Jokes - the long kind :)
Here are some jokes. They are long. :P
What is the secret of success?
"Push" said the doorbell.
"Never be lead" said the pencil.
"Take panes" said the window.
"Always keep cool" said the ice.
"Never loose your head" said the drum.
"Make light of everything" said the fire.
"Do a driving business" said the hammer.
"Aspire to 'grater' things" said the nutmeg.
"Be sharp in all your dealing" said the knife.
"Find a good thing and stick to it" said the glue.
A woman woke her husband up and said "There's a burgler in the kitchen eating the cake I made this afternoon! Ring 000!"
"Who shall I ring for?" said the husband, "Police or Ambulance?"
Teacher: What's usually used as a conductor of electricity?
Student: Why - er...
Teacher: Correct! Wire. Now tell me, what is the unit of electrical power?
Student: The what?
Teacher: That's absolutely right! The watt.
"Gran's cooking Sunday lunch for us."
"Yuk! I suppose that means Enthusiasm Soup again."
"What's enthusiasm Soup?"
"She puts everything she's got into it."