A Tribute to The Sketchiest Man Alive

A Tribute to the Sketchiest (and possibly ugliest) Man Alive

This article is dedicated to that one person in every group who is just unbelievably beyond sketchy. This person really has no shame, and is known to use the shittiest, cheesiest, most New-Jersey-Trashiest lines that us normal people could never even dream of. Whereas most of us would denounce our sketchocity and try to at least rectify it, this person embraces it as a gift. A gift of no remorse. A gift of that no one in their right mind would ever want to open.

Because a fair number of people reading this know the person about whom I'm writing, when I told the SketchBall I was going to write about him, I told him I would give him the alias Mark J.A., but he insisted on going by M. Joseph A. or M.J. Axelrod. Despite all its virtues in aiding problem-solving, Rock, Paper, Scissors gets pretty complicated with three choices--what with the necessary Round-Robin bracket and all, so for simplicity's sake from now on he will be referred to as "Etch-A-Sketch." The reasoning leads into the first topic of discussion I would like to delve into: not even with an Etch-A-Sketch could you draw something uglier than this guy.

It seems as if the "Etch-A-Sketch" in every group is born with it: they just naturally look the part. As evident from the pictures below, this 6-4, 100 pound muscle-bound adonnis looks like the ugly love child of former Washington Bullet Gheorghe Muresan and a German Shepherd.

WARNING!!! DO NOT STARE AT PICTURE TOO LONG--WILL BURN RETINAS AND PERMANENTLY IMPAIR VISION

Well ladies, at least he's well groomed.

Sorry to have to show you that folks, but I felt visual proof was necessary to grasp just how hideous one person can be.

"Etch-A-Sketch" is the reason why no one can ever bring their sister to visit school. Case in point (and guys, take out your notepads on how to woo chicks): A dude in the house's sister was visiting for the weekend and while he was occupied playing beer pong, Captain Lanky gets up from his chair, and asks the dude's sister how tall she thinks he is. She guesses correctly, and then he sits back down and pulls her onto his lap. A FUCKING AMAZING PICK-UP LINE. I don't know how she was able to resist his charm! Oh wait, yes I do, he looks like fucking Gheorghe Muresan.

More "Etch-A-Sketch" fun to come in the next few days...

Have any comments that you would like to share with King Gut? Email me at: Gutmeister8@netscape.net

Back to the Kick-Ass Main Page