You know you suck shit when you...

Tell stupid jokes and host "America's Funniest Home Videos".

Wear your orthidontic head gear to school

Have a Johnathan Taylor Thomas calander

Chat on your Starship Enterprise phone

Have more "cyberfriends" than normal friends

Are no longer a "cyber-virgin"

Wear a shirt with the girls bathroom symbol plastered on the front, come on, I know you've seen them!

Argue with your friends which Green Day album is better: Dookie or Insomniac, which features the hit "Geek Stink Breath"

Know every word to "Ice Ice Baby" by the great Vanilla Ice

Waste your life reading fantasy novels with gnomes, dragons, hobbits, and the like.

Stay home on Friday night to watch the McNeil-Lehrer report, because your liberal teacher mentions that it is an interesting program

Discuss, with your "cyberfriends" the intricate workings of the Starship Enterpise

Have your first beer on your 21st Birthday

Remind a teacher that she forgot to give homework.

Reply to the question "Do you like Led Zeppelin?" by saying "He's all right."

Notice that all of your long-distance phone calls start with "900"

The "UFO Hotline" asks you to limit yourself to one call per day.

Actually call your doctor to find out more about Rogaine with Minoxodil.

Have a pocket protector protector and/or wear a sweatsuit to school

Believe in your heart that Silverchair and Bush AREN'T trying to imitate the great Pearl Jam.

Watch "90210" to find out if Kelly does Coke

You're a guy and you watch 90210 so you can talk about the show with girls

Have a bumper sticker that says, "My daughter is an honor student at Scarsdale elementary", or something stupid like that.

Watch Late-night Cinemax movies for the plot

Enjoy dancing the "Macarena"

Write "Bush rulez!" on your backpack

While engaged in hard-core drinking, you constantly leave 3 Oz. of beer in each bottle, and claim that it is "backwash"

You're white, and you wear one of those Bear Bubble Jackets, like Doug's Sister's boyfriend.

Sit at home on Saturday Night playing the Family Feud video game by yourself

Talk like the people from the movie "Clueless".

Are reading this.