Dec. 2001
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Nov. 2000

Well, I eventually got over the nausea, and the little "intestinal problem" I had went away, so I guess I'm feeling pretty good. I've been getting back into the swing of things as far as school goes, going to classes and such. The only thing that really bugs me is this Film Production Management class that I've got. Not only is it at night from 7 until 10, but the teacher is a little disheartening. He's new to the department, and very open about ideas and such, much more so than the rest of the cinema dinosaurs we have, but he talks like he's standing on a soapbox the whole time. He keeps telling us that he's so happy to be back into the academic atmosphere of film, and that we all have the talent, ability, passion, etc within ourselves to become great filmmakers...blah, blah, blah. It's good and all, but the thing is, he'll sit there and talk about how shitty LA and Hollywood are and how everyone is fake and all that. But then the next second, he'll say how great Hollywood is and how easy it is to get your ideas done out there. But all we ever hear is the fact that there are about 1 million out of work film people out there, and that screenwriters and directors spend years waitering trying to get their project done. He just contradicts himself for the whole 3 hour class period. I just wish he was a production teacher, cos he loves almost any idea and I'm sure he would let anyone into his class.

Speaking of which, next semester, I have to get into Film Production 2 and make a 5-10 minute 16mm film. There's about 24 spots and about 60 kids trying out for it. And I have to get in. Absolutely have to. And if I don't, I'll just die...I will, honestly...just die. I'm a glutton for punishment, I tell ya.

Tonight, I went up to the SPC-TV news show meeting, to help start producing the new news show. We've decided to start trying to get some legitimacy into our station, instead of being "a bunch of friends who fuck around with some really cool equipment". So we're producing a news show. I might be an anchor, or I might be the entertainment reporter...I haven't decided yet. I'm still wondering if I even want to get heavily involved at all in doing the show...I guess it all depends.

Gotta finish episode two, gotta finish episode two...

It's been a week, and I'll tell ya, it hasn't been that great.

Part of it may be the little homesickness I have, part of it may be the lack of sleep I'm getting, and part of it may be that little nausea I have right at this moment. I don't know why I feel sick. I guess it could tat goddamn pizza from last night. Oh well...hopefully I can get over it.

Well, what can I say? This is my last post from the place I've always called home (Shelbyville). In a way, I'm kind of sad. I'll have a whole week to myself to be bored and sit on my ass and be alone. In a way, I don't to be leaving so soon. Yeah, this town sucks dick big time, but at the same time, everything I know and many of the people I love are here. It's not like last year; last year I was ready. I was completely ready to get out of the shithole I called home and ready to be independent, on my own, going my own way. But, I already know how it is now, and I'm fine with that. I've had all that. I've had time to be by myself and time to be away from my family and even time to be with friends, alone, without the threat of parental interaction. Without boundaries that were set by my parents. Boundaries that I controlled, and only controlled them when I wanted to. And know I've been back for the summer, and everything was fine, but I don't know if I'm ready to go back just yet.

I've been saying I'm ready for a long time now. I've been saying that this fucking place has got to go and I'm ready to get the hell out of here and I can't wait to get back, but I think in my mind, I'll always be the most comfortable right where I am. Home.

I need to do some serious thinking about my life and the direction it's going to take, and whether that direction is the one I want or not. I need to sit and think about myself and realize who I am and make my priorities. I need to clear my mind and be free and just be me. And I'm glad I'm moving in a week early for that fact: I'll get to have time to myself to sit and think about all of it. What it all means, and that stuff. I need to sit and meditate, or something. I need to learn how to control myself.

And I will, this I tell you.

I'm not really a big fan of "classic rock" but I totally get this and think it's fucking hilarious.

I move back on Sunday. Classes don't start until the next Monday. I'm ready to be back in Carbondale.

I wonder why they can say bitch, bastard, whore, slut, and now even shit on TV, but they can't say god or christ. Kinda weird. Not that I care, I'm not a big bible humping Christian at all, but it just seems weird to me.

For the first time ever, I made a "to-do list". Weird thing is, I finished it.

The boys over at Boiled Pudding linked me...that's sweet of them.

Yuk, Slipknot is coming on Conan...I gotta go and throw the TV out the window.

Okay, yeah, I know, it's been awhile, but hey...I've been busy between work, school, and the show . In fact, I move back down to Carbondale on Sunday, so I'll be back to updating here pretty often.

I'm moving in a week early to help production of the "LiveStart" move in live show. I might be co-hosting or something...I dunno.

I got a B in my summer class, Stats, and I quit work on Monday...it was great.

That's all....for now.