By Far The Worst Type of Person In The World To Live With Is A Straight Yet Fruity Guy

Let me give you a hypothetical: two guys and two girls sharing an apartment together. Super, right? Well not when

a) you're spoken for, thank you very much, and
b) your roommate is far fruitier than a Melon-Berry-Strawbery-Guava-Peach-Kiwi-Apple-Banana-How-Can-You-Get-Any-Fruitier-Than-This-Fruit-Smoothie.

Now please don't get me wrong, I think gay people kick ass. They are collectively one of the funniest groups of people you'll ever meet, second only to Cheyews of course. My roommate, however, isn't gay--he only acts that way. This is quite seriously one of the most annoying things ever. I hope I'm not mis-representing straight fruity guys all over the world, because really I'm just basing all my opinions on one person, as this is the first extended contact I've had with such a person.

I didn't really think this was article-worthy until tonight's events (having to get up at 7 every morning really fucks with my ability to churn out quality material and really affects my desire to do anything computer-related outside of work). So we get back from the gym and he just goes to stretch right in front of the TV so the two girls can admire his incredibly small muscles which he hopes to turn into King Gut muscles via $100 of supplements he bought on the internet last night including creatine and whey and meal replacements. So he then turns on the TV to draw attention to his nonexistent muscles. It was 9:10 tonight and it just so happens that Miss Congeniality (as I was later told to be the shitty title) was on.

So I look at the clock and remember that Game 5 is on so I'm like, "Oh shit, fruity straight guy, the fucking game's on I forgot. Turn this shit off and put it on ABC." And he says, and I'm actually quoting verbatim here, "Oh hold on, I wanna watch this scene!" I'm thinking, "OK, maybe he had to watch this chick-flick with his girlfriend and remembers that a nudey scene or some chick-on-chick shit is coming up." Well after three minutes of holding my dick in my hand waiting for the titties, I get nothing. The whole fucking scene was just four ugly chicks sitting around a dinner table talking about their perfect date! And this fruity straight guy was enthralled. I asked if the scene was over, and he was like, "Nah, can we watch a little longer?"

To keep from either laughing or making fun of him I went to shower and when I got out lucky for me Sex and Try To Fuck The Whole City was on and of course the three girls (2 actual, one fruity straight) voted to watch the worst show I've ever seen where the positive and negatives break down as follows: the titties and lack of action/humor/fake boobies/soft-core porn. Wow that show blows. It's like watching a whole show for the equivalent of just seeing one page of Playboy for a couple seconds. Not a great investment of time if you ask me.

So while the Pistons may be winning the NBA Fucking Championship, I'm sitting here typing this shit. When I have more time, I'll finish the story. Until then, enjoy the teaser.

Have any comments that you would like to share with King Gut? Email me at: Gutmeister8@netscape.net

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