The Story of the Handsome Prince and the Slut

Let me go over what exactly a slutty fucking chick is. A slutty chick is someone who will be talking to you off and on all night and then after talking on the corner of the street two houses away from her residence at the end of the party will ask you to “walk her home.” But then as you all start walking together her ex-boyfriend, who is the goofiest, tallest, skinniest, lankiest, most un-coordinated, a capella, most douchebaggy Gumby look-alike motherfucker conveniently strolls by and they start talking.

But talking is one thing; a true fucking ho-bag rubs his arm and then the side of his leg just to showcase her skankiness. So to avoid looking like a douche himself, the handsome, well-hung gentleman turns and talks to some of his friends nearby. After both conversations run their course, the gentleman says to dirty Ho-bag, “I suppose you don’t need me to walk you to your door?” To which dirty, STD-laden bitch replies, “Well, it’s only a couple houses, I should be OK.” Queen Slutbag then turns to similarly infested Gumby douchebag and says, “Would you like to walk me home?”

Now this is no ordinary douchebag, she’s like a fucking expert. She’s the fucking Dan Marino of douchebags. Calling a fucking audible on the goalline. Incredible. She realized that the call was for a power run up the GUT, and the defense was too well hung for her formation so she pussily audibled for a little vagina fade to the corner to Gumby and his Pokey Stick.

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