| Life is wonderful. Without it we'd all be dead. |
| We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. |
| Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive. |
| Give me ambiguity or give me something else. |
| Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. |
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| I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. |
| I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got! |
| He who laughs last thinks slowest! |
| Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. |
| "More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!" |
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| A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. |
| Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. |
| There's too much blood in my caffeine system. |
| Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity. |
| Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. |
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| "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes." |
| Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. |
| Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. |
| Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot. |
| The gene pool could use a little chlorine. |
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| When there's a will, I want to be in it. |
| Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check? |
| We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART? |
| A budget is just a technique for going broke methodically! |
| I've changed my mind a dozen times. It seems to work better now. |
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| Many people lose their tempers merely by seeing you keep yours. |
| Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left. |
| Beauty is what a girl would rather have than brains, because the average
male can see better than he can think. |
| Don't confuse me with facts, I prefer to remain ignorant. |
| Flirtation...Attention without intention. |
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| I just got lost in thought. . . . It was unfamiliar territory. |
| It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning
to others. |
| It is possible for your mind to be so open that your brain falls out. |
| I refuse to engage in an intellectual battle with an unarmed man. |
| 'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left
hand. |
| We could all take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to
criticism. |
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| Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly. |
| When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn't
doing the same thing. |
| To err is human, to blame it on someone else is more human. |
| One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others. |
| My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
(Ashleigh Brilliant) |
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| Her kisses left something to be desired -- the rest of her. |
| Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake
when you make it again. |
| The more I know the more I know I don't know. |
| I don't necessarily agree with everything I say. |
| The floor is your friend -- it will be there to catch you when
you fall. |
|
| When God was passing out brains, you thought He said trains and you
asked for a slow slugger. |
| When God was passing out brains, you thought he said rain
and you ran for cover! |
| When God was passing out eyes you though He said pies and
you asked for a pork. |
| Marriage is more than just a word. It's a sentence. |
| A man isn't complete until he's married, and then, he's finished. |
|
| Confucious he say: He who stands on toilet seat will
get high on pot !! |
| Confucious he say: Man who buys drowned cat, pays for wet pussy.. |
| Confucious he say: Baseball wrong. Man with 4 balls no walk. |
| Confucious he say: Woman who cooks cabbage and peas in pot,
not hygienic. |
| Confucious he say: There shall be no such thing as rape, because
woman with dress up runs faster than man with pants down. |
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| I believe no problem is so large or so difficult
that it can't be blamed on somebody else. |
| If nothing sticks to Teflon, then how do they get it on the pan? |
| Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. |
| Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder ... |
| Old principals never die, they just give up their faculties. |
"How can men possibly use sex to get what we want? SEX IS WHAT WE WANT!"
Frasier (Kelsey Grammer) to Daphne (Jane Leeves) on Frasier. |
| "We are here on earth to do good for others.
What the others are here for, I don't know." -- W. H. Auden |
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