Wedding talk for «Names»,
«Date of wedding»
A vicar is asked to talk to
a group of sixth form girls about sex.
He goes and does it, but he is too embarrassed to admit to his wife what
he has been talking about, so he tells her it was a talk about sailing. The next day the wife meets the girls’
teacher in the supermarket, and the teacher says how well the lesson went. “Well, I’m really surprised,” says the
vicar’s wife. “He’s only done it twice,
and the first time he was sick, and the second his hat blew off!”
Well, there is no doubt what
we are talking about today, and I’m very proud to be able to do it. But,
1. what is really happening here today? What does all this ceremony mean? Is it a beginning, an end, or as a lot of our society would
predict, the beginning of the end?
2. wait a minute, aren’t we getting a bit confused here? Have we really doing anything new here
today? After all, I thought that things
began for «Names» back in ................years ago? Haven't they been committed to each other since then? Haven't they shared their lives since
then? But it may be that there is
indeed a lot happening here today that is just beginning.
I asked «Names» what
marriage meant to them and they said this:
1. completeness. ...... said
how for many years she has felt like their relationship has had no fixed abode,
that even though they obviously think the world of each other, there has been
an incompleteness about it, that they needed to be drawn together in something
more permanent, more specific, more particular.
That rang bells with
me. Love is like that. Some people see true love as bringing a kind
of freedom which makes no demands, which has no requirements. But the truth is that love is always asking
us to get focused, get particular. Love
is like a circling plane-it wants to land, it is never satisfied with half of a
person's heart- it always wants the whole thing. Today, «Names», your flight has landed, and so you are beginning
a completely new journey.
But for goodness sake, what
a journey. On the one hand to get
married is the most courageous step you will ever take, because in the things
you have said here today you have taken the biggest step you will ever be able
to take in fulfilling Jesus' command to love your neighbour as yourself. You can't get any closer to doing such an
amazing thing in any other way. Loving
each other is the greatest ask you will ever undertake, and it will always need
to be the thing you are most extravagant about in your lives. You are brave because in getting married you
are actually trying to do what God does-loving somebody no matter what for the
whole of your life.
But I also have to say that
while this is brave it is also the most crazy and stupid act anybody could
contemplate. How can anyone really say
that they will love someone twenty years from now or 30 years from now. It's one thing to say, "I'll meet you
........................at eight o'clock." It's quite another thing to say, "I'll love you no matter
what the ravages of life do to you.
I'll love you whether you grow fat, or ugly, or poor or even whether you
do good or bad." Most rational
people approach marriage with the idea that really they have no idea about what
they are doing. And you heard the
reading. Love is patient, love is kind,
love never gives up, love is not irritable.
Can you love like that? Could I
say «Groom» is patient, «Groom» is kind, «Groom» is not irritable? Or «Bride» is never resentful, «Bride» does
not insist on her own way, «Bride» bears all things?
Before you get too
downhearted, I want to offer you three reasons why what you are doing here will
be something which grows and endures.
You can relax because firstly you haven't actually promised anything to
each other. Secondly this day isn't
really about you two anyway. And
thirdly, although you might not have realised this yet, there are actually more
than two of you in this marriage.
Perhaps I had better explain.
I said you haven't promised
anything. That's a good job too,
because if you had promised to love and to cherish each other, then the
likelihood is that you would have broken your promise before the day is
through. «Groom», you may have married
Miss Right, but you'll be glad to hear her first name isn't Always. You aren't going to be the perfect partners
for each other. Adam was walking in the
garden of Eden, and he bumped into God.
“Hi, Adam,” says God, “How’s it going?”
“Great,” says Adam. “Your
creation is so wonderful Lord. The
trees, the mountains, the sea, the sky, the butterfly’s wing…But, there is just
one thing.” “What’s that?” says
god. “Well, I’m a little bit
lonely.” “Don’t you worry, my son. I’ve got just the thing for you. I’m going to make woman.” “WOMAN.
Now that sounds interesting,” says Adam. “What’s she like?” “Well,
she’s always beautiful and sweet smelling.
She’s got a perfect figure. She
never answers back or lets you down in public, and she’s never in a bad
mood.” “Wow!” says Adam. “She sounds fantastic!” “Yes,” says God, “she is. There’s just one thing though.” “What’s that?” says Adam. “She’ll cost you an arm and a leg.” “”An arm and a leg?!” says Adam rather
shocked. He thinks for a minute. “What can you do for a rib?”
Less than perfect people
can't keep promises. But what you have
done today is to exchange solemn vows.
This is entirely different. Promises
can only be made by Mr and Mrs Perfect who will never break them, vows are made
by people who know they have a lot to learn.
The truth is that vows are things that you spend your whole lives
discovering what they mean and being willing to change when you find that
out. The saying of them took 30
seconds, the living of them takes a lifetime. In fact, if it was easy for you
to be honest, faithful and loving at all times, then the vows wouldn’t be
necessary. Your yes would be yes and
your no would be no. We all know that
love in marriage or in anything else is like a chameleon. It can change from being dazzling and
colourful to fitting in with the ordinary colours of everyday life. It’s up and down. That’s why you say “For better, for worse.” At the end of the day you need to know that
will not keep your vows, your vows will keep you. You can relax. You are free
not to be those who have made promises, or have to live by policies which must
be strictly stuck to. Throughout your
life, your vows can be a magnet which draws you back to love.
The other strange thing I said
was that this wedding is not just about you two. I prefer big weddings to private weddings, because they have
grasped hold of the idea that this is a public thing. It is not just about what is happening between the couple. what is happening here is about the couple,
and the families, and the community.
You see marriage is like a jam packed tuna mayonnaise and mixed salad
sandwich. I'd better explain. The best sandwiches are made of many
ingredients blended creatively together in between two slices of fresh
bread. So is a good marriage. First, of course you need a couple-the tuna
fish and the mayonnaise. Then you need
a salad-close family and friends who add flavour, texture and taste. Then you need a community-the two slabs of
bread-to keep it all together. Now it
seems to me that «Names» are social animals.
But they will really be dependent on you to help them to grow, to be
interested in their lives and welfare.
Today we are sitting back and watching, but that will not be enough from
now on. I don't mean that we should be
nosey parkas, but that we should have a sense of their dependence on us for a
successful marriage.
And the other thing I said
was that there are more than two of you in this marriage. Today you have made vows, you
have stood up in front of everyone. But
we have said that it is God who has joined you together, and he will
keep you in your love. Because while we
are not always patient, or always kind, or always faithful, the God who joined
you together today is all those things, all the time. I don't know «Bride» whether you have ever had pigtails. When
hair is braided it often looks as though there are only two strands of
hair being used. But actually they are
three, and you need three strands to hold the thing together. The Bible says that a cord of three
strands is not easily broken. And so as
you make your vows before God, who is the love that all our marriages are a
pale reflection of, today make him the
foundation of who you are together and you will find that the crazy act of love
which you are committing yourselves to today can be a triumphant song which
will fill your lives and the lives of those around you.