Cagewars

The cameras focus on the ring, empty of competitors but littered with hardcore weapons, ball
bats, barb wire, chairs, tables, and a ladder leaning off one of the turnbuckles.

Jerry Lawler: Good God JR. Someone has to be seriously injured here in this match tonight. We have the weapons there in the ring and four crazies about to enter.
Jim Ross: Yes King, you’re right. We have two titles on the line too and those athletes will stop at nothing to win the match. Wait, someones coming King. Looks like Crazy Canadian.

Crazy Train by Ozzy Osborne hits the speakers and the Crazy Canadian makes his way to the ring with his manager Crazy Stickboy, amidst cheers from the crowd. He stops halfway down the ramp and waves his famous Canadian “maple leaf” flag and his fellow Canadians go wild.

Jim Ross: This guy is so popular, King, and seems we have a lot of Canadians in the arena
tonight.
Jerry Lawler: Thats for sure. This kid is young and has a promising career ahead of him, as
long as Valhella don’t go ending it for him tonight. That woman gives me the shivers!

Crazy Canadian is closely followed by Krusher McCall who enters to his theme song of . Again the crowd goes wild, standing and cheering and waving banners bearing Krushers name and logo. He smiles and waves to the fans as he enters the ring then watches for the other two combatants to arrive.

The King: I’d say its going to be a good one tonight. We have a capacity crowd here and
they’re here to see three of the most popular wrestlers in the history of the sport.
Jim Ross: Yes sir, thats right. And then we have Valhella.

Third to the ring is Skull Diamond. His Harley Davidson snarls loudly as he rides it slowly to
the squared circle and the crowd are on their feet again, waving banners and as he kills the
bike engine, AC/DC’s For those About to Rock, blurts from the speakers.

Jim Ross: What an athlete. I heard hes up to 255 lbs now and he never has been the
lightweight of the federation. How do you think the others will fare against him tonight King?
The King: I don’t know JR, but i’m looking forward to seeing his reaction to Valhella. Shes the only woman in the match and maybe the toughest of them all.
Jim Ross: I notice you said “woman”. Shes certainly no “Lady”! Speaking of which, here she
comes.
The King: I wouldnt go as far as to call her a Witch. Especially when shes within earshot!

Silence and darkness falls over the arena and as the red pyrotechnics kick in, Valhella Dracul’s entrance music echoes around the arena. Valhella apprears from high in the arena ceiling and drops down on top of the cage, making a hole in the top and yelling at the other competitors. She climbs through the hole in the cage and drops into the ring, punching Krusher in the face as she lands.

Referee Lenny London is trying hard to keep order in the ring and finally the cage is locked into place and the bell rings to start the match. Valhella is first to grab a weapon and chooses a ball bat, with which she hits Crazy Canadian over the head. He drops to his knees and grabs a chair, taking out her left leg as he falls. She screams and rolls to one side of the ring, clutching her injured knee.

The King: Looks like she could be out of the running JR. And that means she forfeits the
Hardcore Title too! Should have known better than to put a woman in a mens match up.

Krusher grabs another chair and goes to nail Skull Diamond but Skull ducks and the chair hits referee Lenny London full in the face, knocking him to the ground. He hesitates a few seconds, shocked at his mistake, and those few seconds give Crazy Canadian chance to get back on his feet, giving Skull a hard clothesline before moving to the side of the ring to fetch a bag of thumbtacks, emptying them out onto the floor of the ring, while the crowd yell for Krusher to get the table. Looking at the fallen Valhella, Crazy Canadian picks her up and bodyslams her on to the thumbtacks. She staggers to her feet, covered in thumbtacks, and runs her long nails down the Canadian’s cheek, drawing blood instantly. Lenny London gets to his feet too and signals that first blood has been drawn.

JIM ROSS: I don’t beleive it, Valhella’s ripped him wide open. First blood match and she’s just drawn first blood.
THE KING: Yeh JR thats true. But it also means she has to face Mental Mike at Cold Steel for the Heavyweight Championship title.
JIM ROSS: But thats idiocy! Valhella and Mike are lovers!
THE KING: Wonder if they still will be after Cold Steel?

Still limping on her injured knee, Valhella grabs Skull Diamond and locks him in a sleeper hold. he drops to the ground and is out of the match. Krusher McCall has the barbed wire in his hands, and wraps it around Valhellas neck. Tired and bloodied, she flicks him over into the thumb tacks as Skull brings a chair down on Krushers chest. Lenny London counts him out 1-2-3 and he too is out of the matchup.

THE KING: Whats happening JR? Skull Diamond is out of that match. He has no right to
interfere.
JIM ROSS: Well, thats a hardcore match King. Anything can happen and it probably will.

Crazy Canadian grabs the barbed wire and wraps it around Valhella’s waist, pulling it tight and throwing her into the side of the cage. She hits the corner post hard and her forehead is busted open. The Canadian gets her by the throat and does a perfect facebuster, rolls her over and gets the count 1-2-3 from Lenny London. He is the last competitor standing.

JIM ROSS: Well what a hellacious matchup. We’ve got bodies laying everwhere and blood on the announce table. Yuk what a messy match.
THE KING: And not only does Crazy Canadian take Valhella’s Hardcore title belt, but Val now has to fight her lover for his Heavyweight title.
JIM ROSS: Thats a good thought King. It will be a night to remember, thats for sure. And
someone needs to call the EMT’s. Its like a car wreck out there.