Confucious Jokes! ^_^;

These are a few confucious jokes ive found on the net. I wouldnt go looking for them on search engines and stuff... I DID find some pretty dirty ones, but theyre NOT up here. ^^; I understand some little kids (Like ME... XDDD) may come here. ^^; although a few MAY have cursing in it.

Confucious Says...

Man who eats photo of father, soon spitting-image of father.
Man who sneezes without tissue takes matter into his own hands.
Man who walk in middle of road get run over by bus. (...Uhh.. durr. o.o;;)
Man who drives like h3ll, bound to get there!
Man who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty double crosser.
Man who scratches @$$ should not bite fingernails.
Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out.
Woman who puts detergent on top shelf, jump for Joy!
Man who stands on toilet, is high on pot!
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man who go to sleep with itchy butt, wake up with smelly fingers...
War does not determine whos RIGHT, war determines whos LEFT.
He who farts in church sits in own pew.
There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who cant.
Man who eat many prunes, sit on toilet for many moons.
Man who eats crackers in bed gets crummy sleep.
He who sniff coke, drowns.
Man who put head on railroad tracks to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache.
Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself...
Man with an unchecked parachute will jump to conclusion!
Man who sits on tack gets point!