chpt7lwy

After settling in in our rooms, AJ and I decided to go shopping for something to wear for the banquet tonight. From what he told me about the banquet, it’s basically just a welcoming type party being help for all of them. Even though shopping never seemed to be my favorite hobby, I figured I go to have something to do. Staying in one room for hours, not doing anything is impossible for me. I’m the type of person where I have to be doing something every minute of every second. Going shopping just seemed like the only thing that would enable me to escape boredom. However, what makes the situation a whole lot more interesting is the fact that now I have someone who will tell me what looks good on me and what doesn’t.   While searching for the appropriate dress to wear to the banquet, I came across a long, strapless, black dress with a long slit on the side.   Trying on the dress and viewing the reflection of the mirror only brought a smile to my face as I imagined what Alex would look like. How is that someone with such great passion for the their job suddenly lose interest to it? For me, it seems as if all I want is to have fun and spend all my time trying to get to know everyone on the tour. At this moment in time, my job seems to be the least bit of importance to me. Even though I know it should be my first priority on my mind, I can’t seem to help, but to rank it in at the last position on my list. Once determining my thoughts on the dress, a sudden knock on the door startled me.
“ Michelle open the door, hurry!” said Alex.
“ What’s wrong?” I asked, as he barged into my dressing room.
“ Nothing, I was just playing around,” he laughed.
“ Well that certainly was mean of you, I thought something happened to you.”
“ You should’ve seen the look on your face.”
“ Yeah, I’m sure it looked quite amusing.”
“ Trust me, it did.”
“ What’s so important that it couldn’t have waited?”
“ Is that what you’re wearing?” he asked pointing to the black dress that hung on the hanger.
“ Maybe, why?”
“ Just wondering.”
“ So, the answer to my question?”
“Oh yeah, I got a thought in my head while I was trying on some clothes and I was wondering if you’d be interested in being my date for the banquet tonight?” he said.
“ Who me?” I asked.
“ Yes, you silly.”
“ Yeah, sure I guess.”
“ You guess?” he questioned.
“ Yes, I will.”
“ That’s better,” he said, “ so you wanna go look around some more?”
“ Of course, I can’t just rely on one dress.”
             Through all the various choices of evening gowns, I began wondering if they might have forgotten to display the whole dress. With everyone in Hollywood wearing less theses days, I figured that the dress on display were in fact the whole dress. I can’t imagine why anyone would want to expose so much of their body in front of people whom they don’t know. Perhaps to become the center of attention. To me, I find that that are several other ways to become noticed instead of exposing so much of your skin through fabric only used to please men. While rummaging in all the assortments of dresses, there seemed to be nothing more that drew my attention other than the black dress I previously tried on.
“ How about this one,” asked Alex, “ It would look great on you.”
“ I don’t think so Alex,” I said.
“ Why not, it’s beautiful?”
“ Yeah, I know, but look at it! It looks like something Britney Spears would wear.”
“ Maybe, but with it being on you, it would look a whole lot better.”
“ I don’t know Alex; I’m not real big on showing off my body like most girls.”
“ Well, can I at least see you try it on?”
“ I’ll tell you what, how about I buy it and MAYBE I’ll surprise you one day and show you how it looks on me.”
“ I don’t like that MAYBE part.”
“ Take it or leave it Alex.”
“ I’ll take it.”
Purchasing the dress Alex suggested left me wondering why I even bothered spending money on something that would make me look cheap. Wearing a dress that enables everyone to physically see what your whole body looks like just isn’t me.   I can’t imagine this dress ever coming out of my closet. To me, I see it as a piece of lingerie. However, to men, they look at it being something sent from heaven. I don’t think I’ll ever fully comprehend the reason why men get a kick of seeing women dress so provocative.   Beyond all that thought, I found myself still admiring the guy in my dreams. It just seems too good to be true. I don’t think that God enabled himself into making a man so perfect as the one in my dream. For all that I see that is reality, I wish I could find it from within to put this dream in its fantasy category. All that want and need is to be happy. Although, I can’t see myself learning how to love someone just yet. Relationships aren’t exactly what I would call the best thing for me. For some reason, it’s usually always my fault as to why the relationship fades. Love on the other hand, it just isn’t for me. I’m beginning to think that I’m unable to love anyone.   With all the guys I’ve had in my life, I don’t ever recall loving them. Very often you hear how some state the phrase, “ I love you, but I’m not in love with you,” that seems to sum up all the past relationships I’ve experienced. To me, I think it was a sense of closeness that drew me to the person. The three words, “ I love you,” were never muttered out of my mouth toward anyone. I truly can’t understand why there were so many mishaps in my life that I allowed to take place. In some cases, I do find myself thinking about it what it would be like to love someone. Although, what I believe is that if God thinks and believes that I am capable of committing to such circumstances, then he’ll allow it to take place. Till then, all I can do is wait and live one day at a time. Living one day at a time in the past gave me the impression that it would some how wear out its meaning. However, now that my life has progressed to where it’s currently at, I’m enjoying every minute of living one day at a time.