Have A Laugh On The Oldies |
1. Romantic Wife
> An older couple was lying in bed one night. The
> husband was falling
> asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.
> She said, You used to
> hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily, he
> reached across, held her
> hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A
> few moments later she
> said, then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he
> reached across, gave
> her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
> Thirty seconds later she
> said, "Then you use to bite my neck." Angrily, he
> threw back the bed covers
> and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked.
> "To get my teeth!"
> --------------------------------------------------------
2. What's My Name?
> Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.
> Over the years they
> had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.
> Lately, their activities
> had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play
> cards. One day they
> were playing cards when one looked at the other and
> said, "Now don't get
> mad at me.....I know we've been friends for a long
> time... but I just can't
> think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I
> can't remember it.
> Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared
> at her. For at least
> three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
> Finally she said, "How
> soon do you need to know?
> -------------------------------------------------------------
3. Mable's Ear
> Two elderly women were eating at a restaurant one
> morning. Ethel noticed
> something funny about Mable's ear and she said,
> "Mable, did you know
> you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mable
> answered, "I have a
> suppository?" She pulled it out & stared at it. Then
> she said, "Ethel, I'm
> glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my
> hearing aid is."
> ------------------------------------------------
4. Lost Wife
> An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really
> stormy. They were
> standing on the back of the boat watching the moon,
> when a wave came up and
> washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days
> and couldn't find
> her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore
> with the promise that he
> would notify him as soon as they found something.
> Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax
> from the boat. It
> read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife
> dead at the bottom
> of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and
> attached to her butt was an
> oyster and in it was a pearl worth £50,000 .. . Please
> advise"
> The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait
> the trap"
> ---------------------------------------------------------
5. Young Husband
> When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady
> sitting on a parkbench
> sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was
> wrong. She said "I
> have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to
> me every morning and
> then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh
> fruit and freshly ground
> coffee." I said, "Well, then why are you crying?" She
> said, "He makes me
> homemade soup for lunch and my favourite brownies and
> then makes love to me
> for half the afternoon".I said, "Well, why are you
> crying?" She said, "For
> dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my
> favourite dessert and
> then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m". I said, "Well,
> why in the world
> would you be crying?" She said, "I can't remember
> where I live!"
> ------------------------------------------------------
6. Three Sisters
> Three sisters aged 75, 80 and 85 live in a house
> together. One night the
> 85 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and
> pauses. She yells to the
> other sisters, "Was I getting' in or out of the bath?"
> The 80 year old
> yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She
> starts up the stairs
> and pauses. "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
> The 75 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having
> tea listening to
> her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure
> hope I never get that
> forgetful." She knocks on wood for good measure. She
> then yells, "I'll come
> up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the
> door.