The song by Mike Doughty rambled along, beautifully simple. Jake had grown to love this disk in the past few weeks. It wasn't Soul Coughing, but that made it interesting. Doughty had done a helluva job reinventing himself.
"So," he said, "I was telling you about when it all started to go horribly wrong, is that right?"
Nobody spoke. Well, that was to be expected. Jake started to say something when Teri interrupted.
"Honey, I know this part. If it's too hard, I can tell it."
Jake looked up at his wife and smiled. "No," he said, exhaling. "No. I had to go through what I did to get here. It's part of who I am. And it stings less with each passing year."
* * *
Liz had promised me fun the next day, but that would suggest that Liz was anything other than alternately sullen and frightened and sad and bitter. She had snapped at me more than once today--damn frightening, when your sixty-foot-tall girlfriend is swearing angrily at you. But those outbursts were tempered by tears, and apologies, and grief.
"What happened, Liz? What happened to you?"
"I CAN'T TELL YOU, SCOTT. I JUST...A MISSION WENT REALLY BAD. LET'S LEAVE IT AT THAT."
I didn't know what she meant; it didn't matter. I loved her, and I didn't care how it went bad. (Of course, I thought most likely that she'd failed to prevent a rape, or prevent a murder. But even had I known the truth, I would have stood by her. I would have tried to help her, and I wouldn't have excused it, but I would have stood by her.)
"Liz...maybe you should quit...."
"NO!" she thundered. "NO! IT IS MY DESTINY TO DO THIS, LITTLE ONE! YOU COULD NOT POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND SUCH A RESPONSIBILITY AS THIS! YOU COULD NOT POSSIBLY HOPE TO WIELD POWER LIKE THIS! YOU DON'T KNOW!"
She paused for a few moments, head down, before looking up at me. There was a look on her face I'd never seen. It was a plea for absolution, a request to be relieved of her duty.
It flashed for a second, and then it disappeared.
* * *
The next few weeks were like a Minnesota spring--one day beautiful, blindingly bright, perfect; the next, wet, cold, and depressing. When Liz shone through the gloom, I knew I was in love. When the gloom overwhelmed her, I was frightened. Frightened for myself, frightened more for her.
We got through finals, and Liz informed me that she intended to take me to Monroe over Christmas break.
"Why now?" I asked.
"BECAUSE. I DON'T WANT YOU ENDING UP CRUSHED BY SUE IF SHE AND THE BOYFRIEND DECIDE TO GET IT ON OVER BREAK. BESIDES...I WOULD MISS YOU TOO MUCH. I KNOW I DON'T TELL YOU ENOUGH, BUT I DO LOVE YOU, JAKE."
It was a good day.
We got into her '79 Corolla and headed south towards Monroe ("Home of the Cheesemakers"), and I felt lighter than air. As we left the city I could feel a weight being lifted, off of me, off of Liz.
* * *
Monroe is a little farming town in southwest Wisconsin, a sleepy hamlet that is home to The Swiss Colony (of cheese log fame) and not much else. Liz had grown up there, and while she was not sad to have left for the comparative metropolis of Madison, she still had a soft spot in her heart for the area. As we passed through Paoli, she chated amiably about growing up, playing soccer and running track (Liz was never one to be merely a cheerleader), and taking rides with friends to Orangeville and Freeport and Madison on the weekends.
It was a pleasant ride, and the unpleasantness of the past few weeks was fading away. I wondered to myself if I should suggest to Liz that she quit again; maybe here, away from the epicenter of her "duty," she'd listen.
We drove up the driveway, and she loked down at me, safeguarded in her cleavage. "WE NEED TO HIDE YOU, YOU KNOW. DO YOU MIND IF I BUTTON ONE MORE BUTTON?"
I grinned at her. "I would mind if you didn't."
* * *
Liz' family was a picture of Americana. Mom and dad were pleasant and friendly (Liz favored her mom, I thought), teasing her genially; her sister, Sandra, was a cute sophomore with a mop of red hair the same color as Liz'. I actually had a good vantage point--I could see a lot through the gap in the shirt, but I doubted I was visible to anyone who wasn't looking very closely.
By the time we made our way upstairs to Liz' room, she was in a good mood, and so was I. For the first time in weeks, we didn't talk about the duty Liz felt, or her power, or rape. We just talked. It was lovely.
* * *
It was a nice few days. Oh, sure, there were some dull times: Liz went out with her family or friends and left me behind; Sandra came in to talk to Liz, and I was forced to hide (though I didn't mind the view); Liz went down to be with her family, leaving me to while away my time in her underwear drawer. But the times together were sweet. On Christmas Evening, Liz came upstairs, and placing me--and her--on her bed, she whispered her incantation, and joined me at my scale.
"A Christmas present," she said. "One of three."
"Aw, and I didn't get you anything," I joked. She smiled, and I did too. It was strange, seeing her at my scale--seeing anyone at my scale, for that matter.
"Jake, you have stood by me when nobody could've. That you would show me any affection at all--much less love--is all I could ever ask of you.
"So I'm giving you two more gifts. First, I'm out of the superheroine business, effective right now."
My jaw dropped.
"You're right, Jake. I'm not myself when I'm using my powers. I had to get out of Madison to realize that. Thanks for pushing me on that. And this, of course, leads inexorably to my third gift."
She paused but a second, before saying excitedly, "When we get back to Madison, I'm unshrinking you--as long as you promise not to rat me out." The last was said with a smirk.
My heart leapt. This was everything I could've hoped for. "We've got a few weeks to come up with a convincing story. Something that doesn't implicate me in my roommate's death."
"Or me," she said, cuddling up to me. and we shared our first kiss at an even scale. And a bit more.
* * *
For five-and-a-half days, it was bliss.
Liz was clear of the awful burden she had carried, and it was as if all our troubles had melted away. For the first time in too long, we were having fun.
New Year's Eve came, and Liz was preparing for a party at a high school friend's house. She smiled over at me and said, "I WISH I COULD TAKE YOU WITH ME." Then, she mused, "MAYBE I CAN. I COULD UNSHRINK YOU FOR TONIGHT, THEN SHRINK YOU BACK WHEN WE GET HOME."
I wil never know why I said what I said next. If I could have one decision back, this would be it. Maybe I was nervous about meeting Liz' friends. Matybe I still feared that she would realize how out of my depth I was. Maybe I was thinking long-term about alibis and explanations.
Maybe it was just the way it had to be.
At any rate, I said to her, "Much as I'd love to, it's probably best if I stay here."
We chatted a bit longer before she left. She kissed me gently, smiled, and said "I'll see you after the party, my love."
But she was wrong.
I would never see that Liz again.
* * *
Liz pulled her car into the gas station and started filling up. The party was out in the country, and she sure as Hell didn't want to run out of gas halfway to New Glarus. Once was enough for that, she mused.
She paid the cashier and hopped into the green Toyota.
"You're a hard person to get ahold of," said the figure in the passenger seat.
Liz jumped, then swore under her breath. "You scared the piss out of me. How the Hell...."
"An easy trick. I bet you could figure out how if you wanted to," said Ronnie Ceres, taking a swig of water. "So, T.C., we're targeting March for Operation Rowena. I just stopped by to giveyou an operational briefing."
There was something in Ronnie's countenance that belied the blandness of the topic, like she expected Liz to say, "You can count me out, Veronica. I'm done."
"Oh, I don't think so, T.C. You wouldn't let down half of humanity. You wouldn't fail your wounded sisters."
"I can and I will. I'm in love, Ronnie. I don't know if it will last forever, but I think it might. It feels good. Better than revenge, that's for goddamn sure.
"I'm done, Veronica. Find another standard-bearer."
Ceres leaned back in her seat. "Even men you trust are a danger, T.C. That will be proven to you tonight. This love of yours is nice. But he is not worth throwing your power away."
Liz fumed. "What do you know, huh? I didn't ask for this. I didn't want this. I'm done. Leave me alone."
"As you wish," said Ronnie, as she vanished into the ether..
* * *
The party was like any party thrown by twenty-one-year-olds back from college. There's the general incongruousness of the situation, the strain of friends who have already gone their seperate ways trying to pull back together for a few hours. Not that it wasn't fun; it was. But it was odd.
Liz spent her time chatting with friends an half-flirting with her ex, Jason.
I suppose I should be jealous, but I have it on good authority that Liz always flirted with Jason; they'd dated three years in high school, it was a hard habit to break. Besides, Jason was engaged to a girl at NIU, and Liz--well, Liz had me.
It was about one-fifteen in the morning. Liz was standing out in the bitter Wisconsin air, stairing up at the stars and drinking in the first hours of what would be the last year of her life.
She didn't know Jason was there until he groped her.
She startled and backed off. "What in God's name are you doing?" she asked, knowing too well what the answer was.
"C'mon, Lispeth, you know ya been givin' me the green light all night," slurred her ex, the scent of vodka and cheap champage assaulting her senses. He started in once more.
"Jace...no. What about Holly?"
"Got m' whole life with Holly. C'mon, just a little kiss...for old time's sake...."
And then he was upon her, backing her up against the car, holding her down as she struggled against him, kissing her face, reaching his hand up her blouse. She thought of using her powers against him, but knew that in this situation, it would be obvious who had killed him, obvious that she was to blame.
He turned for just a second, and that was all the chance she neeed. She kneed Jason, and he sunk to his knees, howling in pain. "What the fuck was that for?"
"Believe me," said Liz, eyes aflame, "I could do much, much worse. Get out of my sight." She turned on her heel and got in the car, fired it up and started backing away.
"Fuckin' tease! Lead me on and then this! Screw you, Liz!" she heard Jason howl as she pulled onto the road.
Asshole.
What had happened to him? He was a good guy in high school. He'd waited eight months for her to be ready after he'd first broached the idea.
And now he had tried to--well, molest her at least.
She drove the road, the words of Veronica Ceres echoing in her head.
"I won't say I told you so," the passenger said.
"You just did," said Liz. She didn't want to have this conversation.
"They're all the same. They all have too much drive for them to keep it under control. So they assault, and they rape, and they cheat. And the ones who don't would, if they could get away with it."
Liz studied the road. "Jake wouldn't," she said.
"Exactly. Because you contol him. If he was full-sized, would he still be yours?
"Or would he become like your ex-boyfriend: just another man?"
* * *
It was almost three before Liz made it up to her room. I had stayed up to greet her, and my heart jumped as it always did as she majestically strode into the room.
"Hi, honey. Did you have fun at the...."
She looked in my direction, and I froze. Because I could see immediately which Liz had shown up.
"What happened?" I asked.
"WHY DO YOU ALWAYS ASK THAT? NEED SOMETHING HAVE HAPPENED? DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD TO HAVE BIG OL' ME HURT?"
My jaw dropped. "What the Hell happened? I love you! It's because I don't want to see you hurt that I ask: what happened?"
Liz sighed heavily. I could see the battle lines in her face; the part of her that was her wanted to tell me, to apologize. But it was quickly overwhelmed by The Coed.
"DO NOT ASK THAT QUESTION AGAIN. I WOKE UP TO REALITY, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED."
I grasped instantly what she was saying. "You're not going to quit, are you?"
"YOU'D LIKE ME TO, WOULDN'T YOU? GIVE UP MY POWER FOR 'LOVE,' RIGHT? AND I'M SURE YOU'LL TREAT ME JUST LIKE YOU TREAT ME NOW, RIGHT? YOU WON'T CHANGE? YOU WON'T BECOME LIKE THE REST OF THEM?"
"Like the rest of who, Liz? Damn it, I love you! I want you to be happy, and this hasn't made you happy."
"IT'S MY DESTINY."
"Are you going to restore me?"
She looked at me, and the agonized look crossed he face for just a moment. "I CAN'T. YOU WOULD BETRAY ME IN THE END."
"I will never betray you Liz! Never! I--love--you! Something happened out there, didn't it? Tell me what happened to you!"
"STOP ASKING THAT QUESTION," she said, turning away from me.
"What happened to you?" I screamed, trying to shake the Liz I loved free from what had possessed her.
"STOP ASKING THAT QUESTION!" she shouted back, as she spun and caught me with the back of her hand.
I flew across the dresser, already suffering the effects of being hit by a car-sized hand. I hit the wall at an easy forty miles an hour, and crumpled into the surface of the dresser. As everything went black, I knew that I would not be waking up.
* * *
But I did.
My eyes fluttered open to a brightly lit room. I struggled to my side, then slowly lifted myself up. I was still in Liz' room, still on the dresser. I pulled myself up to a standing position, and instantly wished I hadn't. My head hurt like I'd been knocked silly by a sixty foot tall woman. Still, I had to move; she'd be coming back soon.
I walked to the edge of the dresser--I would have ran, but I just didn't have it in me--and looked down. Way too far to jump. I'd need to climb down. Was there a lamp? Maybe I could use the cord....
I paused. Instinct had told me to run, but now my head was clearing enough to recall the events of the previous--was it the previous night? How long had I been out? I looked back at where I had come from and realized that I'd pushed aside a blanket-sized bit of fabric. Where had that come from? And the thimble of water?
I walked back, and suddenly heard the groan of the opening door. I turned, and saw Liz enter.
"OH, THANK GOD YOU'RE AWAKE. I THOUGHT...."
She stopped, seeing that instinct had caused me to throw my hands up in a feeble defense.
"OH. OH MY GOD. OH, JAKE, I'M SO SORRY. I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID THAT. IT WAS TERRIBLE WHAT I DID. OH, HONEY, PLEASE UNDERSTAND, I WISH IT HAD BEEN ME THAT TOOK THAT HIT. I'D RATHER DIE THAN HURT YOU."
I dropped my hands, and saw the tears in her eyes. Heavily, I sat down. "Liz..." I groaned, falling backwards again.
* * *
I was only down a few minutes this time before I woke up again. She was truly sorry. I could see it. She really felt bad about what she had done, and she promised never to do it again. She didn't promise to unshrink me, but after she told me her experience with Jason, I knew why she had been driven back to superheroine status.
I forgave her. I shouldn't have, I know. But I loved her. And I knew that she just had to get back to where she'd been this past week, and it would all be over.
The drive back to Madison was not so light, not so fun. I felt the weight on both of us. On me. On Liz.
* * *
Jake got up to change the CD. He threw in an old Semisonic disc, and returned to the group.
"I don't know how you went back," said Scott.
"Why do battered women stay with their spouses? Love lets you rationalize all sorts of things, Scott. And I did love Liz. More to the point, I knew that something was having an effect on her."
"GTS?" opined Sarah.
"That, and the League," said Jake, reclining a bit. "You know, things did get better for a little while after that."
He looked down for a moment. "They were better for a little while," he repeated.