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An interview with Jim Russ
Some days at work, you just hold your nose and do what you have to do. That's what happened the other day when I sat down to do a web site interview with Jim Russ. Jim has an odious personality, a slug-like physique, a nasty odor, a mysteriously Oedipal relationship with his grandmother, a remarkably mean attitude toward everyone he encounters, bigotry that would make Archie Bunker blush ... and those are his good points. Without further ado ...
Jim, thanks for taking this time to sit down with us.
Well ya know Gene, with my hemorrhoids, I'd rather be standing. But
hey, whatever.
Jim, first off ... excited to be back in PCW?
Well I was until I found out Jacob Jordan's in the federation. I mean,
seriously, how can a company be taken seriously with that numbnuts
around. I was reading his bio and found out his parents names. Get this ... his DAD's name is Jacob Edmonton and his MOM'S name is Jennifer Jordan.
I'm not following, Jim.
_WHY_ is his name Jacob Jordan? Shouldn't be be Jacob Edmonton Jr.?
Does this not make sense to you too? This schmuck left WLW because he got
picked on backstage .. he quit I-Slash because, well, he got picked on
backstage. Gee Sherlock, I wonder how this one's going to end. He's a walking,
talking practical joke.
Jim, moving on ... you've been criticized in the past for putting
yourself over in your dark match updates at the expense of the wrestlers
fighting. Any comments?
Baaah! There is a REASON you're in a dark match. And that reason is
simple: you suck. I'm sure I'll be calling a lot of Jacob Jordan matches, and
I'm going to let you in on a little secret: when I do, they don't wanna
know if JJ won the match. They wanna know what _I'm_ up to. It doesn't take
Captain Obvious to figure out that I'm the star of the show around here.
Not everyone agrees with that assessment. But regardless of that, how
is your Granny?
I thought she was dead, but she's still playing bingo every Wednesday
night, so I don't know.
While we finish this interview, let's play a little word association.
What comes to mind when I say the name ... Darius.
Who?
How about Randall Sykes?
Who?
"Handyman" Stanley Toole?
Handyman, my ass. I had him come over and rake my leaves, which he
claimed to do ... but the next day, the yard was filled with leaves again. If he can't do that simple job, I sure ain't going to trust him with my deck.
Jacob Jordan?
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Jake Arcola?
His brother's a homo.
On that note, we'll end this interview. Thanks, Jim.
Anytime, Gene. Anytime.
[Posted 10.31.2002]
By Eugene Curtis
