A Time For Some Humour |
1. Room Service> A man is in a hotel lobby and wants to ask the clerk question. As he turns
> to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and> his elbow pokes her in the breast. They are both quite startled. The man> turns to her and noticing that she is quite attractive, says with a> wink, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'llforgive> me." She looks him up and down noticing that he is well endowed and> replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."> ************************************************************************2. Camel Cigarettes> Two ladies were sitting at the bus stop smoking cigarettes one day when it
> started to rain. The younger one pulled out a condom, cut the tip of it> off, put it over the cigarette and continued smoking her Camel, without the> rain bothering her.>> The older old lady was amazed and said, "Wow, that's a great idea. What is> that thing?"> "It's a condom". Replied the younger one.> "Wow- where can I get one of those?"> "Oh, you can get them at any drug store or grocery store."> Replied the young one.> So the next day, the old woman went into a drug store. "Hi," she told the> clerk. "I would like some condoms please.">> The clerk was surprised at such an old lady wanting to buy condoms, But> tried to act cool and asked: "UHmmm, what size?" And the old lady did not> hesitate "Oh, one that would fit a Camel, please!!"> ************************************************************************3. Deaf Couple> Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, They find
> that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the> lights because they can't see each other using sign language.> After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, The wife> decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some> simple signals?> For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and> squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over> and squeeze my right breast one time."> The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife,> "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my> penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my> penis......fifty times"> ************************************************************************> 4. It's shower time!!!> Two priests are off to the showers late one night.
> They undress and step in the showers before they realize there is no soap.> > Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it,> > not bothering to dress.> > He grabs two bars of soap in his hands and heads back to the showers.> He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way.> > Having no place to hide he freezes like he's a statue.> > The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.> > The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls his dick.> > Startled, he dropped a bar of soap.> > "Oh look," says the 2nd nun... "a soap dispenser."> > To test her theory he also pulls his dick...> > and sure enough he drops the last bar of soap.> > The third nun then pulls, first once, then twice and three> > times.> > Still nothing happens. So she tries once more and to her> > delight she yells.....> > "Look, hand cream!"> >> >************************************************************************5. Father's Room> > Three nuns were talking.> > The first nun said, "I was cleaning in Father's room the> > other> > day and> > do you know what I found?> > A bunch of pornographic magazines."> > "What did you do?" the other nuns asked.> > "Well, of course I threw them in the trash."> > The second nun said, "Well, I can top that.> > I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and> > I found a bunch of condoms!"> > "Oh my!" gasped the other nuns.> > "What did you do?" they asked.> > "I poked holes in all of them!" she replied.> > The third nun fainted.
