I guess it starts with the story or lack there of I should say….like my boss tends to say, “You can’t make chicken salad out of chicken shit!”…boy, that hits home here…as I said, the concept is kind of cool…but translating that concept into a story and eventually on to the big screen…well, that’s where this train wreck begins…

One Paul W.S. Anderson is the one responsible in so many ways for this glorified piece of shit film…Mr. Anderson not only developed the story…he wrote the script and then directed it…so, in short, Paul Anderson dropped the ball in every way possible…now, by looking at his previous work…i.e. Resident Evil, The Soldier, Event Horizon and Mortal Kombat…you get the feeling that were not exactly talking about the next James Cameron here.

The problems runs so far and deep in this movie, there isn’t enough space or time to cover every one here…but my major complaints center around the ridiculous story…see, an ancient pyramid is discovered buried under the ice in Antarctica…and the race to discover what is there is on…a mega-rich guy collects the best scientists and archeologists in the world to lead an expedition to the site….well, the first 40 minutes or so of this shit box film is geared toward us meeting the human characters…yeah, well they all suck…almost all are complete no name actors who once you hear them utter just one line, you know why they are no-names…awful…the one guy you may recognize here is Lance Henriksen, who stared in the short lived Millennium TV show among various horror films over the years.

Well, turns out this pyramid is a temple that was built to honor the Predators…and in it is housed the Alien mother…well, the dumb humans step into a historic chain of events as the Alien creatures start reproducing again…the whole point of this is for the Predator hunters to kill them all before they can escape…kind of a rite of passage among the Predator species…well, the about 90% of the dumb humans get killed in about 40 seconds by the Aliens…all except for the lead character, Alexa Woods…she sucks a tremendous amount of ass…I was begging the screen for anyone, someone to end her life…but unfortunately it doesn’t happen…in fact, she helps the Predator out and then earns her stripes in a battle with a Alien…truly pathetic scene after pathetic scene at this point…

Now, you do get lots of the typical fanfare you would expect from the Alien and Predator characters…the familiar sound effects…the nasty saliva of the Aliens….the babies popping out of human chests…the Predator camouflage…etc…

But I got to say, the special effects and creature creations they came up with are way, way to clean and perfect…the Aliens have almost a metallic look at times…and Predators look like steroid freaks….it made me miss that sick bastard fighting Arnold in the first one.

There really isn’t anything I like about this film…I tried and tried to come up with something…there was one fight scene between an Alien and a Predator early on that was very cool and very well shot…but the remaining battles were very lack luster and just didn’t do it for me…the acting is so beyond bad that is a down right joke…and the pathetic last shot of the film…dear God, if they even think of making a sequel the movie industry as a whole is in bigger trouble then one could ever imagine…

The tag line, “Whoever Wins, We Lose”…yeah, roughly, $8.75 to be exact…bitches…don’t make the same mistake I did…