Others' Stupidity Never Ceases to Amaze Me

It's almost as if people try to be fucking idiots. I was coming off the metro last Tuesday a little before 9, probably the most busy time of the day, when I encountered what has to be one of the stupidest people alive. This woman had two kids with her, and as they approached the machine where you re-insert your metro card, she was baffled: "You have to slide in your card here?, but we already did. Uh-oh."

Holy shit. How do you think they know how much to charge you? Surprisingly, the metro system has yet to adopt the technologically feasible and affordable method of not only mind-reading, but person identification and automatic billing, thereby antiquating fare cards. I wonder what she thought about the fare charts, which tell you how much your trip is going to cost. She probably figured the metro system was too cheap to get nice artwork, so they made useless tables with extraneous information serving no practical purpose.

So as she's digging through her purse, dozens of people in line behind her are yelling and wondering what's going on. Then all of a sudden, with the excessive mental burden of having to do two things at once, she forgot to keep breathing. Once she caught her breath, she took a big inhale, and resumed her search. I thought this whole scene was pretty funny so I kept watching and laughing, while other people were getting pissed. She must have been so excited when she got her card back the first time and it had the same amount as before. But all of a sudden, "Yay a free trip, suckers" turned into, "My gracious, my brain probably looks like new-born, dried-out bull testicles. Shit all this thinking hurts, wait, I'm forgetting something, YES, keep breathing, keep breathing..."

But the real victims here are the kids, who are condemned to having to learn from their mom. With the apparent intelligence of rhinoceros turd, these kids are, technically speaking, fucked. The first time they go to a restaurant, they're going to be amazed you pay after you order and eat. I imagine their mom probably just hands the hostess their credit card as they're being seated since just like on the metro, everything costs the same amount.

But maybe she's not so dumb. Maybe she thought it was like getting gas, where you slide your credit card and then pump the gas and leave. But after a kindergarten analysis, it becomes pretty obvious that the gas station keeps track of the amount you're getting and you end the transaction by putting the nozzle back in the slot. But maybe she figured the shitty piece of paper that is the metro card is not only a smart card, but a fucking genius card and your every movement is being tracked by the government. But then again, maybe I'm not the Fucking Coolest Man Alive. HAHA yeah right.

As is apparent though, I am a nice guy. As they were approaching the escalators, I guided them onto the correct one since she appeared undecided. As we reached the top, I asked her her name and as she was lost in thought, I told the kids to run, to run for their lives. Hopefully they'll encounter a pack of wild wolves to live with who can more effectively teach them to read and write. Mother Teresa step aside, Gutmeister the Merciful bestows his kindness upon the common-folk once again.

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