Flirting secrets from a southern belle

By Ronda Rich

Anyone can flirt. You don’t have to be eighteen or a size eight. You don’t have to be beautiful. You don’t have to be bursting with personality. You only have to possess the spark of desire and a sparkle in your eyes. It simply begins with a friendliness and openness that invites people to come closer. The key elements of flirtation are simple:

Strong Self-Esteem
People are attracted to others who feel strong and good about themselves. If you don’t like yourself, why should others? Some folks have good self-esteem because it was nurtured from early childhood in a family that made a conscious effort to instill it. Most of us have to learn it. That begins with knowing what makes us feel insecure, such as a lack of education or social skills, excess weight, or other insecurities. If there is something that bothers you about yourself, fix it. It’ll be the best investment you ever make.

Irresistible Humor
Laughter is undeniably potent in drawing others to you. Southerners are renowned for our sense of humor, especially the self-effacing kind we use in our stories. In flirtation, a sense of humor will always be your greatest ally.

A Light-Hearted Approach
Don’t take yourself or this game seriously. It ruins it. That means it’s best to begin without any agenda such as “I want to marry this guy.” No strategies. No plans. No objectives. Just keep your spirits high and your heart light. A playful tone is also key. The sound of your voice should clearly and loudly say, “Let’s have fun!”

Spirit of Goodwill
Kindliness starts from deep inside and may require a little effort, but this is truly what makes all flirting work. People respond to inner beauty quicker than they respond to outer looks. That’s why Southern mamas always warn their daughters, “Pretty is as pretty does.”

Genuine Interest
Everyone has a story of some kind. Regardless of what it is, it is interesting because our stories make us who we are. And everyone has a skill or talent. By asking questions about another’s life, skills, and talent, you gain insight into the individual, and chances are you’ll learn something.

Knowledge
Read. Read. Read. Observe and learn. Keep up with current events and pop culture. You never know when a piece of seemingly-insignificant information will serve you well in a moment of flirtation. Many times I have worked a room by dropping a line here and there about everything from business news to sports to rock stars to Broadway plays. And, honestly, all I knew was a line about each, but it was enough to get a conversation off and running.

Compliments Aplenty
You can’t flirt without flattering. Can’t be done! You have to make others feel good about themselves so that they feel good about you.

Engagement
Always use the full impact of your eyes and smile. In the hustle and bustle of a world that never stops, this tip now works more powerfully than ever. Taking the time to look someone in the eyes and connect for a moment can reach deep down to the soul of a person. We’re losing too much human contact in today’s society. That’s why these techniques, long touted by the women of the South, will high-heel kick you to the top of someone’s favorite-persons list. Look into his eyes for a deep connection and smile warmly. The eyes will draw him to you, and the smile will wrap him in gracious hospitality. It is an irresistible feeling in a world that is often far too cold.

Original publication from What Southern Women Know About Flirting by Ronda Rich. © 2005 by Ronda Rich Creative, Inc. A Perigee Book.