Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a taxi cab?
A: You have to pay to ride in a taxi cab.
Q: How do you give a blonde more headroom?
A: Adjust the steering wheel.
Q: Why did the blonde have lip stick on her steering wheel?
A: She was trying to blow the horn.
Q: Why did the blonde climb a chain linked fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why does a blonde wear panties?
A: To keep her ankles warm.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the local football team?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
Q: How does a blonde turn on the lights after having sex?
A: Opens the car door.
Q: What do blondes and cow pies have in common?
A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!
Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.
Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They are both fucked when they're on their back.
Q: What did the blonde's mom say to her before she went out?
A: If you're not in bed by midnight, come home.
Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.
Q: What is the difference between a circus and a group of blondes?
A: At the circus you'll find a cunning array of stunts.
Q: What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in
her urine?
A: She peed on her corn flakes.
Q: What did the blind blonde say to her new boyfriend as she was
making love to him?
A: "Funny, you don't feel Jewish."
Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already
written on the overhead transparency?
A: She turned it over and used the other side.
Q: What did the really dumb blond say when someone blew in her bra?
A: Thanks for the refill.
Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming
vase?
A: "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."
Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.
Q: Why did god give blondes 2% more brains than horses?
A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.
Q: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?
A: With a tire gauge!
Q: What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
A: When you slap a mosquito, it will stop sucking.
Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A: By doing the splits.
Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
A: She says, "Next".
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
A: Unfertilized.
Q: How do you drown a blond?
A: Don't tell her to swallow.
Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Atlantic Coast?
A: The Atlantic Coast would never have that many crabs.
Q: What goes "Vroom-screech, vroom-screech?
A: A blonde driving through a flashing red light.
Q: What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A: A golden retriever.
Q: What did the blonde say when she went to check if her turn
signal was working?"
A: "Yes it is. No it isn't. Yes it is. No it isn't."
Q: Why do blondes write TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
Q: Why did the M&M manufacturer fire their blonde employees?
A: Because they kept throwing away the W's.
Q: What do you call four blondes at a four way stop?
A: Eternity.
Q: How do you get a blonde to stay in the shower?
A: Give her a bottle of shampoo that says "Wash, rinse, and repeat.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.
Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A: They can't find the zipper.
Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A: Buy her another beer.
Q. How can you tell that a blonde's having a bad day.
A. She has a tampon tucked behind her ear, and she can't
find her pencil.
Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure it's mine?"
Q: Why do blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making
chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes from the waist down?
A: Marriage.
Q: What is a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: A padded dash.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
A: Lipstick.
Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.
Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.
Q: What is the definition of a man's perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.
Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin
Q: What did the Blonde get on her S.A.T.?
A: Nail polish!
Q: What do you call half a dozen blondes standing shoulder to shoulder?
A: A wind tunnel
Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure it's mine?"
Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: A golden retriever.
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has
the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.
A blonde got very depressed when she looked at her
driver's license and saw she had an "F" in sex.