New Rules

Chapter Nine

Elijah made the tea, digging out the best mugs, and found a packet of the better biscuits, arranging them nicely on a plate, before going back in. He served his mother then went and sat on the floor opposite her, crossing his legs and resting his mug in his lap. "Why are you here mum?" he asked at last.

"How many times do I have to say it? I’ve come to see you."

"Mum," Elijah said quietly. "It’s me you’re talking to now, not Orli. Why did you really travel a couple of hundred miles?"

Silvia sat forward, her face set firm. "Because it’s time you came home, I can’t be expected to manage on my own."

Elijah traced patterns in the carpet as he thought carefully how to phrase his words. In the end he decided to be straight, no more games. "I don’t want to leave here."

"Yes well, we don’t all get what we want in life."

"Okay," Elijah looked up. "I’m not going to leave. Like Orli said, this is my home now."

"Orli said?" she shook her head. "Orli said and you believe him? I never thought you were that stupid."

"I don’t expect you to understand but it’s different with him, I don’t play games and I don’t ‘handle’ him like you taught me to."

"So what do you do? Give him the best fuck of his life? Because that’s what he looked like he’d just had when he opened the door."

"I love him mum," Elijah said simply.

"Oh please," Silvia laughed. "Don’t be so pathetic, you sound like some Mills and Boon book. Let me guess, he says he loves you too and you believe him?"

Elijah wouldn’t look away from her. "He does."

"Son, you’re worse than pathetic, you’ve gone mad," she shook her head again in disbelief. "He’ll say anything he has to just so long as you shut up and let him fuck you. But it won’t last, he’ll get bored and dump you without another thought, just like everyone else always has."

"He won’t, he’s different," Elijah’s voice was soft but firm.

"Oh really? Is he different like Paul was? He said he’d look after you forever but he dropped you after less than a month," Silvia mocked at him.

"Paul treated me like his whore," Elijah’s said, appalled at the comparison. "All I was to him was a piece of meat and when I couldn’t think up any more tricks to do in bed and I wouldn’t let him pass me round to his mates of course he walked."

"Well that says everything, doesn’t it." She stood up, hands on hips, towering over him. "You told me you liked him better than all the others and you couldn’t even keep an animal like that."

"I liked him better because he hurt me less!"

"Why’d you put up with him then?"

"Because he paid your rent," Elijah visibly sagged, then drew himself up again blowing out a long breath. "Mum, he never talked to me or wanted me near him unless it was for sex. I doubt if he even knew my name and I didn’t care what his was. The only thing he had to offer was keeping you off my back. I despised him as much as he despised me."

"And you think this will be any different?" She laughed cynically. "You’ll be lucky if Orli keeps you for a year."

"He’ll keep me," Elijah said softly.

Suddenly Silvia’s voice changed, dropping lower to a sultry, chocolate texture, as her tactics altered. "Why do you kid yourself my darling? You know what you are, what we are, you can’t keep up this good behaviour for ever." She crouched down in front to him, their faces inches apart.

"We’re made different, you and I. We were made knowing how to please, when to moan, when to groan in that breathy little whisper, when to duck our heads and look up pleading. You’ve done that with Orli, you know you have. You’ve played him along with the arching of your back and the opening of your legs." Elijah looked up at her, eyes wide. "It’s what you know baby, it’s what you are. You can’t be anything different."

"But Orli’s different," Elijah tried hard to hang onto his truth.

Silvia ran her hand down the side of his face to cup his chin. "But you’re not," she whispered. "It’s who you are. You open your legs to anyone who can make things a little easier for you and that’s okay, don’t let anyone tell you it’s not. It’s a skill others are jealous of and they feel threatened by, but you mustn’t let them take it away from you," she stroked up and over his cheek, rubbing the tension away as she drew him in.

"Revel in it my darling, glory in your skills because you are truly blessed," her grasp became suddenly firmer. "But there’s a price to pay, you know that. People like Orli, ordinary people, are scared of us and will never understand that we’re special. They’ll try to change you, tell you that what you are is wrong and you can’t let them do it. You’re the best I’ve ever seen baby, you can get anyone, absolutely anyone, gay or straight, I’ve never seen you fail, and that is a rare and precious gift."

She pulled his head up till he was staring right into her eyes, her breath on his lips. "Orli will try to take that away from you so that he can keep you for himself, as his pet, but it won’t work. He’ll rob you of your skills but deep down you can’t change and he’ll hate you for it. He’ll think himself better than you and leave. Then you’ll have nothing, nothing at all. He’ll leave once he realises that you can’t change and what you’re really like."

"I know exactly what he’s like," Orli’s voice cut across Silvia’s from the doorway. "And I…"

"No Orli, don’t," it was Elijah’s turn to interrupt, his voice stronger than Orli had expected. He eased his head from his mother’s hand, his eyes on Orli. "This is my battle."

"But that’s the whole point, you don’t have to fight on your own, not anymore," Orli said to Elijah, ignoring Silvia completely.

"I know, and it’s good to know that," Elijah pulled himself up from the floor as Silvia stood as well. He moved towards the door, but not close enough for Orli’s liking. "But I want to do it on my own. Is that okay?"

Orli thought for a moment. Elijah was asking his permission but it wasn’t really his to give. Much as he might want to, he couldn’t control the situation, he had to let Elijah breathe and make his own decisions. He nodded, keeping silent, but he staying where he was.

Elijah looked at his mother. "Orli knows I act like a whore, he’s seen me working people and whoring around at my best. He’s also seen me scared shitless when they cut my ball off and puking all over myself when I was too tired to lift my head because of the radiation therapy. Hell, he even cleared it up," he smiled softly at Orli, just for a moment.

"But he also knows how much I love music and my passion for history. He knows I like chocolate biscuits, reading and getting drunk. He knows ‘cos he’ll talk with me for hours and he’s genuinely interested. No one knows more about me than he does, not you, not anyone, because he listened to me and no one has ever done that before. He knows I’m not all about sex, that there’s more to me than that, no one else has ever bothered finding that out, and knowing all that he still says he loves me."

Silvia looked from one to the other and then gave a humourless smile. "If that’s all true then good luck to you son, you’ve found yourself a good meal ticket. If I was you I’d hang onto it for as long as I could."

Elijah looked at Orli but his smile was reserved till he looked back at his mother. "I don’t think you’ll ever understand this, but it’s not like that at all. I love him so much it hurts. I mean really hurts. He’s made me think about everything I am and everything I feel." He stopped, shaking his head with an ironic laugh. "And that truly hurt at times, but he’s worth it."

This time, when he looked at Orli his smile was as wide and open as an ocean. "I won’t hang onto him if it isn’t good for him. I’ll leave and thank god I’d been lucky enough to have known him."

"But you are good for me," Orli said.

"I know," Elijah smiled, but then it tipped into something else. "I think."

"You know you are." The certainty in Orli’s voice warmed Elijah’s heart.

"Yeah, I do know," Elijah moved to stand in front of Orli, but his eyes were back on his mother. "That’s the difference mum, when I think about it rationally I realise I am good for Orli because I know him as well as he knows me. I’m not that different, not really. Everything I was, all those things I still am, I learnt and you taught me. Now Orli’s giving me the space and the confidence to forget that and become the person I really am. That’s why he’s so good for me and that’s why I’m not going with you."

I’m not going with you.

The words echoed round and round in Orli’s head till he couldn’t think straight. He reached out, holding Elijah round the waist to ground himself.

"You’re a fool if you think you can change," Silvia said darkly.

"Maybe I am but I have to try because I wasn’t happy before."

"Yes you were," she almost laughed. "That’s just him messing with your head and your past."

"I might not have known it but I was desperate for something I didn’t even know existed. Mum," Elijah reached out a hand towards her, flailing around for the right words. "I don’t want a lot, just a little bit of peace and someone to share it with and to love. I’ve found that and I’m," he looked back at Orli for an instant. "I’m content."

"And what am I supposed to do?" For the first time Orli saw a hint of doubt in Silvia’s eyes. "Am I meant to manage on my own?"

"Yeah I guess so," Elijah leaned back against Orli. "Because I’m staying where Orli is."

But she wasn’t quite finished. "You’ll regret it, sooner or later you’ll be on your own again, only this time it’ll be harder because you let yourself feel. I told you years ago that was the golden rule, never let them get close."

"I didn’t have a choice," Elijah admitted. "He was just so damned… perfect, that I had to love him."

"You are a fool then," she spat out the words, but she knew the fight was lost. Elijah had never said no to her before.

"Can’t you just be happy for me mum?"

"I’ll tell you what, as you’re my son I won’t say, ‘I told you so’ when it all goes wrong. I’ll just keep my mouth shut, take you in and we can go back to how things used to be."

"You do that Mrs Wood," Orli said, tightening his arms and rocking Elijah ever so slightly. "You go away and wait for him because the world will end before I let him go."

+

And now what?

What did they do with Silvia now?

It was too late for her to go home and she obviously expected to stay so…. Elijah raised his eyebrows questioning, Orli answered with the most begrudging lift of his shoulders in history, and Elijah went off to find clean sheets.

Dinner was tense to say the least. Orli sat brooding and mostly silent, Silvia was morose, constantly snapping and making nasty remarks, while Elijah tried to be pleasant as he watched her. Afterwards Silvia went to watch television leaving them to clear up; slowly, very slowly. Eventually they had cleaned the kitchen to a state of perfection it hadn’t known for years. Every last pan was put away, the fridge was wiped down inside and out and Orli even rubbed over the taps with a tea towel.

At last there was nothing else to do and they went into the living room. Silvia was sprawled across the sofa and Elijah took the only other arm chair. Orli looked, not in a million years would he ask her to move her feet; not even if it was his home. He pushed Elijah’s knees apart, sitting on the floor between them, and Elijah gave him a encouraging squeeze.

They lasted three quarters of an hour before Orli couldn’t stand the inane celebrity fashion programme she was watching or her equally pathetic comments. "Bed?" he suggested to Elijah and was rewarded with a nod.

He got up pulling Elijah with him. "Help yourself to anything you want," he said to Silvia. "But then I’m sure you would whatever I said."

She glanced up. "You go have fun," her smile turned lecherous and her eyes hard. "But then I’m sure you will."

Elijah held onto Orli’s arm as he said a quick, "Night mum." He hesitated for a moment before dropping a quick peck on her cheek.

Silvia looked surprised as she rubbed at the spot.

+

In the bedroom Orli felt awkward. He stood in just his boxers, jeans in hand, not knowing what to do. Elijah came to his rescue. "I know she expects you to fuck me but…" he smiled at Orli, his eyes crinkling and his nose wrinkling up. "Do you want to?"

"Not with her out there, no. She makes me feel…" Orli shivered as though something nasty had slithered down his back.

"I know what you mean. How about we go all virginal and cuddle up instead?" Elijah’s smile turned into a big grin and they both dived for the bed.

Under the duvet Orli squashed up as close as he could, running his hand possessively over Elijah’s groin and up his spine, as Elijah wriggled himself until his head was on Orli’s shoulder. They were silent for a long while, listening to the noise from the television and Silvia’s high-pitched laugh.

"I don’t want her here ‘Lijah," Orli said quietly into the darkness, his hand methodically carding through Elijah’s hair. "I know it’s not fair when you’ve tried so hard with my parents but," he sighed. "When she looks at me, it makes me feel dirty and she… I don’t like touching you with her watching. Somehow she makes it seem cheep, nasty even, and I can’t have that, I’m sorry."

"I understand," Elijah said, his voice low and serious. "She looks at me in this knowing way, as if we share a secret pact, as though she understands how I’m playing you and I start to doubt myself."

"You shouldn’t do that, of course you’re not," Orli pulled him in even closer.

"It’s daft, but that’s how she makes me feel, and anyway, I miss you. I miss you just touching me, nothing hot, just the feel of your hand on my back as you go by."

"So what do we do?" Orli asked and Elijah glowed at the fact that it was ‘we,’ not you or me.

"I’ll ask her to leave in the morning," he said simply.

"Are you sure? That’s a hell of a step."

Elijah turned further onto his back, still tightly pressed against Orli. "I’m sure. I… I can’t have her around, can’t see her again. She’s still my mum and I do love her but," he turned again, not restlessly, but up on his elbows to look at Orli. "She’ll draw me back in. She knows only too well how to manipulate me and there’s no way I can stop her. If I see her I’ll go back to my old life and, much as I love her, I don’t want that."

Orli reached up to run his finger along Elijah’s brow. "Are you really sure?"

Elijah nodded. "I could feel it today, couldn’t you?"

"Yeah but," Orli looked at him, trying to gauge his certainty. "You said no to her today, you stood up to her and argued against her, you’re strong."

"Not that strong," Elijah dipped his head and kissed Orli’s chest before looking up again. "I’m strong enough not to see her but not strong enough to stop her. The worse thing was I could feel myself starting to think in the old way, to think like her. In an ideal world I could have everything, everyone, but life’s not like that. I have no choice."

"But she was all you had," Orli said in wonder at what Elijah was giving up.

"And now you’re all I have," Elijah didn’t drop his gaze. "Is that too much for you to take?"

"No," Orli said with total conviction. "Absolutely not, I’ll always be here."

"Good, then she goes tomorrow."

"Do you want me to tell her?"

"No," Elijah shook his head. "My mum, my problem. But," he hesitated, only for a moment. "I would like it if you were there."

"Of course I’ll be there, like I said, I’m not going anywhere."

"Then that’s settled. Our peace and quiet starts again tomorrow," Elijah slithered down, his head tucked into Orli’s chest, his leg hooked over Orli’s, Orli’s arms tight around him.

"You know something mate?" Orli started to stroke along Elijah’s arm. " I have a sneaking suspicion that we’re never going to get peace and quiet."

"Not even a bit?"

"Nah," Orli smiled. "But at least it’ll never get boring."

They were quiet again, listening as Silvia ran the taps in the bathroom and then stumbled into bed in the room that had once been Elijah’s, the alcohol in her system making her even noisier. Orli’s eyes started to feel like they were rimmed with sand paper as he stared into the darkness, unable to sleep, knowing it was the same for Elijah. He thought back over the evening, about the huge step Elijah was taking, about the steps he’d already made.

He turned slightly so that he could see the outline of Elijah’s face in the gloom. "Earlier," he started slowly. "When you were… standing up to your mum, you said that you wanted to fight on your own. Why? I thought we were a team now."

"A team," Elijah thought about the idea. He liked it. "We are but…"

"But what? Why fight alone?"

Elijah shifted slightly, shrugging. "So that you’d be proud of me. You said once before that you were and… no one’s ever said that. It felt good," he said simply.

"God I am proud of you," Orli said, startled at how much he meant it. "I’m proud of you and amazed. You’ve changed so much, even I didn’t realise how bad things were till I heard her talking. You try so hard and you’ve come so far. I still can’t believe what you’ve done tonight, what you’re prepared to give up, I don’t know if I could do that."

Elijah shrugged again. "I’ve got more now than I ever had, I just want to keep it."

Orli thought again. There was so much he wanted to ask but Elijah didn’t talk about the past very much and he didn’t know if the intrusion would be welcomed. "You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to but…"

"I don’t want secrets," Elijah said softly.

"I know but maybe you need some space."

"Ask me, I can always say no," Elijah pushed into Orli gently, just enough to let him know. "I didn’t like it when people knew things about you that I didn’t, even though that’s stupid. So ask."

"Who was Paul?" Orli said after a long moment.

"He was a nobody, a nobody who used me just like all the others. But he came back, at least for a little while."

"Did he hurt you?"

"Less than some."

"But you stayed with him?" Orli couldn’t quite believe how jealous he felt.

Elijah twisted round till his eyes fixed on Orli’s in the dark. "He was nothing, no one, telling you his name has made him more than he was. I was only with him for a few weeks and I did it because…" he hesitated a second, then dismissed it all. "It was easier to do it than not do it."

Orli sucked in a breath and hugged Elijah close. "Christ, it hurts so much just to think of you being used like that, I can’t imagine what it must be like for you."

"Don’t make a big deal of it Orlando, it was just… normal life. I didn’t think anything of it at the time and I don’t want you to think about it."

"Why not?" Orli asked. "Does it upset you knowing that I know?"

"It doesn’t upset me, I just," Elijah thought carefully about what he meant. "I don’t want you thinking of me as a victim. I’m not, I never actually said no, well, not often. Other people saw me as one and they liked it too much. I don’t want that from you. I’m not a victim, I’m just me."

"I’m just so jealous of anyone who’s ever touched you," Orli admitted.

"Then you have a hell of a lot of people to be jealous of," Elijah snorted dryly.

"And I hate that fact; that there are so many people who’ve had you."

"Don’t tie yourself up in knots, it’s not worth it. I fucked them or they fucked me but it didn’t mean anything,"

"Christ Elijah, How can you be so blasé about it?" Orli said incredulously. "At times all I want to do is wrap you up in cotton wool or keep you indoors away from everyone else for ever. I... Fuck, I can’t stand the thought of…"

"Then don’t think about it," Elijah shrugged. "We can’t change what happened so why worry about it now?"

Orli closed his eyes and let his fears lose. "But what if I’m not enough? What if you get bored with just me and…" He tailed off, unable to go any further.

"What, you think my mum was right? That I’m a whore who can’t change his ways?"

"No! I didn’t mean that," Orli searched for the right word. "I’m just scared that you’ll want more variety, more than just me."

"More than you?" Elijah shook his head in disbelief. "Yeah right. I’ll give up love and commitment and contentment for the sake of a casual fuck with someone I don’t give a toss about. You really don’t get it, do you? I did what I did because that was what I thought was normal. I didn’t care about it, I just did it. I wasn’t searching for a way out because I didn’t realise anything else was possible. Well now I do, and you really think I’d give that up?"

"So you’ll hold back for me?"

"Oh for god’s sake Orlando, don’t make it into such a melodrama. I had a shit life, but I didn’t really care at the time because I didn’t know any different. Now I do. Now I have everything I want, so I don’t see what the problem is."

Orli pulled Elijah further onto him, burying his face into the mess of dark hair. "Like I said, I get scared you’ll get bored of me."

"Shut up," Elijah groaned gently. "You don’t have to be scared or jealous or anything. I’m where I want to be and I’m staying there. But just…"

"What?"

Elijah hesitated, unsure how or even if he should say it. In the end he decided he should. "If it upsets you that much I won’t talk about the past again. I mean, I know I don’t talk about it much anyway but I would have liked the option."

"Please, talk about it if you want," Orli said passionately. "You said it, there can’t be secrets."

"But if you’re gonna freak out?" The implication hang in the air.

"I won’t, I’ll be there for you," he smiled, kissing Elijah’s shoulder. "But you have to accept I’m as jealous as hell. I’m jealous of anyone you’ve ever talked to, anyone you’ve walked past in the street, your nursery teacher, the midwife who delivered you. Get the idea?"

"I get it," Elijah laughed. "As long as you remember you have nothing to be jealous of and," he rubbed his nose against Orli’s neck. "The feeling is mutual. I’m even jealous of your bloody books at work, you adore them so much."

"God I love you," Orli said into Elijah’s hair.

"That’s better, that I can handle," Orli felt the smile in Elijah’s words.

"Did you mean it when you said you’d leave if you thought it would be best for me?" Orli asked suddenly.

"Yeah," Elijah snuggled down, wriggling until he was perfectly comfortable. "I couldn’t stay if it was wrong for you, I wouldn’t hurt you."

"But you do know I’d fall apart if you left, don’t you?"

Elijah laughed softly. "Yeah, I know. If I went you’d be sad about me as well as Shane and, strong as you might be, you couldn’t handle that. Your mum might not like me much but she’d never forgive me if I hurt you. She’d hunt me down and do something awful to me."

"She probably would at that," Orli laughed softly but stopped suddenly, his voice turning serious. "Don’t go mate. I couldn’t do it without you, not now."

"Let’s face it," Elijah lifted his head. "There’s nowhere else I’d rather be."

Orli twisted round till they were face to face, then hooked his leg over Elijah’s and held him tight. "Then stay here, stay with me."

The desperation in Orli’s voice made Elijah’s chest tighten till he couldn’t speak. Instead he buried his nose in Orli’s neck and held on for dear life.

+

Next morning Elijah and Orli were up early, sitting at the table, washed and dressed, coffee in from of them, waiting, when Silvia wandered in. Elijah put black coffee and dry toast down in front of her without being asked, and then went back to waiting until she had eaten.

At last she brushed the few crumbs from around her mouth, pushed her plate away, and looked at them. "Well?" she asked. "You’re bursting to tell me something, might as well get it over and done with."

"Mum," Elijah licked at dry lips. "I want you to leave. Today."

"You want me to leave?"

"Yes. Orli does as well but it’s me this is coming from, not him. If I really wanted you to stay he’d let you."

Orli signalled his agreement with a single nod of his head.

She sat back, arms folded in her customary fashion, and studied her son. "Are you really choosing some pretty boy over your own mother?"

"He’s not a pretty boy."

"He looks damned pretty from where I’m sitting" her eyes raked Orli, shamelessly lingering on his groin. "I reckon if you’re going to lick arse to get what you want, there are an awful lot worse than his."

"Mum!" for a moment Orli thought that Elijah was going to lose it as his fingers gripped at the table top. "I want this, I want him."

"What? What do you want? A nice quiet, suburban life with roses round the door?"

"Yes, that’s exactly what I want. A bit of peace and quiet to just… be, and someone to be with. Can’t you understand that?" Elijah leaned forward, his face desperate as he tried to explain.

"Next you’ll be telling me you want to get married and have babies and take the dog for a walk in the park," the sarcasm dripped from every word.

Elijah closed his eyes for a split second, dragging in a huge breath as he tried to hang onto his temper. "I’m not stupid, I know what I am. I’m just a…"

"And I know exactly what you are as well. You’re a slut, a good one, I’ll give you that, but you’ll always be a slut. You can’t change."

"For Christ sake, just listen to me," Elijah shook his head in hopelessness.

"Mrs Wood," Orli voice cut across them both, strong, sure, calm but with an underlying edge of decisiveness. He rested his hand on Elijah’s back. "It doesn’t matter if Elijah can change or if he stays what you’ve made him forever. I want him just as he is."

"Then you’re as big a fool as he is. God how I despise you," she spat out the words with such venom that Orli felt as though he’d been hit. "You with your fucking niceness." The mask slipped from her face to show pure hatred, every bit as strong as that Orli felt for her.

"Stop it," Elijah shouted. He consciously loosened his clenched fists and looked at his mother. "Can’t you just be pleased for me because I’m happy? Can’t you just act like other mums would?"

Silvia caught her breath, her face visibly paling, and then it tightened in anger. She suddenly lunged across the table, slapping Elijah hard around the face. "Don’t you ever compare me to the saintly Yvonne. Her with her twin-set and her pearls and her nice house and her nice husband, I bet she’s never had an orgasm in her life. But she still couldn’t stop her husband lusting after my son."

"Shut up," Elijah yelled, as his hand went to the high spot of pain on his face. "I don’t want to be like you or her or anyone. I just want to be left alone to be me."

"Fine," Silvia stood up. "If that’s what you want."

Elijah sat unmoving at the table, staring ahead, as she collected up her things and left without another word or a backward glance.

And Orli had no idea what to do.

In the end he moved to close the front door that Silvia had left wide open after her silent exit. Then he went back to the kitchen. "’Lijah?"

Elijah was still staring straight ahead. "Go away, please, just for a bit," he said quietly. "I’m either gonna cry or throw something and I don’t want you to see, whatever it is."

"All right," Orli backed out. He badly wanted to stay but… "I’ll be in the other room."

"Orli," he was just closing the door when Elijah called him back. Elijah looked at him for the first time since he’d started talking to his mother. "She’s never hit me before. Never." And then he looked away again.

Orli fought back the instinct to wrap Elijah in his arms, before chasing after Silvia and beating her to a pulp.

Ten