifting. Super walking over to the rope
and drops Harris to the outside. RIGHT ON THE JAPANESE ANNOUNCERS TABLE.
DF: I guess those Japan guys don't make great stuff after all. That
table split just like any other!
UPS: Uh...yeah. Super now going to the top rope.
DF: This match has been all Super Scott from the beginning.
UPS: Super standing on the top waiting for Harris to get up.
DF: That ain't gonna happen anytime soon.
UPS: Super decides to go for it and..........WHOA! SUPER JUST HIT THE
GUARD RAIL!
DF: Super won't be to popular with the ladies for a while after that one.
UPS: Harris is actually moving. Harris is on his feet. Super still
trying to recover from hitting the rail. Harris grabs Super and drags him
around the ring. Harris picking up Super into a vertical suplex. He's
holding him up there for a long time.
DF: This ain't gonna be pretty. We don't have no pads here in PCW.
UPS: Harris holds him up there for almost 30 seconds now.
DF: What blood that didn't come out of Super's nose is going to his head!
UPS: Harris drops back and they both hit hard. Super definitely taking
the worst of that one. Harris crawling over to Super and drops a headbutt
on him.
DF: Harris ain't to smart as he is holding his head after that one.
UPS: Harris picks Super up and sends him back into the ring. Harris
sends Super to the rope and...........STUNGUN! Harris with the cover and
1......
UPS: Super kicks out with authority. Harris goes over and climbs to the
second rope. Meanwhile Super is slapping himself trying to regain some
awareness. Super up on his feet and Harris with a clothesline. Harris
picks Super up and NAILS him with a inverted DDT. He picks him up again and
this time NAILS him with a swinging neckbreaker.
DF: Well we saw what punishment Harris could take, I guess it's Super's
turn.
UPS: Harris dragging Super to his feet and sets him up for another
vertical suplex. He is holding him up there again and down he comes.....NO
HE HIT A BRAINBUSTER! Super is OUT! Harris lifting Super back to his feet.
Harris is going for his finisher.
DF: I believe he calls this the Hardcore Driver.
UPS: Double underhook and into a piledriver. THAT was the HARDCORE
DIVER.
Hardcore Harris: That was Hardcore!
UPS: Harris takes time to jack his jaw. He puts one foot on Super.
1...............
2.................................
....................................
NO!
UPS: Super lifts his shoulder and Harris can't believe it!
Super is somehow moving. Harris grabs Super and puts him in a CHOKESLAM!
DF: Harris turns to the crowd!
UPS: OH! SUPER IS ON HIS FEET! SUPER IS ON HIS FEET! Harris doesn't see
him. Harris turns around and...........Thumb to the eye by Super. Super
with yet another of those vicious headbutts. And there goes Harris to the
outside. Super now runs across the ring and PLANCHA onto Harris! Harris's
head hit the guardrail. Super picks up Harris and throws him over the
guardrail.
DF: Some fan just handed Super a chair.
UPS: WHAM! Right on the back of the head! Super kicking away at Harris.
They are going way up into the crowd here.
DF: Super just grabs some old hags purse.
UPS: He is looking around inside. He found some type of medicine. Super
holding Harris's mouth open and pours whatever those pills were down his
throat. Now he is shoving a used tissue he found in here purse.
DF: Harris won't be able to spit those out.
UPS: That could kill Harris. Super just took a 2x4 from some fan. DOWN
on the head of Harris.
DF: That one busted Harris wide open!
UPS: Super now dragging Harris out to the hall. Harris
trying to fight back, but blood from that gash in his forehead has
gotten into his eyes. Super picks Harris up and is carrying him over to
the concessions!
DF: Not again! Didn't we see this last week?
UPS: Irish whip on Harris into the concessions, but he reverses it, but
another reversal by Super! Harris goes the opposite direction and RIGHT
THROUGH THE WINDOW. Harris is on the ground laying in glass. Super comes
over and picks up a big hunk of glass. Don't tell me!
DF: Didn't anyone ever tell him not to pick up broken glass?
UPS: Shut up, Fiero! Super takes the piece of glass and jams it into
that gash that is already open on the head of Harris. Super is a madman.
Super grinding away and Harris is screaming in pain. Super gets up off of
Harris.
DF: Hey look! Harris still has that hunk of glass stuck in his head.
UPS: Super and Harris both covered in blood. This has gone too far!
WHERE IS THAT REF?
DF: He's sitting down here at ringside.
UPS: Someone needs to stop this and I mean now! Super walks back over
to Harris and starts dragging him by the hair. Their coming back into
the arena and down through the fans. Super sends Harris over the guardrail.
Harris showing a little movement. Super sends Harris into the ring. Super
drops a legdrop on Harris.
DF: Here comes Owen McDonald down to ringside. Owen is arguing with
Donovan.
UPS: Back in the ring Super has Harris on the top rope. This means only
one thing. SCREWDRIVER off the top rope. Harris isn't going to get up
after that one.
DF: Look into Super's eyes. There is total emptiness in his eyes!
UPS: Super is biting Harris on the forehead. Super has gone totally
PSYCHOTIC here tonight. NO pun intended folks! Super picks up Harris into
a torture rack. Super just racked 6' 7" and 260 pounds of Matt "Hardcore"
Harris! Super is jumping up and down like crazy with Harris in the rack.
DF: Mike Donovan finally climbing back in the ring. He goes over to
Harris.
UPS: He lifts the arm of Harris. It drops.............
ONCE...................
TWICE.............................
THREE............................................
{DING, DING}
DF: I guess Super Scott was more Hardcore than Hardcore Harris!
UPS: Mike Dovovan just left the ring in a hurry. Let's go down to
Owen McDonald with the official word.
{Ding, DIng}
Owen: In 24 minutes and 38 secs, here is your winner....................By
way of
DISQUALIFICATION.........................MATT "HARDCORE" HARRIS!
DF: WHAT!
UPS: I don't think Super cares.
DF: If I were McDonald, I would get myself out of there no matter what!
UPS: The medical crew is checking on Harris. One of them coming over to
Super and................I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT HE JUST DID! Super
just headbutted one of the ETM crew.
DF: Harris better thank that guy. It gave the other ETMs a chance to
get Harris loaded onto the stretcher.
UPS: Super going over to the corner and climbing to the second rope as
they begin to wheel Harris out of here.
DF: I don't think so, Styles! Super climbs to the top.
UPS: FLYING ELBOW OFF THE TOP! Super lands on Harris and takes out the
whole medical crew at the same time.
DF: That is the first time I have EVER saw a stretcher snap in half!
UPS: Super is a NUTCASE! He grabs Harris by the hair and is pounding his
head into the ground. Super picks Harris up and RACKS him again! Super not
letting go even as PCW officials try to break this up.
DF: Here comes some of the boys from the locker room.
UPS: I really don't think Super cares. Super just dropped Harris out of
the torture rack into the audience. Super turns and walks back towards the
ring, but no he goes past the ring. Where is he going.
DF: I think back where he came from.
UPS: Super climbing over the guardrail on the other side of the ring and
up into the crowd he goes. Super up on the first level of the arena. He
turns and holds one finger up to the crowd.
DF: I think he's saying that he is number one!
UPS: Wait that Don King looking guy is there. I don't think Super
spotted him.
DF: OH YES HE DID!
UPS: Super puts him in the torture rack!
DF: Super using that move alot here tonight.
UPS: Super drops that fat loser on the ground. Super making his way out
of the arena.
{the shot goes to Upton P. Styles and Dave Fiero sitting at the
announcers desk.}
UPS: Well what can I say? Super comes back and is a total lunatic. What
has happened to this guy.
DF: I think Super Scott has something to prove, Styles. A unathletic
bum like yourself wouldn't understand.
UPS: Maybe I don't understand, but I know what I saw. Super is in the
best shape of his career and is intense. He is looking for someone. And I
for one wouldn't want to be that person.
DF: Unless Super likes orange pants, I don't think you have anything to
worry about.
UPS: Hey! I wear Cornettamals! Yeah see the little tennis racket on the
shirt matches the one on the pants.
DF: {blows cigar smoke into Upton's face} Maybe once I had a few cold
ones, I'll find you interesting.
UPS: Well folks, we hope you stay tuned as the rest of our broadcast
colleagues bring you some more GREAT PCW action. For Dave Fiero, this has
been Upton P. Styles. See you next time folks!
-< The scene opens in the locker room area iin the rear of the Rosemont
Horizon Paul Rogers is walking down the hall way to the section where
Crusher Tech are preparing themselves for their title match. Paul reaches
the back and now finds Mark "Tech" Stephens and Steve "Crusher" Kingston
suited up and preparing for the match ahead of them. Steve is taking swings
at lockers with an aluminum baseball bat and Mark is stretching out on a
bench. Paul approaches the two and begins asking questions. >-
Paul: Good evening gentlemen, I am Paul Rogers, PCW interviewer. How are
you two?
-< Just then Steve nails the locker with anoother swing. Steve looks up to
Paul and smiles. >-
Paul: Uhhhhh... Ok... < Moves over to Mark.> Uhmmm.. Mark, hello.
Uhmmmm... You two have quite a match ahead of yourselves today. Barry Hart
and Jack Kelly. That's some pretty tough competition right there.
Mark: < Looking up from his stretching to answer Paul. > Yes, I suppose
as singles wrestlers they have both had their share of success, but this is
not singles. This match is BARELY wrestling, this is a caged baseball bat
match, this is not an athletic contest, this is a barbaric street fight.
Steve: And that's just how I like it!! Wouldn't have it any other way!!!
Paul: < Moving over to Steve now. > Mr. Kingston, you and Mr. Stephens
seem to have two very different outlooks on the match ahead this evening.
Steve: Oh yeah we do!! Ya see little Pauly, I like this kinda stuff. Mark
likes to get in there and break an opponent down with the Technical moves
and go for the nice clean pretty pin. While I on the other hand like to
break down my opponent with a series of BASEBALL BAT CHOPS TO THE KNEE!!!
Any thing I can get my hands on is fine by me! The heavier the better. And I
cant wait to kick the cheeks off that Ass Man either!
Paul: Well, ok... You two have been PCW Tag Team Champions for a little
over a month now and have lead PCW into 1997, what are your future plans
here in PCW?
Mark: Well Mr. Rogers, you see, Crusher Tech got it's first big break
here in PCW and this is where we will be staying. Of the three federations
which we currently hold the World titles, PCW is by far the most precious.
PCW is where we had to fight and scratch to get recognition and PCW is where
we will continue to lead Tag Team, competition until we see fit to
relinquish power, because NO ONE is team enough to TAKE the power from us.
Steve: Yeah and I'm lookin' forward ta beatin' on a few dozen more teams,
some of them repeatedly, for the next year. '97 is looking good for
Crusher Tech little man. Now if you'll excuse us I believe we have a match
to wrestle.
Paul: Oh, yes, well, good luck then.
Mark: And thank you Mr. Rogers.
-< Mark and Steve walk off down the hall towwards the ring entrance way
leaving Paul at the Locker by himself. >-
Paul: Well there you have it, Crusher Tech, the PCW, EWA, and CHAOS!!!
World Tag Team Champions, but will they still have the distinction of PCW
champion after this night? We'll just have to wait and see...
--------------------------------------
Rick Boncek, President Psychotic Championship Wrestling
Personal E-Mail: TripleSPCW@aol.com or PCWPrez@juno.com
PCW Interviews: PCWMail@juno.com
>===============================<
2. Luck of the Draw! Wheel of Torture!
JOHNATHAN SHOCK vs. STEVE STONE
By: Jeremy
>===============================<
[Shot opens on Noah "Hacksaw" McLean and Andrew "Rusty" Davis at a nicer
announcer's booth than they're used to. With Nicer chairs as well. The
booth has the logo for NYB on it and the two men are playing "Hot Hands" as
the camera finally focuses on them.]
Noah "Hacksaw" McLean: Hi! And Welcome to our little slice of the PPV,
we're glad to be delivering HOT ACTION into your homes during our assignment
for the PCW. As you know this our first LIVE match assignment and we're
happy to be doing such an GREAT match in our debut.
Andrew "Rusty" Davis: Yes fans we have it here. A Luck of the Draw WHEEL
OF TORTURE match between Johnathan Shock and Sadistic Steve Stone. I'm not
sure either of these men care too much for their bodies, so I'm sure we
will be seeing NOTHING but a brawling blood fest.
Noah: Now fans let me tell you how this match goes. There is a wheel
right here *points to the wheel beside of him*. On It are the matches:
Alaskan Death Match
Respect Match
Ladder Match
Taipei Death Match
Bullrope Match
Scaffold Match
Noah: Personally I hope it's an Alaskan Death Match. Since my Mom won't
let me have Alcohol, I want to see what it looks like!!
Andrew: I want to see a Ladder match so I could determine the
gravitational pull of this Arena whenever the men go flying off the ladder!
It'll put Einstein to shame! I call it "The PCW Theory of gravitational
force to the elements of relativity on the Earth" as we know it. It will
make us rich. It will make LEWIS PROUD!!!!
Noah: Hear! Hear! Now lets welcome out here to spin the wheel SUPERSTAR
STEVE SAMPSON accompanied by ..THE PCW OTTER!!!! Let's give them a hand!
Andrew: I wonder if the Otter will give me an autograph.
Noah: Hi, Mr. Sampson it's a pleasure to have you here to Spin the Wheel.
Welcome.
Steve Sampson: Shut the hell up you damn nerd. Gimme that wheel.
[By this time the Otter has come out and is doing the "Macarena" for the
crowd, (Yes, he is feeling slightly better) and is signing a few
autographs for some huge (aren't we all) PCW Marks]
Steve Sampson: Ok is this the wheel? Lemme see he--- HEY WAIT A MINUTE.
WHATS THAT FUCKING OTTER DOING HERE?!?!?
[Sampson walks down and Lifts the otter's mask up a little bit and NAILS
the otter with a HUGE right hand that knocks him out]
[As Sampson walks back up he is heard muttering "....fucking otter always
sticking his damned nose where it shouldn't be...."]
Sampson: Ok, can we do this now? Please? I've got plans and I can't have
you two Dick Faced Faggots hanging around me.
Noah: But Mr. Sampson your the one who came out here.
Sampson: Alright. We got Alaskan Death, Bullrope, Taipei, Respect,
Ladder, and Scaffold. We ain't had a good Scaffold in the PCW in a while
..C'MON BIG SCAFFOLD. Here we go!
[Sampson spins the wheel about as hard as he can without breaking it
continues spinning full force for about 30 seconds coming to a
slow ..last time around it has passed RESPECT MATCH IT HAS PASSED
BULLROPE. IT HAS PASSED ALASKAN DEATH MATCH..IT HAS PASSED LADDER
MATCH.
Andrew: DARN! Now theres only two left -
Noah: SHHHH!! IT LANDS ON.
..
TAIPEI DEATH MATCH!!!!!!!!!
Noah: Fans it looks like it will be a TAIPEI death match. Lets get Owen
McDonald out here to explain this to us.
[Owen walks down to Ring bring out a cart filled with some stuff to a
mixture of boos and cheers.]
Owen McDonald: Ok ladies and gentlemen. Are you ready for a TAIPEI DEATH
MATCH??????
Crowd: YEAHHHH!!!!
Owen: OK, here are the rules. Both wrestlers WRAP their hands in BURLAP,
then, dip their hands in RESIN and finally ..to top it off dip the
resin-covered hands in SHARDS OF BROKEN GLASS!!!!!! Now lets get Shock
and Stone down here and ..LET'S GET IT ON!
Crowd: YEAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen..this match is set for 1 fall. Labeled
and promoted as a Taipei match introducing first from Seattle Washington
weighing in at 229 lbs and standing at a smooth 6 feet 1 inch. Here is
JOHNATHAAAANNN SHOOOOOOOOOOOCCCCKKKK!!!!!!
Crowd: BOOOOO!!!! YEAHHHHH!!!!!
Johnathan comes walking down as "Heart-Shaped Box" -by Nirvana plays
He's wearing black, full-length tights with DA SHOCK MAN written on the back
in neon yellow, knee pads with the harlequin masks of comedy and tragedy
(why? We don't know, the guy's a lunatic....) in neon green, a left elbow
sleeve with a big yellow smiley face (complete with bleeding bullet hole) on
the back, fingerless black gloves (one inscribed with J and the other with
S) and the most bizarre pair of neon green cowboy-style wrestling boots
you've ever seen, with JS written on them in black. Wears a trenchcoat
length leather coat to the ring with various grafiti all over it. He
actually has a few of these, with different slogans and color schemes, all
of them very bright on the black leather.
Andrew: It looks like Owen is making Shock take off his gloves..and put
on the burlap..Shock agrees, puts burlap on his hands, Dips them in glue and
then the glass shards.
Noah: IS HE EATING SOME OF THAT GLASS?!?!?! JOHN SHOCK IS EATING THAT
GLASS!!!!!!!
Announcer: And fans, the second competitor in this contest. Weighing in
at 300 lbs. And standing tall at 6 feet 7 inches..STEEEVVVEEE
STOOOOONNNNEEE!!!!
Crowd: BOOOOOO!!!!
While Steve Stone was walking done to the ring..Johnathan Shock had
already cut his arm and it was bleeding. he wrote in blood "DIE S.S." on the
mat. By this time Steve Stone had his fist "Glassed" and were in the ring.
Noah "Hacksaw" McLean: And this match is ON! *Ding* *Ding* Ok both men
circling right now..Collar and elbow tie up but JOHN SHOCK breaks it.
Andrew: Is he arguing with himself again?
Noah: Why I do believe he is STEVE STONE tries to deliver a HAYMAKER
right into Shock's face but SHOCK DUCKS!!!!! JOHN SHOCK WITH AN ATOMIC
DROP!!!!!
Andrew: That hit him loooooooooooooooowwwwwwwww!
Noah: John Shock with a clothesline to the back of the NECK!!!!!! Steve
Stone is on the ground right now. Shock is now softly rubbing his
glass-laiden right fist up and Stone's back right now.harder..harder.OH
MY GOD.THERE GOES THE BLOOD!
Andrew: Steve Stone's back is covered in blood, but I don't see that as
being much of a hindrance.
Noah: Shock is dragging Stone into the middle of the ring..Stone is
slowly getting to his feet and Stone NAILS HIM RIGHT IN THE GUT!!!!!!
ANOTHER SHOT TO THE MIDSECCTION!!!! IRISH WHIP INTO THE ROPES by Stone and
he MEETS JOHN SHOCK WITH A FLYING CLOTHESLINE!!!!!!! COVER!!!!
1..
.
.
2
KICKOUT!
Andrew: Stone is kicking the down John Shock on the back of his neck and
back.Stone off the ropes...going for a FISTDROP BUT SHOCK MOVES OUT OF
THE WAY AND PUTS STEVE STONE IN A SMALL PACKAGE!!!!!!!!!!
1..
2- NO
NO IT'S REVERSED!!!!!!!!! STONE WITH THE SMALL PACKAGE NOW!!!!
1...
KICKOUT!!!!!!
Noah: What a match so far, and unbelievably no man has received a blow to
the face as of yet.
Andrew: Spoke too soon there Noah.
Noah: THAT I DID!!!! John Shock has just charged at Steve Stone and
TACKLED HIM!!!!!! JOHN SHOCK ON TOP DELEIVERING BLOWS TO THE FACE!!!!!!!
STONE IS TRYING HIS BEST TO KEEP THE GLASS FROM HITTING HIM BUT TO NO
AVAI-----WAIT!! Steve Stone has JUST turned over on top of JOHN SHOCK AND IS
NAILING HIM WITH RIGHTS AND LEFTS.
Andrew: Wait a minute..Johnathan Shock isn't doing anything to stop
this!!! He has his eyes and mouth open!!!! HE'S LOVING THIS!!!
Noah: Oh my....oh...no...oh dear god......Ladies and Gentleman Johnathan
Shock has just....had a piece of glass stuck in his left eye.
Andrew: If you thought Cactus Jack vs. Sabu was bad...If you thought
Tarzan Goto vs. Mr. Pogo in a bring everything, but we've probably already
got it death matches were bad...then just take at Johnathan *gulp* Shock
right now...he's standing up, definitely weakened and is trying to balance
himself
on the ropes...
Noah: Look at Steve Stone, he's having a little Pow-Wow with his protigi
Mr. ATM and LOOK MR. ATM IS GIVING HIM A ROLL OF QUARTERS!!!! Steve Stone
has the quarters, he's walking over to Shock...he's wrapping his fist around
the ROLL OF QUARTERS....he THROWS A FIST AT SHOCK BUT HITS HIM FIRST!!!!!
OPENING A GASH ON STEVE STONE'S FACE!!!!!
Andrew: Uh-oh..Shock is on a TEAR!!!! SNAP MARE...INTO A HEADLOCK!!!!!
NOW FROM A HEADLOCK INTO THE PILEDRIVER POSITION!!!!!!! BUT ITS NOT A
PILEDRIVER..IT'S
Noah: IT'S A FACE FIRST POWER BOMB ONTO THE ROLL OF QUARTERS!!!! Shock is
using Steve Stone's OWN finishing move against him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Steve Stone is out and and John Shock has a crazed look on his face...
Andrew: He's just turned Steve Stone's body and is BACKHAND SLAPPING HIM
ON THE FACE WITH THAT GLASS COVERED HAND!!!!! HE JUST LIFTED UP STEVE STONES
HEAD AND FARTED RIGHT ON TOP OF HIM!!!!!!!
Noah: ohmigosh, ohmigosh..John Shock is taking Steve Stones arm and NAWING
ON IT!!!!! But, wait..now he's arguing with himself!?!?!?!?!?!? He's HITTING
HIMSELF IN THE FACE!!!! HE HIT HIMSELF SO HARD HE BUMPED INTO THE REFEREE!!!!!!
Andrew: Now that is going to cost him..he could be covering Steve Stone
right now and GET the three count because he is OUT!
Noah: Looks like he read your mind, here's the cover BUT NO REFEREE!!!
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
THE REFEREE IS STILL DOWN!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! STEVE STONE IS ALIVE AND HE JUST BARELY GOT
THE SHOULDER UP!!!!!! But what does it matter? Because the Ref is gone.
Andrew: Whats this? Mr. ATM is wrapping his fist in burlap too...uh
oh..HE IS going to do somehting..mark my words.
Noah: In the ring right now John Shock is showing off for the crowd..doing
some Cowpoke Cowboy thing. Some cowboy he is with those God awful neon
boots. HERE COMES MR ATM WITH A CHAIR AND A GLASS COVERED FIST...
Andrew: TURN AROUND SHOCK!!!! TURN AROUND!!!!!!!! NO ITS TO LATE!!!! Mr.
ATM JUST NAILED HIM WITH A CHAIR FROM BEHIND!!!!!!
Noah: Mr. ATM is is setting up the Chair......NO!!! HE'S SETTING UP
FOR A CHOKESLAM!!!!!!!!!!!
Andrew: MR. ATM JUST CHOKESLAMMED JOHNATHAN SHOCK ONTO THE SETUP
CHAIR!!!!! THE METAL CHAIR IS BROKEN!!!!!!!
Noah: Now THAT was a powerful chokeslam. Look..Mr. ATM is holding his
fist in the air...and he just ENGRAVED THE INITIALS "S.S." ONTO JOHN SHOCK
UPPER BODY WITH THAT FIST!!!
Andrew: Mr ATM throws the chair outta the ring..he's DRAGGING Steve Stone
over John Shock...
Noah: Shock is out COLD.
Andrew: STEVE STONE IS ON TOP OF SHOCK!!! THEIR BOTH OUT COLD!!!!! ATM IS
GETTING THE REFEREE UPNOOOO!!!! NOOO!!!!
Noah: Ref is Counting....
1
2
3!!!!!!!!!
*Ding Ding*
Announcer: And your winner of the Luck of the Draw WHEEL OF TORTURE
MATCH...is STEEEEVVVVEEEE STOOOOONNNNEEEEE!!!!!!!
Crowd: BOOOOO!!!!
Noah: Now that was a match. We're gonna need the medic crew and a CLEANUP
crew to take care of that mat, it is COVERED in blood.
Andrew: Wow, Taipei death match, and a death match it was.
Noah: Thank you fans for joining us during that match for Andrew, Myself
and the rest of the N.E.R.D.S., Happy New Year and God bless. Now lets take
it down to our next match.
--------------------------------------
Rick Boncek, President Psychotic Championship Wrestling
Personal E-Mail: TripleSPCW@aol.com or PCWPrez@juno.com
PCW Interviews: PCWMail@juno.com
===========================
PCW TAG TEAM TITLES
BASEBALL BAT/STEEL CAGE
ASSpocalypse '97
VS
Crusher Tech (champs)
===========================
by: JimRuss@juno.com
===========================
Stevie Fulton - Hi, I'm Stevie Fulton being joined by Jack Jeffries. Now,
we have what's going to be a FANTASTIC match in about 5 or so minutes,
but let's take this opportunity to talk. Now, you may remember us as the
guys that announced for FASW, or you may remember us as the poor guys
that had to endure Jim Russ at PCW's November Nightmares. But that won't
happen again.
Jack Jeffries - Or so we were told.
Stevie Fulton - Well, Jim Russ was SUSPENDED by PCW for DISGRACEFUL
actions on a recent Live! at the Grapplearium card, and that portion of
the show did NOT air....
Jack Jeffries- Until now. But, I don't get it. At November Nightmares,
this guy comes out wearing ONLY A DONUT...and ends up, well, I'm not
going to waste another breath on that pig. Thank GOD he did not win the
PCW election.
Stevie Fulton - Now, since this is PPV...PCW has decided that it can now
show what exactly happened, because the public wants to know. Some people
have claimed that its just a hoax, and this is PCW's chance to show that
it was not...and in fact, Jim Russ deserved to be suspended.
Jack Jeffries - Even so...how long was the suspension?
Stevie Fulton- I believe it was only a 2 week suspension, which is now
up...but even at that, Jim Russ is MISSING. Nobody has seen nor heard
from Jim Russ since he stormed off the set of LATG that day. Rumors have
circulated that he was going to show up in the CWF, which he did not.
Rumors have been heard that he may be dead... which we hope is not
true...ah hell, this is Jim Russ here...I don't care if he's dead. I
really don't.
Jack Jeffries - Well anyways, before we get to the GREAT tag team
match...THIS is what happened.
[Rednecks vs. Two Dudes with Attitudes match joined in progress...]
Jim Russ - Hey Bob...
Bob - Yeah, Jim?
Jim Russ - Wanna donut?
Bob - NO, THANK YOU! I see that some guys in the EWA tasted your donut
though at the PPV.
Jim Russ - Yup. Hey...how do you get a dog from humping your leg?
Bob - Is this a joke?
Jim Russ - Just answer the damn question! HOW DO YOU GET A DOG FROM
HUMPING YOUR LEG?
Bob - I have no idea.
Jim Russ - You pick him up and suck his dick.
Bob - Jim Russ is definetly back. Hey Jim...what about the debut of the
World RUSSling Federation? Wasn't it supposed to be THIS week?
Jim Russ - Yeah...but we have a slight change of plans. You see, there's
a bingo convention in town, and all my Granny's old hag friends want to
use the garage during the festival. So...I can't use it today, but oh
well. WE GET IT NEXT WEEK! The DEBUT episode... NEXT WEEK!
Bob - Okay...aren't you supposed to REALLY _FLAME_ the Dark Destroyer
tonight?
Jim Russ - Well, I was GOING to...but I believe our good friends, Super
Scott and the NEEEEEEEEEEEEW EWA WORLD CHAMPION, Offensive Alex
Adams...already did the job! And I must say, it was a job WELL DONE! Hey
Dark D...payback's a bitch, ain't it? HAHA! Scrub.
Bob - Weren't you going to say something about how at least Jade _HAD_ a
dick?
Jim Russ - Yeah...but like I said, I'm in such a great mood, I just don't
feel like it. Hey Bob...I had FOUR DUNKS! FOUR!
Bob - You play basketball?
Jim Russ - No...I dunked my dick in some whore's...
Bob - Ummmm....yeah....we have matches, Jim!
Jim Russ - Ah, but they suck. As ALWAYS, I get stuck with shit matches.
You know what...I'm going to go on strike. I'm NOT going to describe
these matches!
Bob - When have you EVER described the matches?
Jim Russ - AH....SHUT UP! I'm not liking this side-kick shit.
Bob - Who said I'm your side-kick? In case you forgot...I'm your
SUPERIOR! I make more money than you do, and I could probably get you
fired.
Jim Russ - Jim Bob and Hoss, who by the way pay me royalties 'cause of
the similarities between their names put together and mine. Jim &
Hoss...Jim Russ....its too similar.
Bob - Hey, have you gotten on LiveWire yet...you know, to confront Jim
Ross?
Jim Russ - Not yet...but watch THIS week! I'll keep trying. Well
anyways, Sweetser and Terminator may have attitudes, but that's because
they suck. They really suck. Are you listening _DUDES_? YOU GUYS SUCK!
They got their asses whooped by the Hicks...and I _HATE_ hicks, but these
two guys are pretty talented. Blah, blah, blah, yaddi, yaddi, yaddi...I
don't feel like doing shit this week. Next week, I'll be back in FULL
FORM, but I just don't feel like it this week. Rednecks dominated, and
won....OBVIOUSLY.
Winners - Rednecks
Jim Russ - At this time, I'd like to read a nice Christmas poem. For it,
I'm going to quickly get a Santa suit on and have a special companion.
Bob - Jim is putting clothes _ON_ for a change!
{Jim Russ is now wearing a really cheesy Santa Claus suit and security
brings a mentally handicapped kid to sit on Jim's lap...}
Santa Russ - Hiya there...what's your name?
Little kid - Billy.
Santa Russ - Hey there, Billy. Many people make mistakes, I've probably
made one or two in my lifetime...and I just want you to know, its not
your fault that your so fucked up.
Bob - JIM! HOW _DARE_ YOU!
Santa Russ - Its your mom's fault for getting high every night while she
was pregnant...hell, your parents were probably related.
{The little kid is crying now...}
Santa Russ - Hey Bill, stop your damn crying. Okay, okay...I have a
little Christmas poem for ya. You know, to get ya excited for Christmas.
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS...
'Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat.
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.
The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook,
It was time for some pussy, fuck reading that book.
Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude,
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner and momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
"Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, hey Dickfore, whoa Putz,
Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts."
"Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.
They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out and puked on my shrub.
And then from the roof we heard something splatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
I put on my jacket to cover my ass,
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.
His suit was all covered with dip spit galore,
He looked like a bum and smelled like a whore.
"I'm all fuckin' shit-canned ," he said with a smile,
"And Rudolf was farting the last half-a mile."
He walked to the kitchen, for himself poured a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, as my wife turned around.
Santa was hung half way to the ground.
Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.
The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
The next was a manual on how to pop zits.
A dime bag of reefer was Santa's next find,
And a six pair of panties, the edible kind.
A boarding school pisser, a penis extension,
And several other things that I can't even mention.
A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
And a bong that was wrapped with aluminium foil.
"This stuff's not for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,
So I'll leave it all here, and then I'll just split."
He filled both our stockings, looked at my wife's cleave.
And tucked my son's crack pipe up under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
Made it out of the chimney, on my roof smacked his head.
In time he was seated, took the reigns of his hitch,
Saying, "Take me home, Rudolph, the night's been a bitch!"
The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
"The best thing about PCW is Jim Russ will never be out!"
MARY CHRISTMAS....
is one FINE WHORE!
Bob - Jim...you never cease to amaze me. Sticking that donut in Ela's
mouth was one thing, but mocking on that poor kid...and then reading that
POEM? Unforgiveable.
Jim Russ - Ahh....blow it our ass.
[Scene returns to the Arena where Jack Jeffries and Stevie Fulton are
sitting awe-struck]
Stevie Fulton - Well, that's that. Let's move on to THE MATCH as Owen
McDonald is in the ring!
Owen McDonald - LADIES AND GENTLEMEN... this next match is scheduled for
one fall and is for the PCW WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS!
Owen McDonald - This match also has special stipulations in that it'll be
fought INSIDE a steel cage where a BASEBALL BAT will be sitting...and IN
PLAY!
Jack Jeffries- Stevie...this is going to be a wild one.
Stevie Fulton - THIS is an FASW Style match! I CAN'T WAIT!
Owen McDonald - Introducing first...the CHALLENGERS! Weighing in at a
combined, oh heck, I don't have my cards with me (real reason: I'm too
lazy to add up the two numbers), HERE IS "THE MASTER OF PAIN" BARRY HART
and his partner "IRONMAN" JACK KELLY ... THEY GO BY THE NAME OF...
ASSpocalypse '97!!!!
Owen McDonald - And...
Crowd - ASS MAN! ASS MAN! ASS MAN! ASS MAN! ASS MAN!
Owen McDonald - And their opponents...
Crowd - ASS MAN! ASS MAN! ASS MAN! ASS MAN! ASS MAN!
Owen McDonald - AND PCW WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS, HERE ARE MARK "TECH"
STEPHENS AND STEVE "CRUSHER" KINGSTON....
HERE IS CRUSHER TECH!!!!!!
CROWD - ASS MAN! ASS MAN! ASS MAN! ASS MAN! ASS MAN!
Stevie Fulton - This crowd LOVES The Ass Man, which I believe that are
referring to Barry Hart.
Jack Jeffries - The guy wears a THONG, for crying out loud!
Stevie Fulton - Well, it is a nice ass.
Jack Jeffries - Yeah...I can't disagree with ya there. Actually, its a
great ass. Mighty fine ass.
Stevie Fulton - All 4 men are in the ring. Look up...the cage is
lowering.
Jack Jeffries - This is really cool. The fireworks are going off and the
crowd is STILL chanting for The Ass Man!
Stevie Fulton - I must say, I'm surprised by the crowd's reaction.
Crusher Tech are fan favorites, but the Ass Man and Jack Kelly... or
maybe its just The Ass M...BARRY HART that is clearly the crowd pleaser.
Jack Jeffries - AssMania is running wild, Stevie. Look at all the
posters, t-shirts, signs...all for The Ass Man. He's kinda an overnight
sensation.
Stevie Fulton - Okay, let's stop worshipping Barry Hart. They have one
HELL of a challenge tonight in the form of Crusher and Tech aka CRUSHER
TECH.
< ding, ding >
Crowd - YEEEEEEEAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!
Stevie Fulton - AND WE ARE OFF! The Baseball bat is dangling down from
the top of the cage, but these four aren't worried about that right now!
Jack Jeffries - You know Stevie, although Crusher Tech are the tag
champions, I think they are at a DISADVANTAGE in this match.
Stevie Fulton - Why's that, Jack?
Jack Jeffries - Well, because of the rules of this matchup. Its a WILD,
BRAWL...and Tech are much better at scientific wrestling. This takes
them out of THEIR element.
Stevie Fulton - VERY good point, Jack. ASSpocalypse are good scientific
wrestlers as well, but they can mix it up too.
Jack Jeffries - Stephens and Jack Kelly are in one corner, while Kingston
and Hart battle it out in another. They whip each other... KELLY AND
KINGSTON COLLIDE!
Stevie Fulton - BARRY HART DROPKICKS KINGSTON!
Jack Jeffries - We better announce that this is pinfall/submission rules,
but the baseball bat is IN PLAY.
Stevie Fulton - This is one HOT crowd...and it only ADDS to the
excitement that is NEW YEAR'S BASH! I'll never forget last year's New
Year's Bash with Dark Destroyer vs. Dreamlover Trey Porter in the Ladder
Match, but this event puts that one to shame!
Jack Jeffries - LOOK AT THAT! Hart is shoving Kingston's face into the
steel cage. If he keeps that up, Kingston will have a forehead not to
far from what Abdullah the Butcher's looks like! AND LOOK ON THE OTHER
SIDE OF THE RING, Stephens has Kelly down in a headlock. This is not
exactly what I was expecting so far...but hey.
Stevie Fulton - The match is starting a tad slow, as both teams feel each
other out. WAIT A MINUTE! Barry Hart just DDT'd Kingston of Crusher
Tech! The Ass Man is now GOING FOR THE BAT!!!
Jack Jeffries - BUT KINGSTON IS UP! He's on the top rope, and like an
acrobat, uses the top of the cage to FLY right into Hart! The Ass Man is
down, and KINGSTON HAS GOT THE BAT! THE BAT IS NOW IN PLAY!
Stevie Fulton - Meanwhile on the other side of the ring, Kelly is STILL
in a headlock. Haha! That's gotta be frusterating.
Jack Jeffries - It sure does.
Stevie Fulton - OH! HE SWINGS...RIGHT INTO BARRY HART'S LEG! Hart screams
in agony...AS KINGSTON DOES IT AGAIN!
Jack Jeffries - Looks like Kelly is getting up from the headlock...
Stevie Fulton - Looks like Kingston is really going to get a lot of
momentum behind THIS swing. This match could be over before ya know
i......
Jack Jeffries - OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!
Stevie Fulton - HE JUST HIT HIS TEAMMATE! It was an accident, but he just
NAILED Stephens IN THE BACK!
Jack Jeffries - He was bringing the bat back to get one HUGE swing, and
it nailed Stephens right at the top of his back!
Stevie Fulton - BIG MISTAKE on the part of Crusher Tech, and it could be
a costly one. THEY JUST MADE ANOTHER MISTAKE! Kingston dropped the bat
to go to his partner, and KELLY PICKED IT UP! IRONMAN JACK KELLY HAS THE
BAT!
Jack Jeffries - OH GOD! HOLY COW! RIGHT IN THE....well, let's just say
that Kingston better not plan on having any kids!
Stevie Fulton - AND THE COVER!
1
2
...NO! Kingston kicks out!
Jack Jeffries - Barry Hart is struggling to his feet, but seems to be
getting there.
Stevie Fulton - Kingston tackles Kelly! Where did that come from?!
Jack Jeffries - KINGSTON IS BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF KELLY! THIS ONE JUST
TURNED INTO A WAR!
Stevie Fulton - With a match this brutal, you can't expect it to last
very long, but you can expect tempers to FLARE. Yes, this isn't really
Crusher Tech's style, but they MUST LIVE WITH IT.
Jack Jeffries - LOOK AT KINGSTON GO TO WORK ON JACK KELLY! This looks
like the scene from Christmas Story when Ralphie beats the shit out of
that bully!
Stevie Fulton - I couldn't have said it better myself, Jack. This is
great. WAIT! WAIT! JACK KELLY IS CUT! There's a HUGE gash above his EYE!
Jack Jeffries - Boxers get that all the time. That could have a huge
effect on Kelly's vision.
Stevie Fulton - Barry Hart is still trying to regroup himself after
taking two VICIOUS shots in the leg with the baseball bat. Meanwhile,
Stephens from Crusher Tech seems to be getting back up. He's STOMPING ON
KELLY! Ironman Jack Kelly is being destroyed here!
Jack Jeffries - BUT THE ASS MAN JUMPS INTO THE PILE! This looks like a
schoolyard BRAWL right now!
Stevie Fulton - Bodies everywhere...blood oozing...a baseball bat just
lying there...this is great.
Jack Jeffries - Barry Hart and Mark Stephens are now away from the pile.
Stephens THROWS The Ass Man into the cage FACE FIRST! The crowd liked
that one!
Stevie Fulton - Stephens is stomping a mudhole into Barry Hart right now!
Jack Jeffries - There's so much going on here...its hard to call the
action!
Stevie Fulton - Yes it is. Look at all that blood, Jack. Ironman Jack
Kelly is just gushing blood by the pint here!
Jack Jeffries - Yes he is...that cut looks as though its getting bigger.
LOOK! Kingston grabs the bat and is JARRING the bat right INTO the cut.
He's aggravating it 'causing it to spread open! This is NOT good for
Kelly.
Stevie Fulton - Can Kelly come back from the loss of blood? OH GOD! He
rammed the bat into Kelly's face! That could be it!
The cover...
1
2
THE ASS MAN MAKES THE SAVE! THE ASS MAN MAKES THE SAVE!
Jack Jeffries - I didn't see the Ass Man! I wasn't watching him...but
from out of nowhere, he SAVES the day for Jack Kelly.
Stevie Fulton - AGAIN...this turns into a pier six brawl! All 4 men are
going at it. This is amazing.
Jack Jeffries - Where's The Ass Man from?
Stevie Fulton - Butte, Montana. Why?
Jack Jeffries - Just wonderi.....WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! Barry Hart just got
nailed with the bat....IN HIS ASS! Hopefully, no permanent damage was
done.
Stevie Fulton - I'm going to HAVE to go back and watch this on tape, I've
missed so much of the action.
Jack Jeffries - This is the HARDEST match in the world to call. Its just
impossible. TOO much action going on.
Stevie Fulton - Who is that? Stephens has the bat and is just WHACKING
Barry Hart in the ass...REPEATEDLY! Barry Hart is screaming, "NOT THE
ASS! ANYWHERE BUT THE ASS!"
Jack Jeffries - AND STEPHENS DID WHAT HART ASKED! He NAILED him in the
knee! And now the stomach! Hart is gasping for air.
Stevie Fulton - Barry Hart got the wind knocked out of him!
Jack Jeffries - Not only that, Stevie...but he may have broken a rib.
And as anyone whose ever broken a rib knows...EVERY movement kills.
That's one of the most painful injuries possible.
Stevie Fulton - Kingston goes to the top rope and drops a Top Rope
Legdrop right on Barry Hart! Stephens now...WITH A CANNONBALL RIGHT ON
HART'S CHEST! Stephens with the cover....
1
2
thr.......NO! JACK KELLY MAKES THE SAVE!
Jack Jeffries - Ironman Jack Kelly saves the day for Barry Hart! WHOA!
Jack Kelly school-boys Stephens!
1
2
3! WE HAVE NEW CHAMPIONS!
Stevie Fulton - NO WE DON'T! OH SO CLOSE! I'm going to have a heart
attack here!
Jack Jeffries - Stay with us, Stevie...stay with us! This is great.
Stevie Fulton - Its been a wild one, that's for sure. But I still can't
get over HELLSHOCK Vs. DARK DESTROYER in that CAREER MATCH! Unbelievable.
Jack Jeffries - Without harping on that too much, that rivalry has been
going on for almost a year...and its come down to this. Good luck to
both competitors, I only wish it didn't have to end like this. Two of
the very best, and one is done for good.
Stevie Fulton - The crowd is counting along with Kingston as he RAMS
Barry Hart's head into the cage!
Crowd -
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
_10_!
YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAH!
Stevie Fulton - Meanwhile, Jack Kelly scoops up Stephens and slams him
into the cage. The very badly cut Jack Kelly is showing a tremendous
amount of heart tonight...HE DIVES AT KINGSTON! UNBELIEVABLE!
Jack Jeffries - FLYING FOREARM! Now, Kelly has the bat...and.... OH, IT
HURTS WATCHING THAT! He speared that baseball bat RIGHT into the family
jewels of Mr. Kingston. I really feel sorry for that man. Now, he
SLINGSHOTS him into the cage!
1
2
3....NO! Close but NO cigar for ASSpocalypse '97!
Jack Jeffries - Meanwhile, Barry Hart is still dazed on the mat.
Stevie Fulton - STEPHENS HAS THE BAT! STEPHENS HAS THE BAT!
Jack Jeffries - He's CHOKING Jack Kelly with the bat! Not only that, but
he's trying to aggravate the cut even more by ramming his elbow into the
area. This has turned into a bloodbath, with Kelly draining the
Mississippi River out there.
Stevie Fulton - This one's almost over. You can tell...as both teams are
COMPLETELY exhausted. They just don't have the energy to continue.
Jack Jeffries - Jack Kelly is now....PILEDRIVEN INTO THE GROUND! He's
out.
Stevie Fulton - It looks...yes...it looks as if Crusher Tech is going for
their finisher. You may know it as the Hart Foundation's finisher.
They've got Barry Hart up. This is IT if they hit it.
Jack Jeffries - Jack Kelly is on the mat, and Barry Hart is dazed.
Steve's got Hart hoisted in the air, and now Kingston is trying to go for
that clothesline. He ain't running too fast, but its understandable.
Stevie Fulton - This one is over. The cover...the count...Crusher Tech
regain their titles...
1
2
OH MY GOD! JACK KELLY JUST NAILED KINGSTON IN THE BACK...AND STEPHENS IN
THE _HEAD_! Mark Stephens is OUT COLD. Kingston is hurt BAD. And Jack
Kelly...JACK KELLY DROPPED TO THE MAT! The loss of blood seems to have
really took its toll on him. What's going to happen now? WE HAVE _FOUR_
MEN THAT ARE _OUT_!
Jack Jeffries - Mark Stephens is moving...as is Barry Hart. Barry Hart
has got his arm on Kingston! Can Stephens make the save in TIME?!?
Stevie Fulton - WE'LL SEE!!! THIS IS SO EXCITING! THE REF MAKES THE
COUNT!....
1
2
3.......
JACK JEFFRIES - THEY DID IT! WE HAVE NEW CHAMPS! WE HAVE NEW CHAMPS!
STEVIE FULTON - THE ASS MAN AND JACK KELLY HAVE DONE IT!
Owen McDonald - Ladies and Gentlemen, the winners of the match... AND
NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW PCW WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS....
ASSpocalypse '97!!!!!
CROWD - YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!
JACK JEFFRIES - LISTEN TO THIS CROWD GO CRAZY!
CROWD - ASS MAN! ASS MAN! ASS MAN! ASS MAN! ASS MAN!
STEVIE FULTON - Its almost a shame though, The Ass Man gets all the
glory, when Jack Kelly is the man that won the titles almost. JACK KELLY
is the one that risked life and limb in this match.
JACK JEFFRIES - Don't go starting problems, Stevie. This is a GREAT
MOMENT for ASSpocalypse '97! THE YEAR OF THE ASS! THE YEAR OF THE ASS
MAN!
STEVIE FULTON - The cage is rising up again, and The Ass Man seems to be
throwing a PARTY! He helps Jack Kelly up and the crowd is on their feet
applauding. And as Crusher Tech leaves the ring area, they receive a
standing ovation by this crowd....and THEY DESERVE IT! They are two of
the very best...and CLASS ACTS. Sure, they can be cocky, but they are
great wrestlers.
JACK JEFFRIES - Perhaps PCW's Most Popular Wrestler...has FINALLY got
some gold! Look at the fireworks! Listen to this crowd! This...this is a
very special moment. WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT THE HELL?!?
STEVIE FULTON - WHAT IS HE DOING HERE? GET HIM OUT OF HERE!
JACK JEFFRIES - TnT has just SHOVED Jack Kelly out of the ring, and now
he's got ahold of Barry Hart! HE HAS HANDCUFFED BARRY HART TO THE RING
ROPES! What is THIS?
STEVIE FULTON - He's going under the ring now...to get someth...
JACK JEFFRIES - Oh no. NO!
STEVIE FULTON - IS THIS MAN CRAZY? HE'LL KILL US ALL!
JACK JEFFRIES - That asshole has got lighter fluid. He's...he's... HE'S
GOING TO BURN _THE_ ASS!
STEVIE FULTON - This man's nuts. Hart's ass isn't ALL that's going to
burn, if he lights that shit.
JACK JEFFRIES - THAT MAN IS ATTEMPTING TO DESTROY BARRY HART'S ASS!
STEVIE FULTON - Oh would you forget about THE ASS for a minute and look
at the BIGGER PICTURE?
JACK JEFFRIES - WHAT IS THIS?
STEVIE FULTON - IS THAT....IS THAT....THAT'S BATMAN?
JACK JEFFRIES - BATMAN IS HERE? WHAT THE HELL IS THIS ABOUT?
STEVIE FULTON - And Batman has....he's got....THAT AIN'T BATMAN!
JACK JEFFRIES - THAT'S JIM RUSS....AND HE'S GOT DONUTS! HE'S GOT DONUTS!
STEVIE FULTON - The donuts kinda scared off TnT! TnT TOOK OFF, and
now....looks like Jim Russ and Barry Hart are talking. Let's listen in.
Barry Hart - Jim. Your back!
Jim Russ - I'm Batman.
Barry Hart - Ha! Hey man, where were ya? We were worried about ya.
Jim Russ - I was in the Batcave. I'm Batman.
Barry Hart - Come on, Jimmy. Where were ya?
Jim Russ - Haven't ya heard? I was in HOLLYWOOD! I'm making a MOVIE!
Barry Hart - COOL! What is it?
Jim Russ - Its called Jim Russ DOES America, but hey...
Barry Hart- Thanks Jimbo, you saved my ass!
Jim Russ - Hey...you know the rule. NOBODY messes with THE ass!
Barry Hart - How do we get me out of here though? I'm handcuffed, and we
don't have the keys.
Jim Russ - I'm Batman...and I came prepared. Remember the scissors? The
scissors that cut _ANYTHING_?
Barry Hart - You mean the scissors that cut MrNEWZ?
Jim Russ - You know!
STEVIE FULTON - That was a pleasant private conversation, I must say.
JACK JEFFRIES - Jim Russ and Barry Hart are now free...and NOW WHAT ARE
THEY DOING?
STEVIE FULTON - They are spraypainting something on their asses.
JACK JEFFRIES - Now they got Jack Kelly....what does that spell? They
tried spelling FRW on their asses? What's that?
STEVIE FULTON - No...they just goofed up. They rearrange
themselves...and...it spells WRF on their asses. WRF stands for World
RUSSling Federation, Jim Russ' fed from his Granny's GARAGE that was
supposed to start weeks ago.
JACK JEFFRIES - But the crowd got a kick out of it....HOLY SHIT!
STEVIE FULTON - IS THAT? IS THAT? OH MY GOD!
JACK JEFFRIES - THEY'RE BACK! THEY'RE REALLY BACK!
STEVIE FULTON - PINCH ME, JACK! I want to know if I'm dreaming! Is that
REALLY them?!
JACK JEFFRIES - OUT GOES KELLY! OUT GOES BARRY HART! And now...THEY'RE
ALL ALONE WITH JIM RUSS!
STEVIE FULTON - This crowd is going NUTS! THE _DEVIL'S DISCIPLE'S_ HAVE
GOT AHOLD OF JIM RUSS!
CROWD - DONUTS! DONUTS! DONUTS! DONUTS! DONUTS!
STEVIE FULTON - JIM RUSS....is getting a taste of his very own
MEDIC...er....DONUTS!
JACK JEFFRIES - Ironhead Harley and Chopper Davidson are feeding Jim Russ
his VERY OWN DONUTS! This crowd is going BONKERS... Look at Jim Russ gag.
This is hilarious
STEVIE FULTON - Oh no. Oh no. No, no, no. Listen to this crowd now.
CROWD - MRNEWZ! MRNEWZ! MRNEWZ! MRNEWZ!
JACK JEFFRIES - I never thought I'd say this...but I almost feel SORRY
for Jim Russ if they stick that thing in his mouth.
STEVIE FULTON - By the way, we have found out...MrNEWZ isn't REALLY Kevin
Jade's dick. In fact, its something even MORE disgusting. ITS SILENCERS!
JACK JEFFRIES - Ya tasted your donuts, Mr. Russ...well, how does MrNEWZ
TASTE!
STEVIE FULTON - Jim Russ just puked all over the ring. He's turning blue!
JACK JEFFRIES - Jim Russ returned tonight...but he wishes he hadn't!
STEVIE FULTON - This is great. Hey! Chopper Davidson and Iron Head
Harley spot the tag team championship belts on the mat! They're going to
_TAKE_ THEM!
JACK JEFFRIES - Barry Hart and Jack Kelly may be the champions, but they
don't have the belts. GO DISCIPLES!
STEVIE FULTON - Well, as Jim Russ lays in his own puke, we are OUTTA
here...and I must say, this has been a _LOT_ of fun!
--------------------------------------
Rick Boncek, President Psychotic Championship Wrestling
Personal E-Mail: TripleSPCW@aol.com or PCWPrez@juno.com
PCW Interviews: PCWMail@juno.com
================================
New Year's Bash: PCW
Television Title Match!
THORN (C)
vs.
TnT
vs.
Terry Storm
=================================
by: freeze@globalnet.co.uk
=================================
Sarah: Thanks guys...
{Psycho Sarah bangs a party popper at the camera!}
Sarah: Happy New Year viewer!!! To one and all.... I'm Psycho Sarah, and
with me as always is my broadcasting colleague... {unenthusiastically}
Mark Hessler.
Mark: Hey folks... and we've got a huge match to commentate to start off
this new year... in what should prove to be a classic, Thorn defends his
Television title against the undefeated former champion Terry "The
Shotgun" Storm and...
Sarah: And the man who was robbed T'n'T! We ALL saw what happened!!! He
DEFEATED Thorn in a Title match and wasn't awarded the title!!! What a
rip off!!!
Mark: I don't think that's exactly what happened, but T'n'T is crying
fraud and so was awarded a place in this match... we're ready to kick this
off I see, 'cause Owen McDonald is in the ring!
Sarah: Someone get that short, bald, fat oaf out of there!!! The PCW
needs a new commentator!!!
Mark: HEY! He's the PCW prez! You can't talk to him like that!
Sarah: I can say what I like!
{Camera pans across to the ring. Owen is standing there, holding his mike
ready to get things underway!}
Owen: Ladies and Gentlemen... the following contest if for the PSYCHOTIC
CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING TELEVISION TITLE!!! AND IT IS A SPECIAL THREE WAY
DANCE MATCH!!!
{Crowd goes nuts.}
Owen: All three men will start in the ring... each man will continue
fighting until either, he is eliminated by another wrestler... OR he is
the only man remaining!!! In which case, he will be declared the winner and
PCW Television Champion!!!
{Crowd cheers.}
Owen: Coming down the aisle first...
{TNT by AC/DC plays over the PA.}
Owen: From Toronto Canada.... weighing in at 280 pounds... the Dynamite
"T'n'T"!!!!
{T'n'T runs down to the ring to a mixed reception from the fans... he
rolls under the ring ropes and starts pacing around the ring.}
Owen: And now the second challenger....
{Zombie by the Cranberries plays over the PA.}
Owen: He is thus far undefeated in the PCW and he is the former PCW
Television champion.... hailing from Victoria, British Columbia and
weighing in at 241 pounds, here is Terry....... "THE SHOTGUN" STORM!!!!
{Crowd goes nuts as Terry charges to the ring... he climbs in and starts
pulling on the ring ropes to loosen up and Owen starts to announce the
champion.}
Owen: And the Champion....
{Stalker Song by Danzig plays over the PA.}
Owen: From Detroit, Michigan... weighing in at 305 pounds.... he is the
current PCW Television champion... accompanied to the ring by EWA star
"The American Nightmare" Gary Grayson... here is.... THORN!!!!
{Crowd boos as Thorn slowly walks up to the ring.}
Mark: Well the crowd is clearly behind Storm for this one... but this is
really anyone's match, Terry is undefeated and has held the gold before,
he obviously hungers for it once more, Thorn is the current champion, and I
think he'll be willing to go to any lengths to retain the gold and...
Sarah: T'n'T is just plain pissed off, he got ROBBED!!! This match should
be Storm vs. T'n'T, not a three way dance... but, I don't really care
'cause I like Thorn's attitude!!!
{ding ding}
Mark: Thorn's finally in the ring and we're underway!!! All three men
have formed a triangle in the ring... the challengers are looking at the
champ... but Thorn's eyes are flicking back and forth between T'n'T and
Storm... and...
{Crowd pops}
Mark: THORN DIVES AT STORM!!! STORM JUMPS OVER HIM!!! AND STORMS RUNS TO
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE RING AWAY FROM THORN!!! We're right back to the
triangle again... still the challenger's eyes are fixed on Thorn...
Thorn's eyes are once more flicking back and forth between Storm and T'n'T
and now....
{Crowd pops again}
Mark: THORN DIVES AT T'N'T!!! T'N'T JUMPS AND... LANDS NEXT TO THORN!!!
And... T'n'T smashes his right forearm into the back of Thorn's head!!!
And again!!! And again and now... Storm is running over and...
{Crowd cheers}
Mark: Storm joins in!!!
Sarah: This is a bit unfair on Thorn!!! It's supposed to be a three way
dance, not a handicap match!!!
Mark: The Champion is the man to beat!!! Both men want to take him
down!!! T'n'T is lifting up Thorn and... CRACKS THE BASE OF HIS SPINE WITH
AN ATOMIC DROP!!! And Storm now....
{Crowd cheers}
Mark: NAILS THORN WITH A HURACARANA!!!! Storm gets up and...
{Crowd boos}
Mark: T'n'T floors him with a clothesline!!! I guess T'n'T wants them
both out of the picture as soon as possible!!!
Sarah: This is more like it!
Mark: T'n'T hooks up Storm and.... JUMP PILEDRIVER!!! Storm is clutching
his neck in agony!!! T'n'T lays Storm on his back and... drops the leg!!!
T'n'T is now going to the ropes... up to the second turnbuckle and...
jumps and...
{Crowd pops.}
Mark: Nails Storm with an elbow from the second buckle ala Bret Hart!!!
T'n'T covers and...
One.....
Two....
And a kick out by Storm!!!! T'n'T is now lifting up Storm and...
{Crowd gasps.}
Sarah: WOW!!!
Mark: T'n'T didn't notice that Thorn had got back to his feet and Thorn
caught him off guard with a lethal German Suplex!!! The ref is in
position...
One.....
Two..... And that's all he can get!!! Both Thorn and T'n'T scramble to
their feet... Thorn runs at T'n'T, goes for a clothesline and... T'N'T
DUCKS AND....
{Crowd goes nuts.}
Mark: Storm catches Thorn with a dropkick while he's off guard!!! And now
Storm... runs at T'nT and nails him with a dropkick!!!
{Crowd goes nuts.}
Sarah: Hey! I thought they were friends!!!
Mark: T'n'T wasn't expecting that! I guess that's why Storm went for
it!!! Storm lifts up T'n'T... scoops him up and.... SLAMS HIM ON THORN!!!
And now... Storm is going up top and.... HE JUMPS AND....
{Crowd goes nuts.}
Mark: SPLASHES BOTH T'N'T AND THORN AT ONCE FROM THE TOP ROPE!!! The ref
runs to the three of them... he's counting Thorn who is at the bottom of
the pile!!!
One......
Two......
Threee.......... NOOOOO!!!! Thorn kicks out with authority and... the
force sends T'n'T to the outside!!! Thorn clambers to his feet and... buries
his foot into Storm's midsection and...
{Crowd pops}
Sarah: WOW!!! What an awesome Powerbomb!!! He sent Storm silly with that
one!!!
Mark: He certainly did!!! Thorn runs his thumb across his neck!!! He's
gonna try and eliminate Storm with his next move!!! Thorn runs to the
ropes and...
{Crowd boos.}
Mark: T'N'T TRIPPED HIM AND... HE GRABS THORN BY THE FOOT AND YANKS HIM
TO THE OUTSIDE!!! He grabs Thorn by that greasy hair of his and....
{Crowd gasps.}
Mark: CRACKS THORN'S HEAD _HARD_ INTO THE STEPS!!!
Sarah: Look's like T'n'T stuck oil!!!
Mark: That certainly is a gusher spurting out of Thorn's forehead...
T'n'T cut him deeply on those steps!!! There's blood everywhere!!! Gary
Grayson is running from the otherside of the ringside to help Thorn... T'n'T
backs up to the railing and... he's putting his hand on a chair and...
{Crowd boos}
Sarah: JESUS!!! I've never seen T'n'T so vicious in my life!!!
Mark: T'n'T sent Grayson flying with that chair the second he got
close!!! T'n'T is holding his hands up to the crowd!!!
{Crowd gives a deafening boo.}
Mark: T'n'T is clearly annoyed at his reception... WAIT!!! STORM IS UP
AND... HE'S RUNNING AT THE ROPES!!!
{Crowd goes nuts.}
Mark: T'nT turns round to see what the cheering is about and... TOO
LATE!!! HE GETS LEVELLED WITH A SPRINGBOARD SOMERSAULT PLANCHA BY STORM!!!
WHAT IMPACT!!!! Storm flips onto the apron... T'n'T is clambering to his
feet...
Sarah: T'n'T doesn't know where he's at!!!
Mark: He's stumbling around dazed and... STORM RUNS ALONG THE APRON
AND...
{Crowd goes bananas.}
Mark: COMES FLYING OFF WITH A DROPKICK IN T'N'T'S FACE!!! T'N'T GOES
FLYING INTO THE STEEL RAILINGS!!!
Sarah: Thorn is starting to recover now...
Mark: Yeah... Storm sees him though and... STORM IS REMOVING THE RINGSIDE
PADDING AND EXPOSING THE CONCRETE!!! He's walking over to Storm, slaps on
an inverted side headlock and...
{Massive amounts of cheering from the crowd.}
Mark: DDT ONTO THE CONCRETE!!!! Storm just aggravated Thorn's cut even
more!!!! There's blood everywhere!!! Storm is now getting in the ring
and... HE'S GOING UP TOP!!!
Sarah: What the fuck is that Psycho gonna do???
Mark: He's look at Thorn lying motionless on the floor and... he jumps
and...
{Crowd just loses it!!!}
Mark: DOUBLE SOMERSAULT SPLASH TO THE OUTSIDE ON STORM!!!! WHAT IMPACT!!!
THORN MAY HAVE SOME CRACKED RIBS FROM THAT!!! UN-BE-LI-VABLE!!!
Sarah: That guy doesn't deserve the TV Title, he deserves to be
committed!!!
Mark: Storm is just using his body as a weapon... he is so close to that
TV Title he can taste it and he's going to any lengths to get it!!!
Sarah: He's gonna be dead before this match is over!!!
Mark: Storm is now picking up a bloody, motionless Thorn and... chucks
him in the ring!!! And, he's grabbing T'n'T now and... chucks him in the
ring as well... I think he's finished them both off!!! And... he locks a
Cobra Clutch on T'n'T!!!
Sarah: Is he just trying to humiliate the guy? JUST PIN HIM!!!
Mark: Storm has it really sinched on and...
{Crowd pops}
Mark: HE THROWS T'N'T BACKWARDS INTO A TIGER SUPLEX!!!! Storm is now
walking over to Thorn... rolls him over to the corner... he's going up
top again... perhaps a moonsault...
{Crowd gasps.}
Mark: NO!!! A TUMBLEWEED!!! He connected HARD!!! A cover.... we've got a
new champion...
One...........
Two........
Thre........ NOOOOO!!!!! T'n'T managed to grab Storm's foot and yank him
off!!!! T'n'T stumble to his feet amazingly.... Storm gets up and...
T'N'T CONNECTS WITH A DROPKICK AND...
{Crowd pops}
Sarah: WHAT IMPACT!!!
Mark: Storm is sent out of the ring with the impact!!! T'n'T grabs Thorn
by the head... he sets him up... I think he's going for the Stone Cold
Stunner... and NO!!! He's running and....
{Crowd rocks the building with a huge pop.}
Mark: SAMOAN BULLDOG!!! THAT'S A RUNNING STONE COLD STUNNER!!! THORN IS
GONE!!! He's out!!!
Sarah: No one's at home!!! The penthouse suet is empty!!! No-one can take
that sort of punishment!!!
Mark: T'n'T grabs Thorn by the legs and... he's locking on... yes a
Boston Crab!!! And now he's hooking Thorn's legs around his own and... leans
back..... and..... APPLIES THE CHINLOCK!!! He's got the Cherry Bomb on!!!
It's over for Thorn!!!
Sarah: I don't think so!!! Thorn's gonna hang on for dear life... this
title means to much to him for him to submit!!!
Mark: I don't think anyone can withstand this amount of pain!!!
Sarah: Look... Thorn is hanging on...
Mark: Yes... but his face has an expression of immense agony on it....
Sarah: Face it... this is the end of Thorn, and his TV Title reign....
Mark: You may be... WAIT!!! Storm is on the apron and.... he pulls on the
ropes and...
{Crowd pops}
Mark: SLINGSHOTS INTO THE RING AND SPLASHES T'NT IN THE HOLD!!! AND T'N'T
WAS FORCE TO BREAK FROM THE IMPACT!!! Thorn is scrambling over to the
opposite corner clutching his back! He's in agony!!! T'n'T gets up to his
feet, but is met by a headbutt to the midsection by Storm and... NORTHERN
LIGHTS SUPLEX......
One.....
Two.....
Threeeee...... NOOOOO!!!! T'n'T JUST kicked out then!!! Both men clamber
to their feet and...
{Crowd goes nuts.}
Mark: Storm nails T'n'T in the back of his head with an awesome
enzuigiri!!! And THORN RUNS OUT OF THE CORNER AND...
{Crowd boos.}
Sarah: What an idiot!!!
Mark: Thorn managed to nail Storm in the back of his head with a forearm
smash!!! Storm should have been paying attention to him!!! He thought
Thorn was out of the match and Thorn capitalised on it!!! Thorn shoves
Storm's head between his legs and... he's turning his head to the camera...
Thorn {Audible by his own voice.}: "You're going to wear... THE CROWN OF
THORN!!!"
Sarah: THIS MUST BE THE END!!!
Mark: Thorn lifts Storm into the Crucifix Powerbomb position and....
APPLIES THE CRANIUM CRUSH!!!! This is the Crown of Thorn!!! I think it's
over!!!
Sarah: Storm won't be able to resist this, all three men have taken too
much punishment already!!!
Mark: WAIT!!! Storm is really flailing his legs around!!! He's trying to
get Thorn to lose his grip and....
{Crowd cheers.}
Mark: STORM MANAGED TO GET ENOUGH MOMENTUM TO FLIP OVER THORN AND HE
LANDS IN FRONT OF HIM!!! Thorn still has that Cranium Crush on though!!!
He's still exerting immense pressure on the sides of Storm's head!!!
Sarah: He's crushing Storm's head like an orange!!!
Mark: Storm is back on his feet though and... HE MANAGES TO SMALL PACKAGE
THORN IN THE HOLD!!!
One........
Two.......
Three........ NOOOO!!!! THORN LET GO OF THE HOLD SO THAT HE COULD KICK
OUT!!! WOW!!! WHAT GUTS BY STORM!!! Thorn gets to his feet and... T'nT
catches him off guard with a clothesline!!! Thorn had no idea where T'nT
was... all of his attention was still on Storm!!! T'n'T goes over to
Storm and... DDT's him!!! He lifts Storm up and, grabs him around the waist
and...
{Crowd pops}
Sarah: Now THAT was a NASTY MOVE!!!
Mark: T'n'T just flung Storm back into a Rick Steiner Belly to Belly
Suplex and Storm landed head first on the canvas!!! T'n'T goes over to
Thorn... drapes the leg and... ROCKER DROPPER!!!
Sarah: I think that suplex was move likely to break your neck than that!
Mark: T'n'T covers Thorn...
One.........
Two........
Threee....... NOOOO!!!! Amazingly Thorn kicks out!!! Both men get up...
T'n'T with a right hand... NO! Thorn blocks it and....
{Crowd pops.}
Mark: In a desperation move Thorn just ran into T'n'T and shoved him and
T'n'T got sent through the ropes!!! Thorn collapses on the canvas
Sarah: Right next to Gary Grayson!!!
Mark: Yes and... GRAYSON LAYS INTO T'N'T!!! And the ref is counting out
T'n'T!!!
One.... and Grayson smashed his right forearm into the back of T'n'T
Two.... And T'n'T replies with a fist to the midsection!!!
Three.... And Grayson lifts up T'nT
Four.... And Grayson... RAMS HIM INTO THE APRON!!!
Five.... Grayson grabs T'n'T by the head and T'n'T replies with a crotch
shot!!!
Six.... T'n'T tries to walk away but... Grayson grabs his foot and...
T'n'T trips...
Seven.... T'n'T is clambering along the floor, but Grayson has his
foot... T'n'T grabs a chair...
Eight.... AND RAMS IT INTO GRAYSON'S ARM!!!
Nine.... T'n'T is clambering to his feet... he's going to the ring....
Ten!!!! He's got there to late!!!
Sarah: He got ripped off!!!
{Ding Ding}
Owen: Ladies and Gentlemen... T'n'T has been eliminated!!!
{Crowd cheers.}
Mark: Both men are only now starting to get up!!! BUT T'N'T IS GOING OVER
TO OWEN AND..... HE LEVELS HIM HIS A RIGHT!!! HE HIT OUR PRESIDENT!!! HE
CAN'T DO THAT!!!
Sarah: HE JUST DID!!! OH BABY!!! THIS IS GREAT!!!
Mark: T'n'T is grabbing the TV Title and... in the ring Thorn grabs
Storm... whips him to the ropes... NO!!! Storm reverses it and... Thorn
hits Bob Sanford and goes on to the ropes and... T'N'T LEAPS ONTO THE
APRON AND....
{Crowd gives a deafening boo!}
Mark: T'N'T JUST CRACKED THORN AROUND THE HEAD WITH THAT TV TITLE!!! And
Thorn stumbles back senseless towards Storm and.... STORM CATCHES HIM IN
A HURACARANA INTO THE PINNING POSITION!!! RIGHT NEXT TO THE DAZED REF!!!
The ref sees it....
Sarah: NOOO!!!! THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!!
Mark: ONE................
TWO..............
THREE!!!! It's over!!!!
Sarah: NO!!!
{Ding Ding}
Mark: One of our security guys is helping Owen up and... Sanford clambers
over to him for the official word!
Sarah: This had better not be what it looks like!!! Thorn got ripped
off!!!
Owen: Ladies and Gentlemen.... uhhhhhh the winner of this match... BY
PINFALL AND _NEW_ PSYCHOTIC CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING TELEVISION
CHAMPION.... TERRY "THE SHOTGUN" STORM!!!!
{The crowd mainly cheers with a few chants of "BULLSHIT!"}
Mark: T'n'T is walking over to Storm with the belt... is he going to give
Storm the belt? He's helping Storm up and...
Sarah: This is making me sick!!! Pass the barf bag!!!
{Big boo from the crowd!!!}
Mark: T'N'T BRAINS STORM WITH THE TITLE!!! AND AGAIN!!!! AND AGAIN!!!!
And he isn't stopping T'n'T is possessed!!! And now Thorn is getting up....
he's looking at T'n'T and... he's walking over to Grayson... Grayson gets in
the ring... both men are looking at T'n'T pummel Storm with the belt... now
both men are walking over and..... THEY JOIN T'N'T AND BEGIN LAYING THEIR
BOOTS INTO STORM!!!
Sarah: WOW!!! This is AWESOME!!!
Mark: This is awful!!! Those three are ruining Storm's moment of
Triumph!!!! Let's cut to commercials until this carnage is stopped by
security!! WAIT!!!!!
Sarah: Someone's coming out of the back!!!
Mark: That's Christian Kingsworth!!! What's he doing out here?!
Sarah: I don't know, but he's got a chair with him!!!
Mark: Christian Kingsworth's in the ring now, with the chair. Kingsworth's
telling T'n'T, THORN, and Grayson to move out of the way!!
Sarah: Alright! FOUR guys are gonna beat on Terry Storm! This is AWESOME!!!
Mark: Kingsworth has the chair up, he's about to nail Storm with it!!! Here
he goes.....
HE NAILED T'N'T!!!!
{Big cheer from the crowd!!!}
T'n'T drops down to the mat! Now Kingsworth's swinging at Grayson and THORN
and they're backing away! Kingsworth drops the chair and hops over the top
rope!!! He pulls Terry Storm to the outside, on his shoulder!! Kingsworth's
getting out of there!!!
Sarah: He better hurry!!! THORN and Grayson are right behind him and T'n'T
isn't too far behind them!!
Mark: Kingsworth and Storm are back in the locker room and THORN and Gary
Grayson are getting there right now!! And here comes T'n'T!! Fans, I hate to
do this, but we have to go over to Scott Gaines and Isaac Irvine for the
next match!!
--------------------------------------
Rick Boncek, President Psychotic Championship Wrestling
Personal E-Mail: TripleSPCW@aol.com or PCWPrez@juno.com
PCW Interviews: PCWMail@juno.com
========================================
COLUMBIA VALLEY TITLE MATCH
Drago
VS
The Prophet
========================================
by: dcaldwel@infinet.com - Mike
========================================
Gaines: "Well, the time has finally come. Welcome folks, I am Scott
Gaines, to my right is Isaac Irvine, and in front of us, is going to be one
HELL of a brawl."
Irvine: "You're damn right there, where Drago goes, a brawl ensues, and
when Drago fights a quality opponent, all hell breaks loose. Prophet is
no pushover, he is one of the best there is."
Gaines: "Drago has held the title since defeating Mr.Deadly a few months
back, who has not been able to regain it from Drago, who he is still at
odds with. I wouldn't be surprised to see Deadly come into play here..."
Irvine: "I put 5 bucks on it, he better show."
Gaines: "Lets get to the ring..."
Owen McDonald: "Our next bout is set for a 60 minute time limit, and is
for the PCW COLUMBIA VALLEY TITLE! First, the challenger, he stands in at 6
feet and 9 inches tall, and he weighs in at 297 pounds, he is on his
mission from God...please welcome...THE
PROOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTT!!!"
[The fans give a mixed reaction as a bearded, long haired Prophet walks
out from behind the curtain. His hair is gray, but only because of the dust
that mats it down, his blond hair underneath is almost visible. He comes to
the ring with a large barbed wire staff, and a dusted tunic on. The Prophet
reaches the ring and removes his get-up, and stands yelling some bullshit
about sinners to the crowd.]
Gaines: "That young man is very, very, strange."
Irvine: "Drago, I doubt has all of his marbles either. He doesn't show it
on the surface, but he is a monster inside that head."
Gaines: "Speaking of Drago, he is about to walk that aisle..."
Owen McDonald: "And his opponent, he is fighting tonight out of Chicago,
Illinois, he towers at 7 feet and 3 inches tall, and weighs in at 456
pounds, he is the PCW's COLUMBIA VALLEY CHAMPION...he is
DRRRRRRRRAAAAAGGGOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
["Bad To The Bone" starts up over the pa system, and the crowd gives a
negative reaction, trash begins to fly, and Drago comes through the
curtain. He sports his Nash-esque overalls, and Diesel like gloves as he
comes to the ring, looking directly at The Prophet. Drago reaches the
apron...]
Gaines: "And The Prophet wastes no time in engaging in this one! Right
after Drago he goes, and Drago was still on the apron! Drago is however
fighting back! DRAGO NOW PULLS PROPHET OVER THE TOP ROPE AND TOSSES HIM
TO THE FLOOR! What POWER he has!"
*DING DING*
Irvine: "He is known to be a powerhouse, but damn, he just pulled Prophet
right over and out, that was good stuff."
Gaines: "Prophet was not phased, he is right back up duking it straight
out with Drago, Drago throws a right hand, Prophet DUCKS! But Drago hits an
elbow to the back of the head the puts The Prophet to the mat! Drago now
ensues with a series of stomps! He has nothing but hatred for The
Prophet!"
Irvine: "They have traded words, punches, and now Drago is giving The
Prophet some free stomps. The blood will flow, and the heads will roll,
this is going to be a PCW Classic, and I promise that one."
Gaines: "I do not doubt it, but it won't be if The Prophet doesn't get
something working for him. Drago sends him under the bottome rope into
the ring, Drago follows stepping over the top rope. Drago walks over to the
Prophet...WHO NAILS DRAGO WITH A LOW BLOW!"
Irvine: "I always thought Drago had a set of testicles, but he is looking
at The Prophet...smiling."
Gaines: "The Prophet hits another low blow, and Drago CONTINUES to smile!
Wait a minute...Drago just fell backwards! He is human afterall!"
Irvine: "It has nothing to do with being human, it has to do with having
balls, and feeling it when your balls get punched by a big and powerful
guy."
Gaines: "True, my mistake, and Prophet's gain. Drago is being brought
back to his feet by The Prophet, and Prophet rakes the eyes of Drago! The
Prophet scores on a kick to the gut, now be grabs
Drago...pildriverrrr.....no! He couldn't get Drago all the way up, and
now DRAGO BACKDROPS PROPHET! What a counter move by Drago!"
Irvine: "I have always said that he is an intelligent wrestler, he also
has power. That is what makes the man so damn dangerous. Notice how he
fights, he will nail the power moves, but he knows when to hit them, and
what they will allow him to do next..."
Gaines: "This is nothing short of a battle in the early minutes, as Drago
once again has the upper hand as he backs Prophet into the corner with
some dangerous punches! Kneelift in the corner by Drago, and another, The
Prophet is taking some heavy knees to the ribs and chest, and there goes
ANOTHER!"
Irvine: "The Prophet is going to have a hell of a time breathing with
only one lung, he better learn to defend those or Drago is going to be
eating his insides for dinner."
Gaines: "Drago now stops at around 10 with the knees, and he just shoves
The Prophet to the floor, right in the center of the ring. Drago now
pointing down to The Prophet, and is raising his arms, DARING him to get
up. The Prophet is dragging himself to the ropes, trying to pull himself
up..."
Irvine: "The Prophet is determined to...I don't know...survive, but I
just don't know if he can match Drago."
Gaines: "The Prophet is still struggling to his feet, but that effort is
cut short! Drago came in FAST with a knee that sent The Prophet sailing
through the middle rope and on to the outside! Drago follows by stepping
over the top rope, and now he is measuring the rising Prophet...AND DOWN
COMES DRAGO WITH A BIG SPLASH! Drago got some hang time on that jump!"
Irvine: "He is big, athletic, and is a walking nightmare...or in that
case, he is a flying nightmare. That was possibly the biggest jump I have
ever seen by a man of that size."
Gaines: "I think that is the biggest hurt that The Prophet has ever felt.
He was on his hands and knees getting to his feet when 456 pounds of 7
foot 3 inch Drago came crashing down on him. And Drago is hard at work once
more, and OH! He just SLAMMED The Prophets head into the steel rail!"
Irvine: "I am beginning to wonder if The Prophet is really alive anymore,
he looks like a puppet, just stumbling around..."
Gaines: "Drago is giving The Prophet the beating of a lifetime as Drago
once again puts The Prophet back to the inside of the ring. Drago
follows, and this time The Prophet doesn't sneak in a low blow."
Irvine: "It seems that sparked The Prophets only offense, and it was a
lucky shot...I wonder if that is the only way he can do anything."
Gaines: "That may be the case, but The Prophet is not lucky at this point
as Drago sends him in for the ride, Prophet on the rebound...AND HE HITS
WITH A TORPEDO DROPKICK TO THE KNEE! GREAT MOVE BY THE PROPHET!"
Irvine: "Okay, I was wrong, that was not luck. The Prophet is thinking
now, if you kill the body, the head will fall. The Prophet is starting at
the base, the legs, with no balance, you can't stand, and if you can't
stand, you can't fight."
Gaines: "Drago is holding on to that right knee of his, and now The
Prophet slowly makes his way over to Drago, and oh! He is STOMPING at the
knee! Drago is in pain!"
Irvine: "Through all of his matches with Mr.Deadly, I don't think I ever
saw a look of pain on his face like the one I see now..."
Gaines: "The Prophet now pulls Drago to his feet, Drago is wobbling in
the ring, he is in pain, Prophet goes back into the ropes and OH MY GOD! The
Prophet clipped Drago's knee! Drago collapsed and his knee was further
injured! The Prophet is taking advantage of what he has in front of him."
Irvine: "Prophet is paying Drago back for kneeing him, and he is taking
it out on that same knee. Drago is laying on his back, and The Prophet grabs
that leg...Prophet knows some pretty freaky submissions..."
Gaines: "It looks like we will see one of those now, and YES! The Prophet
falls back into a knee crank, which has Prophets arms locked around the
shin of Drago, and he pulls back, extending the ligaments in the
knee...and Drago feels it..."
Irvine: "Most guys that make that face are feeling something, and it
usually is pain..."
Gaines: "Drago...Drago is grabbing The Prophet's leg! Drago is cranking
The Prophets knee as well! Drago has more power, and Prophet lets his hold
go and grabs the ropes! Bob Sanford counts...and now he is tring to get
Drago off, and he does..."
Irvine: "Drago didn't want to let go, he knows he can't stand very well,
and that he could have finished it right there."
Gaines: "Bob Sanford is warning Drago, and now Drago takes a swing at The
Prophet who was approaching, and he hit Bob Sanford! SANFORD DROPS LIKE
AN ANVIL! That was unintentional, but neither man seems to care, but The
Prophet, fighting smart, nails a kick that sets Drago reeling into the
turnbuckle! Russian legsweep by Prophet and down goes Drago...what is The
Prophet doing?"
Irvine: "Looks to me like he is trying to rename Drago to being Tiny Tim,
and Drago will be hobbling around if this one goes through."
Gaines: "The Prophet is taking that barbed wire staff, and he is standing
it up the turnbuckle. He put Drago's leg in front of it, and if this
works, Drago's leg with hit the cane, and drive into the steel post...oh my..."
Irvine: "Oh shit..."
Gaines: "The Prophet goes to the other side of the ring...running...he
dives shoulder first...BUT DRAGO GETS OUT OF THE WAY! THE PROPHET DROVE
HIS SHOULDER THROUGH THE CANE AND INTO THE STEEL POST! DRAGO IS UP! HE GETS
THE CANE! AND NOW THE PROPHET IS BEING BEAT WITH HIS OWN BROKEN CANE!"
Irvine: "I thought we would stay blood free...looks like I was
wrong...dead damn wrong!"
Gaines: "Oh my...Drago has the cane above his head, much to the crowd's
liking, and now he tosses it to the outside. The Prophet is a MESS...a
BLOODY mess. He is laying slouched in the corner, with a possibly broken
shoulder...only in the PCW, folks. What a way to ring in the New Year for
these guys, eh?"
Irvine: "I doubt Prophet will be scoring with the ladies tonight in his
condition, win or lose, he is spending the night in the hospital."
Gaines: "Drago's leg has given out on him, but he is going at it still,
all 456 pounds of him as he drags The Prophet to his feet, and sends him
back into the turnbuckle. Bob Sanford is still out, he has not moved since
taking a big right hand from Drago on accident."
Irvine: "Drago has lived out the American Dream, he punches Bob Sanford in
his big ass pumpkin head."
Gaines: "It was an accident, but neither man is concerned with Bob
Sanford. Drago is going to the outside...I don't...he...he is taking a soft
drink from a fan, and now goes to Bob Sanford, and SPLASHES IT IN HIS FACE!
Sanford is coming to, I believe."
Irvine: "Drago is doing it all! First he punched Sanford, the referee,
and now he splashed Coke in his face! I have GOT to become a wrestler."
Gaines: "Sanford is finally getting up, Drago is dragging him to his
feet, and Sanford is up, THE PROPHET ROLLS DRAGO UP FROM BEHIND! Sanford
gets into position..."
1...
2.....
3!
NOOOOOOOOO!"
Gaines: "Drago was able to kick out! The Prophet almost became the
Columbia Valley Champion!"
Irvine: "Close doesn't cut it here, close only counts in shooting at
animals heads, close would be nailing them elsewhere."
Gaines: "Ummmm...okay. Anyhow, Drago is shocked from The Prophet's quick
near victory, and The Prophet is taking advantage of that right now as he
begins to lay in the punishment with a series of hard blows to the head!
Drago is on his knees taking punches! BUT LOOK! THE MASKED MAN! He is
standing at mid-arena! The Prophet sees him and discontinues the beating
of Drago!"
Irvine: "I love that masked guy...and oh shit, I am sure The Prophet
doesn't, Drago is up and is standing right behind him!"
Gaines: "DRAGO GRABS THE PROPHET...THIS _COULD_ BE IT! Drago has him up
for The Hit...and NO! The Prophet hooked his legs on the rope and Drago went
down all by himself!"
Irvine: "Drago does that move better than Scott Hall, and damn it, The
Prophet knows it. He does not want to experience the severe pain that
follows that move."
Gaines: "Well he did not have to feel it, and Drago is heated about that,
but both men scurry to their feet and charge at each other, AND WE HAVE
AN ALL OUT WAR! This is NOT a fight anymore, this is a full blown MISSION
for BOTH men! Both men trading punches! Drago is getting the better of the
two! Kick to the midsection by Drago...Drago now bring The Prophet up...and
he is off...AND DRAGO NAILS A RUNNING POWERBOMB ON THE PROPHET! WHAT AN
INCREDIBLE MOVE!"
Irvine: "What an INCREDIBLE FIGHT! I usually find a lot of PCW Owen
McDonald controlled bullshit to be a farce, this is GREAT action! Old
McDonald did a good job on this one!"
Gaines: "Owen has done a great job here. I am sure that both of these men
think otherwise though. Drago now comes up on The Prophet...and here is a
cover..."
1..
2....
3......
Gaines: "HE GOT HIM!"
Irvine: "I THINK SO!"
Gaines: "NO! BOB SANFORD CALLS IT A TWO COUNT! Close call for The
Prophet! Drago now brings The Prophet up, not allowing him to get anything
off, and he locks on a sideheadlock! Drago is trying to work his way out of
it, and he backs into the ropes and sends The Prophet off, The Prophet on
the return...SPINNING ELBOWSMASH! WHATTA SHOT!"
Irvine: "Drago will be damn lucky if his nose is not totally broken after
that shot, the blood is pouring from his nose now...along with a cut on
the forehead. Blood in the eyes in bad, and Drago is getting that now. It
coats your eyes, and you are blind..."
Gaines: "Drago is holding his hand down, catching the blood in it. And
now The Prophet is coming up from behind...AND HE NAILS A BULLDOG! The
Prophet now sees the Masked Man again! This time he is halfway down the
aisle! The Prophet is inviting him to the ring! WATCH OUT! Drago is up from
behind, HE IS READY FOR THE HIT! THIS WILL BE FROM THE SECOND TURNBUCKLE!
Drago is adjusting himself..."
Irvine: "God in heaven...don't kill The Prophet..."
Gaines: "AND DOWN HE GOES! THE PROPHET TOOK THE HIT FROM THE SECOND
TURNBUCKLE! Drago is crawling...looking...and tosses an arm over The
Prophet...."
1.....
2.............
3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*DING DING*
Gaines: "DRAGO WINS IT! DRAGO WINS! DRAGO IS STILL THE PCW COLUMBIA
VALLEY CHAMPION! WHAT A MATCH!"
Irvine: "I do NOT believe it! The Prophet took an AMAZING fall! He is not
moving, Drago can barely move, both men bloody, this ring has been blood
soaked and ruined! These men did not fight a fight, they fought a WAR!"
Gaines: "Here is the official word..."
Owen McDonald: "Here is your winner, at 34:13....AND _STILL_ PCW COLUMBIA
VALLEY
CHAMPIOOOOONNNN....DDRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
Gaines: "That is IT! Drago has won it! The Prophet and Drago fought a PCW
Classic here tonight, this one will be one long remembered for all."
Irvine: "Damn right it will."
Rogers: GUYS! GET OUT OF THERE! Oh my! Steve and I are wrapping things
up here, and Drago and the masked man are chasing Gaines and Irvine from
the ringside area. Now, they're picking up the prone Prophet.
Sampson: I do NOT like the looks of this.
Rogers: There's something familiar about that masked man, but I just
can't figure it out.
Sampson: Same here.
Rogers: Oh God. They've just made a makeshift cross in the back here,
and they're...oh god...
Sampson: That's damned disgusting.
Rogers: Oh God...they just crucified Prophet! He's just hanging there!
Oh God...Get security out here and get him off that cross!
Sampson: Oh man...that's sick!
Rogers: Fans, uh, we'll have a Prophet update later on, but for now, this
is Paul Rogers signing off. Thanks to everyone who's helped make PCW a
success, and enjoy the rest of New Year's Bash. That's sick. Get him
off that cross!
--------------------------------------
Rick Boncek, President Psychotic Championship Wrestling
Personal E-Mail: TripleSPCW@aol.com or PCWPrez@juno.com
PCW Interviews: PCWMail@juno.com
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I_______________EXTREME_______________I
I_______________WRESTLING_______________!
I_______________ASSOCIATION_______________I
=---=--=-======////EWA at NEW YEARS BASH 1/1/96\\\\======-=--=---=
Mike Hoffman: Welcome, everyone!!!! Welcome to the EWA portion here at
New Years Bash!!! Tonight, we will see FIVE of the greatest matches that
the EWA has to offer leading into January 19th's Hell on Earth, which will
air LIVE from the Knickerbocker Arena, in Albany, New York.
Jimmy Jam: That will be a spectacular event, but what about the big match
here tonight? Usually, I'd be speaking of the world title match, but that
isn't the case. Tonight, one man will lose his career. Two of the biggest
"icons" to ever come out of the EWA, I'm talking about Hellshock and Dark
Destroyer, will meet in a steel cage and put their careers on the line.
Don Davidson: *Pffffft*! What a pice of garbage match that is! Toyota Hurashi
or Steven Spector should be in the main event! Not those two lazy workers!
Mike Hoffman: Sure... Also tonight, the EWA World Champion Alex Adams will
make his first title defense against Magus! Let's get down to the Dreamlover's
Den...
*********Dreamlover's Den
["Dreamlover" by Mariah Carey blasts over the speakers in Chicago's Rosemont
Horizon as the camera pans over to a small set. It has a heart shaped bed
and a giant sign that says "DREAMLOVER'S DEN" in glowing neon letters.
"Dreamlover" Trace Michaels lays on the heart shaped bed.]
[He's dressed in a loose black half shirt with a cross on the back, that has
the word "DREAMLOVER" written on the cross. He has on a pair of red tights
with broken hearts on them, featuring "Dreamlover" on the back in cursive
writing. On his feet are black O'Neal wrestling boots. He is wearing rounded
rimmed glasses, one side has a flip-up lens with a cross on it. The earring
hanging from his ear spells out "DREAMLOVER". His blonde hair is up in a
pony tail.]
[The crowd cheers loudly for him. He holds the microphone up in the air,
hoping to get some of the cheers to go through the microphone. Then, he
pulls the microphone back down and begins to speak into it.]
"DREAMLOVER" TRACE MICHAELS - Hello Chicago! [crowd pops] Men, women, girls,
boys, small pets, and hermaphrodites, welcome to the Dreamlover's Den.
Now... I have a big match with Caleb Temple in just a bit here, but before I
go out there and Dreamkick him into Neverneverland, so he can play with
Peter and Tinkerbell, I have a little interview to conduct. So, lets get
this thing rollin'.
My guest today was the last man to hold the EWA Extremist Title, before it
got discontinued. He's currently involved in a bit of a mess with Jason the
Terribly Naughty One and the Cripplers, and I'd hate to be them. Here is...
The man that got "Slick" Rick Baptist enforcing a language policy... THE
EXTREMIST!
[The Extremist comes out, onto the set. Michaels remains on the bed, with
microphone in hand.]
"DREAMLOVER" TRACE MICHAELS - Welcome to the Den, Extreme One. Lets get
right to the in depth, Barbara Walters style, interview. How do you feel
about the path your EWA career has gone so far?
[Michaels tosses a microphone to The Extremist.]
THE EXTREMIST - Trace, this IS the EWA, and we might talk about shit
like that on a NORMAL night, but this is no normal night at all. Tonight,
is a special night! Tonight, it is time to answer back, it is TIME! Right
now boys and girls, I would like to answer the challenge of The Cripplers,
the six man tag challenge...
"DREAMLOVER" TRACE MICHAELS - Six men? That means you have two other guys on
your side... Where are they?
THE EXTREMIST - Okay, the first man that I have chosen, should have
been as clear as what Arcin does with goats. I would like to give you the
BANE of Steven Sphincter, oh yes...I give to you...the
"Superstar"...STEVE...SAMPSON!
[Crowd pops as Steve Sampson and his valet, Jenny Amos, make their way to
the set and takes the mic.]
"SUPERSTAR" STEVE SAMPSON - A long time ago, a man approached me about
furthering my career. This man said "Steve, you have the potential of a
god, but you're wasting it! Join me and my compadre, and we'll go to the
top". He was not lying. Extremist was right. Since August, there have
been times when the Mafia has been apart, but there has _always_ been
Steve Sampson and the Extremist.
So now, the Extremist has a little problem, and it has to do with his
becoming the sad victim of a heinous attack that left a pine tree up his
ass. Let me talk to the Cripplers right now. Tullwinger, Mancubus,
Jason, you three may THINK that you've succeeded in either intimidating
this man, *points to Extremist*, but it's just not happening. It's going
to take a bullet to the brain to intimdate this man, and he'd die only
after he beat the fuck out of the guy who shot him. When you mess with
this man..you're messing with someone who is as close to me as a brother.
Besides, this will give me a chance to scout the Cripplers for us,
Trace. Cripplers, let me just ask you a question...
WHAT IN GOD'S NAME WERE YOU THINKING WHEN YOU FUCKED WITH THE MAFIA?
Have a nice night of rest in each others rears, gentlemen. It'll be your
last night like that.
[Sampson hands the microphone back to The Extremist...]
THE EXTREMIST - You have GOTTA LOVE THAT MAN! Now here we go, next on
my agenda, a man that might pop into some heads, might not, either way,
you're fucked. Right now I would like to bring out the man who has fucked
up more shit than Marge Schott, the man that will stand next to Steve and
myself in that six man tag team match...oh yes..the WORLD'S BIGGEST
ASSHOLE! SUPER SCOTT!
[Super comes out to a stunned reaction]
SUPER SCOTT - Extremist...I liked that line about Arcin and goats. That
was funny shit, but there's only one problem. I'M NOT IN THIS TO BE A
FUCKING COMEDIAN! God damnit, is this a fucking joke to you? Now, I can't
imagine someone that just had a damn CHRISTMAS TREE shoved up their ass
having any sense of humor at all. But here you are, telling jokes and
having a jolly 'ole time.
{Super Scott gets a disgusted look on his face...}
SUPER SCOTT - Listen. In this match, you better NOT make me look bad.
You better not make an ass of me, like you did to yourself. And, a word
to the wise...don't let Jason get out of your sight, 'cause next time,
you may just WISH it was a Christmas tree that was up your ass.
Before I go any further, let me ask YOU a question... You see, I'm
trying to figure out just _WHY_ you'd ask _ME_ to be a partner. So, my
question is:
Do you trust me?
{Silence falls over the crowd.}
SUPER SCOTT - I said....DO YOU TRUST ME? Well? Trust, Extremist...it
seems like such a simple word, but no, its MUCH more complicated then
that. Trust, Extremist...trust goes hand in hand with another word that
you seem to know a lot about. That word?
Ignorance.
And since we seem to be playing the word game right now, let's throw
ANOTHER word in there.
Friendship.
Do you think of me as your friend, Mr. Extremist? Do you trust me, Mr.
Extremist? Those are two fucking questions, and you're not answering
them. Stop standing there with that dumb fucking look on your face,
damnit. LISTEN TO WHAT I'M SAYING! I'm the only one here that knows what
the fuck they're talking about....
Yeah, okay...me and you do go way back. We're both from Detroit. We were
both in the Northwest Mafia, and yes...we both invaded the FoPEW
together. But you know what? That happened in a time period that I'd just
assume forget. That shit embarrasses me, just like the fact that you
were made into a damn ornament should embarrass you.
Now Mr. Extremist, to answer your question...yes, I'll be your partner in
this match. But son, you better get your fucking head on straight before
we go to battle. I don't want to hear any fucking jokes out of your big
fucking mouth, and if I do, I'll slap the taste out of you faster than
Jim Russ' dick rises while thinking about Nikki Cox.
See? I can make jokes too. But there is a time and a place for jokes....
AND THIS ISN'T ONE OF THEM!
{Super gazes over the crowd, which is dead silent, and then looks
straight into the Extremist's eyes...}
Do me a favor, son...go home, and put in the Rocky IV soundtrack. You
know you have it. Its the one with Eye of the Tiger, War, Burning Heart,
and that other shit. LISTEN to it. THINK about it. Get PUMPED up. And
damnit, GET FOCUSED.
I think I've made it clear that 'm not hear to play games or tell jokes.
And I'm not here to be your friend. And I don't give two shits about
what Jason and The Cripplers did to you. In fact, I was laughing my ass
off so hard when they did that to you...but that's beside the point.
I'm not here for any of that. I'm here for one reason...because you
asked me.
But, you have to ask yourself one question.... Can you trust me?
Think about THAT.
[Super Scott flips the mic into the air and Trace catches it.]
"DREAMLOVER" TRACE MICHAELS - Well... Okay... I guess that's it... Remember
to root for me in the Television Title match coming up in just a bit...
Thanks for coming on the show Extremist and Steve and Super Scott... And my
oh my, I believe... It is... CHECKOUT TIME! Wait... Wrong show. Bye people,
and check out my latest dWo add while we leave the area.
[Fade to Black]
The following announcement has been paid for by the dreamlover World order...
___ ___
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____| | \ \ /\ / / _____
/ __ | \ \ / \ / / / \
/ / | | \ \ / \ / / / ___ \
| | | | \ \/ \/ / | / \ |
| | / | \ /\ / | \___/ |
\ \_/ \ \ / \ / \ /
\_______/\_\ \_/ \_/ \_____/
________________________________________________
|-=-=-=-=-=-=-DREAMLOVER WORLD ORDER-=-=-=-=-=-=-|
[The camera opens up, in black and white, on "Dreamlover" Trace Michaels. He
is wearing a loose black half shirt that has a cross on the back, that has
the word "DREAMLOVER" written on the cross. He has on a pair of jeans and
Military style combat boots. He has a small ring in each ear. His hair is up
in a pony tail. He's holding something behind his back, but we can't see
what it is.]
"DREAMLOVER" TRACE MICHAELS: I'm sure, by now, you've all ordered your dWo
t-shirts, right? Right Scott, right? Well... Now, I have for you something
else...
Everyone likes DTP... He was recently named Most Popular Wrestler of the
Year by an awards committee. Well... Now, I bring to you... The Official
dWo... DTP BEAR!
[He pulls out the DTP bear from behind his back. It's dressed like DTP from
the round rimmed glasses to the Military style boots.]
DREAMLOVER: Look at this... It looks JUST like DTP! It has his eyes! Well,
you can't see them, since they're covered up by the shades, but trust me,
they're there. And the DTP bear can be your for ONLY $34.95! get yours today!
BUY THE BEAR!
[Fade to bWo logo]
The proceeding announcement was paid for by the dreamlover World order.
*********Pointless commentary between matches
Mike Hoffman: Well, how about that? And, we are pleased to announce that
THIS Sunday on EWA Sunday Night RARE, this 6-man tag match will be happening.
Jimmy Jam: I pitty the Cripplers...
Don Davidson: What a sad state the world is in...
Mike Hoffman: Well, we do understand that a surprise match is coming up next.
Let's see what that's all about...
===========================
SURPRISE MATCH!
Mini Dreamlover
VS
Mini Temple
===========================
by: firemnt@brainerd.net
===========================
["Dreamlover" Trace Michaels sits at a commentating table, along with his
cousin Slade.]
"Dreamlover" Trace Michaels: Hey EWA fans! I'm here with my cousin Slade to
bring you a special surprise match. You all know that I'm gonna face Caleb
Temple in just a bit, but first, I'm gonna be commentating for this midget
match.
Slade: Why? You're not even a commentator... Neither am I, what the Hell am
I doing here?
Trace: I don't know... The EWA guys just asked me to commentate this midget
match and asked me to find someone else to commentate with me. I don't even
know who's wrestling in this match, but midgets are usually fun to watch. I
mean... Midget WRESTLERS are usually fun to watch.
Jow Blow: Ladies and gentlemen, the next match of this evening is a SURPRISE
MATCH!
["Invocation" by Danzig blasts over the speakers and the fans begin to boo,
thinking Caleb Temple is coming out.]
Trace: WHAT?! Caleb Temple?! I thought this was supposed to be a midget match!
Jow Blow: Introducing first... From Trinity, South Carolina... Weighing in
at 95 pounds... MINI TEMPLE!
[A midget with long brown hair and a goatee beard walks out. He's wearing
black tights that say "Vengence" down the leg. He has drawn on tattoos on
his back, done with a blue marker. he has a giant cross on his back and
different Bible verses tattooed on other places. He walks down the aisle.]
Trace: Mini Temple! Mini Caleb Temple! I love it!
Slade: What the hell... I come out here to watch a little guy with marker on
his back wrestle? Thoise don't even LOOK like tattoos, they're smeared.
Trace: Yeah, well he probably didn't want to get tattooed for real, that
hurts and it's stuck on you forever. I doubt he wants to look like the mini
version of Caleb Temple for the rest of his life.
Slade: Is this some kind of joke? You invite me down here to watch midgets
fight eachother? I thought I was gonna be watching a Sex Change Match or
something like that.
Trace: Oh, come on, where's your midget spirit?! This should be a great
match, I've seen some midgets in action before. They have some great moves.
I wonder who Mini Temple's gonna be fighting tonight...
Slade: Probably a little version of you.
Trace: Oh, come on... Like they'd REALLY name a midget wrestler after me.
That's like a badge of honor down in Mexico, having a midget wrestler named
after you.
Slade: Trace, how stupid are you? Mini Temple just came out... You're
fighting the real Caleb Temple later...
Trace: Oh yeah... I forgot about that... That makes a lot of sense now that
I think about it... You're a pretty smart guy, Slade.
Joe Blow: And his opponent!
["Dreamlover" by Mariah Carey blasts over the speakers, as a big smile comes
across Trace's face.]
Hoe Blow: Led to the ring by Mini Holly... Hailing from Memphis,
Tennessee... Weighing in at 80 pounds... Mini Dreamlover!
[A smaller version of DTM comes out from behind the curtains, alone with a
smaller version of Holly Daye, as the crowd pops. he has long blonde hair,
tied back in a pony tail. An earring in each word, spelling out
"DREAMLOVER." He's wearing red leather chaps over his red tights, with
broken hearts, and "Dreamlover" on the back. He's wearing a red leather vest
with mirrors all over it, and round rimmed glasses with a broken heart on
each lens. He holds his arms up in the air as he walks down the aisle.]
[Mini Holly is dressed in a green split skirt, and a red cut off mini.
Around her neck, as always, are her lucky silver jingle bells. Her blond
hair is tied up into a pony tail. She leads Mini Dreamlover down to the ring.]
Trace: I love it! Mini Dreamlover and Mini Holly! These two RULE! Mini
Temple is goin' down!
Slade: they actually put this match on this card? I thought this was
supposed to be a big thing...
Trace: It is, and these guys RULE! Look, it's a the and a half foot version
of me, and a three and three forths of a foot version of Caleb Temple, it's
perfect. [smiles]
Slade: Whatever you're into, I guess...
[Mini Dreamlover runs into the ring and pushes the Mini Temple through the
ropes and to the floor. Then he spins around in circles in the ring as the
fans cheer. Some fireworks go off behind him as he dances in the ring. As he
dances, he pulls off his chaps and takes off his vest and glasses. He dances
around a little more as his music plays. Then it dies down as Mini Temple
gets back in the ring and Mini Holly goes to the outside.]
Trace: He's got the enterance down and everything! Oh, what a day in the
world of the Dreamlover... Now there are THREE Dreamlovers! DTP, me, and
Mini Dreamlover... The dWo is really building up... Not that DTP's really in
it, or even Mini Dreamlover, but I'm sure Mini Dreamlover would join if I
asked him to... I don't know about DTP though... He might not be into that
kind of stuff.
Slade: Trace... WHO CARES? It's a marketing strategy anyway, it's not like
you do anything besides sell merchandise.
Trace: Speaking of which, I hope everyone got their dWo t-shirts, look for
more great merchandise in the future.
*DING DING*
Trace: Alright! Here we go! MIDGET POWER! Mini Dreamlover runs across the
ring at Mini Temple. Mini Temple moves out of the way and Mini Dreamlover
bounces front first off the ropes... Mini Temple kicks him in the butt! Come
on Mini Dreamlover!
Slade: Pretty scientific midgets, huh?
Trace: Mini Dreamlover's rubbing his butt, where Mini Temple kicked him...
Mini Temple's really EXTREME tonight.
Slade: What the hell are you talking about? He kicked him in the ass, that's
NOT extreme.
Trace: Well, no one else dares to do that kind of stuff. Mini Temple's
putting his hands up for a test of strength. Don't do it, Mini Dreamlover,
he's stronger than you... He probably has a trick up his sleeve too. Mini
Dreamlover's going for it... And Mini Temple kicks him in the stomach! Ouch!
Slade: I hate to say it, Trace, but your Mini Dreamlover isn't too impressive.
Trace: Well, he's trying. Mini Temple throws Mini Dreamlover down to the
mat! Now Mini Temple's stomping on him! He's right on top of Mini
Dreamlover, jumping on him! Mini Temple goes for the Last Rites submission
hold! But Mini Dreamlover bites him on the backside! Way to go, Mini Dreamlover!
Slade: There's a move you don't see every day...
Trace: Never tried it myself, but it looks pretty effective. Look at the
agony on Mini Temple's face, that butt chomper really did a number on him.
Slade: Nice way of putting it... "Butt chomper."
Trace: Thanks. Mini Dreamlover with a clothesline! Took Mini Temple right
down! Mini Dreamlover with a butt drop! Mini Temple turns it into a susent
flip!
1........................
2.......................
KICKOUT! Whew! That was a close one! Mini Temple almost had Mini Dreamlover
beat there. These guys are actually pretty talented... Once you look past
the butt chompers and the butt drops... They can pull of some pretty good moves.
Slade: Why did the EWA make a Mini Temple and a Mini Dreamlover? Why not a
Mini Slade? Perhaps a Mini Mr. Ouija. THAT would sell.
Trace: What's this?! Look at the enterance way, someone's coming out...
Looks like a... MINI ASS MAN! I mean... a Mini Barry Hart.
Slade: He's showing off his ass to everyone in the place... You know what a
nice sharp blade could do to that ass of his? it could be all carved up and
looking like the Lovely Vera's hideous face.
Trace: A lot of midgets here... Mini Temple, Mini Dreamlover, Mini Holly,
now a Mini Barry Hart. Well, he's going back behind the curtains, I guess
he's not gonna do anything. Mini Dreamlover with a dropkick and Mini Temple
goes down! Mini Dreamlover's tapping his chin and stomping his foot!
Dreamkick coming up! Mini Temple back up, Mini Dreamlover charges him... OUCH!
Slade: ....
Trace: Mini Temple just nailed him where the sun don't shine! And Mini
Dreamlover is down on the mat, in agony... Can't help but feel sorry for
him. Mini Temple grabs Mini Dreamlover's legs, he's going for the Last Rites
again! Mini Dreamlover turns it into a small package!
1....................
2....................
MINI TEMPLE KICKS OUT! I thought Mini Dreamlover had him there for a
second... Caught Mini Temple completely by surprise. Come on Mini
Dreamlover! Mini Dreamlover going for a DDT, but Mini Temple flips him over
his back! Mini Dreamlover goes down, oh no!
Slade: You're getting a little too into this, Trace. It's not you, just a
midget...
Trace: This guy has feelings too! I'm sure he wants to win this match for
all the people back home! Come on Mini Dreamlover!
[Trace stands up and turns to the crowd, then he starts chanting, to
distract Mini Temple.]
Trace: [to crowd] YOU'RE GOIN' DOWN! YOU'RE GOIN' DOWN!
[The crowd starts chanting it too. Trace sits back down and continues
commentating.]
Slade: Why did you just do that?
Trace: To help out Mini Dreamlover! Mini Temple's goin' down! Mini Temple's
trying to stomp on Mini Dreamlover, but he keeps rolling out of the way! He
tries again, Mini Dreamlover rolls out of the way again! Mini Dreamlover
trips Mini Temple with a roll! Not the bread type food, he just rolled into
his legs and knocked him down.
Slade: Good thing you cleared that up for everyone, you probably had
everyone confused.
Trace: Yeah, that's why I said it. [Slade rolls his eyes] Mini Dreamlover up
of the second rope... He nails Mini Temple with a flying cross body block!
Mini Dreamlover hops back up to the second rope... Big splash! Alright! Mini
Dreamlover's getting back into this thing! Mini Dreamlover with a fury of
lefts and rights! Way to go Mini Dreamlover!
Slade: that marker of Mini Temple's back is really starting to smear...
Whoever did that fake tattoo job deserves to be gutted and mounted on a wall
in Northeastern Asia.
Trace: Yeah, well... This is just a fun match for the fans, doesn't have to
be perfect. Mini Dreamlover with a diamond cutter! He's really taking over
this match now! Mini Dreamlover back in the corner, tapping his chin and
stomping his foot! Remember what happened last time!
Slade: Yeah, Mini Temple made him wish he was a woman.
Trace: Kind of... Mini Temple getting back up, Mini Dreamlover charges
him... DREAMKICK! He nailed him with it! He makes the pin!
1....................
2....................
3.....................
ALRIGHT! He got him! Mini Dreamlover wins! Mini Dreamlover wins!
Slade: What's next? Mini HellShock and Mini Dark Destroyer? Maybe Mini
Cherry Cheesecake versus Mini Adrian Stefani in a bikini contest?
Trace: Hey... That's a pretty good idea... Naw...
Joe Blow: The winner of this bout as result of a pinfall... MINI DREAMLOVER!
["Dreamlover" by Mariah Carey starts back up again and Mini Holly gets into
the ring. Mini Dreamlover dances for the fans some more as Mini Temple walks
back to the locker room.]
Trace: What a match! Mini Dreamlover did it! He beat Mini Temple! Hopefully,
I'll have the same luck with the larger version of Caleb Temple a little bit
later on tonight. [smiles] That's not gonna be an easy task.
Slade: Just grab the Mini Temple and kick his ass now, it's close enough to
the real thing, maybe it'll count as your match.
Trace: I don't know, that Mini Temple looked pretty tough tonight... Mini
Dreamlover had a tough time beating him, but he pulled it off. [smiles]
Maybe that gives me some hope for my match with Caleb Temple tonight. Mini
Dreamlover's posing for the fans some more... Hopefully we can see more
great matches in the future, like Mini Dreamlover versus Mini Man From Heck,
Mini Dreamlover versus Mini Bluegrass, Mini Dreamlover versus mini
soupriser, the possibilities are endless. Anyway, that's it for this match.
I have to go back to the locker room and get ready for my big match. [smiles]
[The camera goes back to Mini Dreamlover dancing in the ring. He brings a
little kid in the ring, and tries to get them up on his shoulder, to carry
around, but he's too small. Mini Dreamlover falls over and the kid runs back
into the crowd. Mini Holly helps Mini Dreamlover up and he dances a bit more.]
+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--
EWA LIGHT-HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE
--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+
STEVEN "THE EDGE" SPECTOR
vs.
"SUPERSTAR" STEVE SAMPSON
bn
+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--
Joe Blow - Ladies and gentlemen, this match is for the EWA
Light-Heavyweight Championship!!
Fans -
YYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
YYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Joe Blow - First, the challenger! Accompanied to the ring by Jenny Anus!
He hails from Seattle, Washington and weighs in at 231 pounds .....
"SUPERSTAR" STEVE SAMPSON!!!!!
Fans -
YYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
YYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Joe Blow - And now ... the champion! He hails from Daytona, Florida and
weighs in at 224 pounds ..... STEVEN "THE EDGE" SPECTOR!!!!!
[ding, ding, ding]
Brian Nelson - Spector and Sampson are walking around the feeling, sizing
one another up. This one looks to be quite interesting. Coller and elbow
tie-up! Sampson pushes Spector into the corner. The ref steps between
them and breaks it up. Spector walks back into the coller and elbow. Knee
lift from Sampson! Forearm shot to the head! He hooks Spector's arms
behind his back ... butterfly suplex! Spector bounces across the ring and
into the ropes! Sampson rolls over and races to capitalize! He reaches
down, but Spector kicks him in the chest with both feet! Sampson on his
back! Spector kicks up and drops right back down on Sampson with an elbow
drop!
JR Neubs - We got some fast paced action here! This is what you can expect
from the EWA light-heavyweight division!
Brian Nelson - Spector whips him to the ropes! Leap frog! Sampson off the
other side! Spector's gonna meet him head on now! Spinning heel kick!
SAMPSON DUCKED! He bounces off the ropes and leaps forward! BIG SPLASH!
SPECTOR ROLLED OUT OF THE WAY! He climbs the ropes! Sampson wont' stay
down for long! SPECTOR NAILS A MISSILE DROPKICK!!! Sampson falls into the
ropes ... and falls to the floor! Spector charges the turnbuckle and races
up! Sampson still down. SENTON SPLASH!!! HE _NAILED_ THAT ONE!! He
rolls Sampson back into the ring! Spector on the apron ... SLINGSHOT
LEGDROP!! THE COVER!
1
2
NO!
Brian Nelson - Spector sends him to the ropes! Thesz press! SAMPSON
TWISTS INTO A SPINEBUSTER!! He stands up and grabs Spector around the
ankles! SLINGSHOT INTO THE CORNER! Spector is hanging upside down on the
turnbuckle! Sampson explodes out of the corner! AVALANCHE!! He unhooks
Spector's legs and lets him drop face first on the mat! He sits down on
his back. Sampson applies the camel clutch! Spector is too small to get
out of this one using power! He's gonna have to squirm his way out.
JR Neubs - That worm will have no problem squirming his way out. He
squirmed his way into getting the Light-Heavyweight title!
Brian Nelson - Please! He won it fairly and squarly! He's got his knees
on the mat now! Spector is ... holy cow! HE'S PUSHING HIS WAY TO A
STANDING POSITION! SAMPSON CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
Fans - YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Brian Nelson - SPECTOR IS WALKING AROUND THE RING WITH SAMPSON ON HIS BACK!
Sampson lets go of his shoulders! He drops back and flips backwards!
Spector rolls over on his shoulders! Sampson sits back on him!
1
2
3!!!
NO!!!
Brian Nelson - Spector kicks him off and into the corner! Sampson sails
between the top and second rope! HIS HEAD LANDS AGAINST THE POST!!
Spector grabs him from behind and pulls him out! Hooks him around the
waist. Belly to back suplex! Sampson got folded in half! Spector rolls
backwards and stands up. He bounces off the ropes. Lightning quick
legdrop! He sits down on Sampson's chest! Sampson raises his legs and
hooks Spector under the arms! He pulls him down and into a pin!
1
2
NO!
Brian Nelson - Spector rolls backwards and grabs Sampson under the legs!
He pushes forward!
1
2
NO!
Brian Nelson - Sampson grabs him by the back of the head and nails him!
Edge bounces away like Sampson just shot him out of a cannon! He gets up
and pushes him into the corner! He clotheslines him viciously! Hip toss
out of the corner! Sampson hops on the second rope! He jumps down!
FOREARM SMASH! He whips Spector into the ropes. Single leg takedown!
JR Neubs - Spector ... in the past ... has been a victim of the single leg.
Brian Nelson - Right you are. Sampson cross Spector's legs--
JR Neubs - Because they stink.
Brian Nelson - Hush. He's applied the STF! I don't know how Spector is
gonna wiggle his way away from this one. It could be the end of the line
for Spector as EWA Light-Heavyweight Champion!
JR Neubs - He's goin' doooooowwwwwwwn.
Brian Nelson - Spector reaches the ropes! He's got a firm hold on the
bottom one! Sampson pulls him up. Scoop slam! Picks him up ... he sends
him to the corner. SPECTOR JUMPS UP ON THE SECOND TURNBUCKLE! HE CLIMBS
TO THE TOP! SAMPSON STOPS DEAD IN HIS TRACKS! SPECTOR WITH A MOONSAULT!
JR Neubs - Sweet Mary!
Brian Nelson - TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER!!! Sampson covers him and hooks the legs!
1
2
NO!!
Brian Nelson - He whips Spector into the ropes! HE NAILS THE CLOTHESLINE!
THEY'RE BOTH CARRIED OVER THE TOP ROPE!! Oh my! They've landed on our
table here at ringside! We're just ... we're gonna step over here.
[they stand away from the action]
Brian Nelson - Sampson and Edge roll off the table and onto our chairs!
This is getting out of control! Sampson grabs a chair! He lifts it over
his head! HE'S GONNA BRING IT DOWN RIGHT ON HIM! The fans are telling him
to do it!
JR Neubs - No way! Spector's his 'friend'! They respect each other!
Brian Nelson - SPECTOR NAILS HIM IN THE GUT WITH AN ELBOW SMASH! Sampson
drops the chair! Spector grabs it!
{{{{{WHACK}}}}}
Fans - YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Brian Nelson - SPECTOR RIPPED SAMPSON ACROSS THE HEAD WITH IT!! He's out
cold! He rolls Samson into the ring and climbs the top rope! FLYING BODY
PRESS!!!
1
2
NO!!!
Brian Nelson - WHOA! I can't believe Sampson kicked out of that!
JR Neubs - He's showing what he's made of tonight!
Brian Nelson - Edge picks him up and whips him into the corner! He's
following up with a handspring elbow! SAMPSON OUT OF THE WAY! He grabs
Spector in a full nelson! DRAGON SUPLEX!!!
1
2
Brian Nelson - NO!!! Not yet. Spector bridges his way up and turns him
around and into a backslide!!! Sampson's shoulders are on the mat!
JR Neubs - Sampson's feet are on the ropes!
1
2
3!!!
[ding, ding, ding]
Joe Blow - Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match and STILL EWA
LIGHT-HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ..... STEVEN "EDGE" SPECTORRRRR!!!!!
Fans - YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Brian Nelson - The refferee didn't see it!
JR Neubs - What is he? Blind? How could you not see a thing like that?
Brian Nelson - Sampson's shoving the refferee!
JR Neubs - I would too if I were him!
Brian Nelson - Let's go to the next match in the EWA portion of New Year's
Bash! Have fun everyone!
*********SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT
"RUDE" CRAIG JAYHAWK: YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Welcome _back_ everyone
to The Merchandise and Club House Store. The last one of these chumpies was
phatty, ya know why? 'Cause we also had The Man From Heck up into this!!! Get
down here Troy Boy!
{"Epic" by Faith No More bursts over the speakers and the crowd goes wild.
Out from the curtain behind Jayhawk, THE MAN FROM HECK explodes onto the
scene. Heck is wearing a pair of blue jeans, black high-top 'sneakers,' a
tight fitting, black "NEW YEARS BASH" t-shirt that shows off his buffed
self, the trademark soap-on-a-rope around his neck, and a cone party hat
strapped to his head. He leans back, pulls a noise maker from his pocket
and blows it a couple of times, extending the curly paper as far as it will
go. TMFH takes a seat next to Craig and takes the hat off as the music
slowly dies down.}
THE MAN FROM HECK: How's it goin', Mr. Jayhawk? Great to be back here at
the EWA Merchandice Hut. How's it goin', Heckians?
{The Man From Heck makes a fist and then makes a punching sort of a motion
to the crowd. They roar in excitement.}
THE MAN FROM HECK: Well, alright, then. What do we have today, Craig?
"RUDE" CRAIG JAYHAWK: We've got some great items up! You all know how The
Dark Destroyer brought his as...
His.. Ummm, self back to the EWA... Well we went back to the boxes in the
ware house and came back with some "DARK DESTROYER: Don't screw with me"
T-Shirt... This shirt goes for 19...
THE MAN FROM HECK: ... Um... Craig, I don't think those t-shirts are
"appropriate" anymore. The Destroyer isn't exactly your full-fledged
"people hater" anymore. Maybe you should use the other t-shirts.
"RUDE" CRAIG JAYHAWK: Ohhh... Ummm, my fault bro, how about this,
<"Rude" Craig Jayhawk hauls out a "DARK DESTROYER: legend.".>
This is coolio t-shirt. You can cheer for Dark D hardcore with this thing on!
I'd sport one...
THE MAN FROM HECK: ... Craig, I hate to interrupt again, but... those
aren't the "right" t-shirts, either. Double D may not be your major "bad
guy," but he sure as Heck is NOT your die-hard, fan pleasin' rule follower.
"RUDE" CRAIG JAYHAWK: Good gawd... That man's done more turns then a New York
City taxi driver... Let's just get to the next item up for bids... I think we
have the RAFFLES!!! Our first raffle are 245 ARCIN T-SHIRTS!!!
<"Rude" Craig Jayhawk shows the world one of the 245 Arcin T-Shirts, it's
yellowing and ugly. It's obviously made back in the 80s.>
THE MAN FROM HECK: These items are not sellable. They're old, they're
ugly... and, well, they're just Arcin. So, fans, we're givin' these
suckers away. And, Frank, I do believe that we have a little promo for
these babies. Alright, roll it!
{The picture cuts to a short, stocky, sleazy looking bald man wearing a bad
three piece suit in a showroom filled with boxes and boxes of t-shirts.
Behind him is a banner that reads "CRAZY EDDIE'S T-SHIRT EMPORIUM." Crazy
Eddie begins to walk around the room showcasing the t-shirts.}
CRAZY EDDIE: Hello, EWA fans! My name's
CRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-ZZZZZZZZZZYYYYY EDDIE and I'm here for
CRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-ZZZZZZZZZZYYYYY EDDIE's T-SHIRT EMPORIUM! So,
you're looking for Arcin shirts?
{Crazy Eddie pulls a box of t-shirts in front of him and begins grabbing
shirts out of it and throwing them at the camera as he's talking.}
Well, I've got red Arcin shirts! I've got yellow Arcin shirts! I've got
green Arcin shirts! Heck, I've even got TIE-DYE Arcin Shirts! And how
much are they going for? NOTHING! ZIPPO! ZILCH! That's right! We're
raffling them away! Why!?! Well, it's because I'm
CRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-ZZZZZZZZZZYYYYY!!!
{The picture switches back to a wide shot of a bewildered Man From Heck and
a befuddled Craig Jayhawk. The camera zooms back into The Man From Heck,
who seems to be at a loss for words. Slowly, he begins to speak again.}
THE MAN FROM HECK: ... Anyway... We left our raffle box outside of the
arena, so you KNOW this thing will be full to the brim with raffle entries!
We're just lucky we didn't tell them what the prize was. {Grins.} Well,
it's the moment of truth. Let me reach into the box and see who our lucky
winner of 245 Arcin t-shirts is...
{The Man From Heck reaches into the small opening in the box and reaches
around for a second. He reaches further and looks up to the ceiling,
confused. Pulling his arm out of the box, he opens the lid and shakes the
box upside down. A few pieces of paper fall out along with something else.}
THE MAN FROM HECK: Alright, who let the prize slip?
"RUDE" CRAIG JAYHAWK: Whadda we got Hecksy? 5
receipts and a used condom? Good gawd... We can't get rid of these things...
Let's go to our next raffle!!!!
<"Rude" Craig Jayhawk reaches into _another_ box, this one is full to the
brim.>
THE MAN FROM HECK: This prize was furnished by Jim Russ and his World
RUSSling Federation. That prize is... DOUGHNUTS! Jim Russ' favorite
fatty, fried treat can now be yours, home viewers! And we're all better
people for it...
"RUDE" CRAIG JAYHAWK: The winner of doughnuts, furnished by
Jim is.... "IMPERIUM" REIIIIIDDDDDDDDD HARRRRRRRRIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSS
COOOOOOOOPPPPER!!!!!!!! Congratulations Reid Harris Cooper... I sure as
hel... Sure as heck don't want _those_
doughnuts!!!
MAN (probably Imperium):
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"RUDE" CRAIG JAYHAWK: Next item is a replica of the real thing,
"RUDE" CRAIG JAYHAWK: You can buy for 25.99, This "CRAIG JAYHAWK: NA
Champion" belt, great for pretending you're the rude one yourself!!! You can
also buy... BUt i doubt you'd want to... You can by the "TRACE MICHAELS: TV
Championship", but i've got many that says you'll be feeling retarded when
it's strapped around the man to my right's waist!
THE MAN FROM HECK: Hey, the Television title has been changing hand pretty
much monthly here in the EWA, so to buy this belt is like buying property
in Whitewater... a bad investment. And if you wait until after {shudders}
HECK on Earth to buy a TV Belt, well, you will have made the right choice.
Whether it be our current TV Champion, Trace Michaels, or his challenger
today, Caleb Temple, who I face at the next Pay Per View, the winner will
still be the one, the only, The Man From Heck. And why can I be so sure of
this? Because... __I__ ... __AM__ ... ______HECK______!!!
{The crowd begins to chant, "HE IS HECK! HE IS HECK!" Finally, it quiets
down and The Man From Heck pulls a hardcover book out of a bag behind him.}
THE MAN FROM HECK: It says here that this next item, a book written by Curt
Kipp, has been ranked on the New York Time's "Biggest Ego" list for over a
month now, and it's still holding strong. The book is called "Gunnar
Gaines: The Baddest Thang Runnin'!" and it's basically about who can beat
Gunnar and who cannot...
"RUDE" CRAIG JAYHAWK: Is Alex Adams on that list?! Remember... EVERY ITEM is
accompanied with _your_ choice of free T-Shirts... There's the:
"MrMiracle: What about LA Style!"
"MrMiracle: Don't forget about LA Style!"
"MrMiracle: LA Style once beat that team!"
or...
"DPW: Don't judge the league by our champion!"
THE MAN FROM HECK: What's this crud!?! Well, the final item for today is a
video tape... and a BetaMax video tape, of all things... It's a Jim Russ
Film and it stars "Oblivion" Mark Collins. {rolls his eyes} The name of
this video is... WHAT!?! It's called "OBLIVION: The SEX and DEATH Begins."
Hey, that's just not right. Get your act together Russ, because The Man
>From Heck is on a Soapin' world tour, and your town could just be next on
the list. Buddy, ___WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!!!___
"RUDE" CRAIG JAYHAWK: That's all we got, join us next time!!!!!!!!!
__________________
EWA TV TITLE MATCH
Caleb Temple
vs.
"Dreamlover" Trace Michaels
by: Kent
__________________
Joe Blow: The following contest is set for one fall .. and is for the
EWA TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP!!
Crowd: YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Joe Blow: First making his way down the aisle .. he is a former EWA
Television Champion. Here is ... CALEB
TEMPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Kevin McLoud: GO CALEB! BEAT THE CRAP OUTTA DTP .. er .. DTM!
Sly Kent: GO DTM!
Joe Blow: And his opponent ...
["Dreamlover" by Mariah Carey starts up.]
Crowd: YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Joe Blow: He hails from Memphis, Tennessee ... and weighs in at 220 lbs.
He is the ONLY Dreamlover of the EWA. Here is .. "DREAMLOVER" .. TRACE
... MICHAELSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!
Crowd: YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
DTM!! DTM!! DTM!! DTM!! DTM!! DTM!! DTM!!
SK: GO TRACE!!
KM: GO _TO HELL_ TRACE!
["Dreamlover" by Mariah Carey stops.]
[Ding,ding,ding.]
SK: We are reaedy to go here! Both men are circling one another in the
middle of the ring right now. Temple is eyeing the champ, with a look of
hatred. Now they lock up. Temple with a quick standing side headlock,
but Michaels pushes him off and Temple goes off the ropes. Caleb comes
back, leap frog by Michaels. Caleb shoots off once again and he goes for
a clothesline, that lands right on the money!
KM: The "champ" isn't gonna beat Caleb! Plain and freakin' simple!
SK: That will be either fact or fiction soon enough. Caleb is up on his
feet, and he drops an elbow, but Michaels moves out of the way just in
time. Michaels springs up, but the miss didn't take much out of Temple
as he is up as well. Michaels with a quick kick to the midsection,
EUROPEAN UPPERCUT! Gum goes flying out of Temple's mouth from that one.
DTM has a front facelock .. but Caleb pushes him into the corner. The
ref is asking for a clean break and we will get .. NO! Caleb with a
throat thrust and he just laughs.
KM: You think he would let Michaels get a break? I don't think so.
SK: I'm not surprised. Temple now brings Trace out of the corner .. and
he whips him into the opposite corner. Caleb comes charinging in ...
STINGER SPLASH! But Trace did a MULE KICK and Caleb got drilled there.
Michaels pops out of the corner, and he goes over to Caleb who is
standing, but is stunned. He hooks him up .. RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP! Nice
move and Michaels with a quick cover!
1...
2...
NO!
KM: Nice try .. but no cigar.
SK: That is correct. Temple is one tough man, and I know that he wants
the belt he use to hold back in his grasp.
KM: Who wouldn't?
SK: Good point. DTM is the first one up, and he pulls Caleb up with him.
They are both to their feet, and facing each other. Caleb wth a SLAP!
KM: I love it! He just smacked the heck outta that boy!
SK: That he did. Caleb with a hard right hand now, another, and now he
lands with a quick left jab! Caleb grabs Michaels head .. HEADBUTT!
Temple also got a little taken out of him from that blow! He is holding
his head, but he shakes it off. Caleb comes in .. DROP TOEHOLD by
Michaels! He got out of that situation very well.
KM: Indeed .. the lucky jerk!
SK: That wasn't lucky. He saw Temple coming at him so he simply took
advantage of things. Michaels now backs away from Temple and waits for
him to get up. Caleb is up, and Michaels comes charging in .. BACKBODY
DROP BY CALEB AND MICHAELS GOES FLYING TO THE OUTSIDE!
KM: Kill him Caleb!
SK: He is sure trying to do just that. Temple now snickers and shakes
his head at Michaels charging in at him. Temple is up and he goes to the
outside. He drags Michaels up and to his feet and he ...
[CRASH!]
WHIPS HIM INTO THE RING STAIRS! HOLY COW!
KM: That is right! He just hurled Michaels into those stairs like he was
one of thos bony contenders in the Light-Heavyweight division.
SK: I wouldn't call them bony!
KM: Okay .. no talented contenders. Happy?
SK: No! Now the ref is administring the count on Michaels as Temple ahs
just gone back into the ring!
Ref:
1..
2..
3..
4..
5..
6..
7..
KM: Temple hops to the outside. He doesn't want to win this match,
without winning the title!
SK: I understand full well why that is so. Temple is going over to the
motionless Michaels and he brings him up to his feet. Temple grabs his
arm .. SINGLE ARM DDT ON THE OUTSIDE!
KM: Dang! That'll call for the Tylenol .. EXTRA strength!
SK: Will it ever! Michaels is hardly moving now, and this match isn't
_that_ far into it. Caleb bring Michaels to his feet once again, but
Michaels falls right down. Caleb is giving him a few kicks to the ribs,
and now he is stomping on him! Caleb is about to DRILL Michaels in the
face. Michaels catches Caleb's foot, and he sweeps him! The back of
Temple's head collides with the ring apron!
KM: Man! That sure isn't good for Caleb! He is just curled up like a
ball, holding the back of his head from that blow!
SK: He is one tough man, as we have said before. Just about anyone would
be out cold from that blow.
KM: But not Temple.
SK: That is right. Michaels now slides back into the ring, and the ref
is starting up his count once again!
Ref:
1..
2..
3..
4..
5..
6..
7..
Caleb is starting to get to his knees!
8...
He sees the ref is about to count him out!
9...
Caleb scrambles to his feet!
10..
SK: ...
KM: ...
SK: NO! Caleb made it back into the ring just in the nick of time. He
sure got one heckuva break there!
KM: Yes, but he was the one who made the break happen! It was his
determination that kept him from losing this matchup.
SK: That is sure right. Caleb is fighter .. although a dirty one. But
nonetheless a great one. Michaels heads over to Caleb and he kicks him
right in the knee cap! Now in the ankles, stomach, shoulder, head! He is
just working his entire body.
KM: That he is.
SK: Michaels now with a lightning fast leg drop. He is up to his feet,
and he drops another one! Michaels up again and he ... FARGO STRUT!
Crowd: YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
DTM!! DTM!! DTM!! DTM!! DTM!! DTM!!
SK: HAHA! They love him here!
KM: Well I don't .. so that means that only the morons love him!
SK: What a thing to say!
KM: I'll say it again. Want me to?
SK: No. Back to the action. That gave Caleb time to get up to his feet
.. and Michaels doesn't know it. Michaels turns around .. SHORT
CLOTHESLINE by Temple! Michaels dropped like a rock right there.
KM: One heckuva a heavy rock at that.
SK: Hehe. Temple now is making a mockery of the Fargo Strut!
KM: And it's GREAT!
SK: Well .. it kinda is .. no, it isn't! Now Temple is having a good ol'
time at the expense of DTM! Caleb face suddenly goes stone cold and he
is slithering over to his pray, Michaels. Temple grabs the legs of
Michaels, and he turns him over on his back. Temple falls back ..
SLINGSHOT INTO THE CORNER BY TEMPLE!
KM: VICIOUS!
SK: Sure was! Michaels is still on his feet, reeling. Temple whips him
into the ropes, and Trace comes dashing off. STUN GUN BY TEMPLE! Simply
devastating manuever by the former TV Champion. Temple now with a
lateral press! This could be a new champion!
1..
2...
KICKOUT!!
SK: Michaels kicked out! What determination by the youngest EWA TV
Champion of all time.
KM: He is more like a toddler if you ask me.
SK: No, he is a young athlete, a great athlete at that. Temple slaps his
hands on the mat, trying to teach the ref how to count a pinfall.
Temple, angered goes over to Michaels and yanks him up to his feet.
Caleb with a roundhouse right, DUCKED! Michaels with a kick to the
midsection .. DIAMOND CUTTER! WHAT A MOVE!
KM: DAMNIT!
SK: That's what Caleb would be thinking, if he weren't laying on the
mat, out cold! Michaels now falls to the mat as well .. but he springs
up to his feet ala HBK! Now he yells something to the crowd ... he said,
"GOOD GAWD!"
Crowd: GOOD GAWD!!
SK: HAHA! You've got to love that!
KM: Or not.
SK: Oh come on Kevin, dont' be such a sour puss.
KM: Sour puss? What the ..
SK: Don't go there! Trace is scaling up to the top rope now .. and he is
perched like an eagle! He is waiting for Temple to arise to his feet ..
and Temple is starting to do that now. Temple turns around ... MISSLE
DROPKICK FROM THE TOP ROPE! HOLY COW WHAT A MOVE! Holly is yelling to
Trace to have him cover .. and he realizes that he should cover! He
hooks the leg!
1...
2....
3...
KM: That's it!! NO!!
SK: ... NO! The ref holds up two fingers! Michaels was oh so close to
keeping his title, but he might lose it still. What a classic battle
these two INCREDIBLE competitors are having. Michaels is up .. and he is
signaling for the .. DREAMLOVER CLAW HOLD! He is gonna lock it in on
Temple!! He .. NO! Temple saw it coming and he grabs DTM's arms.
Headbutt and DTM falls backwards!
KM: Maybe if he didn't freakin' signal to the ENTIRE world that he was
going to do it that wouldn't have happened!
SK: Maybe. Caleb is up to his feet, while Michaels is down, holding his
forehead. Caleb is now coming over ... and he grabs Michaels legs ...
KM: LAST RITES!! LAST RITES!! LAST RITES!!
SK: Caleb has that hold locked on tight! And Michaels isn't going
ANYWHERE!
[2 minutes pass]
KM: Michaels is in TOTAL agony here! He is in some serious pain here
laies and gentlemen. We might need some medical attention .. well ...
let's just let him rot for a few more minutes!
SK: What a thing to say! Michaels is inching for the ropes .. WHAT THE?!
Caleb just RELEASED the hold! He grabs Michaels by the legs once again
.. and he .. is trying to lock it on again!!! CRADLE BY MICHAELS!!
1..
2..
3..
KM: HE GOT HIM?!?!!?
SK: ...
KM: ...
SK: NO! NO! NO! Oh, so close! Temple went for Last Rites again, but
Michaels REVERSED it into a cradle! Wonderful move, but it wasn't
surprising enough to finish off Temple. Temple is up .. before Michaels,
and he jumps down on Michaels! He is just flailing his arms and drilling
Michaels, brutally!
KM: Destroy him Caleb! Break the boy in half!
SK: He is sure dong his best to make that a reality! Caleb now breaks
off the attack .. and he runs off the ropes ... KICKS MICHAELS RIGHT IN
THE BRIDGE OF THE NOSE! What a brutal kick, and DTM is bleeding from the
nose right now! This match has become a bloodied war now!
KM: Which is exactly what we want! Temple brings Michaels to his feet ..
and he whips him into the ropes. Michaels shoots off .. Michaels slides
through Temple's legs and he pops up behind him, stinging left jab ..
another .. once again .. one more! Now Michaels whips Temple into the
ropes ...
[crowd gasps]
DREAMKICK!
1....
2....
3!!
[ding,ding,ding]
Joe Blow: The winner of this match via pinfall in 28:12 ...
and ...
NEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW EWA TELEVISION CHAMPION .. CALEB TEMPLEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
SK: WHAT HAPPENED?!
KM: Let's check the COOLER CAMc!
[We see Trace going for the Dreamkick, but Caleb telegraphed it, and got
him with a roll up!]
SK: What a match! Well .. let's get back down to the ring!
****************************
EWA North American Championship
Champion Craig Jayhawk vs. Jeff Bidwell
****************************
{The camera switches to a man sitting at a ringside announcer's table. He
is an older, black man, a little bit overweight, wearing a nice, black
tuxedo.}
DARIUS MITCHELL: Hello, EWA fans, this is Darius Mitchell, and this is my
debut as an EWA announcer! The next match is for the EWA North American
Title, and to help me at the announce position, here is a good friend of
the North American Champ himself... THE MAN FROM HECK!
{"Epic" by Faith No More booms over the P.A. system as THE MAN FROM HECK
makes his way down the aisle toward the table. The fans errupt into cheers
for their favorite language enforcer. Heck is wearing a pair of blue
jeans, black high-top 'sneakers,' a tight fitting, black "NEW YEARS BASH"
t-shirt that shows off his buffed self, and the trademark soap-on-a-rope
around his neck. He takes a seat next to Darius at the table.}
DARIUS: Hey, Heckman! Nice to have you here!
THE MAN FROM HECK: {putting his headset on} Nice to be here, Darius. I'm
gonna see my friend Craig kick some bee-hind! Heheheh.
DARIUS: Well, it's about time to start this match, so let's go down to Joe
Blow for introductions! Take it away, Joe!
JOE BLOW: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the
EWA North American Championship! First, the challenger ... accompanied to
the ring by his manager, Emily ... from Ashland, Kentucky ... weighing 260
pounds ... "BLUEGRASS" JEFF BIDWELL!!!
{The fans give Bidwell a mixed reaction. Mostly cheers, but a few boos. A
good pop, nonetheless. Bidwell climbs into the ring, slapping the hands of
the fans on his way down.}
THE MAN FROM HECK: Y'know, I don't really hold a grudge against Bidwell, in
fact, I don't have much to do with him at all, but Jayhawk's my boy and I
_KNOW_ this match is all him.
DARIUS: I wouldn't count Bidwell out just yet! He's certainly done a turn
around since he "transformed" into "Bluegrass." Defeating the Extremist is
no easy task!
THE MAN FROM HECK: I realize that full and well... but again, Craig is that
much better than Bidwell, and he's going to show that tonight. Oh, and
speaking of the Extremist, buddy, you had better get your act together if
you know what's good for you.
JOE BLOW: And now, the CHAMPION! Hailing from Santa Fe, New Mexico ... he
weighs in at 248 pounds ... "RUDE" CRAIG JAYHAWK!!!!!
{The crowd absolutely explodes into cheers as Jayhawk skanks down the
aisle. He gives outstretched hands a slap and hops onto the ring and over
the top rope.}
DARIUS: The fans love the Rude one!
{ding, ding}
The match is now officially underway! The champion, Jayhawk, locks up in a
collar and elbow tie up with Bidwell. Bluegrass overpowers Jayhawk into a
corner. The ref calls for a break... OH! No clean break there as Bidwell
delivers a kick to the midsection of the Rude one!
THE MAN FROM HECK: I think that's a sign that Bidwell will go to ANY length
to win the belt tonight... Craig had better be careful and watch his back.
DARIUS: Indeed. They're locking up again in the center of the ring.
Jayhawk maneuvers into a side headlock. Bidwell pushes Jayhawk into the
ropes... he's waiting for him... JAYHAWK SLIDES UNDER HIS LEGS! Bidwell
turns around... DDT! Jayhawk nailed Bidwell with some sort of modified
DDT! This match may be over before it ever really started! Yes! He's
calling for it! He's calling for the Clash!
THE MAN FROM HECK: No, Craig! It's too early! Hold off!
DARIUS: I don't think he can here you, Heckman. Jayhawk lifts Bidwell onto
his shoulder readying himself to perform the face-first running powerslam.
He has him up... NO! Bidwell reverses it... INVERTED PILEDRIVER by JEFF
BIDWELL! Boy, how the tide has turned! Jeff Bidwell drags Jayhawk back to
the center of the ring and it looks like he's starting to work on his legs.
Yes... BIG leg snap! And another! Bidwell now pulling the Rude one over
to the ring post... oh, he slid out of the ring... he SLAMS Jayhawk's leg
into the ring post! AGAIN! Jayhawk is REALLY hurting now! Craig
Jayhawk's left leg is taking a beating right now, and that is not very good
for his chances. Obviously, Bidwell feels that if he wants to win he has
to keep Jayhawk off of his feet and he's doing a darn good job of that now.
THE MAN FROM HECK: He'll pull through, Darius... when you least expect it,
he'll pull through.
DARIUS: Bidwell is climbing back in the ring, now, still working on that
leg. He looks to be going for a Figure-Four Leglock! Jeff Bidwell twists
the leg... JAYHAWK KICKS HIM OFF WITH HIS RIGHT LEG! OH! Before Jayhawk
even had a chance to make a comeback, Bidwell drops a fist on his head. It
looks like he's going for that Figure-Four one more time. He twists the
leg... oh, and this time he's got it! Jayhawk is writhing in pain RIGHT in
the CENTER of the ring! The ref asks Craig Jayhawk if he wants to give up,
but it looks like he's still delivering a pretty solid "no!" This would be
a good time for me to remind you viewers at home that the EWA's next Pay
Per View is Hell on Earth!
THE MAN FROM HECK: WHAT DID YOU SAY!?!
DARIUS: Um... {speaking quickly} The EWA's next Pay Per View is HECK on
Earth! Uh, January 19th is the date! Can we please get back to the match?
Thanks. {Regaining composure} Jayhawk is in pain in the center of the
ring locked in a Figure-Four courtesy of Jeff Bidwell! Jayhawk may not
hang on much longer!
THE MAN FROM HECK: If he's held on this long, he's not giving up now. The
match is NOT going to end in this hold. Trust me.
DARIUS: Well, you're right, because Bidwell is releasing it, obviously
thinking the same thing you are, Heckman. Bidwell grabs Jayhawk by the
mohawk and lifts him to his feet. Jeff Bidwell going for a short
clothesline... NO! Jayhawk ducks under it! CRAIG JAYHAWK NAILS JEFF
BIDWELL WITH A GUT-WRENCH SUPLEX! AND THE CROWD IS GOING NUTS! It looks
like Jayhawk used his final reserves of energy on that move, though,
because he's on the mat just as stunned as Bidwell. "Bluegrass" Jeff
Bidwell is leading in the race to make it back to their feet. Jayhawk is
on his knees, but Bidwell is now standing. Bidwell grabs Jayhawk by the
hair and... OH! Jayhawk delivers a big punch to the stomach of Jeff
Bidwell! And another! INVERTED ATOMIC DROP! He bounces off of the
ropes... CLOTHESLINE! "Bluegrass" Jeff Bidwell is in trouble!
THE MAN FROM HECK: Hey, I told you so. Craig Jayhawk is going to hold that
North American title for a long time to come.
DARIUS: The match isn't over yet! And Jayhawk does still have one bad
wheel! Craig Jayhawk lifts Jeff Bidwell off of the mat and puts him on the
top rope, probably gearing up for a SUPERPLEX! Yep! Jayhawk gets him
up... and DOWN goes Jeff Bidwell! The fans are going WILD!
THE MAN FROM HECK: Hahaha! Craig is doin' a little showboatin' there, but
ain't he cool?
DARIUS: Oh! BIDWELL CLIPS JAYHAWK FROM OUT OF NOWHERE! Coolness got him
in trouble there! He goes for the pin!
1 ...
... 2 ...
... 3!!!
BIDWELL WINS! BIDWELL WINS!
THE MAN FROM HECK: NOT TODAY, DARIUS! That was close, but it was no three
count! The ref is saying it was two and a half!
DARIUS: Boy, was that close! Jeff Bidwell is frustrated now! He YANKS
Jayhawk off of the mat and to his feet. He's got him around the midsection
gearing up for a belly to back suplex... OH, MY LORD! How did he manage
that!?! Jayhawk flipped over Bidwell's shoulder and he has him set up for
the Clash!!! He runs... and DOWN goes Bidwell! Craig Jayhawk hooks the leg!
1 ...
... 2 ...
... 3!!!
{ding, ding}
THE MAN FROM HECK: Whoo hoo! I told you he'd win when you least expect it!
That's Craig Jayhawk everybody! And I'm going into the ring to celebrate
a great victory with him. See you folks later.
DARIUS: Well, the Man From Heck is out of here, and I am, too, but let's
get the official word from Joe Blow.
JOE BLOW: The winner of the match... and STILL EWA North American
Champion... "RUDE" CRAIG JAYHAWK!!!
{The fans explode once more for Craig Jayhawk and in appreciation for a
great match for Jeff Bidwell.}
DARIUS: Who's up next? Well, whatever, but anyway, this has been Darius
Mitchell along with The Man From Heck... good night.
_______________________________________________________
EWA World Championship Match
"OFFENSIVE" ALEX ADAMS (champion) vs. MAGUS)
By SlickRick
_______________________________________________________
(Suddenly, a _HUGE_ roar of boos eminates from the crowd as a very familiar
image is shown to them. In their absence, he has since grown a light beard
and his hair has seemed to grow longer. This is your former EWA president,
"Slick" Rick Baptist. Next to him stands a shorter man, dressed in almost
the same, sloppy attire as before. This is Jack Jenkins. Rick moves to
speak, but can't over the chorus of catcalls)
SlickRick - SHUT UP!!
(More chants of "RICK SUCKS! RICK SUCKS!")
Jack Jenkins - Boy, they love you _here_, Rick-o.
SR - They should! I _built_ this company!
JJ - Well, as Rick mumbles on, it seems that I'm going to have to express our
happiness to be back for tonight's _BIG_ supercard, and our chance to
announce the EWA World championship match.
SR - Alex Adams versus Magus. _That_ will sell the
tickets.
JJ - Let's go to the ring!
Joe Blow - Ladiiiies and gentlemen ... this bout is for the EWA World
Heavyweight Championship, scheduled for one fall! First, here is
the challenger! Hailing from Des Moines, Iowa, weighing in at ____ pounds,
he is a former EWA Television champion ... here is MAGUS!!
Fans - YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
MAG-US!! MAG-US!! MAG-US!! MAG-US!!
JB - And now ... he hails from La Mirada, California, weighing in at ____
pounds, he is a former 2-time and current EWA World champion ... here is
"OFFENSIVE" ALEX ADAMS!!
Fans - BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Other Fans - OFF-EN-SIVE!! OFF-EN-SIVE!!
Slick Rick - Yup, the bastard looks the same as last time. Boy am I _GLAD_ I jobbed him!
Jack Jenkins - And I thought _I_ was the heel announcer
here! There's the bell! Talk about a history with the World
title, Magus here has quite a bit of it. But every time you think he will
get it ... it slips out of his fingertips.
SR - Well I can tell you this: Magus has as much talent in his fingers as
Alex does in his whole body! Look for the title change here,
although the belt shouldn't even belong in this snorer.
JJ - I see. Let's hope my play-by-play skills have improved, ladies and
gentlemen, because it appears the former one is sitting out this one. Bitterness is a terrible thing. OH MY!! Magus and Alex start it
off quick with a series of blows! Magus to the midsection, Alex up top!
ALEX FALLS! And Magus on him with a quick LEG GRAPEVINE!
SR - Woo Hoo! The excitement overwhelms me, Jackoff.
JJ - What's wrong with you? Alex to the ropes now, Magus has to break the
hold. WHOA! CLOTHESLINE in the back of Magus's head! He didn't see that
coming! Alex picking Magus up ... BACKSLIDE!
1
2
NO!!
WAY too early for a pin here. Magus with a HIPTOSS to the OUTSIDE!! Alex
hits hard!!
Fans - YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
SR - Who to root for, who to root for. Man, am I glad Jim Russ brought
himself here ... you know how _boring_ this place would be without him?
JJ - Jim Russ is ridiculous, and so are you. Alex back in the ring now,
obviously avoiding these raucous fans. Here's a lockup, and Magus is looking
pretty good right ... OUCH! Alex turned him around from an armbar and
performed a MULE KICK right to the groin! Come on referee!
SR - Never thought he had it in him.
JJ - Alex is probably a better champion than you think, Rick.
SR - I seriously doubt that.
JJ - Magus cuddled up in the ring, Alex stomping the hell out of him. Drives
a knee into the leg! AGAIN! AGAIN! Magus writhing in pain! Alex stringing
Magus up against the turnbuckle now! OH NO! That was an AVALANCHE into the
upside-down Magus! WHAT A MOVE!
SR - There's a name for that, stupid.
JJ - Oh really? What?
SR - Nevermind.
JJ - What is wrong with you today? Alex bringing Magus to the center of the
ring ... FIGURE-4!! RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE!
SR - Leg leg leg. BOOORRRIINNNGGG!!
JJ - It's a good strategy, and keeping Magus down. You need to beat the
champion, you know. Magus finally getting to the ropes ... OH MY! UPPERCUT!
Alex goes flying! Magus off the ropes ... oh no, he falls to the mat.
SR - HAHAH!! CRIPPLE!
JJ - You want me to mention the Cripplers? What's that. We all
remember _that_ instance, don't we? Alex picking
him up ... WHOA!
1
2
thr ... NO!!
MAGUS ALMOST GOT HIM WITH A SMALL PACKAGE!! That was out of nowhere, and
Alex didn't like it! DROPKICK TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD!! Alex might have
broken Magus's neck! COVER!!
1
2
FOOT ON THE ROPE!!
NO!!!
GEEZ! Magus gets out! Alex picking him up now ... what does this mean? He
sets him on the top turnbuckle!
SR - Here comes a botch.
JJ - That remains to be seen. Alex climbing up with Magus ...
SR - See?
JJ - MAGUS HIT HIM OFF! AND NOW A WHOOPIE CUSHION!!
SR - Do you have to call it that?
1
2
NO!!
Alex got out in time! Magus shouting to the fans in support, and they shout
back! Four right hands! He throws Alex in ... POWERSLAM!! COVER!
1
2
NO!!
Magus getting his second wind! SUPLEX!! He picks the champ up ... OH MY
GOD!! FRANKENSTEINER!! WHERE did he get that from? COVER!
1
2
3
NO!!
ALEX OUT AGAIN!! Magus now ... uh oh ... he's signaling for it!! He's
signaling for the Executor!! It's a Texas Cloverleaf, and if Alex gets in
that, there's no telling what will happen!
SR - In fact, he almost beat Gunnar with this. He'll get Alex with it then.
JJ - Are you saying Gunnar is better than Alex?
SR - Neither were a part of the Clique, now, were they?
JJ - Oh yes, _that_ again. ALEX IS NOT GIVING UP!! WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT'S THIS?
SR - What's wha ... HEY!! YES YES YES!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! CLIQUESTERS
UNITE!!
JJ - THAT'S THE DARK DESTROYER IN THE AISLE! AND ... WHAT?!?!!? IS THAT
TREY PORTER?!?!
SR - IT IS! WHOOOOO!!
JJ - What do they want down here? I understand Dark D ... but Porter?
Destroyer has a match later tonight with Shock! I'm not sure what they
want, but the fans don't know what to think either! Destroyer has quite the
cigar there, eh?
SR - He has some _great_ taste in cigars, I'll say that.
JJ - LOOK AT ALEX ADAMS!! HE'S POWERING OUT OF THIS HOLD!! HE GOT OUT!!
But Magus right on top of him again! CRADLE SUPLEX!!
1
2
NO!!! NO NO NO!!
I thought he had him there! This match is CHAOTIC!!
SR - Ah, ah! No mention of that word, in _any_ tense.
JJ - Yes sir. Magus ... what the heck is he doing?! HE'S GOING UP TOP!!
Waiting for the dizzy Alex to stand up ... OH MY GOD!! FLYING SUNSET FLIP!!
1
2
3!!!
NO!!!
I THOUGHT WE HAD A NEW CHAMP FOR _SURE_!! Alex's head hit the mat with a
tremendous THUD!
SR - Didn't hurt him, don't worry.
JJ - Why do you hate him so? Dark Destroyer and Porter continue to look from
the aisle, haven't really made any moves to do anything yet ... ALEX WITH A
STANDING MOONSAULT!
1
2
NO!!
Magus got out! He lifts Adams up and turns it over into a BACKSLIDE!!
1
2
NO!!
Adams out! Into the ropes now! DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE!! WAIT!
1
2
3!!!
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!?! We have to go to Joe on this!
JB - ............
JJ - WELL?!?! Someone rolled over into a pin, but I couldn't see it from
this vantage point!
SR - Magus won the stupid thing. It's obvious from here.
JB - ..............
JJ - OH MY GOD!! ALEX ADAMS JUST HIT MAGUS FROM BEHIND!! HIS ELBOW SMACKED
INTO MAGUS'S SKULL!! And now ... come on!! LEGDROP!! This is ridiculous
... isn't this match over??
JB - Ladies and gentlemen ... a pinfall was counted, but we are not sure who
scored it! This match ... must CONTINUE!!
Fans - BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
SR - WHAT?! That was obvious from here, and they give the nod to the
alcoholic. Disgraceful. I tell ya Jack, this wouldn't have happened if I
was still pres ...
JJ - OH NO!! ALEX WITH A TREMENDOUS FISHERMAN BUSTER!! AND HE'S SIGNALING
FOR IT!!
ATTITUDE ADJUSTER!!
SR - Oh God ...
JJ - RIGHT IN THE CENTER OF THE RING!! IT CAN'T END LIKE THIS!!
<2 minutes pass>
MAGUS HASN'T GIVEN UP YET ... BUT THEY'RE STILL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!
Magus still trying to fight this figure-4, but Alex is bouncing like a baby
in there!
SR - More ways to say that than one, ain't there?
JJ - You know what I meant ... oh no. Magus just fell to the mat!
SR - Wait a minute! Here comes Dark Destroyer!!!
JJ - NO DISQUALIFICATION, Rick!
SR - No there isn't! Dark Destroyer bashes Adams with a chair! The hold
is broken! He sets the chair down on the canvas! Dark Destroyer does a
flatliner right down onto that chair!!!
JJ - Magus is just starting to come out of it...
SR - Dark Destroyer throws the chair to the outside and gets out of there...
JJ - Magus sees Adams and crawls over to make the pin!!!
(The fans count with the pin...)
FANS: ONE!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!
THREE!!!!!!!!!
JB - Here is your winner ..........
AND.....
NNNNNNNEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW
EWA CHAMPION OF THE WORLD ...
MAAAAAAAAAAAGUSSSS!!!!!!!!!!
JJ - It's a travesty. A _complete_ travesty.
SR - Oh well. New champ! We still got ... WHOA! HAHA! LOOK AT THIS!!
JJ - OH MAN!! What is _this_ all about? The Dark Destroyer has taken a bat
from some person in the crowd ... he's coming to the ring!! Alex Adams has
his back to him! He's distracted by Trey Porter outside the ring!! OH NO!!
DARK D JUST SMASHED THE BAT INTO THE GUT OF ADAMS!! FLATLINER DDT!! ADAMS
IS LAID OUT ONCE AGAIN!!!
SR - YES YES YES! I LOVE YOU! MUAH! MUAH!!
JJ - DISGRACEFUL!! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! After such a competitive match
with Magus ... HE JUST PUT THE CIGAR OUT IN ALEX'S EYE!! And now what?!
SR - WHOOOO!! It's going to be hard to see Dark D or Shock go! I love those
two!
JJ - We know that, Rick. Well, we leave you as the Dark Destroyer just put a
Destroyer t-shirt on the former champ. What a great match, thanks for having us
back EWA, and we certainly hope we can grace your presence once again.
SR - That's for sure. You know, I'm so sick of this organization ... why the
heck did I ever start it? Look at Magus all groggy rolling on the mat with
the EWA belt... Is that the kind of champion you guys have nowadays?
THAT'S IT!!
(The scene fades as Slick Rick starts yelling profanities and throws middle
fingers to every catcall)
*********_VERY_ Special announcement...
BRIAN NELSON - HELL of an event, feds! Every bit as spectacular as last
years! Now why am I holding you up here? Because something has been
missing all night long. Something ESSENTIAL to New Year's Bash! And THAT,
fans, is the F ... A ... S ... W!
FANS -
YYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
YYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
BRIAN NELSON - The orginization that carried New Year's Bash to fame, and
that helped make the Extremist Wrestling Association one of the biggest and
most recognized feds in the WORLD after the merger. But before that, FASW
set the standard, in the opinion of many. Some thought of it as more up to
date, and more exciting. To some it was a huge let down when the FASW lost
the right to maintain that monumental name.
[looks around and raises a document]
Brian Nelson - I hold in my hand the rights to the FASW, possessed by the
EWA since April! NOT ... anymore! Now _I_ own the FASW, and I'm
giving it back to _you_! I PRONOUNCE THE FASW OFFICIALLY BACK IN
BUSINESS!!!!
FANS -
YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!
YYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FASW!!!!!! FASW!!!!! FASW!!!!! FASW!!!!! FASW!!!!! FASW!!!!!
FASW!!!!! FASW!!!!! FASW!!!!! FASW!!!!!
Brian Nelson - THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR!! Wrestler's, you'll hopefully
be receiving an application in your mailboxes tomorrow morning! And if you
don't, ASK FOR ONE! GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE! FASW IS _BACK_!!
*** New Years Bash ***
[*** CAREER MATCH ***]
[[[[[[[[[[[[[STEEL CAGE]]]]]]]]]]]]]
H E L L S H O C K
versus
D A R K D E S T R O Y E R
[__________________________________]
Mike Hoffman: THIS IS IT!!!! One man, after tonight is over, shall lose his career!
Jimmy Jam: This match is taking place in front of a world-wide audience of the three biggest
wrestling federations of our time.
Don Davidson: Well, the ramifications of this match are big, but a match can only be judged
by its high spots. I'm sorry, but I just can't get into this one. Hellshock deprives the
ozone and lets off CFC's when he lights up that glove and Dark Destroyer... Well... I just
can't admire the man's workrate.
Mike Hoffman: Well, no matter what your opinions are of each of these men, they are laying
it ALL on the line. Both are former EWA and FASW World Champions. THIS should be a tremendous
match!
{A farmilliar figure steps into the scene...}
JJ: And, now we will introduce one of the best wrestling commentators in the business. This
man made a guest appearance at Showdown last month and he also was with the PCW for most of
1996. He has called matches with both of these men in the PCW.
MH: Will you just get to the point? This man is... the "Northwest Legend" (Mike rolls his
eyes)... Larry "Chainsaw" Gaines!!!
{Gaines trys to speak into the mic, but it's not on...}
JJ: Well, it's nice to be finally doing some commentary with a man I can respect in this
business!
{Gaines responds without the mic, and Jimmy Jam laughs respectively...}
DD: Puh-lease! With all the wood grain you drink, your mind must be going to hell. How do
you expect to make any smart calls if you deteriorate your digestive system by drinking
such harmful fluid?
{Gaines hits Don Davidson upside the head...}
MH: Well, we do understand that the time is near. Both Dark Destroyer and Hellshock are
ready for the battle of their lives...
{DING! DING!! DING!!!}
Joe Blow: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for a one fall... It shall
be held within the confines of this steel cage... and it shall be...
A CAREEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRR MATCH!!!!!!
{Crowd pops...}
{HellShock to comes out wearing his white hat, robe, boots, and wrestling attire, which
consists of white pants with 'Hell' and 'Shock' written on each leg. He is also wearing the
big around his neck. The cross on his forehead is white...}
Joe Blow: Introducing first...
From Parts Unknown....
Weighing two hundred and forty-five pounds.....
Here is....
Former FASW World Champion...
Former EWA World Champion.....
Possibly walking down the ring for the last time.....
HELLLLLLSHHHHHOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
{Crowd pops, especially the section of the crowd that's full of hardcore Hellshock fans...}
FANS: HELL!!!! SHOCK!!!! HELL!!! SHOCK!!!! HELL!!!! SHOCK!!!
MH: Listen to this ovation for Hellshock! The fans love him!
JJ: As they should. However, I wouldn't be surprised if Dark Destroyer gets quite a reaction
from the crowd as well. I mean, Hellshock's not the only guy in the EWA, DPW, or PCW that's
over with the crowd.
MH: Hellshock... Just walking up the ring steps...
JJ: Look at the size of that cross...
DD: Wow... Gee, like I'm supposed to care about this guy just because he's wearing a cross!
I mean, there's a lot more to being in the ring than just your stupid ring attire! Like
actually WRESTLING! If you can't wrestle, and I do mean WRESTLE, then why should you even
come down to the---
{Gaines slaps Don upside the head...}
JJ: I've been wanting to do that for a long time, but Hoffman's always in between us.
MH: Well, let's now go down and get the introduction of his opponent, who could also be
walking that aisle for the last time...
Joe Blow: ....AND HIIIIIS OPPONENT!
From Grey Mountain Arizona....
Weighing two-hundred and sixty-five pounds...
He is a former EWA Extremist Champion....
A former EWA Television Champion....
A former FASW World Champion....
A former PCW World Champion...
And a former 4-time EWA World Champion.....
He could also be walking the aisle for the last time in his career...
Here is....
DAAAAAAAAAAAARK!!!!!!!!!!!! DEEEEEESSSSSTROOOOYYYYERRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
{Crowd gives a huge pop for Dark Destroyer as well...}
FANS: DARK D!!! DARK D!!! DARK D!!! DARK D!!!
MH: This could very well be the last time we see Dark Destroyer, as he comes
down the aisle....
JJ: ...And wouldn't that be a shame if he wasn't able to get his hands on
good ol' O-Double-A?
MH: Yes it would...
DD: But, it would save us from another boring match between two people that
should have retired a long time ago. Man, the EWA is quickly becoming a
retirement home...
JJ: No it isn't. I beleive Dark Destroyer's not even in his 30's...
MH: That is indeed another factor as this will spell an early retirement out
for one of these two men.
JJ: Wait... It looks as if Dark D's heading in this direction....
MH: He's going for Larry! Larry, who was just complaining to the sound crew
for his headset not working is being pummeled by Dark Destroyer!!!
JJ: Man, that is just pointless.
MH: I think he beleived that Larry was going to interject himself in the match.
Larry isn't a wrestler, so if he were to interfere, he would have lost nothing.
JJ: Man, that is just disgraceful!
MH: Dark Destroyer hurls Larry Gaines back into the dressing room area!
Hellshock is applauding from inside the ring!
JJ: Well, Dark D has just wasted his energy right here. I would be encouraging
Dark Destroyer to do the same!
MH: This crowd is just going nuts as Dark Destroyer walks down the aisle into
this career match...
{DING!}
MH: He's in the ring now, along with Hellshock...
JJ: Look at that white cross across the forehead... A little Noxema will
clear that up.
MH: Hellshock and Dark Destroyer are face-to-face in the center of the ring.
The refferee is apparently giving them the guidelines that they will have to
follow thruought this match.
DD: I hate cage matches... So barbaric... So unscientific... We won't see
hold 1 or move 1 in this match.
JJ: I know... It's going to be great!
MH: AND WE HAVE A LOCKUP!!!!
{Fans cheer...}
MH: Dark Destroyer pushes Hellshock into the corner....
Clean break...
Dark Destroyer backs up into the center of the ring and Hellshock soon follows
him back. They lock up again.....
Hellshock pushes Dark Destroyer into the corner...
Yet another clean break...
JJ: NOT NECCISSARILY!!!!
MH: Dark Destroyer nails Hellshock across the face!!! Hellshock responds with
a swift kick to the abdominal area of Dark Destroyer! Hellshock whips Dark
Destroyer across the ring to the opposite corne-- Dark D reverses it! Hellshock
goes flying into the opposite corner!
JJ: Woah! We've just kicked things off with this right here!
MH: Dark Destroyer attempts to follow up with a "Stinger Splash", but Hellshock
moves out of the way!!!! Dark Destroyer comes out of the corner and Hellshock
catches him with a hip toss!
DD: Joy... a resthold...
MH: Hellshock grabs ahold of Dark Destroyer's arm and has him down with an
armbar...
JJ: Hellshock looks like he's got the right strategy here. He's wearing Dark
Destroyer down in the early stages of this match. This could lead to Dark D's
not being able to go beyond a certain ammount of time.
MH: What is Hellshock saying to Dark Destroyer?
JJ: It sounds something like: "I shall cleanse your soul and bring you into
the light, Dark one"... Some STRANGE mumbo jumbo.
MH: Well, ladies and gentlemen, there are no DQ's, no countouts, no interference,
no time limit. This match could go on forever until we have a decisive victor.
DD: Oh, god... I don't know if I can commentate for a match like this.
JJ: Don... You NEVER can commentate.
DD: Well, if it's a Toyota Hurashi match, I can!
MH: Dark Destroyer is to his knees.... Hellshock twists the arm a bit more,
but Dark D counters and starts twisting Hellshock's arm!!!!
JJ: Nice counter by Dark Destroyer.
MH: Dark Destroyer pulls in Hellshock's arm and shoulderbutts him a couple
of times! Dark Destroyer twists the arm and down goes Hellshock to the mat!
Dark Destroyer drops a leg down onto Hellshock's arm and wraps his leg around
it!
JJ: That was a great counter by Dark Destroyer, wouldn't you say, Don?
DD: Yes... For two wrestlers of THAT pathetic calliber.
MH: Hellshock's shoulders are both down on the mat!
{1...}
JJ: You aren't going to pin someone like that.
MH: That was only a one count. Hellshock's kicking his legs up... He uses
some of the momentup to get to his knees! He headbutts Dark Destroyer in the
abdominal area twice! The hold is broken!
DD: Yawn... More brawling.
MH: Hellshock shoves Dark Destroyer up against the cage! Hellshock charges
right at Dark Destroyer, but Dark D moves out of the way and Hellshock catches
the steel!
JJ: Ouch! Hellshock's straddled atop that rope!
MH: Dark Destroyer goes right on over to Hellshock... hooks the head and
stands on the bottom rope....
And a suplex!!!! Dark Destroyer goes for the cover...
{1...}
{2...}
JJ: Nope! He didn't get him!
MH: Dark Destroyer backs into the rope and goes for a legdrop, but Hellshock
moves out of the way! Hellshock gets Dark Destroyer's leg and... drops a
knee right down onto it! And another one!
JJ: He's tenderizing him for a figure four...
MH: It appears as though he is. Hellshock wraps Dark Destroyer's leg around
his... we have a leg twist here...
DD: Another resthold...
JJ: I just gotta wonder what the hell you look for in a match, Don...
DD: Anything that involves two good workers, which none of these men obviously
are.
MH: Hellshock drops an elbow right down onto the chest of Dark Destroyer!!!
JJ: That had to take the wind out of him.
MH: Hellshock gets Dark Destroyer up by the hair... puts him inbetween the
legs and...
A PILEDRIVER!!!!!! Hellshock covers Dark D....
{1...}
JJ: This could be it!
{2...}
MH: And....
NO!!!! Dark Destroyer gets his shoulder up just in the nick of time! Hellshock
gets Dark D's leg...
JJ: He's going for a figure four!
MH: Dark Destroyer gets him into an inside cradle!
{1...}
{2...}
MH: NO! Hellshock just kicks right out of that one! Hellshock to his feet and
Dark Destroyer is just about to his--- NO! Hellshock kicks him right back down!
Hellshock drops a knee right across the back of Dark Destroyer!
JJ: Hellshock's going to punish Dark D now... He's babbling that nonsense
about demons again... What the hell is that all about?
MH: Yes he apparently is. I have no idea. Hellshock, with Dark Destroyer by
the hair... HURLS HIM RIGHT INTO THE CAGE!!!!
JJ: Is Dark Destroyer busted open?
MH: No... No he isn't... At least, not yet...
JJ: Dammit! I want blood! The people want blood! We should give them their
money's worth!
MH: Hellshock hurls Dark Destroyer into the cage once again!
JJ: Blood?
MH: No, Jim. Not yet.
JJ: Damn.
MH: Hellshock walks on over to his corner and... HE'S PICKING UP THAT HUGE
CROSS HE BROUGHT DOWN TO RINGSIDE WITH HIM!!!
{Crowd pops...}
JJ: Here we go! Now we're going to see blood!
MH: Dark Destroyer gets back up to his feet, but Hellshock just nails him
with that cross!!! Dark Destroyer's down and he nails him again on the back
of the head!!!!
JJ: That oughta knock him out!
MH: Hellshock sets the cross back out on the ring apron and... he's climbing
to the top rope...
JJ: No he's not...
MH: No he's not! He's climbing to the top of the cage!!! Hellshock is up on
the top of that steel cage and Dark Destroyer is still out and down on the
mat...
JJ: Get ready, because here Hellshock comes!!!
{Cameras flash everywhere as Hellshock jumps off the cage...}
MH: Hellshock's going for a splash, but DARK D PULLS HIS KNEES UP AND
HELLSHOCK TAKES IT ALL IN!!!!!
DD: Yawn... He could have done a summersault legdrop from the top, but no.
Pointless match.
JJ: Pointless match? Are you on crack? Two of the greatest wrestlers' careers
are on the line here and you're calling this match POINTLESS!?!?
MH: Not only that, but the loser of the match... as we see both Dark Destroyer
and Hellshock down on the mat... the loser of this match will not only lose
his career in front of a worldwide audience of the three biggest wrestling
federations known to man, but he will also be replaced by "Gunnar" Grizzly
Gaines at the next EWA Pay-Per-View on January 19th, Hell on Earth. Will
Gunnar be facing Super Scott for the title shot at Night of the Extreme in
February or will he be facing "Offensive" Alex Adams for the EWA World
Heavyweight Championship at Hell on Earth?
JJ: At Hell on Earth, if Gunnar and Adams get into it again, all hell will
break loose.
MH: Let's also not forget that the winner of the 30-man Hell on Earth battle
royal will get the world title shot of a LIFETIME at Superstar Summit, which
will be held the first week of April in '97.
JJ: THAT will be an event in itself.
MH: Hellshock and Dark Destroyer... now both men are getting back to their
feet... Hellshock is going right for that cross, but WAIT! Dark Destroyer
comes up from behind....
JJ: HE NAILED HIM WITH THE REVERSE FLATLINER DDT!!!!!!
MH: Yes he did!!!!!! Why isn't he going for the cover???
DD: Because he's a lazy-ass worker!
JJ: I think that fall from the cage by Hellshock took a lot out of both of
them...
MH: I think you're right... There you see a good shot of Hellshock's forehead
with that white cross... Dark Destroyer... he's crawling right on over to
Hellshock and I beleive he's covering Hellshock!!!
{1...}
{2...}
MH: HE GOT HIM!!! HE GOT HIM!!!!!
JJ: No he didn't, dumbass!
MH: Oh... Sorry... Hellshock just barely gets his shoulder up... Dark Destroyer's
up and he's going to the corner for the cross...
JJ: What a weapon that is.
MH: Dark Destroyer bashes Hellshock across the faces with that cross!!!
JJ: WOAH!!!
MH: OH, MY!!!!! HELLSHOCK'S FACE JUST LIGHTS RIGHT BACK UP AND HE GETS DARK
DESTROYER WITH A CHOKEHOLD!!!!!!
JJ: My, my... Hellshock is NOT the guy you want to beat with a cross.
MH: Hellshock is reciting those phrases of demonic possession that he was
reciting a bit earlier to Dark Destroyer...
OH!!! Dark Destroyer catches him with a knee to the gut!
JJ: That stopped his momentum right there...
MH: Dark Destroyer picks Hellshock up and SLAMS him right back down to the
mat!!!
DD: Gee... That's a real scientific move!
MH: Dark Destroyer backs into the ropes... and catches Hellshock with a
legdrop! Dark Destroyer covers Hellshock...
{1...}
{2...}
JJ: Nope! Not right there! I'd suggest that Dark Destroyer lay out Hellshock
with another Flatliner DDT...
MH: Dark Destroyer drags hellshock right on over to the corner... Dark D
goes up to the second rope...
...AND DROPS A KNEE RIGHT ONTO HELLSHOCK'S NECK!!!!
JJ: That's a potential injury-maker right there!
MH: Dark Destroyer moves Hellshock back on over to the center of the ring...
What's he doing???
JJ: He's got a camel clutch applied!!!!
DD: Wow... Another resthold. When will these people learn to work a match?
MH: Hellshock, who's neck was damaged by Dark Destroyer, is now locked in that
camel clutch...
JJ: The crowd is stomping their feet! You know what that means! They're
trying to be annoying and they're getting on my nerves!
MH: Hellshock's pulling away! He could reach the ropes!
He's doing it....
He's almost the--- And Dark Destroyer drops down on Hellshock's back and
breaks the hold! Dark D picks up Hellshock by the hair and shoves his face
right into the cage!!! He's grinding it!!!
JJ: That white cross on Hellshock's forehead isn't wearing off...
MH: Well, it isn't. That is correct. Hellshock elbows Dark D right in the
abdomen and breaks free of his clutches! Hellshock shoves Dark Destroyer's
face now, right into the steel cage!!!!
...AND NOW _HE'S_ GRINDING!!!!
JJ: Blood?
MH: Yes, I beleive so...
JJ: BLOOD!!!! YEAH!!!! _NOW_ this match is worthwhile!
MH: Hellshock has just caused Dark Destroyer to bust open his forehead! The
fans are going nuts just at the sight of human blood!!!! Hellshock whips
Dark Destroyer into the ropes....
Dark D ducks a dropkick!!!!
JJ: Try saying that 3 times fast...
MH: Dark Destroyer has Hellshock's legs!!!! He's got them twisted together
and...
JJ: A Scorpion Deathlock!!!!!!!!
DD: Good... It's finally over...
MH: It's not over yet... All that has to happen is for Hellshock to say the
magic words "I quit", and then it's over...
JJ: Hellshock's not the type of guy to submit.
MH: Dark Destroyer has that lock synched in.... He will NOT let go...
JJ: Well, it's in the center of the ring, so I really don't see any way out
of it.
MH: Hellshock's eyes are glassy... The ref might choose to award the match
to Dark Destroyer...
JJ: WOAH!!!! LOOK AT THAT DISPLAY OF POWER!!!
MH: Hellshock just uses whatever power he has left and kicks Dark Destroyer
right out of the hold! Dark D hits his head right on the cage!!! He falls
right to the mat! He's out!!! He's out!!! Dark Destroyer is GONE!
JJ: All Hellshock needs to do is cover him....
MH: Hellshock, who was in tremendous ammounts of pain just a few moments
ago... Though, Hellshock's facial expressions didn't show it, we all know
that he was... The white cross still across the forehead of Hellshock...
JJ: Hellshock's getting up!!! It's not over yet!!!
MH: No it's not!!!! Hellshock's going for the HELLFIRE!!!! He's pulling
the glove out.... going to the corner...
He's got it lit!!!
JJ: Bye, bye, Dark Destroyer.
MH: Hellshock's walking over to the dazed Dark Destroyer, who's just getting
to his feet and...
HE APPLIES THE HELLFIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
{Crowd pops...}
JJ: It is _SO_ over now....
MH: Hellshock drives Dark D's head into the canvas!!!!!!!!
{1...}
{2....}
{3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!}
{DING! DING!! DING!!!}
JJ: Oh, my god.......
MH: The career of Dark Destroyer.... HAS JUST ENDED RIGHT THERE IN THE
MIDDLE OF THE RING!!!!!!!!
{Fireworks go off... Hellshock still has that hold applied...}
Joe Blow: Ladies and gentlemen... Here is your winner......
HELLLLLLLLSHOCK!!!!!!!!!!!
Dark Destroyer's career has now come to an end!
MH: It's over... Gunnar Gaines will now meet Magus in a rematch from last
November for the EWA World title at Hell on Earth.
JJ: Look! That white cross on Hellshock's forehead has turned to black!!!
{The arena goes black...}
MH: WOAH!!!! The arena has gone to COMPLETE darkness!!!!
JJ: hehehe...
DD: Hey!!! Who's hitting me!?!?!?
JJ: HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
DD: Stop it!!! Whomever you are!!! Stop it!!!! Great! Now I have water
spilled all over me!!!
{The spotlight goes up... Hellshock holds his hand out with the indentation
of Dark Destroyer's face on it...}
MH: Oh, my......
JJ: He's walking out....
MH: The man that just took Dark Destroyer's career is now walking right out
of the building...
Well... It's been a great career for Dark Destroyer. Former 4-time EWA World
Champion. Former FASW World Champion. He's done it all here in the EWA. We
wish him good luck wherever he goes.
JJ: It's sad to see such a great career come to an e--- Wait...
{Super Scott walks out....
The Extremist walks out....
Trey Porter walks out....
Steve Sampson walks out...
Television Champion Caleb Temple walks out...
DPW World Champion Mick Morton walks out...
Christian Kingsworth walks out...
Trace Michaels walks out...
Steven Spector walks out...
They then all applaud Dark Destroyer as he gets to his feet}
MH: What the hell is this? They're applauding Dark Destroyer!!! The
tremendous career in which he won 6 world titles...
JJ: This is cool...
DD: Yeah, I guess... I wish they were all wrestling, though.
MH: For Don Davidson, Jimmy Jam, and the rest of the EWA broadcast
team, this is Mike Hoffman saying "So long, everybody"!!!
copyright 1996 EWA
EWA Writers:
Aaron (SKLOKAZOID), (Career match)
Rick Baptist (World title match)
Brian Nelson (Light Heavyweight title match)
Scott Troy (North American Title match)
Eric LaValle (midget match
Kent Kroenenberg (TV Title match)
Lineup for EWA Sunday Night RARE so far...
Writers: Aaron & New writer replacing Brian
1. 6-MAN TAG GRUDGE MATCH:
"Superstar" Steve Sampson, The Extremist, & Super Scott
vs.
Jason The Terribly Naughty One & The Cripplers
2. DEBUT OF A NEW TAG TEAM!
Craig Jayhawk & The Man From Heck vs. souprising smashurs
3. OPEN SPOTS! CHALLENGE!
Lineup for EWA Wednesday WAR for January 8th
Writers: Kent & Nick
1. EWA TELEVISION TITLE REMATCH!
New Champion Caleb Temple vs. "Dreamlover" Trace Michaels
2. EWA LIGHT-HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH!
Champion Steven "Edge" Spector vs. Toyota Hurashi
3. OPEN SPOTS! CHALLENGE!
Lineup for EWA Sunday Night WAR for January 11th
Writers: Aaron & Brian's replacement
1. EWA NORTH AMERICAN TITLE MATCH!
Champion Craig Jayhawk vs. TBA
2. OPEN SPOTS! CHALLENGE TODAY!