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Thursday was very weird. I think we both had no idea what to expect, or how to react. I know I didn't. It felt so unnatural not to have any physical contact while we were watching the movie. Afterwards we sat in my car and talked. Well, I talked some. She was trying to keep me in the driver's seat of the conversation. I can't drive a conversation - I'm not comfortable enough with myself to be able to communicate like that.
Anyway, when it was time to go home I could feel myself not wanting to leave. It all came to a head, when I hugged her before leaving. I had to literally force myself to let her go to leave. As I drove out of the parking lot, I was in tears. I guess she sensed it, because she called me at home shortly after I arrived. We talked for a while, but I couldn't say to her what I wanted...
So I logged onto Yahoo Messenger to send it to her. Before I could drop back off-line, she replied, and we ended up chatting for a while longer. I think that we both got a lot of things out. ...I still have a long way to go...
I went over to my dad's to take care of some laundry last night. I think it was one of the most uncomfortable visits I have ever had with him. I try to be a frank, and honest as I can about what I'm thinking and feeling in this journal. And he is getting concerned for me. While I don't think his concerns are warranted, I don't have the same perspective as he does.
At the same time, tonight I'm going to see a movie tonight with my last girlfriend. I'm feeling a little weird about this too. I guess that I have a lot of unresolved issues about that whole situation that I still need to come to terms with. Either way, it should be a great movie...
I'm a little worried. For the second time in a week, I went to sleep for over 11 hours. I got home, had dinner, and decided to watch a movie. "XXX" just wasn't doing it for me, so I decided to go on-line and chat with some friends. No one was on-line so I decided to just lay down. That was 8pm. When Calypso woke me up at 10:30pm, I walked him, and went back to sleep. I woke up this morning at 7am.
On the good side, I've been well rested. I suppose that's a good thing with my meeting going on at work today. But I'm worried that this is my body's reaction to depression. Depression is an odd thing, I guess. I'm not sad, like bawling my eyes out sad, I just don't have a lot of energy to do things. I'll come home from work, take care of my mail, walk to dog, eat dinner, clean up, and then lay on the couch and watch T.V., or chat on-line. If there's nothing on, or no one on-line, I just go to bed.
...Thursday will be cool though...