Wedding talk for Scott and Victoria

September 1^st, 2001

Joan, who was rather well-proportioned, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday." "What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel." "Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."

It's one of those embarrassing things you would care not to remember. Sadly, a lot of people feel the same way about marriage. They would rather not be reminded of it, they find it too uncomfortable an idea. Cher said, "The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing-and then they marry him." Someone else said, "A man is not complete until he is married, and then he is finished."

Well, while it's true that marriage does need working at, and we all know that being married can be hard sometimes, we are here with Scott and Victoria because we believe love has the final word in who we are as human beings. Love is the most important thing, and when two people get together and stand up and tell the world that they are going to love each other through thick and thin, then that is the most wonderful reminder to all of us about what makes our lives worthwhile.

But where do they go from today? What will make your life together thrive? Well, you might want to choose a role model. After all, the reading we had suggested that you should consider others better than yourselves. I don't know who you see as a good role model for your life-perhaps a relative, a friend, Bono. But perhaps you would do well to see each other as role models. Scott, despite the fact that you told me you originally wanted Victoria’s friend, but ended up with her, you've also spoken of her commitment, her stubborn way of sticking at things, her sensitivity, and the way she's always got a smile on her face. But perhaps also you could look at her work down the gym as a bit of a good example for your marriage. After all, keeping fit is a lot like keeping a marriage fresh and blooming. There's a lot of hard work behind the scenes, you've got to keep going in order to keep your fitness up-if you miss out a few sessions things start to get a bit floppy. There's sweat, there are gritted teeth, there are times in the middle of a session when perhaps you don't look your best. But without this determination you don't get anywhere. And Victoria, you have told me about Scott’s loyalty and his supportiveness. But you might also look at his life as a builder for inspiration. For a building to stand, it needs foundations which go deep-foundations which you both have and are cementing today. But as you continue to build, you need to pay attention constantly that the bricks are going in the right place, to watch what you are doing with a careful eye, and to have plenty of strength. So you can be role models for each other.

But if we are looking for a teacher on love, I know who I would choose. There’s a lot of rubbish you can read in magazines about love, which wastes our time. I would want to learn from someone who knew both sides of love - both the pain and the joy, and had proved it. It would be someone who could tell the truth about it from the heart. He wouldn't be like the husband whose wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asked, "Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?" Looking over her carefully, Mickey replied, “Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five." "Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. "Hey, wait a minute!" Mickey interrupted. "I haven't added them up yet."

The path of love can be tough - it can demand everything. So we don't need someone to tell us half-truths about how to love. We need the whole truth. And my role model for that is Jesus. I think Jesus is a fantastic role model for anyone, no matter what you believe he really is. He was great to have at a picnic - especially if you ran out of food, and he was even better to have at a wedding - especially if you ran out of wine. Let the same mind be in you as was in Christ Jesus - especially if things get hard for you. Because the fundamental thing Jesus taught us about love is that it's all about being willing to forgive. That's what his death showed. A couple married for 15 years began having more than usual disagreements. They wanted to make their marriage work and agreed on an idea the wife had. For one month they planned to drop a slip in a "Fault" box. The boxes would provide a place to let the other know about daily irritations. The wife was diligent in her efforts and approach: "leaving the jelly top off the jar," "wet towels on the shower floor," "dirty socks not in hamper," on and on until the end of the month. After dinner, at the end of the month, they exchanged boxes. The husband reflected on what he had done wrong. Then the wife opened her box and began reading. They were all the same, the message on each slip was, "I love you!"

Over and over again, Jesus the role model shows love is about giving and giving and forgiving again and again.

But there's more to him than that. He knew that love is fired and grows through pain, and he showed that by his death for those he loved. We don't stand here today with any illusions about how difficult life can be, or how painful the path of love can feel. But we stand here in front of him knowing that he has shown us that love can triumph in hardship, and that in fact in the ups and downs of life it's the only thing that makes our lives have any ultimate value and meaning. In the good times, and the difficult times, consider the one who has been through both before you got there.

But there's an even deeper truth for you to remember about your role model, and it's also in your reading. He isn't just a text-book hero, a nice idea to follow, he is a living presence in your lives. "For God is at work in you." A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire. The photographer arrived at the airport just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, "Let's go!" The tense man sitting in the pilot's seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically. "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer,
"and make several low-level passes." "Why?" asked the nervous pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures!" yelled the photographer. "I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures." After a long pause, the "pilot" replied: "You mean, you're not my instructor?" Unlike him, you are not flying this plane alone. God is closer to you than you are to each other, and he is not just the one who knows to fly the plane of your marriage - he's the one who designs and builds it. If you crash, he is the living craftsman of love who can piece you back together. If you live your lives knowing and trusting this, then this wedding will not just be a beautiful day, but the start of a wonderful life.

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