Male Bashing

OK, personally, I think most of these jokes are pretty fucked up. But, it's funny because most of these shits are fucking true. Even though not all guys are sex-driven morans most of us are (not me, bitch).

Why are married women fatter than single women??
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in the bed and go to the fridge

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why are men and parking spaces alike?
Because all the good ones are gone and the only ones left are disabled.

What have men and floor tiles got in common?
If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What three two letter words mean small?
"Is It In?"

Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
She is the one who can eat the last donut!

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

Mom's have Mother's day, Dad's have Fathers day, what do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.

What do you call a 90 year old man who can still masturbate?
Miracle Whip.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes??
Both of them.

Why did the man cross the road??
Because he heard the chicken was a slut.

What do men and sperm have in common??
They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

How does a man show that he is planning for the future??
He buys two cases of beer.

What is the difference between men and government bonds?
The bonds mature.

Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper??
We don't know, it has never happened.

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking??
They already have boyfriends.

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night??
A widow.

How do you get a man to do sit-ups??
Put the remote control between his toes.

What did God say after creating Adam??
I must be able to do better than that.

What did God say after creating Eve??
"Practice makes perfect."

What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common??
They are married.

Man says to God."God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"God says: "So she would love you, too."