How different things were when I decided to have you! You definitely were no accident. I decided that you were coming into my life, and I knew that you would change me. Like any brand-new parent, I didn't know all the ins and outs of no longer being free and without true responsibility. Time brings many changes, and I knew that. What changes? Well, no one can plan for everything!

When I found out you were coming, no one threw a party and showered gifts on me. No one bought clothes for you or massage coupons for me and there was no cake. I did, however, go out and buy purple plastic cups to replace my pretty lead crystal glasses, and Band-Aids with cartoon characters on them.

There were no "Mommy and Me" classes available to sign up for and no books that told me "start here" for this new chapter in my life. No one realized that my life was about to change forever, and no one sent a card or wished me congratulations on becoming a parent. No one at work seemed to care or even recognized what changes were occurring in my life.

In fact, no one gave me any tips on bonding with you or told me what I should do if you woke up crying during the night and Daddy was at work. I wondered what would happen if you hated me, and what would I do if we never did manage to get along. There were times when you got older that I worried what would happen if something ever happened to your Dad, and if you would even be a part of my life anymore. Like many parents, I'm scared about how our relationship will change once your grade school years are behind us and you become a teenager.

I somehow managed to learn to guide you, teach you, discipline, make the punishment fit the crime, how to clean up vomit without adding to the pile, and how to say "Oh, you'll be okay" when you came crying to me for the fourteenth time with an injury visible only to you. I learned that there were times it was best for me to step back and let Daddy handle it, and I learned that sometimes it was harder to do it that way. I learned that what I wanted wasn't always what was best, and that I had to let Dad make mistakes, too. It took me awhile to have more faith in him than I did in the beginning.

It would be hard to explain how or why I had to learn to stand up for myself, for you, and for our family. From the very beginning, there were many people who told me that this would never work, or that you and I would never get along or that we would never love each other. I had friends that turned around and walked away because they didn't understand that my life had changed, that I had you and Dad now, too. They didn't understand why I love you so much.

I would much rather have you and Daddy than have "friends" who didn't care enough to take the time to understand the changes in my life.

Nothing was the same after you came along. I learned to sleep with one ear open, even when you're not home. I can hear you crying from a block away, and I can tell the difference between a "He'll be okay in a minute" cry and a "Oh my god I have to RUN NOW" kind of cry. My eyes snap open at 8am regardless of whether its my or Dad's turn to get up with you that day because I'm so used to your morning routine. My little sister gets upset with me because I talk to her like a mom now.

I hope that your start to parenthood is easier than mine was. I wish you all the same joys that I have had, and I wish for you all the learning and amazement that I have experienced. I pray that some day you'll be able to look back at your childhood and appreciate everything that Dad and I have done for you and that you'll know how hard I tried. What I really hope is that when someone you know at school or someone you overhear starts talking about their "evil stepmother" is that you'll be able to say "Not all step-moms are like that ... mine's the best."