Dude Looks Like A Lady: Page 1

Introduction

"Aww! Another low bounty." Jet grumbled as he exited the local ISSP office. He points to his electronic woolong tracker. "Just look at this. It's embarrassing! Bunch of penny-pinching bureaucrats running the ISSP these days. How's a guy supposed to eat?"
"You mean, how are two guys, a worthless mutt, one demented kid, and that damn woman supposed to eat?" Jets lanky partner struggled with a lighter that wouldn't light. He squinted at the striker-wheel, gave the lighter a shake, and tried, with no luck, to light his cigarette. "Stupid little lighter."
"For starters," Jet plucks the unlit cigarette from Spike's mouth, "you can stop wasting our money on these stupid things" Jet turns and starts walking away.
"Hey! I need that." Spike waves his lighter in Jets direction. A flame emerges and Spike stares cross-eyed at the pointed glow. With his free hand he starts to frantically pat his pockets.
"Spike."
"Huh?"
Jet waves a slightly crumpled pack of cigarettes in the air. "You aren't the only one with quick hands." He crunches the pack and throws it in a garbage can. A hologram, accompanied by a voice, reads a cheery, "Thank You!"
"But I just got my lighter to work." He holds the little flame up in the air. Defeated, Spike slumps his shoulders and lowers the lighter. "Shit."

Chapter 1

Back on the Bebop Spike sits with his arms crossed and looking rather moody. "Lousy thief." He mumbles and gives his best imitation of a pouting child.
"What did you say?" Faye, who had been sitting across from Spike, jumps up. The magazine she had been reading falls from her hands.
"Not you." He growls and then switches back to mumbling. "I earned those cigarettes… For all he knows, a friend could've given them to me… Lousy, stinking, son-of-a…"
"Time to eat!" Jet appears, decked out in his trademark cooking attire, dark sunglasses, an apron, one oven mitt, and a glowing cigarette. "Get it while it's hot." He sets the sizzling wok down on the short table that sst in the middle of the room.
Faye peers suspiciously at the entrée. "Wow. Bell peppers and bee…" She dives to get a closer at the contents of the wok. "Those… There's brown chunks in the… Is that actually… Beef?" She grabs one of the brown pieces and immediately begins juggling the burning hot mystery between her hands. Then she pops it into her mouth and chews. "Mmmm! It isn't bad. It tastes like meat but it's way too soft for beef. What is it?"
"Ein." Faye stares and begins to look a little green. "Just kidding. It's tofu. That stuff will taste like whatever it's cooked with, so I just added a bit of beef flavoring and then stir-fried it with the peppers."
"Where'd you get tofu? Doesn't tofu cost more than cigarettes?" Spike still sat with his arms crossed in an agitated defiance.
"Remember those tofu smugglers we turned in a couple weeks back? Well before I hauled their ship to the ISSP I snuck a few crates of this stuff onto our ship. We'll be set for a while. Oh! Does anyone want some tofu on ice?"

Chapter 2

"Hi amigos. All 300,000 bounty hunters in the solar system, how y'all doing?"
"And now it's time for 'Big Shot' the show that tells all about fugitives."
"Shucks-howdy! I got to tell you about one bad hombre!"
"What do ya mean shuga?"
"His name is Chester Hunt, A.K.A Chester The Molester. This cowpoke is wanted for assassination, drug running, fraud, extortion, you name it, it's gonna be on his record. His rap is so bad that the feds are offering an 11 million woolong reward."
"Wow! With that, I could buy a whole new wardrobe. What's wrong Ponch? You look funny."
"Many bounty hunters and police have tried to catch this dude and have failed."
"Failed?"
"That's right. They all wind up dead! And the weird thing is, their corpses are all found wearing dresses."
"That's embarrassing!"
"So all you cowboys be on the lookout. It's been reported that he likes to party and he's real popular with the ladies. But remember, the policy is that you must bring him in alive."
"If you kill him you can kiss that reward goodbye."
"Adios ami…"

Jet turns off the holo-monitor. "Well? How about it Spike?"
"Sounds interesting. I'll bite. And when I catch him, I'll use the 11 million to buy cigarettes."
"Don't count your chickens before they hatch Spike. I'm going to catch him first." Faye walks up the steps to head for her ship, the Redtail.
Jet turns to look at Faye. "You? How do you think you're going to do that?"
"Easy. You heard them. He's real popular with ladies." She runs her hand though her hair and sticks out her chest. "And as you can see, I'm a lady." She twirls around once and her hair covers her eyes. "100-proof, man-killing, eye-popping, woman."
"And extra hussy, hold the bitch." Spike remarks as if ordering fast-food. "You're plan has one flaw. You see, word is that Lestor is…"
"What's that?" Faye holds her fist out threateningly. "I'll… I'll…" She put her hand down and softens her voice. "You'll see. My plan will work just fine." She turns and gracefully walks out of the room. After a few minutes the Bebop shudders. A little screen on the wall lights up, flashing warnings about damage to the ship bay.
"Dammit Spike! She has feeling too, you know."
"Ahh. She can take it."
"But the Bebop can't. Too bad she doesn't know what she's getting into."