Influence of Band On People

That Were Already Insane Enough

By: Ashbie Heckathorn

 

Hey, my name is Ashbie. This is a weird and complicated story of my friends and me. I'm an eleventh grade, sorta hippie kinda girl. I'm about 5'9, medium length wavy brownish-reddish hair. My friends could confuse Einstein without even having to try! So in other words, I have a few stranger than average friends. My friends and I will debate on almost anything. Our biggest debate right now is on a colored disco ball light. We can't decide on the middle light. Some insist it's orange, others insist it's red. I personally, think it's vermillion. All the way! Yeah go me! Well, actually I started the whole debate, yes you can hurt me later! For some weird odd reason my friends were acting stranger than they normally do today, here lemme explain.

Yet another horribly boring Monday (ugh!) and I was feeling terribly down in the dumps. I was in a "Sad, depressed, what's-this-life-for?" kinda mood. The one where you don't wanna get up or ever move again? You figure what's missing one day of school gonna do? Then it adds up, one, then two, next thing ya know it's five! So I'll avoid it all and just go to school like a good child should.

I went and got my shower, got ready and ate my Honey Bunches of Oats. Usually eating my Honey Bunches of Oats cheers me up, this morning it didn't. I got in my car and started to drive to school. Halfway there I began to think that maybe I should just turn back? I was feeling worse and worse as I drove. Geez, I wish I were feeling better. I think every average sixteen year old goes through this "I-Never-Ever-Wanna-Go-To-School" kinda stage though, I have to deal with it.

I have a zero period, which in other words means I have to go to school extremely early so I can take extra classes. Anyway, most of my friends have a zero period too, so that's how I talk to them in the morning. I really didn't feel like talking to anyone this morning, so I went to class instead. I still felt horrible throughout the whole morning, so I just kept quiet and didn't say much. As I was on my way to third period, Band, my friend Katie came running up to me in the hall.

Katie is my best friend. She's about my height, long dark brown hair. She can be really nuts. She sometimes gets carried away with theories that make absolutely no sense at all! She's still convinced that her kitchen appliances are planning a revolt against her. All because one day she says she found her blender staring at her. Ever since then, she's been a little frightened of them.

"Guess what?" she said ecstatically. Ow, her saying it that loud made my headache worse.

"What...? " I replied to her.

"We are gonna have a huge party in Band class today! I brought Champagne and Middleton put laxatives into Webb's coffee! Webb just went running out of the room screaming like a scared five year old boy!" Katie said laughing.

I couldn't believe this myself! Is she being serious? Is this all true? "Ok...?"I said to her confusedly.

I was surprised for Middleton. Middleton, Josh being his real name, is really weird. He thinks he's a sexy skunk. How he came up with that, I don't know. He's a little shorter than me, with blonde-brown hair, sorta a bowl cut. I can remember one day, his fly on his jeans kept falling down, so he put a safety pin on them to keep it up. When he went to the bathroom the safety pin fell in the urinal, and has been there since. It's been practically four months now! He thinks we need a proper burial for the safety pin, but no one dares to actually put their hand in the urinal. I don't blame my friends at all for that one.

I stood there for a second, and began to wonder what I was doing. Oh yeah you idiot, you're going to class...duh!

I walked into the Band room to find all my friends partying. It was a whipped cream and champagne party. One of the best, just not as good as a whipped cream and champagne toga party. Well actually, a whipped cream and champagne toga party would be hard to pull off in high school...but whatever! I saw a lot of my friends there. Most of them were already half drunk when I entered the room.

"Hey, someone get Ashbie a glass of our finest champagne!" My friend Mike said to me. Mike is one of my best friends too. I can't decide on just one best friend so I'll stick with a few. He's a few inches taller than me, and has curly blonde hair. No matter how much he hates it, I think it looks adorable on him. That's why everyone insists he's a teddy bear. Him and I are engaged, but we've never been out, and I don't think we ever plan on it either. It's mainly a joke, but everything's a joke with him.

"So, lemme guess. You're trying to get me drunk for a reason?" I asked him as he handed me a glass. I took a sip. It was pretty good stuff.

"Nah...why would we do that? Oh come on Ashbie, you're my fiancée! Can't you put trust into your own fiancée?" he asked me.

"I would if you weren't smiling so much!" I said to him.

"Ok, ok. I have to admit. We were gonna get you drunk and film it all. We then were planning on sending it into that Candid Camera show to embarrass you, but I'm afraid we'll be drunk before you will. I guess you can get us on Candid Camera?" he said to me.

"Oh, I seriously doubt it," I said.

"Aww...why not? It would be so funny!" he said.

"Mike, you're funny enough," I said to him, "If you were any funnier you would have people rolling on the floor laughing so hard they would die because of a lack of oxygen. You make people laugh just when they look at you!" I said laughing already.

"Oh, so I'm that funny?" he said to me.

"Yeah pretty much," I said laughing to him.

"Is that the only reason why you're marrying me?" Mike asked.

"No Mike, that's not the only reason. I think it's a tie between you're stupidity and good looks," I said laughing to myself.

"Why thank you...that was nice," he said.

"Hey, I could have just called you an idiot!" I said to him.

"Even better," he said. I took another sip of my drink. It was some strong stuff. There was a reason for this all. It was someone's evil doing. I know it. Deep down there's an evil plan! And I'm gonna get to the bottom of it before the end of this whole thing! I'll find out what it is!

Before I had realized it, I had already had at least six drinks. Most of my friends had already had more though. We were all laughing for no reason, but I have to admit it was really fun. We were all losing it, and losing people. I couldn't find Holley, Ryan or Mike. Holley was a girl about my age, way taller than me. She has long curly brown hair. She can tear into you, with the way she yells and screams, but she can be cool too. You just have to watch out around her. Don't mess around with her too much.

Ryan on the other hand, always made Holley mad. He likes to joke around a lot. I think he gets that from Mike, since they were our baritone section together. Ryan had short blonde hair, about six foot tall, and always flirted with everyone. People suspected him to be gay, but I knew he wasn't. I was looking around and I saw Ryan. He was wearing only a Superman thong and looked ridiculous! He ran down to the front of the band room and started lap dancing on some people. Everyone was laughing at him and then Holley came in...

She had taken off her shirt wearing only her bra and had sprayed whipped cream in its place. It was really funny, but what was funnier was when she ran down to the front of the band room and started to dance with Ryan. It was so funny because they hated each other, I guess they didn't know what they were doing. I couldn't help but to crack up.

The laughter was way louder on the other side of the room. My friend Maggie was conversing with a big group of people. She was telling jokes and saying funny things. Maggie was a year younger than me, but was popular with the younger people. One day she made me hair spray her hair hot pink, but she normally has long, straight blonde hair. She is very short! "Ok you guys won't believe this!" I heard her say. Then SLAM! She ran into the door. THUD! She hit the floor. The laughter then got louder and louder.

Through that door she just ran into, Mike came running in with a pink tutu on. Wait a second! That was my pink tutu! Hey, and my high heels, eyeliner, and lipstick. He looked like a prostitute. Well, I guess that's one of the disadvantages of sharing a locker! Note to self: Kick your fiancée out of your locker or get a new fiancée! Never mind, I'll just put my feminine things in a different locker. I've learned my lesson. When we do get married, put a lock on my feminine things. Fear for him wearing my clothes. No skirts or dresses can be made available to him. Ok I'll remember. I have to admit that he is the transvestite type! It looked pretty good on him, even though I'm surprised it fit him. He's just a tad bit bigger than me ... teensy weensy bit.

My friend Will came stumbling in. Will is the dumbest of everyone, but he is really funny. He has medium length wavy blonde brown hair. He's about my height and he's the one who usually throws parties. "Hey you guys, Webb is coming back. I say we get our instruments out and look like we did something!" Will said.

"Hey, you guys I think Will finally has a halfway bright idea! It's gonna be the only time he gets a stroke of genius like this. Let us treasure the time!" I said.

Everyone was still drunk, but we got our instruments out anyway. I was tired, and I started to doze off and I eventually fell asleep on my oboe. Next thing I heard Webb screaming, "Get her up!"

"Hey," Mike said shaking me. "You don't wanna miss this!"

Mike was still wearing the pink tutu, how embarrassing! I looked over my shoulder. Yep, Ryan in the Superman thong. I looked over. Holley was still in the whipped cream. Now where was Maggie? I looked to where she should have been sitting. Nope, she wasn't there. I looked to where I had last seen her. She was still on the floor. Man, that had to hurt. As Austin Powers once said "Ouch baby, very ouch!"

Hmm ... I began to wonder what Webb must have been thinking. His Band room was trashed and a few of his students were dressed up as transvestites. The other students were drunk! "I can't believe this!" Webb said.

"Moo...."Will started in with his animal noise shananigin.

"Waaa!!!" David piped in. Oh no, David was joining him. David was Will's best friend, and is crazy. He has curly brown hair, it's kinda long, but not really. He's about my height.

"Stop that!" Webb screamed.

"Baa.....oohoohaahaaa!!!!" Will yelled.

"Whooohaaa!" David continued.

"Alright! That's it! I want the people who did this to confess or worse consequences will result! Ok, so who brought the champagne?" Webb asked.

"Uhh yeah that was me...." Katie said.

"Alright, and who put the laxatives into my coffee?" Webb asked.

"Umm, yeah, that was my doing...." Middleton said.

"Ok, good. Ryan, Holley, Will, David, Katie, Middleton, Mike and Ashbie, go to Critters office now!" Webb said.

I wonder what I had done? I decided to get up anyway and headed out the door with my friends. They were all laughing. Critter was our assistant principal, he can be very mean. I was wondering what I did as I was walking out of the room.

"Umm, Mike..." I said to Mike.

"Yes..." He said.

"What did I do? I don't understand why I'm in trouble..." I said.

"Well, it was kinda weird," he said, "You were talking in your sleep. It was at first whispering, then it got progressively louder. I heard you saying 'Mike! Oh Mike! I love you Mike!' And I can assure you, it was strange. People who heard you were looking at you, then at me. It just wasn't right..." Mike continued.

I started to blush...wait a second. I would never do that! I've never talked in my sleep. Not once! Why would I start now? "Well that's strange..." I said.

"You're telling me," he said.

"You're lying. I can tell in your eyes! That isn't true! You're totally faking it aren't you?" I asked him.

"No, why would I lie to you? Do you think I would make up something like that!?" he said to me.

"Well, duh! Of course you would! You're Mike! You're world renowned for being you! Scary, strange, and stupid. That's why I love ya so much! It makes you cool." I said to him.

"Ok...so I was lying, but I only did it to see your expression. I love to see you when you're shocked. But I didn't expect for you to blush! Even though I had ya there for a minute!" he said to me.

"Yes, as I once said, you're Mike. You get a thrill out of things like this. But if it makes you feel better, you did have me there for a minute!" I said. He got a look of satisfaction on his face.

"He he ... well yeah. It helps my self-esteem..." He said.

"So what did I really do?" I asked him.

"You were just rolling around in your sleep. You rolled onto me, I had to push you off," he said, but he was laughing. I understood that. I roll all the time when sleeping.

"Sorry for rolling on you, am I forgiven?" I asked.

"But of course, how can I not forgive you? What's a fianceé for?" He replied. I smiled for a second, then realized where we were going. The smile instantly disappeared. We're dead I thought.

We all approached Critters office. We stood outside of his office for about a minute or so. "Ok, all of you come in," We heard a voice from behind the door say.

We all walked in together. We all took a seat, but we didn't have enough for everyone so Holley sat in Ryan's lap. Oh whatever, I thought, so I sat in Mike's lap. Critter looked at us all strangely. I don't blame him personally. "Ok," Critter said, "Instead of taking this out on individuals, I'll take it out on a whole. I'm gonna give each of you--"he was cut off.

I turned around to see my friend Isaac standing there. Isaac was a total babe, and one of Mike's best friends. Isaac was built, extremely well, with short blonde hair and a goateé, which just made him look sexier. He had his fingers closing in on each other. He was just like Darth Vader and was choking Critter! Then Critter hit the floor.

I jumped up and ran up to Isaac and hugged him. "Everyone, I think we owe Isaac big time!" I said.

Everyone got down to their hands and knees and all started to hail him. "Isaac is god, Isaac is god," They were chanting.

"I know, I know," he said just blowing it off, "That was nothing!" Everyone started leaving.

"Isaac, we really do owe you. How can I repay you?" I asked him.

"Well you have the power too. It's just a matter of concentrating and believing in it," he said to me.

"Come on, let's go!" the transvestite in the pink tutu (otherwise known as Mike) said. Mike grabbed my hand and dragged me outside.

There was a group of standing out there. Somehow we had mysteriously picked up Erin and Tim. Erin was Will's soon to be girlfriend, it was pretty obvious, but he never asked her out yet cause he still liked flirting. Tim was a cool friend of mine. Really tall, thin, with long brown hair. I began to wonder, 'I have these powers too? Wow, cool.'

"Ok, let's split up into cars," Will said.

"My car will seat six," I said. I had a black convertible '94 firebird.

"My truck can fit two more," Isaac said.

"My car can fit one more," Ryan said while looking at Holley.

"Ok...well that takes care of everyone. Now pick cars!" I said.

I walked out to the parking lot and took off the top of my car. We all got settled. I had Erin, Will, and Tim in the back. I had the transvestite Mike next to me and David next to him. "So does anyone not like speeding?" I asked them.

"Well does loving it count?" Erin said.

"Ok, here we go!" I said as I floored it. They threw their arms in the air and were screaming. They were having fun. Ok, now try what Isaac said. I tried concentrating. Click! The radio turned on. It worked!

"Turn it up!" Tim said.

Concentrate...the volume increased. "Wow! How did you do that? I'm sitting in front of the controls," Mike said to me.

"My own secret," I said. Mike gave me a weird, yet astonished look.

"So, where are we going?" David asked.

"Well since I am leading, we'll go to my house. No one will be there until nine o'clock tomorrow morning. We can just spend the night there. As for you all, make up some lame excuse for why you won't be home," I said.

Will gave Erin a look. Well, being in a car with three single guys gave me an advantage. But I'll stick with my fiancée Mike. He's pretty much my best friend anyway. I pulled into my driveway. I concentrated...my radio turned off and the emergency brake went on. Mike gave me a weird look again. I got out of my car. Isaac and Ryan had followed me.

"Hey Erin, could you tell them all what our plan is?" I asked her.

"Ok, sure no problem," she said.

Mike walked up to me. "Can we talk somewhere away from people?" he asked me.

"Yeah sure," I said.

I walked into my house. Will, David and Tim were all talking in my living room. I went back to my room with him.

"Ok, what is it?" I asked him.

"Alright," he said, "I know you're not normal, but I guess that's what makes you so cool. But I wanted to know, how did you do that? The radio, the brake?" he asked me.

"Well, yeah. It's like the movie "Carrie" but unlike her I've realized my talent," I said to him.

"Wow cool, but hopefully you won't use it for evil...right?" Mike asked me.

"Of course not...can't you trust your fiancée? I trust you. I've trusted you too many times..." I said to him.

"Of course I do...let's start your party!" Mike said. I concentrated and opened the door for him. "You amaze me..." Mike said smiling.

"Why thank you..." I said. I walked out to where everyone was... "Now let's get this party started!" I said. So that's my story.....that's how it happened!

The End!!!!!!

 

Influence of Band On PeopleThat Were Already Insane Enough 2000Ó Ashbie Heckathorn

 

 

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