Seven More Weeks of This? Krikies

Once again, the madness centers around the television. This time, the protagonist is surfing the channels. (As an aside: inexplicably, three weeks in, he still looks for shows by changing the actual channels, instead of using the other arrows that apparently are just for decoration but that actually let you see not only what's playing on other channels at the current time, but also allow you to look forward, which is far better than the preview channel, which he also uses, because your click-through speed is self-controlled. Man, run-on sentences really allow you to convey your message efficiently.)

So, finally the tedious channel-by-channel changer arrives at his payload: Pretty in Pink. To my shock, the cornbread customer asks one of the chicks, "What's this about again?" AGAIN? The implication that he's seen this before is just fuel on the fire. So after literally ten seconds of watching the movie (if anyone's been forced to see it with their girlfriend, it’s the scene at the school dance), I'm like, "Let me guess, thw two main characters get back together at the end." And the expert on manly movies proffers, "No, the dude in the Jaguar picks her up and she ditches that first guy. No. Oh wait, maybe that was 16 candles!!!" Now, the exclamations were added by me, because he actually said that last sentence in a pensive tone, as if poring through his extensive mental library of movies he's seen in which he was the only "guy" in the theatre.

I thought things couldn't get any worse, but lo and behold, I underestimate once again. He got up for a second and gave me just the window of opportunity I needed. He amazingly passed over Airplane earlier, and I dove for the remote to set it to the right channel. When he comes back, he says, "Can we put it back to Pretty in Pink, I'm enthralled now!" Not only is the emphasis NOT ADDED this time, but honestly I have been writing on a laptop during this whole exchange and recorded everything verbatim. Shockingly, later it turns out that I figured out this gem of a movie after only ten seconds with no payoff in the form of humor, ta-ta, or any combination thereof.

Later, in the same afternoon mind you, I come in to the main room and the chick flips to a movie and asks what they're watching. "It's Disney Tarsan, you've never seen it? (in an incredulous tone, which is ironic, because I'm incredulous that he has seen it)." So I reply to his question, "No I haven't seen it, I've actually been waiting for just the right time--death." Undeterred, he continues (once again verbatim): "It's like my favorite. As you'll see, they studied professional rollerbladers in making the movie to make many of the scenes. There's this one scene, I'm not sure if it already happened or if it's later, but its my favorite in the whole movie." No shit. So what this last sentence tells us, then, is that there is in fact a particular scene, which is in fact his favorite. That is so fucking helpful and interesting. And imagine, I didn’t think one scene could stand out above any others in this incredible movie.

Well, boys and girls, the conductor has just blown the horn and the straight train is rolling out of the station one passenger short. But if I know him, he'll be chasing that caboose until he catches up with its rear.

Have any comments that you would like to share with King Gut? Email me at: Gutmeister8@netscape.net

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