Citations diverses
To err is human, but to
really foul things up requires a computer.
Farmers' Almanac, 1978
This book fills a much-needed
gap.
Moses Hadas (1900 - 1966)
I'm just trying to make a
smudge on the collective unconscious.
David Letterman
Nobody realizes that some
people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
Albert Camus (1913 - 1960)
What if this
weren't a hypothetical question?
Unknown
If the only tool you have
is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.
Abraham Maslow
A lifetime is more than
sufficiently long for people to get what there is of it wrong.
Unknown
The intelligent man finds
almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything.
Johann Wolfgang von
Goethe (1749 - 1832)
You can no more win a war
than you can win an earthquake.
Jeannette Rankin (1880 - 1973)
Ask not what you can do
for your country. Ask what's for lunch.
Orson Welles
Religion
Quand les dieux veulent
nous punir, ils exaucent nos prières.
Par: Oscar Wilde
Ignorance
Celui qui confesse son
ignorance la montre une fois; celui qui essaye de la cacher la montre plusieurs
fois.
Par: Proverbe japonais.
Autodidacte
"Je me suis fait
tout seul" s'exclame J. H., qui aurait eu intérêt à se faire aider.
Par: Paul Carbone
The first principle is
that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool.
Richard Feynman
What's on your mind, if
you will allow the overstatement?
Fred Allen (1894 - 1956)
Reality is that which,
when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
Philip K. Dick
One of the lessons of
history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing
to say.
Will Durant (1885 - 1981)
If the Phone Doesn't
Ring, It's Me
Jimmy Buffet, Song Title
Anybody who watches three
games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.
Erma Bombeck
To succeed in the world
it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.
Voltaire (1694 - 1778)
Life is what happens to
you while you're busy making other plans.
John Lennon
The band is just
fantastic, that is really what I think... Oh, by the way, which one's Pink?
Pink Floyd (Have a Cigar)
«Dès que les parents ont
appris à leurs enfants à parler et à marcher, ils leurs ordonnent aussitôt de
se taire et de rester assis.»
Dolto, Françoise
Leçons de la vie
La vie donne parfois de
dures leçons. Ainsi, le grand bureaucrate a appris à ses dépens qu'en toutes
choses il valait mieux ne se fier qu'à ses propres moyens et accepter de vivre
avec ce handicap.
Par: Maurice Henrie
L'existence
Selon Nietzsche,
l'existence est un éternel retour. Ce qui veut dire que je serai forcé de
revoir "Holiday on Ice"?
Par: Woody Allen
I have too much respect
for the idea of God to make it responsible for such an absurd world.
Georges Duhamel
Gentillesse
Le plus court chemin
d'une personne à une autre... c'est un brin de gentillesse.
Par: Anonyme
Writing is not
necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your
hands afterwards.
Robert Heinlein
The creator of the
universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and
likes round numbers.
Scott Adams
All the world's a stage
and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
Sean O'Casey
The difference between
genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
unknown
If you cannot convince
them, confuse them.
Harry S Truman (1884 - 1972)
The shortest distance
between two points is under construction.
Noelie Altito
The word 'politics' is
derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning
'blood sucking parasites'.
Larry Hardiman
A lie can travel halfway
around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
Finance is the art of
passing money from hand to hand until it finally disappears.
Robert W. Sarnoff
The only real voyage of
discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.
Marcel Proust
Fonctionnaire
«Les fonctionnaires font
les meilleurs maris. Quand ils rentrent le soir, ils ne sont pas fatigués et
ils ont déjà lu le journal.»
Martet, Jean
A billion here, a billion
there, pretty soon it adds up to real money.
Senator Everett Dirksen (1896
- 1969)
Education's purpose is to
replace an empty mind with an open one.
Malcolm Forbes
Why was I born with such
contemporaries?
Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
The great thing about
democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid.
Art Spander
One doesn't discover new
lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
ANDRÉ GIDE
2 is not equal to 3, not
even for large values of 2.
Grabel's Law
Your assumptions are your
windows on the world. Scrub them
off every once in a
while, or the light won't come in.
- Alan Alda
« Un obstacle au
bonheur, c'est de s'attendre à trop de bonheur. »
- Fontenelle
Committee--a group of men
who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.
Fred Allen (1894 - 1956)
I take the view, and
always have, that if you cannot say what you are going to say in twenty minutes
you ought to go away and write a book about it.
Lord Brabazon
A committee is a cul-de-sac
down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled.
Sir Barnett Cocks
Sometimes I worry about
being a success in a mediocre world.
Lily Tomlin
Argent
«L'argent n'a pas
d'odeur, mais à partir d'un million il commence à se faire sentir.»
Bernard, Paul dit Tristan
A good listener is usually
thinking about something else.
Kin Hubbard (1868 - 1930)
Illusion is the first of
all pleasures.
Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
Correct me if I'm wrong,
but hasn't the fine line between sanity and madness gotten finer?
George Price
There's no trick to being
a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
You might as well fall
flat on your face as lean over too far backward.
James Thurber (1894 - 1961)
That is the saving grace
of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
A. Whitney Brown
Our knowledge is a
receding mirage in an expanding desert of ignorance. Will Durant
Military intelligence is
a contradiction in terms.
Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977)
Communism is like one big
phone company.
Lenny Bruce (1923 - 1966)
Lawyers, I suppose, were
children once.
Charles Lamb (1775 - 1834)
I've always found
paranoia to be a perfectly defensible position.
Pat Conroy
Politicians are the same
all over. They promise to build bridges even when there are no rivers.
Nikita Khrushchev (1894 -
1971)
Quand deux univers se
rencontrent, il faut renégocier l'infini.
Anonyme (1964 - )
Anything not worth doing
is worth not doing well. Think about it.
Elias Schwartz
Last night I stayed up
late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
Steven Wright
Arithmetic is being able
to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes.
Mickey Mouse
Keep me away from the
wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the
greatness which does not bow before children.
~ Kahlil Gibran
Nous ne pourrons pas tout
faire dans les cent premiers jours. Ni dans les mille premiers jours, ni
pendant toute la durée de notre mandat, ni même peut-être pendant toute notre
vie sur cette planète. Mais, commençons!
Par: John F. Kennedy
Only the mediocre are
always at their best.
Jean Giraudoux
Aristotle was famous for
knowing everything. He taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood
and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain
persons.
Will Cuppy
My life has no purpose,
no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What
am I doing right?
Charles M. Schulz
Last week, I went to
Philidelphia, but it was closed.
W. C. Fields (1890 - 1946)
I have the heart of a
child. I keep it in a jar on my shelf.
Robert Bloch
Television has done much
for psychiatry by spreading information about it, as well as contributing to
the need for it.
Alfred Hitchcock (1899 - 1980)
It is absurd to divide
people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.
Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
Parole
«Il y a des gens qui
parlent, qui parlent jusqu'à ce qu'ils aient enfin trouvé quelque chose à dire.»
Guitry,
Sacha ; Mon père avait raison
If it weren't for my
lawyer, I'd still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging.
Joe Martin, Mister Boffo
For every human problem,
there is a neat, simple solution; and it is always wrong
H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956),
Mencken's Metalaw
The cat could very well
be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.
Doug Larson
When I was born I was so
surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.
Gracie Allen (1906 - 1964)
It is not worth an
intelligent man's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already
enough people to do that.
G. H. Hardy
When a thing has been
said and well, have no scruple. Take it and copy it.
Anatole France (1844 - 1924)
Habitude
«Les chaînes de
l'habitude sont, en général, trop peu solides pour être senties, jusqu'à ce
qu'elles deviennent trop fortes pour être brisées.»
Johnson, Samuel
I'm not concerned about
all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be
much harder to detect.
George Carlin
Opportunity is missed by
most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
Thomas A. Edison (1847 - 1931)
In answer to the question
of why it happened, I offer the modest proposal that our Universe is simply one
of those things which happen from time to time.
Edward P. Tryon
It is well to remember
that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others.
John Andrew Holmes
Fiction is obliged to
stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
I quit therapy because my
analyst was trying to help me behind my back.
Richard Lewis
Our doubts are traitors
and make us lose the good
we might win, by fearing
to attempt.
- William Shakespeare
Neurotics build castles
in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
Rita Rudner
« Le comble d'une
erreur, c'est de trop vouloir la réparer. »
- Verland Ripart
A single death is a
tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.
Joseph Stalin (1879 - 1953)
There is no monument
dedicated to the memory of a committee.
Lester J. Pourciau
In science one tries to
tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no
one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
Paul Dirac (1902 - 1984)
Each year it takes less
time to cross the country and more time to get to work. Mary Waldrip
...when you have eliminated
the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (1859
- 1930), (Sherlock Holmes)
To invent, you need a
good imagination and a pile of junk.
Thomas A. Edison (1847 - 1931)
England and America are
two countries separated by the same language.
George Bernard Shaw (1856
- 1950)
Now I know what a
statesman is; he's a dead politician. We need more statesmen.
Bob Edwards
This is not a novel to be
tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967)
«Bien sûr, j'ai pensé parfois
mettre fin à mes jours, mais je n'ai pas su par lequel commencer.»
Prévert, Jacques
Eagles may soar, but
weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
John Benfield
«Il y a des choses
curieuses sur la terre: tenez par exemple, pour aller éteindre les incendies,
les pompiers brûlent tous les feux.»
Devos, Raymond
Sometimes when you look
in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.
David Letterman
Education is the ability
to listen to almost anything without losing your temper.
Robert Frost (1874 - 1963)
Somebody has to do
something, and it's just incredibly pathetic that it has to be us.
Jerry Garcia, (of the
Grateful Dead)
In archaeology you
uncover the unknown. In diplomacy you cover the known.
Thomas Pickering
I have left orders to be
awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet
meeting.
Ronald Reagan
Any man whose errors take
ten years to correct is quite a man.
J. Robert Oppenheimer (1904
- 1967), speaking of Albert Einstein
I'm not a vegetarian
because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
A. Whitney Brown
What if nothing exists
and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy
in the third row exists?
Woody Allen, "Without
Feathers"
Never raise your hand to
your children; it leaves your midsection unprotected.
Robert Orben
Artiste
«Un artiste ne créé pas
la beauté, il ne fait qu'enlever ce qui empêche de la voir.»
Becker,
Jean ; Elisa
It isn't necessary to
have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977)
Our scientific power has
outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.
Martin Luther King Jr. (1929
- 1968)
The surest sign that
intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to
contact us.
Bill Watterson, Calvin
and Hobbes
You can't make up
anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording
it.
Art Buchwald
For a list of all the
ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three.
Alice Kahn
More than any other time
in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter
hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to
choose correctly.
Woody Allen
I never think of the
future - it comes soon enough.
Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)
You can't shake hands
with a clenched fist.
Indira Gandhi
Your manuscript is both
good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that
is original is not good.
Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)
The only normal people
are the ones you don't know very well.
Joe Ancis
If they give you ruled
paper, write the other way.
Juan Ramon Jiminez
I was the kid next door's
imaginary friend.
Emo Phillips
I don't even butter my
bread. I consider that cooking.
Katherine Cebrian
Interestingly, according
to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly
for people who can never remember where they have left things.
Woody Allen
It is no wonder that
people are so horrible when they start their life as children.
Kingsley Amis
What can you say about a
society that says that God is dead and Elvis is alive?
Irv Kupcinet
Artificial Intelligence
is no match for natural stupidity.
Unknown
There is hopeful
symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum.
Arthur C. Clarke
I'm all in favor of
keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with
typewriters.
Solomon Short
People who say they sleep
like a baby usually don't have one.
Leo J. Burke
I had a monumental idea
this morning, but I didn't like it.
Samuel Goldwyn (1882 - 1974)
Take everything you like
seriously, except yourselves.
Rudyard Kipling
It is impossible to enjoy
idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.
Jerome K. Jerome (1859 - 1927)
Is there life before
death?
Graffito, in Belfast
Red meat is NOT bad for
you. Now blue-green meat, THAT'S bad for you!
Tommy Smothers
Life is pleasant. Death
is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992)