Teaching Elijah 6
Pairing: Ian/Elijah
Disclaimer: Don’t know these people. No offence intended or money made.
Elijah sat quietly, watching in rapt attention as Ian transformed himself into Gandalf for the benefit of the cameras. To be able to do that, he marvelled, to be able to change your way of standing, walking, even talking - that was what it was like to be a good actor. He wanted to do that, wanted to learn.
He wanted to learn so much. It was as if he had been let loose in a music shop and had to pace himself over what he chose, which section he browsed.
A soft touch on his shoulder made him look up, and he smiled as Orlando sat down next to him, silently watching Ian as well.
As the scene finished and Peter approached Ian to discuss notes, Elijah sighed and shifted, taking a breath, and then another.
"He’s so fucking good," he said softly, catching Orlando’s nod out of the corner of his eye. "Makes the rest of us look like amateurs." He paused. "Must be nice to be able to just turn it on and off like that, you know?"
"What, and you think you don’t?" Orlando laughed, loudly enough for Ian to look over in semi-annoyance. "You’re a weird little sod, you know? One day you’ll understand how good you are, and that will be the day that you absolutely turn into a Hollywood fuckwit." His voice and tone softened, and he leaned over to drop a kiss on Elijah’s cheek. "Hope it never happens." With that, he stood up and bounded off, looking for more people to annoy.
Elijah watched him go, and then turned his attention back to the set in front of him. He watched as the scene was set up again so that the cast could try once more to reach Peter’s exacting standards. As he watched Ian begin to interact with those around him, he finally let his mind start to wander.
Ian. This had started almost as an exercise; he wanted to learn as much as he could, as quickly as he could, and who better to ask than somebody with such a huge wealth of experience? The fact that Ian wasn’t exactly hideous had certainly made one part of his education very enjoyable, and without realising it, a smile crossed his face as he thought of what he had learned so far in that area.
But it was more than that. Ian was a kind, amusing companion. A word Elijah had never had to use before perfectly described him: urbane.
"Hobbit!" Peter’s voice broke Elijah’s reverie, and he looked up, startled. "Don’t you have work to do?"
"Guess," Elijah agreed, holding up one hand to forestall anything Peter might have to say. "Sorry."
"A Ringbearer’s work…" Ian positively twinkled, and Elijah grinned back, a glow starting somewhere in the soles of his feet and working its way up until it settled in the base of his stomach. It was an extreme reaction to a simple acknowledgement, but there didn’t seem to be anything Elijah could do to stop it.
He made his way back towards the other hobbits before remembering that no, actually, he didn’t have any work to do. He had done some close-up work earlier on in the day and would later be rehearsing with Ian - again that same strange lurch in his stomach - but right at that point, no he had nothing to do, so he decided to take himself - hairy feet and all - and go and find something to eat.
The ‘mess tent’ as it was called, wasn’t too full at this time of day. The orcs who usually filled it up were off in another location, doing a lot of random snarling, and the place was quieter without their presence. The orcs seemed to like to stay in character even when they weren’t being filmed, and it wasn’t always pretty watching them eat.
Looking at the food on offer, Elijah decided that he wasn’t really hungry after all, and was about to leave when he heard his name being called. He looked for the source of the sound, and smiled, making his way over to a small table tucked away in one corner, where Sean was eating his stolid way through a huge bowl of pasta, book propped open in front of him.
"Hey." Sean put his book away and pushed his food away at the same time, the look on his face making Elijah laugh.
"You really are sick of eating all the time, aren’t you?" he asked.
"My god, yes. I think I’ve eaten enough in the past few months to feed most of this country. Still, Sam has to look like this, and I knew, so…" Sean shrugged it off. "Haven’t seen you around much recently. You avoiding me?"
"What? No, of course not!" Elijah was shocked at the accusation, even though he knew that it was meant in a friendly way. "You’ve been busy, what with Chris and Ally coming over soon, and I’ve just - well, I’ve just been a bit busy myself, you know."
"I know." Sean looked as if he wasn’t going to say anything else for a moment, and then with a mental shrug Elijah could almost see, he changed his mind. "You do know that I’m always here, don’t you? If you feel like you need to talk."
"What would I need to talk about?" Elijah just stopped himself from reaching for the sugar bowl and starting to fiddle. He had to learn stillness; he was trying, but it was so hard. Ian had told him that everything he did gave him away, and all he could do was try and cover up some of the more obvious signs. Such as playing with the sugar when he was nervous.
"I don’t know," Sean answered. "Maybe tell me why you’re not around so much anymore? I miss you calling me at all times of the day and night with whatever your latest catastrophe is." He paused and sighed. "I miss us, Lij. It feels as if you’re going away from me and I don’t know why, or how to stop you."
"No!" Elijah was horrified. "No, Sean, it’s not like that, I promise, and I’m so sorry if that’s how you feel." He sat back in his chair, unsure what to say, how much to confess. "I’m - seeing someone," he admitted finally. "And what with that and work, as well as Chris and Ally, I guess there hasn’t been as much time together as there used to be - as there should be." He leaned forward again and spoke quietly. "I’m sorry."
Sean smiled and nodded, the width of his grin giving away how relieved he was at Elijah’s words.
"Good. I thought - well, I didn’t know what to think." His face grew serious again. "I didn’t realise when I started this shoot that I would make such good friends, and I don’t want to lose that, all right?"
"All right." Elijah nodded, his throat surprisingly tight. "I didn’t realise, Sean, I’m sorry…"
"No, nothing to be sorry about." Sean raised a hand. "This person you’re seeing - you like them a lot?"
"It’s a he, Sean. Don’t be such a wimp; if you want to know, just ask!" Elijah made an odd noise somewhere between a snort and a giggle, then blushed slightly. "My god, I sounded like a horse then. It’s a he, and he’s - great. A bit older, you know, but a lot of fun."
"Where did you meet him?" Sean put his hand over his mouth. "Sorry. Don’t talk about it if you don’t want to…"
"No, no, it’s fine." Elijah looked at his hands and then back up at Sean. Dear Sean. Since the day they met, he had been more than a friend to Elijah; he was a mentor and a brother; the final piece of himself.
"D’you know," he said suddenly. "For a while, just after we met, I really thought that I was, you know, in love with you. I used to think about you all the time, about how great it would be to touch you and kiss you…"
"For a while, if you had tried to kiss me and touch me, then I would have cried with relief because it was all I wanted," Sean said quietly. "But you knew that, didn’t you?"
"Oh yes, I knew that," Elijah agreed. "It wouldn’t have been fair though, would it?" He looked at Sean. "But we’re cool now, aren’t we?"
"Of course," Sean said. He paused. "So, do you want to tell me about him?"
"Well, I’ve not been seeing him long, so I guess I’m still sorting out the way I feel…" Elijah began, then stopped himself. "No, this isn’t the right place to talk. Do you fancy coming out tonight for a few beers? No, even better, why don’t you and the guys come over to my place for pizza and shameless amounts of alcohol? You’re right, it has been too long."
Sean’s face softened into an expression Elijah hadn’t seen for a long time; an expression he didn’t even realise he had missed. He responded to it by grinning until his face felt as if it would split in two.
"That would be nice," Sean said softly. "D’you want me to tell the others, or shall we just let the grapevine do its usual thing?"
"Oh Christ, no," Elijah groaned, thinking briefly about rubbing his face before remembering the pain that the make-up girls would inflict if he smeared his eyeliner. "Do you remember what happened last time? We’re going to see a film, can you come? I still don’t really understand why a couple of the crew turned up going on about flimsy canoes. You’re working with Dom and Bills later, aren’t you?" Sean nodded, and Elijah nodded in return. "Okay, you tell them. I’m with Ian all afternoon."
Sean looked at him a little too sharply, but didn’t speak, and after a moment’s silence he stood up. "I’ll see you later, then."
Elijah watched him walk away and then realised that he was idly leafing through the book Sean had been reading. Playing an old game from childhood, he opened the book and looked at the last paragraph on the page.
"There," she said, stroking his white hair. "Don’t listen to them. My Lancelot must stay in the castle, and there will be a happy ending."
Elijah closed the book and ran his finger down the spine. A happy ending? Did such a thing exist in real life? Or was it just in stories? He exhaled sharply and shook his head, as if to clear it. He was all over the place today, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t focus.
"King Arthur?" Ian’s soft voice made him jump and he looked up, his stomach doing that strange flip-clench thing again.
"What?"
"King Arthur," repeated Ian, taking the book out of Elijah’s hand. "’The Once and Future King’. Is this yours?"
"No, it’s Sean’s." Elijah watched as Ian sat opposite him. "I’m seeing him tonight. And Billy and Dom. So I won’t be seeing you. Is that all right? Do you mind?"
"I’m not your keeper," Ian said, gazing at Elijah out of slightly concerned eyes. "You can do whatever you want, you know that."
"I know…" Elijah tailed off. "I’m being an asshole today, and I don’t know why. I can’t seem to focus on anything." He looked at Ian, feeling his heart start to pound. "D’you know what the one thing I hold in my mind is? The one thing that stays with me all the time? You. Touching me and sucking me and holding me. And talking to me. I go to sleep with the sound of your voice in my ears, even when you’re not there." He saw Ian’s throat move as the older man swallowed, and he leaned forward, caught up in something he didn’t understand. "I think of you, the way you feel when you’re with me, the way you feel in my mouth or in my hand…" He leaned back. "And then I watch you transform into Gandalf, and I feel like a kid watching the master at work. You put on a false nose and you become Gandalf, you know? I put on a wig, plastic feet and ears, and a stupid accent, and I’m still nowhere near you."
"Elijah, please, calm down." Ian looked genuinely concerned. "You covered more ground in that statement than Tolkien did in his entire book. What’s the matter, really?"
Feeling himself starting to blush, Elijah scowled, daring Ian to react. "I don’t know," he admitted. "I hurt all the time -" he put his hands over his belly and pressed. "I feel all knotted up inside, and it’s like I’m too hot…"
Ian felt his own stomach clench, partly in understanding, mostly in a shock of recognition and relief. And just a little bit of pity for this glorious young man who, it would seem, was in way over his head.
"Don’t you recognise the symptoms?" He smiled. "You have a crush. You fancy yourself in love.
"It is so NOT a crush!" Elijah looked positively offended. "I’ve had crushes before - and I do realise that makes me sound like I’m a 10 year old girl - and this is nothing like them."
"Well in that case it’s either love or the flu." Ian glanced quickly around and then took Elijah’s hands in his, drawing them to his mouth and kissing each soft palm in turn. "Whatever it is, it will make itself known soon enough." He let go of Elijah’s hands and stood up. "Now I must go. Wrongs to right, robes to bleach, that kind of thing. Enjoy yourself tonight, and I’ll see you tomorrow."
"Okay." Elijah watched as Ian made his way back out of the mess tent, his mind still no clearer.
*
"It’s SO not a crush," Elijah said plaintively some 8 hours later as he sprawled face down on the couch. "I know crushes, I have had crushes. I have been both the crusher and the … crushee."
"Stop burbling, you twat," said Dominic from his place on the floor, head resting on the soft roundness of Billy’s backside. "If you won’t even tell us lover boy’s name, how are we supposed to be helpful and supportive? Here I am, all ready to be both Helpful and Supportive…"
"Did you speak in Random Capitals just then?" Billy shifted slightly so that Dominic’s head bobbed. "Sad Bastard."
"Sean, they’re being British again," Elijah, well aware that he was whining, turned a pleading face to Sean. "I don’t understand them when they start being British."
"S’all right," Sean replied, gesturing for Elijah to move so that he could sit on the sofa. "I don’t think they always understand each other."
As the DVD they were watching built to its horrendous climax, Dom and Billy started mercilessly taking the piss out of the lead characters and the plot, until Sean shut them up with a hugely out-of-character and absolutely filthy story about the lead actress and a donkey. Shocked into silent admiration, they could do nothing but sit and stare, open mouthed.
"Thank you," Sean said modestly into the quiet of the room. "I’m glad that it impressed you so much."
"Amazing," Dominic finally said. "You foul-mouthed fucker."
Sean sat back and rested his beer on his Sam belly, just drunk enough to not care about it too much, and glanced sideways at Elijah, his eye drooping in the merest hint of a wink. Elijah laughed and let himself fold against Sean’s side, his own beer still clutched safely in his hand.
A companionable silence descended over the four of them, and Elijah found his eyes slowly closing of their own accord as he let himself slide into a half doze, comfortable in the presence of his friends.
It was the rustle of clothes and the murmur of soft voices that disturbed him, and he squinted slightly, snuggling himself closer to Sean, who put a casual arm around him. Billy and Dominic, completely secure with themselves and the people around them, had relaxed so totally that to Elijah's eyes, Billy looked on the verge of slipping into a coma as he lay on his back, alcohol, film and two of the people in the room forgotten. His eyes were closed and the only proof of consciousness was the slow movement of his fingers, combing slowly through Dominic's hair, a smile of such utter contentment on his face that it made Elijah yearn for something that he couldn't name. Dominic, in his turn, was lying with his head resting on Billy's chest, surprisingly still for such an energetic person. His eyes weren't closed, but he was staring into space. He had taken Billy's free hand and was holding it against his lips, smiling softly.
"Don't they look good?" Sean's soft voice intruded on Elijah's thoughts. "They were born for each other."
"Yeah." Elijah shifted again until he could see Sean's face, gentle in the flickering light from the television. "Do you ever think maybe we could have ..."
"Not so much, not now," Sean answered, one hand coming up to stroke Elijah's hair. "We weren't made for each other, not like those two..." He nodded towards Dominic and Billy. "We're friends, Lij, I don't think we would have suited being anything else."
"How do you know..." Elijah cleared his throat and then tried again. "How do you know when you find someone who suits you? How does it feel?"
"You like this mysterious person a lot, then?" Sean didn't answer the question directly. "Do you think that bells should be ringing or something?"
"No... I don't know." Elijah leaned over to put his beer on the floor, then did the same with Sean's, before settling back down, tucked into Sean's side, his eyes fixed on the two figures in the centre of the room, who had moved on and were now wide awake, kissing gently, Billy's hands roving over Dominic's back, sliding under his t-shirt. "He makes me feel ... not stupid and small. Makes me laugh and tingle ... and sound scarily like a girl, it would seem."
Sean grunted a laugh, but his softness encouraged Elijah to continue.
"I feel like an equal with him ... and the sex is awesome. Did you know that I've never had sex with a man before?"
"Well, that's a fact I could probably have done without," Sean said. "Are you happy, Lij? You don't sound sure."
"I am," Elijah assured him quickly. "I am. It feels so right when I'm with him. Does it sound like love, do you think?"
Sean laughed again and pulled Elijah close, his chin nuzzling into the dark hair. "It doesn't have a list of symptoms, you know. If he makes you feel right, and you enjoy his company, then surely that's enough for the moment?"
"Guess." They descended into silence again, eyes fixed on Billy and Dominic, who had fallen into silence and near stillness, legs tangled easily together, Dominic's fingers tracing the shape of Billy's mouth, Billy's fingers trailing up Dominic's spine.
So that's love, Elijah thought. Being made to feel good and warm and happy. To be such good friends with someone that you want to be with them all the time, and tell them everything.
Pushing himself away from Sean, he stood up. "I'll be back in a second."
He opened the patio door and stepped out into the cool air, breathing in the scents of night-blooming flowers. He pulled out his phone and dialled a familiar number.
"Hello," he said. "It's me."
"I may be old," Ian said, his voice irritated and sleep-filled. "But I'm not yet senile. Who in god's name else would it be?"
"It's not a crush and it's not the flu," Elijah said. "I'm not even sure that it's love, but it's the nearest word I can find to describe this. You hear me?"
There was a silence which Ian finally broke.
"Yes, I hear you." His voice dropped and softened. "It wasn't meant to happen, was it? We weren't supposed to fall in love."
"You mean..." Elijah heard the door behind him open, and wasn't surprised when Sean's strong arms wrapped around him. He leaned back into the warmth of his grip.
"I mean," agreed Ian.
"Oh..." The sound was little more than a sigh.
"Now get some rest, or carry on misbehaving with your friends, whichever you prefer. We should perhaps talk about this, but not tonight, not when you're like this. Goodnight."
Elijah pressed the disconnect button and stood silently, the phone against his lips.
"Well?" Sean's breath was soft against his ear. "Did it work?"
"Yeah," Elijah said after a moment. "Yeah, I think it did."
"I think we should call it a night." Sean moved to stand beside Elijah, one arm still around him. "Those two are starting to get seriously into each other. Unless you fancy becoming a voyeur, we should break it up."
*
Elijah watched the lights of the cab vanished around the corner, and then took himself to bed, holding his new found discovery close against him.