Elijah/Orlando

Elijah’s point of view.

Part one

My mom always said, ‘Never settle for second best,’ and I thought it was a pretty good motto to live by. I’ve refined it a bit and now the motto is something like, ‘Don’t give second best and don’t accept it.’

It meant that I had to take time, time to think about what I really wanted. You can’t aim for the best, a dream, if you don’t know what that is.

Lord of the Rings was all I ever wanted it to be and so much more.

The experience of making it pretty much blew me away as well. I gave it everything I had and I got so much back. I’ve never made friends easily. Acquaintances, drinking buddies, yes. Real friends, no. That was infinitely harder because the old, ‘don’t settle for second best,’ motto kicked in. If I was going to make friends they had to be real ones, ones that would last a lifetime. That’s pretty hard when you’re never in one place for long.

On The Rings I was lucky enough to find people just like I wanted. Not one or even two but a whole circle of real, I’d-do-anything-for-you, friends.

We could all be what we were. Sean could be over cautious, Orli could be reckless, Billy could be cute and Scottish and Dom could be… Dom could be outrageously gay and unbelievably gorgeous whenever he wanted.

Oh, and I could throw a hissy fit and storm off on the rare occasions when things got overwhelming.

That’s how we were, supportive and accepting, and it was a wonderful world to live in. The motto had once again stood me in good stead. Which was why I vowed to stick with it when it came to my love life.

I’d done all right before The Rings. I’d gone out and experimented; learned about people, practices and myself just as I should have at that age. But I hadn’t really been in love. Lust yes, I was quite good at lust, but I knew it wasn’t the real thing. I certainly wasn’t about to settle for second best when it came to love.

Then of course I met Dom and I just knew what I wanted. It was easy, everything else was second best, he was everything I’d ever wanted.

Dom could make me laugh, feel as high as kite or as free as a bird. He introduced me to all kinds of things and taught me about life. He opened my mind as well as my eyes and I loved everything about him.

I realised all this pretty much straight after meeting him, in those first hectic months when everyone was working out friendships and relationships. But I wasn’t stupid, I knew things would take time and I’m good at waiting.

First step completed. Now all I had to do was make him see me as something else, something a bit more.

Occasionally I’d see Dom stop and look at me a bit quizzically, like he was seeing me for the first time, but there was little other reaction. I was still the one to get drunk with, muck around with, but not to go home with. I tried not to let it get me down, like I said, I’m good at waiting. We were really close and I knew things would develop.

Every now and then he would give me some little sign of encouragement, saying I could join in something or other. I’d trot along after him like some eager little puppy, with a pathetically grateful grin on my face.

Orli would swear to god that it was the same trot Casey used to cross that football field after coach Willis had scared him off.

Orli was an amazing mate through all of this. We didn’t talk about it as such at first, but we both knew what was going on. A pretty similar thing was happening with him. He had a huge crush on Viggo, who would hug him, pat him on the head and then go off drinking with the ‘adults.’

Orli would stand there looking like a kid who’d had his favourite toy taken away and I’d try and take his mind off it and be supportive. I pointed out endlessly that Vig wasn’t gay so he didn’t really stand a chance. But I could see by Orli’s eyes that he wasn’t convinced. We both remembered the late night drinking session in which Viggo had confessed how he’d got off with a guy when he was in his early twenties.

I knew Orli’s reasoning; if Viggo could do it once, he could do it again.

Helping Orli did me a power of good. It stopped me biting my fingers off and puking up every time Dom got it on with some girl or guy in a bar for one thing. Dom was only playing around, I could see that. He was enjoying the freedom of being on the other side of the world from everyone that knew him and part of something so amazing. I knew he’d get tired of it and want something more eventually.

And he did.

I can remember the exact moment it happened. We were all due to meet up at some club and Orli and I were late as usual. We had just arrived and were standing there staring open-mouthed at the scene when Dom turned up. I watched his face as he took in what was happening; a slow dawning realisation followed by pure joy and then lust. This was a man who also didn’t want to settle for second best and he had just seen that he didn’t have to.

Billy was standing pressed against a wall, bright red cheeks, eyes clouded with alcohol, silly little giggles escaping his lips and some guy’s hand down the front of his jeans slowly jerking him off.

Dom watched the pleasure run over Billy’s face. I watched the possibilities go across Dom’s and Orli watched my heart sink.

After a moment Orli’s arm went around my waist and he pulled me out the door. We went back to his place and got drunker than we’d ever been before, passing out in a tangle of sweat and bad breath on his sofa.

It seemed like seconds from then to Dom and Billy getting together. One minute they were best friends, the next they were screwing the asses off each other. But I knew Dom wasn’t stupid. He had to know that Billy wasn’t full on gay, he was only experimenting. Dom had to know that it wouldn’t last forever.

I could wait.

The atmosphere on set had got to Viggo and he started to flirt with everyone. Everyone female that is. It half killed Orli but again things only got worse. Viggo found himself a ‘lady friend,’ one of the crew, and they went off for romantic dinners and long weekends.

Consequently Orli and I started spending more time together. Well, there wasn’t really much else to do. The others always invited us out but watching Dom and Billy was… difficult. There wasn’t much joy for us anywhere else either. Sean was so damned happy with Christine, Ian and the other older ones were okay but just a bit patronising. You could see the tolerant smiles creep over their faces if Orli or I goofed around too much.

As a result Orli and I would do most of our drinking, surfing and chilling out on our own. Which, I suppose, is why what happened was inevitable really.

We started sleeping together.

It was no big revelation – when we suddenly saw each other with new eyes and our brains were befuddled by desire. No, it was a slow, almost half-hearted process that was just… easy and convenient to fall into.

Technically we’d been sleeping together for ages. But that was all it was, sleeping. It was usually the result of too much alcohol or being too lazy to go home. Neither of us had ever been organised enough to have a spare room ready so, wherever we were we’d both just crash out in the bed next to each other.

It was rather comforting actually, hearing someone else breathing if you woke up at three in the morning with your head pounding, mouth dry and that familiar clench of missing out in your belly. It was nice to know you weren’t the only person alive in the world. We’d fling an arm or a leg over each other, just for the contact, and turn our head away from smelly breath. Still it was good to feel that breath on the back of your neck.

On really bad days when Dom or Viggo had, unintentionally, done something to twist the knife a little deeper, Orli and I would get especially drunk. Then we’d creep back to whoever’s place was closest and curl up together in bed. If there was an odd tear or a dry sob in the night , no one said anything about it the next day

Moving on from that point wasn’t really difficult. We were incredibly comfortable with each other and neither of us was getting any action – apart from the odd pathetic wank in the shower – so… The morning when Orli woke with another pointless, so-hard-it-hurt erection, it was more about doing a friend a favour than anything else when I reached down and jerked him off.

He, very obligingly, returned the favour and then we lay there, on our backs, silly grins on our faces, not knowing what to do with our sticky hands, staring at the ceiling. It wasn’t awkward or difficult and, for the first time in a long time, I felt truly relaxed.

We talked about what to do next and decided that, yeah, why not? We weren’t doing anything wrong, no one else wanted us, and if we were settling for second best neither of us mentioned it.

Actually second best felt pretty okay. All right so there were no heady heights of passion, we didn’t rip each other’s clothes off desperate to get at naked flesh, but it was slow and gentle and… soothing. I’m not sure if sex should be soothing but this was and it was all right.

Best thing about the whole situation was that because there were no expectations or grand romance we were really easy together. We didn’t have to do our hair or stifle too many burps or farts. I didn’t worry too much if I accidentally knelt on his arm and he knew I wouldn’t mind too much if he tried to bend me into a position that just wasn’t possible. Well, as long as he got me straightened out afterwards. We knew each other so well and we were so comfortable together.

And it was a laugh. Oh god did we ever laugh. Being around Orli had always been a giggle but sex with him was even more fun. When he comes he makes this really weird noise, a bit like a donkey braying. Also, he likes to talk during sex, porn film dialogue mostly, really bad porn film dialogue. "Oh yeah baby, harder. I’m your hot and horny love machine."

I’d take the piss out of him, he’d punch me half-heartedly and take the piss back and we’d both fall about in fits of giggles. Then we’d take the piss out of everybody else we could think of and laugh some more.

Second best wasn’t so bad.

So that’s how we went on through most of filming – me watching Dom, Orli watching Viggo, but spending all our spare time together. After we’d been sleeping together for a while we started going out with the others again. Well, Dom and Billy had calmed down a bit and were easier to be around. At least it was easier to put up with if you had someone to go home with at night.

If either of us had endured a particularly bad evening we’d go home, we were unofficially living together by then, put the kettle on and chat about other stuff for a while. We’d concentrate on our world, our lives, Elijah and Orli stuff, with absolutely no mention of Dom or Viggo allowed. The tension would slowly fade away and then we could go to bed and fuck our brains out. By morning life would be all right again.

I still wanted Dom, did my damnedest to make him notice me, but I could get by while I waited.

I developed a habit of collecting interesting things or jokes to tell Dom. I wanted to make him laugh, get him to focus all his attention on me for a while. I figured that if I could entertain him, be someone he’d want to have around, then I’d have more of a chance. So if I saw an Orc salsa dancing or someone creeping out of a trailer that they weren’t supposed to be in, I’d put it in a mental file marked ‘For Dom.’

It worked as well. For a while at least. His eyes would twinkle and he’d hug me or rub my back; stoking up all the fires in my belly. Then Billy would walk past, Dom’s head would turn and I’d be forgotten again.

I’d go home and tell Orli my stories and he’d be kind enough to laugh and then get me gossiping and I’d hang onto my sanity for a bit longer.

One time, at some local bar, Dom had been laughing around with me all evening. I got a bit confused, thinking something just might be changing between us. But at the end of the evening Dom went home with Billy , same as usual, and I was left with Orli.

Orli said Dom had been testing me, testing I still felt the same, but I couldn’t believe it. Dom didn’t know how I felt, if he did he would either have done something about it or said something to put me out of my misery. He wouldn’t have just left me waiting.

I told Orli that and he smiled, hugged me, and agreed that Dom couldn’t possibly have guessed.

Thank god I had Orli to get me through those difficult times. I so needed him and, I’m glad to say, he needed me. Only I could get him through his rotten times. Helms Deep was a nightmare for him. Hour after hour up close to Viggo but no chance of…. anything.

Many a time he would come home exhausted and just crash on the sofa, too miserable to go to bed. It took me a long time to realise it wasn’t all about Viggo. Orli was exhausted – more than exhausted. Bone-numbingly completely drained from long nights and a merciless schedule.

I would get him something to eat, stick him in a hot bath, then carefully lay him on the bed. I’d massage his back and talk softly about nothing until I felt him truly relax. Then I’d snuggle him under the duvet, kiss him, and go off to work knowing he’d be okay.

Those weeks were hard. Orli was hardly ever around and awake when I was and I missed him. But when he was there it was like it always was… except somehow better, more, I don’t know, intense. We became closer than ever.

That’s how things went on for the rest of principal filming. Me watching Dom, watching Billy. I don’t know if Dom was in love with Billy. I knew he loved him but being in love is different and I thought maybe… I hoped he wasn’t, but I was pretty sure I was kidding myself. Still I kept on trying to get Dom to notice me and occasionally there was hope.

It just never came to anything.

And then the film was over. Or at least I thought it was over. I knew there’d be extra filming and premiers and… But when the last scene of principal shooting was done and people started getting on planes I felt totally lost.

I can remember hugging Orli so tight his ribs made a cracking sound as we promised to see each other soon. But everyone knows what on set romances are like and this never really was a romance.

At the airport I watched as he and Dom walked through the departure gate together. Dom’s arm was casually caught around Orli’s waist and I felt the ice start to form in my belly.

I went home then, although it didn’t feel like home anymore, and hid from the world. I didn’t know what else to do, I felt strange and lost. I’d changed so much and everything at home was still the same. I didn’t seem to fit anymore.

Mom pretty much left me alone, knowing I had to work this out for myself. I’d spend days on my own in the guesthouse just… wallowing. In the end she sat on the end of my slightly grubby sofa and smiled at me with a hint of pity in her eyes. She told me I had to get up, go out in the world again and… She told me a lot of things I didn’t want to hear and I wasn’t really listening. It was that look in her eyes that made me move.

But what to do?

I did the only thing I could think of, the only thing I wanted to do that didn’t involve Dom. I called Orli. Turned out he was off filming somewhere and it took me ages to track him down. But I did and he sounded genuinely pleased to hear from me. As we talked his voice seemed to lighten and fill with laughter and I knew he was smiling.

When I tentatively suggested I come and see him he jumped on the idea, wanting to book flights straight away. I kept trying to promise I wouldn’t get in the way but he wasn’t even listening. He really did seem as eager for some company as I was.

For some reason, on the plane, my head was full of Dom and I started to feel really melancholy. Why couldn’t he see how perfect we’d be together, how good we’d be for each other? Why did Billy have to get in the way? I fell asleep for a while and when I woke up I had a tray full of cold food in front of me, a pain in my neck and an odd feeling of… I don’t know what. Maybe hopelessness?

And then I was at Orli’s and he was opening the door and… It had never been about sex but god, I’d missed it and him. I jumped on him soon as I could, which surprised the hell out of both of us. Next thing I knew we were making out on the hall floor, all clashing heads, tangled limbs and clothes in the way. It was fantastic.

Orli has a gorgeous mouth. And gorgeous hands. And a gorgeous body when I came to think about it.

Seeing him was everything I needed and more than I hoped it could be. Even before the sex was over we were laughing at ourselves and both talking at the same time and it was… It was good. Good not to be miserable for a while. I’d missed him.

If Orli wasn’t working we’d either crash at my place or go off somewhere, he didn’t seem to have a proper home of his own. It was good just mucking around together and seeing a bit of the world, a bit that didn’t have anything to do with a movie set. It made the time I spent at home so much easier to bear.

Then one day, out of the blue, I got the phone call.

Dom.

Shit.

Could he come and stay? He wanted to try his luck in LA and needed a place to crash.

Did I mind?

Did I mind Dom living in my home, reliant on me, with no Billy around?

Of course I didn’t fucking mind.

Only I did and quite quickly. There are only so many stories about what a god Billy is in bed and so many times you can listen to the guy you want jerk off whilst talking on the phone to his boyfriend before you go clinically insane.

And it wasn’t even particularly fun having him there. Dom got more and more miserable the longer he was away from Billy. Then there were the times Billy would just ‘pop over’ to see him and they’d be at it like rabbits on Viagra. I only stayed around once when that happened. They couldn’t keep their hands off each other and I swear to god the wall between my bedroom and theirs was made of rice paper.

In the morning Billy walked out of the bathroom, naked and scratching his belly, on his way back to bed with the man I wanted, I couldn’t take it anymore. I loved Billy, I really did, and I wanted him to be happy. But did it have to be with my Dom?

I packed a bag, left a note, and went to find Orli.

That’s how things went on for months, Dom living in my house, me living with Orli. I tended to only go back if Dom was off somewhere else. I went to give Orli a break, last thing I needed was him getting sick of me. But somehow he almost always ended up coming home with me, which was nice.

It was especially nice the morning I got up to find Dom and Billy making out on my sofa. Afterwards they said they’d got into LA late the night before and didn’t realise we were already there. I was just… What’s Orli’s word for it? Gutted. I was just gutted. I stood rooted to the spot for a minute or two looking at all the heaving flesh. Then I turned and fled back to bed, hiding my face against Orli’s chest as he rubbed my back. I didn’t get up again for a long, long time.

Miraculously Orli conjured up an important meeting about a future film for the next day. As it was with Johnny Depp, who was going to argue? I really enjoyed the stay in Paris.

The best times of all though were when we got the house to ourselves. We could just stay in and be. Be on our own. Together. It was nice.

And so we plodded on, getting ever closer to the life changing experience we expected when The Fellowship came out. I was at home thinking about what would happen, whether the film would be as big as I suspected, when I got a phone call from someone on Orli’s latest film.

Apparently he was really upset about something, shouting and throwing stuff one minute, miserable as sin the next. They’d tried to get him to say what was wrong but he’d clammed up on them. When the producer had insisted, saying rumours would go round about how unprofessional he was, he’d given them my number.

I called him but he wouldn’t talk. When I nagged he called me a cunt and told me to fuck off. I stayed silent and waited him out. After a couple of minutes he broke, he never could stay mad at me for long, and asked me to go see him. He said it in a tiny little whisper.

I was on my way to the airport before I’d even hung up.

When I arrived, late in the afternoon, he was sitting on the edge of the set looking more miserable than I’d ever seen him before. Big dark circles under his eyes that no amount of make up could hide.

Soon as he realised I was there he ran at me, catching me up in an enormous bear hug, burying his face in my neck. I hugged him back even tighter. The director told us to get lost for the rest of the day and to make sure Orli came back in a better mood.

He was silent on the way back to his place and I knew better than to push it. Inside he calmly put his keys on the side, drank a glass of water and walked into the bedroom where I was waiting for him.

Then he just crumpled onto the bed and sobbed his heart out against my chest. Orli has never been afraid to cry but, equally, I had never seen anything like this.

It took a long time for the tears to turn into dry snuffles and eventually stop. He fell asleep and I carried on stroking his back as I watched him. He looked so sad and, for once, small and vulnerable with his tear stained face and damp curls. When he woke up I got a flannel and washed his face before getting him a long, cool drink. Then I climbed back into bed and we snuggled up again.

Slowly, calmly he told me what had happened. I already knew that Viggo had been in the area and called saying it would be nice for them to get together. Orli had been as excited as a puppy with a new toy, when he told me on the phone about all the things he was planning. He wanted everything to be perfect for Viggo.

What I didn’t know was that when Vig arrived he had his new girlfriend with him.

Orli was crushed and that night he did a really stupid thing. He got drunk. When the girlfriend had fallen asleep Orli had lost it, pouring out everything he had ever felt, everything he dreamed of, to Viggo.

Viggo had got up and moved to a chair further away from him. Then, in no uncertain terms, he’d told Orli that nothing was ever going to happen between them. Not only did he not want a man, he particularly didn’t want Orli. Even if Orli had been a woman, Viggo wouldn’t have wanted him.

Orli went quiet after he told me that and I thought about it for a while. I pointed out that I wouldn’t want him either if he was a girl, I liked his cock too much, so it was a pretty lucky thing he was a guy. It made him smile. All right so no belly laugh, but I had made him smile.

I knew I could make him whole again in time.

We stayed in bed for the rest of that day and night. I massaged his back, brushed his hair, rubbed his feet, sucked his cock and tickled his toes. Next morning he was back on set, brighter eyed and happier. Every time he looked over at me I smiled and he smiled back.

The director offered me a consultancy fee if I stayed. I don’t think he was joking. But you don’t need to pay me to be there for Orli.

A few weeks later we talked about things. He said that knowing there was no hope was actually easier than constantly clutching at straws. Now his life didn’t have to be on hold waiting for Viggo, he could move on and start afresh.

I had a real moment of panic there, what if moving on meant moving away from me? I didn’t say anything, there was no way in hell I was going to hold Orli back, but he must have read it in my face. He called me a bloody idiot and said he’d always need me.

I figured he was right; we’d always need each other even if the way we showed it changed.

Part two

The Fellowship had its premier on an amazing December day and life changed forever. One minute it was months away, the next it had arrived and the whole circus started.

It blew my mind.

Dom decided that he was going to show the world what new men we all were and how much everyone loved each other. Result was he seemed to be constantly hugging or touching me. I’m pretty certain he was doing it to all and sundry but it only registered when it happened to me. Whatever, it was a bastard thing to do. Not that I minded being hugged by Dom, but how was I meant to hide a physical reaction? Are you allowed an erection at a premier?

I couldn’t worry about Dom though, I had Orli to take care of. I hadn’t seen him for a couple of weeks before the London premier and I was worried about him seeing Viggo again. This would be the first time they’d been together since Vig had brushed him off.

I also got a tad over excited and careless at the thought of having Orli around once more.

Jumping on him and wrapping my legs around his waist in front of all those cameras probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do but, what the hell, I’d missed the guy.

Turned out I needn’t have worried about him, he was all right about everything. Still, I made sure I was glued to his side the first time he saw Viggo even though he was cool. He gave Vig’s shoulder a quick pat, smiled, and said, "All right mate," in that very English way.

Viggo was cool as well, smiling and slipping back into the old behaviour of all mates together. When we got back to our hotel room very late that night, I congratulated Orli on being so amazing. He told me to stop being so fucking American and we got totally drunk. Again.

Just the two of us. Just how it should be.

Then, as quickly as it started, the first round of chaos was over and it was back to what passed for normal life. I’d sit at home, tongue hanging out, lusting after Dom, till I couldn’t stand it anymore. Then I’d go off and hide in Orli’s back pocket until all was right with the world again.

I did some work, probably not as much as I should have, but it was hard finding stuff that would fit in with Orli’s frantic schedule. Jesus, that man has some work ethic. But I didn’t mind, watching him grow and become more capable was pretty wonderful.

I seemed to look forward to the pick-ups for The Two Towers for ages. A chance to be back in the place I loved, with the people I loved, doing something I loved. It was pretty fantastic seeing everyone again, it was almost like we had never been away, I even enjoyed the time we spent in feet. Then, apparently the next second, it was over and we were waving people off at the airport and making plans for the next set of premiers.

And so life went on until the bomb hit.

Billy had dumped Dom and gone back to his girlfriend.

I was off somewhere, watching Orli filming, when the news came through The Rings grapevine. Things had been all right between Dom and Billy during the pick-ups, and now it was all over? I was stunned, I really didn’t know what to do, it was the last thing anyone had expected.

When I managed to pull myself together Orli had packed my bag for me. He told me to get home quick and make sure I was the one Dom turned to. Just before I got in the cab he gave me the biggest hug ever, holding on for the longest time. Then he pushed me inside, turned quickly away, and he was gone.

As it happened Dom didn’t turn to me. He didn’t turn to anyone. He was so fucking angry that he hated the whole world, me included.

When I let myself into the guest house he was there, all bare chested and… gorgeous. Fuck me hard as you like on the floor, I thought. I don’t care if it only makes you feel better for a second, it’ll be worth it.

He came at me as well. Only when he picked me up it wasn’t to rip my clothes off and fling me down. It was to bodily throw me out of the door. I hammered hard enough against it, but he only opened it enough to throw my bag out before it was slammed in my face again.

I spent that night at my mom’s. And the next. And the next. It was my guest house for fuck’s sake, but that didn’t seem to matter to Dom. I tried everything I could think of to help him, shit, just to talk to him. But he didn’t want to know anyone. Each night when I rang Orli he told me to hang in there, that Dom would come round.

I got pretty sick of sitting doing nothing, but Orli always said the same thing, ‘give it another day or two before you come back here.’ In the end I was saved making the decision. Next time I went down to the guest house Dom had left, the door was wide open and he’d gone back to his family, not a word to me.

I caught the next flight to Orli.

How long had I been waiting for him already? I suppose a bit more wouldn’t hurt.

A month or so later Dom moved out saying he needed a change of space. My reaction? Good and bad. Bad because I didn’t get to see him as much. How was he supposed to notice me if I wasn’t there? But good for a variety of reasons.

Another bonus was that Orli and I could spend time there just doing nothing. I know that since he’d actually got round to buying a place in London we had a home of our own but… now we had two. Somewhere private both sides of the Atlantic is not a bad state of affairs.

I plugged on with Dom, I really did, and not just to get him into bed. I tried to be his friend and help him through the worst of it. We all tried, Orli included. Slowly Dom began to look… not happy, less unhappy maybe?

We’d fight to get him upstairs as he came round a bit and started saying stuff. I’d never quite manage to hear what he said, somehow I always got pushed to the back, but Sean and Orli would look at each other in an odd way, then tell me to go make strong, black coffee. The bedroom door was always shut on me at that point and I wouldn’t be let back in until Dom had passed out.

Orli and I saw Billy a few times and the first thing he would do was ask about Dom. It was difficult to know what to say, the contrast between them was so marked. Billy positively glowed with health and happiness. He was always bubbly but this was something different. He was obviously happy, this was more than that, Billy was content.

All was right in his world.

We didn’t tell him about Dom.

The shit truly hit the fan when Dom found out that Orli and I had been to see Billy while he was filming. Dear god, but was he ever pissed at us.

It was just before the world premier of The Two Towers. Everyone had arrived for the pre-madness get together except Billy and Ian, when some kind soul let it slip that Orli and I had gone visiting. Dom turned on us, in front of a room full of people, and demanded to know how we could betray him like that. Then he wanted to know why we hadn’t told him before, demanding all the details of how miserable Billy was.

Dom screamed in our faces, hands clenched into white-knuckled fists, and we stood there and took the abuse along with the spit that landed on our cheeks. He got more and more menacing until Viggo and Sean pulled him away.

The reason we put up with it? Because we were the only ones that could see the tears at the back of his eyes.

If anyone doubts the quality of the acting ability in the Rings films, just watch the tapes of those premiers. Dom and Billy both deserve fucking Oscars.

One good thing about that time was that Viggo and Orli seemed to reach an understanding. They were comfortable around each other, back to being true buddies. The even sat talking till late one night. Anyone that came near them was smiled at and then told to fuck off. Viggo was a bit weird with me afterwards. He kept patting me on the back and smiling his enigmatic smile that annoys me so much.

Much later Billy said he hadn’t been quite sure what was going on during that round of publicity. People kept suddenly pushing him out of doors or pulling him somewhere. He knew we were all trying to keep him away from Dom but I don’t think to this day he realises how bad things were. That’s probably for the best.

Back in America, Dom calmed down and said sorry to Orli and I. He must have been feeling apologetic because he gave us a pot plant. Never seen anything as funny as Orli standing there with this fucking huge spider plant, not knowing what to do with it. In the end he dumped it in the bath. We had to tug it out every time we wanted to wash. Important thing was Dom had said sorry and we’d accepted it.

Orli called Sean that night and we all went out clubbing again. Only this time Dom didn’t get drunk or aggressive and everyone had a great time. Oh, and the plant died when I followed Orli to his next movie set and no one watered the ugly thing.

Slowly Dom got happier and it became easier to spend time with him. He started being fun and affectionate again, sometimes he’d hug me and rub my back or pat my shoulder. I would glow inside and do a little dance of hope. Orli used to get real quiet when Dom was like that. He said I should be careful, Dom wasn’t sure what he wanted yet and I could get badly hurt.

I thought about it for a minute but I soon realised Orli was right. I knew Dom wasn’t thinking about me when he hugged just that little bit tighter. I also knew Dom was fucking his way around half of LA at the time.

Still things were getting better and, as the pick-ups for Return of the King approached, I thought I could see a glimmer of hope. Orli and I sat in bed one night, after some pretty intense sex, eating left over cold Chinese and planning my strategy for New Zealand. I figured this was it, make or break time. I’d waited long enough.

It was a real shame, this would be the last time we’d all be together, the end of the adventure, and it was being ruined. It should have be a time to remember, instead it was leaving a nasty taste in the mouth.

After one particularly spiteful comment Viggo slammed his bottle down on a table and shouted a single word, "Enough!" The room went quiet and everyone looked from Vig to Dom and Billy.

"We’ve all had enough," he repeated a little quieter. Then he literally grabbed the pair of them by the scruff of the neck. I’ve never actually seen grown men man-handled like that before, as if they were little kids, but Viggo did it. He pulled them up and out the door before throwing them in the room opposite. He told them they wouldn’t be allowed out until they had sorted things.

Then we sat and waited.

Orli and I didn’t have much choice about that, it was our room they were thrown into. But we weren’t the only ones who waited to see what would happen. It was just over an hour later when the door opened and they came out, arms around each other’s waists. For a terrible moment I had this sickening feeling that they were back together, but I was lucky, they weren’t.

Instead they had sorted out their relationship. They were back to being best buddies, the best friends ever. Billy even laughed that he’d promised not to talk about ‘The Girlfriend.’ Dom almost laughed with him.

The atmosphere lifted and my hopes soared along with the party. Dom was, at last, free and I had a chance.

When the celebratory mood gave way to the lure of our beds and thoughts of another early start, Billy had to be practically carried to his room. He seemed genuinely at peace under the rush of alcohol. Then there was only Dom, Orli and I left. Three stragglers at the end of the night.

Orli nudged me and nodded towards Dom. I took my cue.

"You okay?" I said.

Dom stopped by the door, hesitated a moment, then turned back to face me. "Yeah, I suppose so."

"Happy?" I asked hopefully. "Or maybe that should be, happier?"

He looked at me again and I saw it, I saw the very moment it crossed his mind that I could be a possibility. His eyes caught Orli’s across the room, then his attention was back on me. "I would be happier if I had someone to warm my bed," he said and his voice was low, dark and full of promise.

This was it, this was what I’d always wanted. At long last it was within my grasp, there for the taking.

So why was I hesitating, glued to the spot like some prize idiot? All my fantasies, all my hopes were being offered to me and I was hesitating. What the fuck was wrong with me?

"Go on, go," Orli said softly. "It’s what you’ve always wanted."

Listen to that. My Orli, giving me permission, no encouraging me, to leave him because it was what I’ve always wanted. There’d be no arguments or atmosphere between us. Could anything be more perfect?

So why was I still hesitating?

Because suddenly, I didn’t want it anymore. But why not? What the hell did I want? Right then I didn’t have a clue, so I did what I always did when I was stuck.

I turned and looked for Orli.

Orli, who had always been there for me, through thick and thin, through hell and high water, through… everything.

And I loved him for it.

My god, that really was the truth of it. I loved Orli for all he had done for me, for who he is, for… I loved Orli. In one stupid, inconsequential moment of revelation I understood; I always had loved Orli.

I just never realised it.

How could I have missed everything that we’d had over the years, all we still had together and everything we could have in the future? With Orli everything was possible.

I didn’t want to go anywhere. I wanted to stay right where I was. I wanted what I had, what was real, not some impossible fantasy.

"Are you coming?" Dom asked, bringing me back to reality. I looked at him with his slightly crooked, perfect nose and straggly gorgeous hair. Then I looked at Orli, sitting hunched over, trying to smile for me. Too beautiful. Much, much too perfect.

"Can I stay with you?" I said, looking at my Orli.

For a full minute he just sat there, confused. Eventually he managed to speak. "Why?"

"’Cos I want to."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, course I’m sure. Can I stay?" I was sure I wanted to stay but not quite so sure about asking. What if he didn’t want me to?

Then he was on his feet, crossing the room to stop in front of me, his eyes filling with laughter. "Bloody idiot, of course you can stay," he said, pulling me in for a hug.

But did he mean it in the right way, not just as mates? Did he know what I meant? Oh god, what if he didn’t want me? I was probably going to have all my hopes dashed again, even if these had only been my hopes for the last minute, but I had to know.

I pulled my head away from the warmth of his neck. I’ve never been so scared in all my life when I asked, "Do you want me?"

The laughter was gone from his face, as quickly as it had come, and he went very still and serious. "Do I want you?" He repeated as his hands went up to cup my face. "Elijah Wood, I love you."

Then it hit me; I hadn’t told him. I pulled back once more. "I love you Orli. Jesus Christ, I do. Not like a mate but I really love you, in-love-with-you, love you. Can you believe that? Isn’t it just totally amazing? I love you and I’d want to have your babies if I was a girl, only I’m not so I won’t." I managed to draw breath, thinking I’d finished. Only I hadn’t.

"And I’ve always loved you, properly loved you. Trouble was I was too stupid to see it. Isn’t that just fucking typical of me? I’ve loved you for years and I do now and I will for years to come and…" The words were just tumbling out, I knew I was babbling but I couldn’t seem to stop. Orli kept saying he knew, he felt the same, and that everything was all right. But still I couldn’t stop. In the end he did the only sensible thing and kissed me.

I have always loved kissing Orli and it had the usual effect of melting my brain and turning my knees to jelly. Then another thought hit me; I would be doing this forever.

"I’ll take that as a no then," Dom said. I pulled away from Orli to say something. My mouth opened ready but… nothing came out. I had absolutely no idea what to say.

Dom gave a tiny shrug but he didn’t seem to mind. In fact he came over and kissed both our heads, smiled, said it had been a hell of an evening and told us to be happy.

Be happy, that we could do.

Dom wandered out, singing about love being in the air, and I turned back to Orli and…

We were happy.

The End.

Epilogue

The rest of the Return of the King pick-ups were everything anyone could have wanted and we all came away with some fantastic, poignant memories.

Dom and I talked and he said it was the best decision I’d ever made. Much as he loved me, and quite liked the idea of a fling with me, it would never have been anything more. He said it would have been like incest; I felt more like his little brother than anything else.

He also said that the whole world knew Orli and I were perfect for each other. It’s funny that, the whole world knew and for so long, we didn’t. Dom said he felt a certain pride knowing that he had played a small part in us coming to our senses.

And Orli?

Oh god, it’s been just absolutely fucking perfect with him. Real slushy, makes-you-want-to-throw-up, perfect. It also felt like something new even though we’d been together for years. Going to bed together was a completely different experience full of discovery and amazement. So what if I could already map every millimetre of his body?

The day after our grand revelation I went over to watch Orli filming as soon as I had finished. He was sitting with a group of the older actors and I just looked at him and… fuck, I really did love him. He looked up at that moment and saw me. Next thing I knew he was walking towards me, only he wasn’t going quickly enough.

I couldn’t help myself. I flew at him, landing with a thump against his chest that was hard enough to knock us both off our feet. He ended up on his back with me straddling him, whilst I licked his face.

Ian’s eyes went a bit lust filled, Bernard said we were sweet and Miranda clapped.

Viggo said it was positively pathetic watching just drooling all over each other. But he was smiling when he said it.

When we got back to LA we both wanted to do something to mark the change and to start afresh. That’s when we came up with the idea of moving to New York. It was a place we both wanted to live in, a plane ride from both our families, somewhere we could have our apartment, our home.

Somewhere we could just be us, together. Perfect.

It would have been nice if Orli could have stopped working long enough for us to spend anytime there. But still we have the rest of our lives and things are so good. We have some of the best friends ever, people spread out across the world who we can turn to at anytime, no matter how long it’s been since we last spoke to them. Dom and I have become even better friends. Something that he says would have been spoilt had we slept together. I think he’s probably right.

I don’t know if he considers me or Billy his best friend, I kind of suspect it’s Billy, but no matter. Dom is my best friend and I love him to pieces.

All this made the round of publicity for Return of the King amazing fun. It may have been the end of the movies but it wasn’t the end of our friendships. Those will last forever.

And why isn’t Orli my best friend?

Because he is so much more now. He’ll always be my friend and my lover but now he’s not second best, he’s my first choice.

The End