Broken Dreams

"Broken Dreams"
By Jennifer Joy Arend

         My mother has always put an age on love, and I've always been too young to be experiencing it. I used to think that she was wrong, and that she only believed that because she married young, and my father walked out on her when I was four years old. Then I found out what it really means to love someone.
         I was a senior in high school. I had just come out of a bad relationship, and I was still pretty shaken up when my good friend Alison introduced me to Alec. Alec was new in town. He was quiet and shy. He was sweet, thoughtful, and caring. Most importantly, Alec was dependable. He
wasn't the type of guy to cheat on me and disappear on me like the last guy I had dated. Alec was perfect. He was everything I'd been looking for. So, when he asked me out, I said yes without any thought, without even really knowing him or where he came from.
         Conversations came and went, as did dates and good night kisses. Time went so fast, and I grew to love everything about Alec. I barely realized what was going on as I fell in love with him.
         Everything seemed perfect for us. We saw each other at school, and went out every weekend. We talked about getting married and having a family. I shared all my dreams with him, and when I wouldn't stop asking, he let me in on his. I knew as I stared into his soft brown eyes that this feeling wasn't anything I had ever felt. Maybe mom had been right. I had needed to grow up a little before I could experience this kind of love.
         Stephanie appeared in December. She was also from out of state. She was a junior, and I met her in my advanced art class. She was a skilled painter. She painted beautiful pictures of places neither of us had ever been too. She always seemed sad when she talked about her paintings. It was as if each painting was a dream that she had lost somehow. I wondered about her past, but I never asked. It didn't seems like something she wanted to talk about.
         When I told Alec about becoming friends with Stephanie, he didn't say much. I would tell him about things Steph and I did together, places we went, books borrowed off each other, and art work that we worked together on. I told him everything yet he never seemed to comment. He seemed to grow distant. I assumed that he just didn't know what to say about all this girl stuff. I was usually just as quiet when he talked about video games or the track team.
         Then, all of a sudden Alec and I stopped seeing each other on the weekends. I suspected that something was up, but I was too afraid of the answer to ask the question. Then one day I got up the nerve.
        "Alec, are you seeing someone else?" My words echoed through the winter air as we walked to school that day in January.
         Alec stopped dead in his tracks, and turned to face me.
         "How could you think that, Mallory?" He asked. I wasn't sure if his face was flushed from anger or the biting weather.
        I shrugged. "You haven't been around much lately. That's all."
        He stood there and stared at me for a moment. Then he sighed and began walking again.
        I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I asked the question again.
        "Alec, are you seeing someone else?" This time he just started walking faster.
        Finally I got mad. I grabbed him by the back of his coat, and pulled him around.
        "Alec, answer me!"
        That's when I saw the tears in his eyes. Immediately I felt sorry for snapping. I tried to wipe away the tears, but he pushed my hand away.
         "Let them freeze," he told me.
         I didn't know what else to do, and I was shocked by his bitter tone. So, we walked the rest of the way in silence. We didn't talk for a week even though we walked to school and home together every day since neither of us had cars.
        The next time I talked to Alec, he called me on the phone. At first it was like nothing had ever happened. Then he started to tell me all about why he hadn't been seeing a lot of me lately.
         "Her name is Bree, and she's two years old now. Her mother was a girl I knew when I lived in Ohio before I moved here. Her family just moved up here. I guess they were afraid that since I was out of state I would just forget about Bree or something. I could never do that. I love spending time with Bree even through there are a hundred other things I could be doing with my time. I gave up part of my right to be a teenager when she was conceived, but I will never let anyone tell her she's
a mistake. I have visitation with Bree on the weekends, and that's why I haven't been going out
with you." He paused and then added, "Bree's mother is your friend Stephanie."
         At first I was too shocked to say anything. This was my shy, quiet Alec who seemed so perfect. My boyfriend was a father, and even though I know it was a rotten thing to consider, all I could think was that Steph was the mother, not me.
         All at once my troubled thoughts spilled out. I was a virgin. Was he experienced? How many girls did he go out with in Ohio? Did he love Stephanie, and if so what had happened? I asked dozens of questions about everything from his prior girlfriends to what his little girl was like. Then
finally I got to what was really bothering me.
         "What about our family?" "How's this going to affect the life we've planned?"
         There was a long pause. Through tears he answered.
         "Mallory, I never loved Stephanie. It happened at a party one night. We were both smashed. If I could take it back I would. I would still be a virgin if it hadn't been for that night."
         He stopped to let me take this all in, then he began again.
         "I love you, but Mal, if I were to abandon her, there's going to be a little girl out there without a dad."
         Just like me, I thought. Suddenly I understood why my mother wanted to protect me from believing that I was in love with my boyfriends.
         That night I crawled into bed, and let my tears lull me to sleep. I didn't know if it would ever be the same between Alec and I. My dreams were like a glass falling from a kitchen cabinet. I was going to have to act fast and be careful to keep them from shattering.
         Alec and I talked at school the next day, and he joined Stephanie and I for lunch. I couldn't help staring at Stephanie. She was a bright-eyed sixteen year-old with long curly auburn hair. She looked so young to be a mother.
         Stephanie left early to go to the library, and I had a feeling she knew that Alec and I needed to talk. He told her that he had told me about their child. I was glad that she wasn't acting any different. I didn't want to lose her friendship.
         "Mallory, you know I can't just leave her." He leaned close to whisper.
         I nodded as the same old tears stung my eyes. I realized that he didn't just mean Bree. He had a responsibility to Stephanie too.
         "Whether you like it or not, Stephanie and Bree are going to be a part of our lives." He blinked back tears of his own. "Just know one thing, Mallory. I love you, and I will stand by you for the rest of my life too."
         He held up a ring, and I heard the gasps of nearby students over the beating of my heart. Just like when he asked me out, I said yes without even thinking. In fact, I said yes before he even asked.
         We're both in college now, and I admit we've had some hard times, but we've made it through. We've stood by each other.
         I've come to love Bree as much as my own daughter who was born three months ago, and I'm still friends with Steph.
         Best of all, I finally understand what love is. You might think that I learned this from the love between Alec and I, but I learned it from his love for Bree and Stephanie. He didn't have to stick by them after what had happened. Some people would say that it wasn't his fault. Neither of them had been in their right mind. Whether there's anyone to blame or not, I know that Alec did what he did out of love. He can tell me as many times as he wants that he doesn't love Stephanie. That just tells me how narrow his definition of love is. Love is so much more than romance and being married with children. Love is being there for someone when they need you. It's sacrifice and reaching out. Love
is being like my mother, and making sure that your broken dreams never become someone else's.

Broken Dreams 2001 © Jennifer Joy Arend

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