The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez
oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the
most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid
cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later they both were
eaten by a killer whale.
A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a
carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions.
After weeks of nagging, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an
axe leaving her mentally retarded.
In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the world
flagpole - sitting record. Suffering from the flu he came down eight
hours short of the 400 day record, only to find that his sponsor had
gone bust, his girlfriend had left him and his phone and electricity
had been cut off.
A women came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking
frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist
towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the
deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back
door, breaking his arm in two places. Till that moment he had been
happily listening to his Walkman.
Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of
sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the pigs, all two
thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded,
trampling the two hapless protesters to death.
And the capper.....
Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a
letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it.
Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.
Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section of
forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male
was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers,
and facemask.
A post-mortem revealed that the person died not from burns, but from massive
internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification.
Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clad diver ended
up in the middle of a forest fire.
It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the person went for a diving
trip off the coast some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking
to control the fire as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of helicopters
with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and then
flown to the forest fire and emptied.
You guessed it.
One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next he
was doing the breaststroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air.
Apparently he extinguished exactly 5'10" of the fire.
Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.
This article was taken from the California Examiner, March 20, 1998)
A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the
kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle when it
accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handle bars,
was dragged through the glass patio doors and along with the motorcycle
dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran
into the dining room and found her husband lying on the floor, cut and
bleeding, the motorcycle lying next to him, and the shattered
patio door. The wife ran to the phone and summoned the ambulance.
Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several
flights of stairs to the street to escort the paramedics to her husband.
After the ambulance arrived and transported the man to the hospital,
the wife up righted the motorcycle and pushed it outside.
Seeing that gas was spilled on the floor, the wife got some paper towels,
blotted up the petrol, and threw the towels in the toilet. The man was
treated and released to come home.
Upon arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage
done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went to the bathroom, sat
down on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he
flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while seated.
The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard the loud explosion and her husband
screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying on the
floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on
the buttocks, the back of his legs, and his groin.
The wife again ran to the phone to call the ambulance. The very same
paramedic crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The
paramedics loaded the husband on to the stretcher and began carrying him
to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied
by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had
burned himself.
She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them
slipped and tipped the stretcher, dumping the husband out. He fell down
the remaining stairs and broke his arm.
(Taken from a Florida Newspaper, damn hillbillys.)