Chapter Four

+


Go to the main office. As soon as you can.

If that was meant to be a cryptic message it didn’t work. Elijah had only to look at his phone when the text came through to see Orli’s name on the sender’s ID. When the text came through… Orli did pick his moments so well: right in the middle of a lecture. Every head in the place had swivelled in Elijah’s direction and the lecturer had noticed him for the first time, arching his eyebrows, and asking after the new student, ‘Mr ?’.

Lovely.

He dived for the door as soon as he could, desperate to beat the rush, and went looking for the main office. When he found it there was no sign of anyone and then a figure caught his eye, sitting on the railing outside, feet swinging in the air.

"What are you doing here?" Elijah asked.

"Though I’d bring you lunch," Orli reached down and held up a huge Kentucky Fried Chicken bag.

"You’re nuts."

"I know but I found us a quiet little spot under a tree and I thought I’d surprise you," Orli jumped down, hesitated, then caught hold of Elijah’s hand and started walking towards some benches. "I just hope the food hasn’t got too cold."

Elijah sat next to him, thighs just touching, as Orli shared out the food.

"Where are you meant to be?" Elijah asked wiping his mouth with a paper napkin.

"At the dentist. I had a long discussion with my boss about whether I should get my problematic back tooth capped or not."

"You’ll get in trouble you know. You’re starting to do this too often."

Orli wrinkled up his nose. "Nah, Mr Tyler still likes me. Can’t think why."

"But why risk it?"

"Because," Orli twisted round to face Elijah. "Because you said you ate your sandwich in the toilet yesterday and I couldn’t stand the thought of you doing that again."

Elijah sighed, looking down at his grease stained hands. "I said this morning that you’ve done enough. Stop trying to make me feel better about what happened."

"I’m not," Orli said quietly and Elijah looked up. "I’m not here because of what happened last night, I’m here because of what happened during the day. You got scared, you hid. I promised I’d help and I still mean it, that’s why I’m here, to help."

"So are you going to fake a dentist appointment every day?"

"I could need root canal treatment?" Orli grinned. But Elijah wasn’t ready for smiling. "Okay so I can’t be here every day, but today is only your second day. I can be here for you today."

"I have to start standing on my own two feet."

"Yeah, you do, but not yet. If I can do this for you, why shouldn’t I? And it has nothing to do with last night," he reached out to see if his hand would be welcomed on Elijah’s leg. It wasn’t rejected. "It’s nice under this tree and… what else were you going to do?"

Elijah was silent for a long while and then he spoke without looking at Orli. "I was thinking about it all morning. I’d decided I’d go to the library and read till my next lecture."

"What about food? You can’t eat in there."

"Thought I’d skip lunch."

"Elijah," Orli sighed. "You can’t not eat, you have to find somewhere to go till you feel more confident. What about Eileen’s, why don’t you go there?"

Elijah shook his head. "It’s too far and I can’t go every day and," he looked up. "I thought I’d go once, maybe twice a week, if she doesn’t mind."

"I’m sure she won’t mind but you’ll have to find somewhere else for the other days," Orli suddenly sat up, a new decisiveness in his posture. "We’ll find you somewhere, you don’t have to do that on your own. You don’t have to do anything on your own anymore, we’ll find somewhere together. Now get a move on and eat up." He stood up, collecting the rubbish and sticking it in the bin.

"But you have to get back to work."

"I have another," he looked at his watch and grinned. "Oh at least another five minutes."

"That’s not enough…"

"Shut up," Orli said gently, pulling Elijah up. "And will you do me a really big favour and let me do this? I’ve hated the fact that there was nothing practical I could do to help. Well now there is, so just shut up and let me. Please?"

After a long moment Elijah nodded and let himself be pulled towards the main building.


+


They found the perfect spot surprisingly quickly. It was called The Quiet Learning Zone – poncey name for a good idea. There were lots of small tables spread out in an old hall where students could sit and read and work. There was no one supervising and no rules apart from you had to stay quiet. That suited Elijah just fine. He could sit there and eat and drink while he read and no one could bother him. That would do just fine.

On the way back through the maze of corridors and hallways Orli caught sight of a sign that could make things even better. There was a large notice board full of a haphazard mass of leaflets and posters for all sorts of events and clubs. In the bottom corner sat a very tasteful, very elegant, notice advertising an art club that ran at Thursday lunch times.

Orli’s eyes lit up when he saw it specialised in watercolours and drawing, that would fit Elijah down to the ground.

Elijah wasn’t so sure, he hedged and hesitated, saying he’d think about it, maybe go in a couple of months, that it wasn’t really his thing.

Orli knew he was lying and grabbed his wrist, dragging him down the stairs, along another endless corridor to the art department. Eventually he was directed to the woman who ran the club and then Elijah pulled back in earnest. Orli looked at him: Elijah’s face was white and tight, his eyes full of tension, as he bit at his finger till it bled.

"Don’t be scared," Orli whispered, smiling softly, stroking along Elijah’s arm. "There’s nothing here to be frightened of."

Elijah pulled back. "I’m not scared but this is just asking for trouble."

"Why?"

Elijah’s face was hard and resigned. "Look at me Orli, I realised a long time ago the effect the way I look has on people. Now I have beautiful bruises to go with the beautiful face. And you want me to go in and talk to an artist, someone who is all about how things look? How am I supposed to cope with that?"

"I…" Orli huffed to a stop. Then he turned, knocked on the door and went in. "Hi, I’m not actually a student here," he announced. "But this is my friend Elijah, he is and…"

And then Orli went into the most elaborate, ridiculous story that Elijah had ever heard. It was all about how Elijah had been traumatised by a terrible accident when an articulated lorry had crashed through the campsite where he was staying and... It was all rubbish, even the bit about how the shock left him unable to cope with people. How he wanted somewhere he could rediscover peace and beauty and… all rubbish.

The story went on and on till Orli had the whole office hanging on his every word but, surprisingly, taking very little notice of Elijah. Not for one second did anyone seriously believe the nonsense that Orli was spouting, but it didn’t matter and they didn’t care. He had them all eating out of his hand and willing to help him in anyway they could. At the end he asked them – looking up through lowered lashes, pout firmly in place – if Elijah could join the art club but be left alone while he fought his own demons.

They looked at Elijah out of the corner of their eyes and practically begged him to join.

Back outside Elijah stared at Orli. "You are totally and completely mad. I hope you know that," he said, arms crossed tight against his chest.

"I know," Orli grinned. "But I got you what you wanted. You can go and learn, have fun, and not only won’t the teacher bother you but I bet she does her damnedest to keep everyone else away as well. Hell, she even agreed to call me rather than talk to you if there’s a problem."

"She’ll call ‘cos she wants a date, not because there’s a problem."

"And I will let her down gently whilst making her watch out for you all the more," Orli smiled reassuringly. "Give it a try, if you don’t like it don’t go anymore. But you love to draw and this could be really good. Just try it?"

"She probably thinks I’m some psycho idiot that’s going to axe murder the rest of the group."

"So? They’ll keep a healthy distance and just admire you from afar," Orli smiled again. "Don’t make a decision now, just leave it open and see how you feel on Thursday. Yeah?"

Elijah chewed at his bottom lip and nodded reluctantly. He didn’t want to go but he’s seen the equipment they had and some of the work on the walls. He wasn’t anywhere near that league but just to be in that environment…. He’d think about it.

"I really have got to get back to work now," Orli’s voice broke into Elijah’s thought. "Or shit will hit the fan big time." He started walking quickly towards the front of the building. "What time is your next lecture?"

Elijah looked at his watch. Bugger, he’d be late as well if he didn’t get a move on and that would mean walking in when everyone else was already there.

"Now," Elijah looked round trying to work out where he was and where he should go.

"I’ll be late home tonight," Orli said. "I’d better make some time up so no one has a reason to moan. Is that okay?"

"Of course it’s okay and Orlando," Elijah stopped and held onto Orli’s arm. "Thanks. Thanks for coming and the art thing and… thanks for the thought."

Orli smiled softly. "You’re welcome." He moved forward to kiss Elijah and then stopped, the colour draining from his face. Did he have the right to do that anymore?

Elijah didn’t hesitate. He bobbed closer and kissed Orli soundly on the lips. "I’ll see you later," he called over his shoulder and then he was gone, disappeared around a corner leaving Orli stunned.


+


It was cold and starting to rain, little wet trails were running from Elijah’s hair down his neck and into the warmth under his coat. But he didn’t mind. It was Friday evening, he’d survived a second day, and that meant no university for the whole of the weekend.

Two whole days when he could sleep all he wanted, relax his guard and just be himself.

He edged along the wall, the cold hard bricks making his bum go numb. He’d been waiting ages but it couldn’t be long now and then, suddenly, the door across the road opened and Orli appeared with Rose close behind. Elijah hopped down and waited to be noticed.

Rose saw him first, nudging Orli in the side and waving as she started to cross the road. "What are you doing here?" she asked, poking around in her huge bag for an umbrella.

"He didn’t fancy going home alone, thought he’d wait for me," Orli said, pushing round Rose to look at Elijah. "Right?"

Elijah nodded.

"You’re wet," Orli smiled.

"I know."

"Ooo, what happened to your face?" Rose pushed back, scrunching her glasses up her nose so she got get a better look.

"Had a fight with a cupboard door," Elijah laughed it off easily and Orli’s guts tightened. Elijah was lying to hide what he’d done.

"I hurt…" Orli started but Elijah pinched him on his arm. Hard.

"Don’t you dare," he whispered in Orli’s ear. He turned back to face Rose. "I was trying to hide Orli’s stash of porn in the top cupboard but the whole lot fell out on me. You’d be amazed at the damage a dildo can do."

"You haven’t got one of those?" Rose looked wide-eyed at Orli.

"No I haven’t," Orli blustered. Elijah was trying to turn the whole thing into a joke but, still… "Rose I…"

"Orli," Elijah said softly, moving into Orli’s space. Elijah held his eyes till Orli had no choice but to look away for a moment.

Orli looked from Rose back to Elijah. "Home?" he tentatively put his hand out towards Elijah.

Elijah nodded and laced their fingers together. "Can we get a take away?" Orli could actually feel Elijah start to relax. "And a bottle of tequila? A really large bottle."

"Whatever you want," Orli said.

Elijah twisted back. "What are you up to tonight Rose? Have you got something planned with Stuart?"

"Yeah." Her face suddenly brightened under her misted up her glasses. "I went to a sort of party at a friend’s house the other night and bought..." She stumbled to a halt, her face flushing.

"You went to an Anne Summers party," Elijah laughed. "What’d you buy? Naughty undies or some sex toys?"

"I am not telling you," Rose hitched up the elasticated waistband on her formal work skirt.

"Oh I bet you did, let me see," Elijah tugged at Rose’s bag, trying to peer inside.

"Sod off you pervert," Rose actually giggled as she pushed Elijah away, her hand catching on the scarf he had twined round the top of his shirt. It fell away as he ducked back out of her grasp.

"Are they black and lacy or does Stuart prefer red?"

Orli saw the marks appear from under the scarf just as Rose registered them. Fuck; bite marks on Elijah’s neck. He’d lost his nerve now and he didn’t want her to see them.

And he hated, hated, himself for being such a coward.

"Elijah?" Rose reached out a hand towards his neck.

"I know what you got," Elijah deftly pulled the scarf back in place. "It’s a Rampant Rabbit and some nipple clamps."

"No!" Rose squeaked, clamping her bag to her chest. "You’re disgusting." She blushed, deep and red.

"Whatever you bought I bet you two have loads of fun with it, more fun than if you came and watched us trying to hold hands while we eat a Chinese at the same time," Elijah laughed.

Orli hated watching Elijah manoeuvre Rose, he should have had the guts to admit what he done. Instead Elijah was using skills that Orli didn’t want to think about, skills that he’s honed over the years to such a degree that he was a master at them. But then Elijah had said they would hold hands and… Orli felt such a desperate coward.

A desperate coward who, more than anything, wanted to hold Elijah’s hand.


+


Orli wasn’t falling asleep, oh no, he was just resting his eyes, sitting back and resting his eyes. The evening had turned out better than he could have imagined or expected. All right so he hadn’t got to hold Elijah’s hand very much but they were sat on the floor in the living room, the food cartons still spread around them, and it was peaceful.

No hand holding but who cared? Elijah had laughed over his own silly jokes and the sound had warmed Orli’s belly.

"Oh God…" Elijah’s voice sounded from the other side of the room and Orli opened his eyes to look.

Elijah was laid out on a pile of cushions, his legs flopped open, eyes closed, dark lashes long on impossibly perfect cheeks, teeth and tongue just visible through softly parted lips, arms and hands relaxed in invitation. But it was more than that, more than just the look; it was Elijah’s whole demeanour. He oozed sex and vulnerability and perfection and….

Orli felt his breath speed up and his cock harder in a need for possession and he was appalled with himself.

Elijah sighed softly, a tiny puff that stirred the air around him, as he adjusted his position, his hips lifting, inviting, irresistible.

Orli caught a breath and held it for a moment between clenched lips. "You’re drunk," he said, trying to hide his response under a laugh.

"Am not," Elijah said without moving or opening his eyes. "At least not very."

Orli reached for the tequila bottle. "Well somebody drunk most of this and it wasn’t me."

"You were too busy eating," Elijah said, but Orli could hear more than a little bit of a slur in his voice. And then he realised, Elijah had eaten hardly anything, but he had drunk a lot. An awful lot.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

"Uh ha," Elijah curled and uncurled a finger. "I’ll be even better when the room stops going round and round."

"Told you, you’re drunk."

"Am not drunk, I’m blurry. I like it when everything’s blurry," Elijah reached up to brush his hair back off his forehead. "Oh shit," he turned a nasty shade of green.

"Elijah?" Orli moved to help as Elijah tried to sit up.

"Perhaps I am drunk," he said as he wriggled back to lean against the wall, his face deadly white under the green.

Orli settled him then turned to collect up some of the cartons. It was all greasy and yucky now. Slowly congealing bits of ‘stuff’ at the bottom of each metal container, Orli grimaced. "This is disgusting," he held one out to Elijah. "Don’t!" he suddenly shouted. But it was too late.

Elijah had downed the last of the tequila straight from the bottle, a dribble ran down his chin as he tossed it to one side and visibly slumped.

"Oh you idiot," Orli said, pulling him up a little. "There must have been at least a couple of shots left."

"Wanted a drink," Elijah slurred badly.

"What’s wrong with water?" Orli frowned and moved to straighten Elijah’s head from its slump to the side. "I know you’ve had a hard couple of days but..." He cupped Elijah’s face, trying to encourage him to open his eyes. "Are you all right in there?" he asked gently.

Elijah looked up and seemed to unexpectedly recognise Orli. He smiled, crooked but sweet, and reached out to him. It was then that the first lot of alcohol hit his stomach with a vengeance and he threw up.

"Bloody hell ‘Lijah," Orli scowled, trying to pull Elijah so that he was sitting upright and could lean over.

Elijah looked up through swimming eyes. "Orlando, I feel sick."

"Tell me about it," Orli mumbled as he dashed to the kitchen for a bowl. The washing up bowl? Surely that wasn’t hygienic. But it was better than getting a lap full of sick like the last lot. And on his hands. Orli realised that the warm, mushy feeling on his hands was…

He ran back and grabbed a handful of Elijah’s t shirt behind his neck to haul him up again as Elijah began to simultaneously slump down and heave. He’d choke to death if he weren’t careful. The vomit on Orli’s hands was now on Elijah’s back and… oh god it was up the wall and all over the floor. Orli gave up and concentrated on positioning the bowl and holding Elijah up.

Two more bouts and the room stank but Elijah seemed to have emptied his stomach. Orli found a towel, mopped up the worst of the mess off both of them, and tried to pull Elijah up.

"Come on, let’s get you in the bathroom."

Elijah slumped further into the puddle on the floor.

"Bloody hell," Orli pulled Elijah to his feet, catching an arm around his waist, only too aware of the mess now squishing against him. "Come on mate," he said again. "Let’s get you cleaned up."

Elijah’s head lolled back and then to the side, he groaned ominously. "I don’t feel well."

"Oh please, hang on till I get you in bathroom. Then you can throw up to your heart’s content."

"Gonna die," Elijah lurched pitifully, his hands scrabbling at Orli.

"No you’re not," Orli said as he half dragged, half carried Elijah to the bathroom. He let Elijah down gently by the toilet, just in case, and turned on the shower.

Elijah looked more dirty grey now than green as he leaned back against the cold tiles on the wall. He badly wanted to close his eyes but if he did that the spinning room came up to smack him in the face. His fingers searched around the floor for something to hold on to. He could smell that awful smell of vomit and his head wasn’t his and he couldn’t quite remember where he was or what his name was or… Oh fuck, if it’d only stop spinning he could try and work out who he was.

He felt a pressure on his face and for some reason it seemed nice, like something he welcomed. He heaved his eyes open. Orli: yes Orli. He knew him.

"Are you going to be sick anymore?" Orli asked softly but Elijah was beyond answering. Orli shrugged and caught hold of the bottom of Elijah’s truly disgusting t shirt. How the hell was he going to get the thing off?

"Sit forward for me," but Elijah didn’t move so Orli pulled him till his head rested on Orli’s shoulder.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

Elijah groaned. Pitifully.

"I’ve never seen you this drunk before," Orli peeled the damp material away from equally damp flesh. "What a mess. Not so pretty now, are you?" he laughed, but then suddenly stopped.

Orli cocked his head and looked. He was wrong, completely and utterly wrong. Elijah was still the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. From blood shot eyes, to dribbling mouth to… Fuck, bite marks on his neck.

Orli’s face tightened. "I’ve got to get you cleaned up and into bed."

Orli twisted round under the weight of Elijah slumped on his shoulder. Elijah groaned again, his breathing short and fast, his head lolling.

"Please mate," Orli said. "We’ve got to get you sorted." He pulled Elijah’s t shirt carefully up and over his head, with only the minimum of mess, till it got caught on Elijah’s ear.

"Orlando!" Came Elijah’s cry of distress but Orli soon shss’ed him quiet.

As Elijah lay back, burping, Orli slipped off Elijah’s socks, then came the difficult job of his jeans. He tried to lay Elijah down but he complained that the room span too much so, after undoing the button and zip, Orli pulled Elijah to his feet and wriggled his jeans and underwear off. Then he hauled him over the rim of the bath, into the shower of water.

"Stand up ‘Lijah," Orli instructed. "Hang onto the wall," but it was pointless. Elijah couldn’t stand, he could barely sit, curled over his knees, in the bottom of the bath. Orli sighed and got the shower head down, washing off the mess.

Elijah mumbled something incoherent as Orli shampooed his hair. He tried to stop the bubbles going in Elijah’s face but Elijah didn’t seem to care, in fact he hardly reacted to the water at all as he lolled to the side and rested on the edge of the bath.

Turning the water off, Orli wrapped a big towel around Elijah’s back and took off his own shirt. He rolled it into a ball and looked around for somewhere to dump it, it wasn’t going in the dirty washing box or everything would smell. He dropped it on top of the pile of Elijah’s soiled clothes.

"Now to get you out," Orli turned back to an unmoving Elijah and began to pull him up again. Elijah was unsteady on his feet and Orli had to hold on tight as he negotiated the edge of the bath. As it was Elijah lost his balance and they both ended up on the floor.

"I don’t feel well," Elijah moaned.

"I know, get to bed and then you can sleep it off," Orli said, getting them both upright.

"Bed," Elijah stared at Orli. "You gonna fuck me?"

"Of course I’m not going to bloody fuck you," Orli laughed as he rubbed at Elijah’s wet hair. "Look at the state of you."

"But everybody fucks me, that’s what they do."

"Yeah well, I’m not everybody," but Orli wasn’t quite so sure of his ground anymore. He wiped the water gently off Elijah’s face.

"You’re different, aren’t you? You’re…" Elijah’s face scrunched up in pain and his hand went to his mouth.

"Oh Elijah! Not again," Orli searched round quickly for the bowl but it was in the other room. He grabbed the rubbish bin, tipping out its contents onto the floor just in time to catch Elijah’s next bout of vomiting. He held the bin and rubbed Elijah’s back as he heaved and heaved, emptying his stomach completely this time. Then he eased Elijah back against the wall and got rid of the mess down the toilet.

"Orlando, where are you?"

"Here," Orli knelt next to him and Elijah clutched at Orli’s chest; desperate hands that dug in deep and hung on for dear life.

"I don’t want you to go," Elijah looked up and Orli saw there were tears in his eyes.

"Hey, I’m not going anywhere."

"You can’t, you have to stay. No matter what," he was openly crying now. Big tears that toppled over his eyelashes and rolled down his cheeks unnoticed. "You can fuck me all you want… do anything you want… hurt me, bruise me, I don’t care. Just don’t leave me," he held on tighter, his fingers pinching painfully at Orli’s skin.

"I’m not going to hurt you, never again, and you shouldn’t offer it," Orli said but Elijah wasn’t listening.

"I don’t care what you do to me… you can have anything you want, I just couldn’t stand it if you left," he looked up at Orli, eyes and nose running. "My mum was right. She said she knew and she did. The golden, cardinal rule, never ever, ever let yourself feel ‘cos that’s how you get hurt. That’s how you’re vulnerable. And I did it, I broke the golden rule I let myself feel and you got in and now…"

He grabbed onto Orli’s shoulder, his eyes frantic. "Don’t let me go back, I can’t go back to how it was. It didn’t matter before but now… why do I have to love you so much? Why is it that you’re all that matters, all I think about, all I care about, all I want? It’s not fair; I can’t fight against you. It’s not fair."

Orli cupped Elijah’s face tightly. "It might not be fair but it’s equal. That’s how it is for me as well. I love you Elijah and I’m never leaving."

"But I love you more!" Elijah exclaimed, his voice high and childish. "I do."

Orli pulled him close, burying Elijah’s face against his chest. "You might love me but you’re wrong on that score. I love you more." And he rocked Elijah slowly back and forwards.


+


Orli washed Elijah’s teary, snotty face again and then manhandled him into bed, settling him before going to get some water and a bucket. Just in case.

He cleaned up the mess in the living room, threw away the food cartons, emptied the bowl, put the washing machine on and even sorted out the bathroom, all whilst constantly checking on Elijah. Eventually he’d had enough for one night and turned off the lights before going back to the bedroom.

Elijah had turned onto his back and Orli tried to roll him over again, onto the safety of his side. It wasn’t easy. Elijah was restless, shivering and sweaty by turns, and his face looked ashen and waxy.

Orli stroked down his arm soothingly and he settled a little. He sat and watched the rise and fall of Elijah’s chest; it still wasn’t regular enough for his liking. On the spur of the moment he stripped off the rest of his clothes and got into bed, sitting back against the headboard as he pulled Elijah onto his lap.

Elijah went willingly and within minutes his breathing had softened out and he drifted into a deeper, easier sleep with Orli’s arm safe round him.

Safe: the way he always felt with Orli.

Safe: the most important feeling.

Orli contented himself by holding Elijah close.


+


"Orlando?" Elijah woke slowly. His head seemed to be encased in concrete and there was a sledge hammer pounding away at the back.

And his tongue. It felt like it was covered in fur, and what was that god-awful taste in his mouth?

"Orli?" He called a little louder as he tried to sit up. Oh shit. Well at least he didn’t have to ask what was wrong with him, he knew the feeling well enough.

Orli appeared round the door, a mug of coffee in his hand. "Morning. Or should that be afternoon? How you doing?"

"I’m gonna die."

"I doubt it. You said that last night and you survived," Orli was altogether too perky for Elijah’s liking.

"I needed a damned good blow out to get rid of all the stress but… Tequila?"

"Yep."

"Make a note; if I ever say I want it, don’t give it to me. It always makes me feel like I’m dying and I can never remember what happened." He looked at Orli suspiciously. "What did happen?"

"You threw up all over the floor, yourself and me," Orli handed him the coffee and pulled two painkillers out of his pocket.

"Did I embarrass myself?"

"There was only me here," Orli smiled, wide and bright. "I don’t think it’s possible for you to embarrass yourself in front of me."

"Thank god for that," Elijah lay back, closing his eyes. "Did I say anything I shouldn’t have?"

"No," Orli’s smile softened. "You didn’t say anything I shouldn’t have heard."

Five

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