He only wanted to be part of it. He was just curious as to what they were doing...TO BE A PART OF SOMETHING YOU SO WANTED TO BE IN, IT HURT...
     Now, he is just remembering the good old times when you could wake up to a sunny morning, the bird's chirping outside and think...this is one beautiful day.

Yes, those were the times...

     Then you look at me like with those two orbs the shades of earth.     Yes. You certainly know it. But of course, how can you not know; you're my confidante, the only one who understands, who feels as feel.
Then you give me that contagious smile of yours. The Mona Lisa-like mystery playing on the twitching corners of your mouth.
blink. blink.

Ah, yes. Do you want to hear it?

blink.

     Those eyes. tsk. You sure know how to coax someone to spill their guts don't you? Well, ok. If you really want to hear about this one then I might as well start it. The sooner we finish this, the better, don't you think so?

     Tsk. I can see your tongue dart out to lick something on your upper lip.  Oh, Ain't this gonna be yummy! Come on, let's get upstairs.

     Ok, Quiet now with your footsteps. They might hear us. We don't want that to happen, do we?

creak. creak,

     So here we are. Let's settle down; you on the floor where you can stretch out to your hearts content, you always liked that didn't you? and me on usual spot on my bed, with my back to the cabinet which serves as the headboard of my faithful resting place.

     Wait. Let me turn on the radio first. I've always liked it when there's a bit of music in the background for days like these one. I don't want to hear my thoughts...

     It sure is a beautiful day.
The sun is mercilessly bestowing its ultraviolet-laden rays on the trees swaying to every breath of the wind. The branches making sounds almost like the clapping of a thousand hands. And I can hear them whisper in the air...
     Let's celebrate! It's a very beautiful day. It's a season to be merry. Summertime...
     Yes. Summertime. The season to love, to reminisce, to be happy, to indulge to the little things, yet here I am stringing words into fragments of syllables only you can understand.

     "Perfect by nature, icons of self-indulgence. Just what we all need, more flaws about a world....that never was and never will be, have you no shame don't you see me?"

     Well, it certainly fits the description of the microcosm we're living in right now; that song. Maybe the radio has a few good things to say than those idiots out there blurting out beaureaucratic speeches about how can change the world and shit.

Bull!

     That's what it's all about. But I'm not going waste my gray matter and dendrites into that crap about politics and the way, our country is up to its sweat-soaked arm pits in poverty and all those things that make you want to go out of your house and scream: "STOP ALL THESE NONSENSE CRAP!!!"

     Yeah, today is far too cheerful a day to be commiserating with what everyone's concern seems to be about, And I don't want any depressing thoughts entering my left and right hemispheres of worldly intellect. My synapses may not be able to handle the stress that issue could bring about. tsk. And they say that as you get older your brain loses dendrites, which in part is the reason why other people keep on looking for their eyeglasses, when it's practically dangling from the gold chains on their necks. The other reason for this everyday phenomena may be out of lack o attention.

     I dunno, Maybe I am being a cynic, that's all.
     Well, in truth, maybe I am.
     The world made me who I am today. Not my parents. And I don't blame them if I turn out to be a liability of society. That was, is my choice so I have to stand by the consequences.

     "...But there's still tomorrow, for get the sorrow when I could be on the last train home. watching past the day as it fades away, no more time to care. no more time...today..."

     Damn! Maybe the radio can read minds. This certain song definitely reflects back on my discombobulated thoughts. man, and I sound wack even to my own non-existent conscience. discombobulated. Now there's a word I'd like to define.

     "Hey, you're getting nowhere man. Why don't you start collecting your thoughts and sort them out huh? I'm getting really bored by all your talk about trivial matters." said you.

     Memories of the past come flooding back into my head. The last one popping up being the most recent of them all.

     "Oh, sorry. I got lost in my own reverie. hehehe.come here and give me a hug, will you?" I replied while stretching out my arms.
     "Be glad to...".
     Then you came walking towards me accepting my hug and giving yours in your own special way.

     You always made me feel as if you know some part of me.
     That you have some part of me.
blink. blink.
     Or maybe it's because I am beginning to get lost in my own jumble of thoughts once again.

     Oh, well, I might as well shut this fuck up.
     Company is here.
     You see, when I am all alone, that's the only time I get to be my own self. My true self. Of course most of the time, you'll see me wearing my special mask of smiling face. This I call the "joker". People see me as a happy-go-lucky person, most of the time. That's when I have people around me. That is the time I have to wear my mask.

      But did they ever wonder what's hiding beneath those smiles? Those twinkly eyes? Those witty and funny cracks about life and everything that make them laugh so hard they fart?
They didn't. And they never would.
They only have eyes and minds for their own little worlds.
     But you know what really lies beneath my self-made exterior of happiness. You try to look behind my eyes and the cheeriness in them.
"So are you gonna start getting emotional now? HAH! If I were you..." you said as you rolled on your stomach.
"But you're not me..." I replied.
End of argument.
Blink. blink.
Did they ever ask me If I was getting tired of all these crap they're giving me? Feeding me? Tell me, did you ever think you were being manipulated into something? because right now, I maybe experiencing that and more.
Hmmm...maybe just this once I' m gonna do the right thing...the way I want it...nobody can stop me now...
Not ............even..........YOU...................
"today I fell and felt better
just knowing this matters
I just feel stronger and sharper
found a box of sharp objects what a beautiful thing..."
Blink.........Blink...........