Sent: Tuesday, August 20, 2002 7:45 AM
Subject: Here's Your Sign!
By Andy Rooney:
"Stupid people should have to wear signs that just
say, "I'm Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on
them, would you? You wouldn't ask them
anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops...
never mind, didn't see your sign."
It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house
was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck
in our driveway. My neighbor comes over and
says, "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just
pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see
how many boxes it takes. Here's
your sign."
A couple of months ago I went fishing with a
buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the
dock, I lifted up this big ol'stringer of bass and
this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all
them fish?" "Nope. Talked 'em into giving up.
Here's your sign."
I was watching one of those animal shows on the
Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing
a shark bite suit. And there's only one way
to test it. "Alright, Jimmy, you got that shark suit
on, it looks good... They want you to jump into
this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts
when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold
my sign. I don't wanna lose it."
Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into
one of those side-of-the-road gas stations.
The attendant walks out, looks at my truck,
looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go
flat?" I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was
driving around and those other three just
swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."
We were trying to sell our car about a year
ago. A guy came over to the house and drove
the car around for about 45 minutes. We get
back to the house, he gets out of the car,
reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe,
then says, "Darn that's hot!" See, if he'd
been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.
I learned to drive an 18-wheeler in my days of
adventure. Wouldn't you know, I misjudged the
height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and
I couldn't get it out, no matter how I tried. I
radioed in for help and eventually a local cop
shows up to take the report. He went through
his basic questioning ...okay...no problem. I
thought for sure he was clear of needing a sign...
until he asked, "So, is your truck stuck?"
I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked
back at the rig and then back to him and said,
"No, I'm delivering a bridge...here's your sign."
I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked
at me and said, "Are you still here?" I replied, "No.
I left about 10 minutes ago. Here's your sign."
Anybody you know need a sign today? Send this to all
your friends. The next time someone says something
stupid, ask them where their sign is.
(
geocities.com/gvhtexas)