The Ballad of Blockader Bill

 

At school they taught us history till our minds they overflowed
But they never taught us about Blockader Bill who chained his balls to the road.
 
The forest of Cape tribulation is the setting of this ode
That’s dedicated to Blockader Bill who chained his balls to the road.
 
When we heard they were quarrying Emmagen Creek, old Bill he did explode…
“Enough is enough” he declared, “I’m going to chain my balls to the road.”!
 
Those mongrels will stop at nothing, “no damagin Emmagen!” he crowed
“There is only one thing that can be done; “I must chain my  balls to the road!”
 
Then he took a long drag on his White Ox, and that night the monkey’s blood flowed,
His Dutch was all courage and valour whenever he went into blockader mode.
 
So they dug a hole with a mattock and poured in a concrete load
And set in a chain. (Bill stood in a sarong so that none of his private parts showed)
 
He was risking getting run over – flattened like an old cane toad –
Oh, no-one was braver than Blockader Bill who chained his balls to the road.
 
The bus driver slammed on the anchors, exclaiming “Well I’ll be blowed!
What kind of crazy sonofabitch would chain his balls to the road?!”
 
Then up drove Sergeant Rogers: “Bill ! I might have knowed…
No-one else in the world is insane enough to chain his balls to the road!
 
“You’ve gone to far“ said the sergeant, as back and forth he strode
“Just wait till Bjelke-Joh finds out you’ve chained your balls to the road!”
 
Then all morning with the crowbar and pick the coppers hoed
Into the dirt until they’d dug the concrete from the road.
 
They bundled him into the wagon and tore of down the road –
A concrete block, a padlock and chain still connected to his node.
 
The magistrate scowled: “Blockader Bill , the gaol will be your abode,
They can flatten the forest for all I care, but how dare you damage that road!
 
You must show more respect for the letters of law, ‘stead of mocking its every code.
Take him away to the lock-up!” – no mercy to Bill was showed.
 
But now Emmagen’s saved from destruction, societies’ debt will be owed
Forever to the likes of Blockader Bill Who chained his balls to the road.!
 

From “The Ballad of Blockader Bill & other Verses”

By Colin Paul Gibson, unpublished.