The Ballad of Blockader Bill
- At school they taught us history till our minds they overflowed
- But they never taught us about Blockader Bill who chained his balls to the
road.
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- The forest of Cape tribulation is the setting of this ode
- That’s dedicated to Blockader Bill who chained his balls to the road.
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- When we heard they were quarrying Emmagen Creek, old Bill he did
explode…
- “Enough is enough” he declared, “I’m going to chain my balls to
the road.”!
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- Those mongrels will stop at nothing, “no damagin Emmagen!” he crowed
- “There is only one thing that can be done; “I must chain my
balls to the road!”
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- Then he took a long drag on his White Ox, and that night the monkey’s
blood flowed,
- His Dutch was all courage and valour whenever he went into blockader mode.
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- So they dug a hole with a mattock and poured in a concrete load
- And set in a chain. (Bill stood in a sarong so that none of his private
parts showed)
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- He was risking getting run over – flattened like an old cane toad –
- Oh, no-one was braver than Blockader Bill who chained his balls to the
road.
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- The bus driver slammed on the anchors, exclaiming “Well I’ll be
blowed!
- What kind of crazy sonofabitch would chain his balls to the road?!”
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- Then up drove Sergeant Rogers: “Bill ! I might have knowed…
- No-one else in the world is insane enough to chain his balls to the road!
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- “You’ve gone to far“ said the sergeant, as back and forth he strode
- “Just wait till Bjelke-Joh finds out you’ve chained your balls to the
road!”
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- Then all morning with the crowbar and pick the coppers hoed
- Into the dirt until they’d dug the concrete from the road.
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- They bundled him into the wagon and tore of down the road –
- A concrete block, a padlock and chain still connected to his node.
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- The magistrate scowled: “Blockader Bill , the gaol will be your abode,
- They can flatten the forest for all I care, but how dare you damage that
road!
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- You must show more respect for the letters of law, ‘stead of mocking
its every code.
- Take him away to the lock-up!” – no mercy to Bill was showed.
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- But now Emmagen’s saved from destruction, societies’ debt will be owed
- Forever to the likes of Blockader Bill Who chained his balls to the road.!
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From “The Ballad of Blockader Bill & other Verses”
By Colin Paul Gibson, unpublished.