It's a Darn, Darn Shame How Abbreviations Really Skew Actual Meanings

If you are currently, or ever have been in the Greek system of your college, you’re probably aware of the quip that follows when someone asks what Frat you’re in. A little basis: the word “Frat” makes it seem like all Greeks do is drink and party and hook up with underclassman who drink and party and sweat us for the sole reason that we got hazed in order to wear dumb sounding letters and tell people we’re cool. But in all seriousness drinking, partying, and being jailbaited only account for 3/4 of what being a Greek Man entails; we also smoke. (I, however, pass on grass because I’m vegan and I am opposed to the way the weed was unceremoniously culled from Mother Nature’s Bounty. But that is a side topic that warrants its own article in the future.) Onward and upward.

The retort, then, is to act affronted at the unmerited use of such a vulgar word like “Frat” and all its stigmas by asking if you would ever call your Country a “Cunt.” After all, only a Taliban himself would answer yes. But the incorrect point has been made: Abbreviations obscure the actual meaning behind the word or, in this case, proper noun.

That’s right, I’m talking about Hoobastank. After extensive research, I’ve discovered that this is actually just an abbreviation for their full name. You see, the band’s name started out as “Hooba.” But Vocalist Doug Robb, on a dare, agreed to name the band based off a review of their performance from an unfortunate spectator of one of their performances. Without further ado, their full name is actually:
Hooba-Stank-So-Much-Not-Even-An-Expert-Psychiatrist-Could-Convince-Me-Via-Sign-Language-(which-is-now-the-only-language-with-which-I-will-communicate-for-fear-of-ever-hearing-that-vocal-diarrhea-again)-That-Unplugging-My-Eardrums-Is-Beneficial-To-My-Long-Term-Well-Being.

As you may imagine, the full name isn't used for the obvious reason that it takes up too much airtime--precious airtime that could be used to play more of The Reason, which brings me to the point of my article: not only is The Reason shitty, it is possibly the most over-played song since anything with “Christmas” in its chorus come December. Yesterday when I was driving, to pass the time I tried to see if I could surf stations enough to listen to the song for my whole 20-minute trip. Fortunately for me and every pre-pubescent girl in the Metro Area, I was able to and then some. I’m pretty sure that if I put even a little bit of effort into it, I could have picked it up from any word in any part of the song I wanted.

Unlike most articles, this one actually has a purpose. Consider this as a plea to media outlets to stop egregious airing of The Reason. To give this request some muscle, this view is endorsed by all 3 individuals who read this website (of course that counts my brother's girlfriend walking by as he reads it, but I think that should still count).

Have any comments that you would like to share with King Gut? Email me at: Gutmeister8@netscape.net

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