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I figured something like this might happen...the girl I'm seeing leaves town for a week, and the same day one of my ex-flames is back in town. I guess I'll see how I can hold up against temptation...this is really my test.....

It almost seems like my parents are too supportive. Don't look at me like that. I see you. You sit there thinking, "why is this guy bitching about his supportive parents?" Well, I'm not really bitching, but it's not helping me any, that's for sure.

I was talking to my dad about school and money and all that shit yesterday. It seems that we make way too much money for our bracket (middle class, white, male) to get money for college (grants and stuff) but we're eligible to borrow money for college (loans and shit). Not only that, but looking at my parent's funds, "they" (whoever they are) say that we should have 15,000 dollars to put towards my school bills, and since my bills are nowhere near that, we don't get jack from the gov't. There is no way in hell that we have $15K to spend on my education each year. That is actually so absurd that I have to laugh every single time I hear about it. I also love the way they look at what you make, but not your expenditure. No wonder the stock market and the economy and all that is going to shit...they know nothing of economics! (ed. note: neither do I, but....) They know nothing of how real people have to get by. We're not rich. We have money to buy groceries, if I need a new pair of shoes (which is never) I could get some. If I ever wanted to buy new clothes (that aren't from the thrift store) I could...but that doesn't make one rich.

Anyway...bastards....I don't wanna talk about it.

So, my dad is willing to pay all my school bills and all my film expenditure (it'll cost me a pretty penny for my next film) and all that shit, as long as I'm happy. That's what he says: "As long as you're happy". i really don't know what to do. I'm not getting the ass kicking I need to really succeed. It's almost like I'm still being held back because I'm so free. I don't know. I really don't know how to explain this. I know most of you think I must be fucking high or something.

**

PS: She is the champagne of weblogs. I guess that makes me the "non-alcoholic beverage of weblogs". The O'Douls of weblogs. The Virgin Strawberry Daquiri of weblogs. The Boon's Farm Wine of Weblogs. The list is endless, really.

Once, when I was a little kid, I was digging around in our front yard with a stick. I was digging and digging, until I found a clear, blue thing in the ground. I thought it was the other end of the world. I figured that the sky was blue, so the other end had to be blue too. I was scared to dig into it, though, because I thought that if I punctured the earth, I would get sucked into space and die. This was right around the time of the Challenger explosion, and I thought if astronauts were getting killed going into space, then surely a little boy would get killed if he dug his way into the cosmos.

But, eventually, my brave side kicked in. I figured it would be a huge scientific event. BOY DIGS THROUGH THE EARTH INTO OUTER SPACE the headline would read. I would win every prize for scientific achievement that there was. I would be famous and have all sorts of money. And I would get to eats anything I wanted for dinner, and even have dessert without finishing it. Man, it was gonna be great.

It took me about three days of digging to finally get through. I was being careful not to break through until I dug more of the dirt off of the blue stuff. Eventually, I got to the edge. I dug it up. It was a piece of glass. Just a shitty blue piece of glass. That's all. No more dreams of intellectual stardom and all-day desserts and riding on my stretch two-wheeler with my chauffer doing all the peddling. Just glass.

My mom would always call me inside when He-Man was on. I would stop in the middle of wiffle ball games for that show. I chucked the piece of glass into the road, shoved my dirty hands into my pockets, and sulked my way to the door. I sat down in my favorite chair and watched as He-Man took on Skeletor and his evil minions. A half-hour later, I'd forgotten all about the end of the earth and scientific super-stardom and was playing my Smurf guitar along with the theme to Alvin and the Chipmunks.

I think everyone would agree that having deja vu is, in itself, a weird ass experience. But I think catching yourself right smack dab in the middle of a deja vu episode is even weirder. Let me explain: This deja vu experience I had today was nothing big, it was one of those smaller things when you're making a right turn at a certain stop light, you see the same person making a left, the same song is on the cd player at the same exact spot, and the sign you pass after making the right says the same exact thing. That's what happened to me today.

I got off of work, and I had an old Poster Children cd in the player. I was making a right onto the main street, and someone who I went to school with was making a left. And right there is where I caught myself. Shit, I thought, I'm having deja vu. But it kept on going. Usually when you realize that you've had deja vu, it quits right there. But the sign at the local video store was the same. They always have witty comments on the marquee, and I remember this one from my deja vu. They always change it, and you never see the same one twice, but there it was, saying "Dude, Where's My Boat?" Jesus. And it kept going until I passed the radio station I used to work at. I was almost in a state of shock, how long it lasted. It nearly scared me to death. But right as I was about to freak out, it quit.

Thinking back, I remember my first deja vu experience. I was pretty young, and my cousin used to babysit me and my brother, and her little sister, my best cousin. Anyway, she took us to the beach, and she told us to stay where we could touch. See, we weren't at the ocean or anything, but at shitty, serene, trashy Lake Shelbyville, so she wasn't worried about us getting dragged underwater by riptides or anything like that...just stay where you can touch and you're fine. Well, we had a green inflatable Crayola Crayon...remember those things? Anyway, my best cousin and me were hanging onto that, swimming out as far as we wanted. We got past the first buoy(which is still pretty shallow, but not for ten year olds) and we kept going. We got halfway to the second buoy, and I slipped. The water was probably a foot over my head when I touched the bottom. I shot myself up, came above water, and took a deep breath, all while trying to grab onto the green crayon. Then I missed it, and repeated the process. This happened about 3 or 4 times before I finally got a hold of the green inflatable bastard, and I sat there, crying along with my best cousin, spitting up water that I'd swallowed. We got that big green bitch turned around, and we made it back between the first buoy and land. When I could touch, I started running towards the beach. Land, oh so sweet land! I fell down beside my babysitting cousin, who was laying out, getting her tan, making her skin that yucky bronze color (sorry, I hate tans) and not paying attention to us. I landed in the sand and felt the warmth against my body. I breathed heavily and deeply, and she said "Quit getting me all wet." meaning that I had gotten water all over her and her nice beach blanket. If only she had known that I had almost drowned.

That was my first deja vu. The real "deja vu" part was slipping off of the green crayon and trying to get back on. All the other stuff was just what happened, I guess. It's kinda weird that my first near-death experience was also my first deja vu experience.