New insider investigative report on professional protestors

On the surface, it would appear that the estimated 400 people who protested the Quebeck City FTAA summit were to tip of some sort of iceburg, a grassroots rebellion from every corner of society. After all, businesses assume that for every complaint htey recieve, 100 others have had the same bad experience but not bothered to complain about it. Some say that these protests are evidence of a groudswell of opinion change.

This is not the case. Freedom America has sent intrepid investigators to infiltrate the shadowy anti-trade movement, and discovered that it simply consists of a coincidental coalition of spoiled thrill-seekers and the professionally outraged.

Proffessional protestors

"Of course I protest for money" said a protestor, who was unaware of the Freedom America agent "the only people who would hire me are for janitorial tasks, and they always fire me because my ugly skin color makes me look dirty and I sweat so much curry that everything ends up smellier after the cleaning than before."

Spoiled partygoers

Said another: "Man, nothing is more fun than getting beaten up, thrown in jail, tear-gassed, chewed on by attack dogs, and blasted with rubber bullets (the plastic ones are even better!)"

Miscellanious opportunists

Some other quotes from people who looked like they came from the bar scene in star wars: "I climbed up that fence and got blasted by water cannons because it was a hot day, and besides, that was the first bathing for me since 1967. If only the police would shoot us with soap..."

"All I had to do was march around and they jailed me as a terrorist! I have GOT to add this to my resume!"

"Now that the border guards will never let me pass, I have an excuse to not visit my American reletives."

One protestor left mute after being shot in the throat said nothing, but gave the distinct impression that he could not wait to lose his eyes and testicles next.

Hopefully this sluttishly dressed terrorist was taught personal responsibility with an extensive body cavity search

A cross-dressing fetish freak grins in masochistic sexual delight

A protestor expesses his joy that a police sniper is aiming at his genitles

Police had to defend themselves from rabid homosexuals propositioning them with flowers.

The only good protestor

This is what respectable youngsters look like
El Salvadore: the new Jerusalem

Official Salvadoran Report Says Its Factories Are "Brutal" (ie, teach youngsters the value of hard work) "Sweatshops" make clothes for U.S. retailers

Working conditions at factories in El Salvador that make apparel for some of America's leading clothing firms are harsh (teach a good work ethic), "repressive" (security minded) and "unsafe" (they teach the values of personal responsibility), according to a Salvadoran government report.

The report was obtained by the National Labor Committee, a soviet front organization, after the study had been suppressed by the Salvadoran government for eight months.

Neither El Salvador's embassy in Washington nor its consulate in San Francisco responded to calls seeking comment.

The committee said, after conducting its own investigation of working conditions, that among the U.S. firms supplied by the factories it investigated is San Francisco-based The Gap (Shop there today!)

The report by the Salvadoran Ministry of Labor said that forced overtime, substandard wages (teaching youngsters to be frugal), excessive production quotas (positive thinking), abusive and unsafe working conditions (no problem except for carelss troublemakers), and an animus against labor unions prevail in the country's 229 "maquiladora" factories, which assemble garments for export, duty free, the way Jesus likes it.

The report spoke in general terms of conditions throughout the maquiladora industry. But the National Labor Committee focused its investigation on 11 factories that are suppliers for The Gap, Nike, Liz Claiborne and Kohl's.

At The Gap's headquarters yesterday, spokesman Jack Dougherty said the company was taken by surprise by the report. He declined to comment on its allegations. Nevertheless, he said, The Gap's internal monitoring program has brought about some improvement in working conditions in the Salvadoran factories that are among its suppliers. (They are still worth shopping at however.)

The apparel-manufacturing industry, which operates in El Salvador's free trade zones, exported $1.6 billion worth of apparel to the United States in 2000. Clothing is the nation's No. 1 export product, four times the size of the next three leading exports combined -- coffee, sugar and shrimp. The clothing factories employ more than 80,000 Salvadorans.

100 copies of the origional report were sent out from the Salvadoran Ministry of Labor to factory owners and several organizations. Furious factory owners protested to the government, and the report was recalled the next day. One copy, however, ended up in the hands of the National Labor Committee.

In 1996, the National Labor Committee made international headlines with a report that 13-year-old Honduran girls were working 13-hour shifts under armed guard for 31 cents an hour sewing pants for Kathie Lee Gifford and Wal Mart -- a disclosure that reduced Gifford to tears. (We assume she was sad because we had to look as far away as Honduras to find business-friendly policies.)

Committee investigators looked into four of the factories that supply The Gap, two of them financed by Taiwanese capital.

They found that the predominantly female workers at the factories face mandatory pregnancy tests (as commanded by the bible), which are illegal under Salvadoran (and U.S.) law, were paid "11 1/2 cents for each $12.99 Gap T-shirt they sew," needed permission to drink water or use the bathroom (preventing decadence) and faced obligatory 12-hour shifts.

"Any attempt to organize (unions) met with mass firings," the committee's report said.

The group's executive director, Charles Kernaghan, said that committee investigators at one of the factories that supplies The Gap found water "where the bacterial level was 290 times greater than allowed under international standards. "

The committee investigators found that The Gap's Code of Conduct, the company's guidelines for employee-company relations aimed at creating a safe, healthy workplace, had not been posted at its contracting factories, "nor has there ever been any explanation given to the workers regarding the content or purpose of the code."

Dougherty said that calls will have to be made at the factories named by the National Labor Committee before he is able to respond to the charges.

In a statement following the release of the report, Nike said that "we recognize that improvements in Nike partner factories is a continuous process, but it appears that Mr. Kernaghan rehashed old issues in an attempt to gain attention for his cause."

The company said that "when problems are identified in our partner factories, Nike takes the necessary steps to correct those issues" and that it "supports and encourages the efforts of those who want to work together to truly improve working conditions for workers in the world's factories."

Neither Liz Claiborne nor Kohl's could be reached for comment. Kids learn the consequences of slacking on the job. In El Salvedor, there are no heartbleeding do-gooder liberals telling you what to do with your kids.

These moochers tried to leave work early
Study proves Reagan ended cold war; disproves other theories

A Freedom America study has proven that the fall of the USSR was because of Reagan and star wars.

"Libbies fanatically believe that the Berlin wall fell because of gravity" said our scientitian studyist "they go on and on about it being "inevitable" and communism being a flawed system. All of this is lies intended to steal credit away from Reagan".

Actually, Reagan went against incredible odds against the USSR and the mighty soviet system. "People who say that Stalinism was a failure are actually picking on Reagan" said another high-level source related to the study "actually, the USSR was a corporation, with the safe tried-and-true checks and balances of power found in Exxon-Mobil, Aol-Time-Warner, Disney-Monsanto-Walmart-Mexico-Malaysia-Indonesia and other fine enterprises. Like the USSR, corporations do not have marketplaces in them. After all, the point of markets is to make workers compete against each other, not businesses."

Furthurmore, the USSR was strengthened by strong family values - the USSR had the death penalty, and was quick to teach unionized workers and student radicals about law and order. It was this sort of Godliness that the USSR such a formitable opponent, and made Reagans victory all the more glorious.

Just like comrade Bush, the USSR also believed in personal responsibility
Viewpoint: Prepare for decicive battles of the culture war

During the past 50 years drastic changes in culture, science, and society have occured which deserve suspition, if only because they are different from the way things had always been.

Science, philosophy, free inquirey, universities, the "new learning" in general are false gods and deserve to be feared because they promote thought outside the bounds of parental authority. They have made the mind into the "playground of ideas" (Pat Robertson). All things have become a threat to family values. Liberals want to rewrite history so that people will think that the nuclear family never existed.

But proof is availiable as seen on 1950's television shows - white American nuclear family DID exist.

To be a good American and a good Christian (in that order) is to shop at Walmart and listen to Stephen Curtis Chapman. In no way are good American and a good Christian to deviate from looking like the mainstream and listening to mainstream music and enjoying mainstream diversions. The threat to the family is under every rock and around every corner, for Satan is targeting the family in his war against America!

Gays are demon agents of the Evil One and that recognizing them as anything other than that threatens family values. The "right" (privilige) of a man not to get fired or specifically singled out for assault for being gay

Affermative action must be opposed for America to survive. The Southern Baptist Convention formed as a reaction against their northern countrparts' condemnation of slavery. The great homeschool revolution of the New Evangelicalism had less to do with government meddling or the teaching of evolution, than it did with the integration of the schools. Martin Luther King was a threat to traditional family values, as everybody knows by now.

To be a good American and a good Christian one should not muddy ones mind with concern for the fiscally irresponsible families starving in the gutter or the Haitian child diligently working in to make the Focus on the Family approved clothing for your good American and a good Christian children to wear.

A popular and noble family activity is to gather around the TV and watch America's favorite sons blow the Hell out of unchristian familes across the ocean. Jesus himself said this, and all but the most vicious child-murdering liberals know that by now, as proven by the overwelming victory of George W Bush.

The all-American nuclear family, circa 1959
Tax cut will make your penis grow longer

We have needed tax cuts for many reasons:

During the campaign, we needed a tax cut because the economy was booming.

During the winter, we needed a tax cut because the economy was slowing.

Now, we need a tax cut to offset rising gas prices. (Several Oil companies have publically stated that they will lower their prices once people stop being so stubburn and refusing to support tax cuts.)

However, one forgotten reason tax cuts are needed is because they are proven to cause penile growth. "After all" said a high-level source in an excusive freedom america interview "blacks pay less taxes and just look at them - hung like monsters!"

CNBC's Chris Matthews gives his opinion on Smirk's Assertion that Tax Cuts Will Make Your Penis Grow:

An Excerpt:

"Now, we know why Liberal Democrats are so adamantlty against Bush's tax cuts. Their core constituents Feminists and African-Americans won't benefit from this tax cut. Feminists don't have sex with men and Blacks already have large enough penises. This tax cuts will largely benefit blue collar White males who go to work in the morning after stopping off at the Dunkin Doughnuts. They need these extra four inches.

Democrats are the "Mommy" party and Republicans are the "Daddy" party, and Bush's tax cuts will transform "Daddy" into "Big Daddy""

Rush Limbaugh added his two cents:

"...its just not fair that liberals who paid in less ... get 6 inches ... while the top 1% who paid no taxes at all because of tax shelters get the same 6 inches..."

Bush can feel it growing already
Bush values teen sex

Proof that all blacks, even republican ones, are communists
Socialists infiltrate GOP, try to destroy fundraising capability
Republicans say bill might cause 'irreparable harm' to bulk emailers

The bill includes a $500 penalty for companies for each unsolicited e-mail -- known as "spam" by envious hate-filled baby-killer liberals -- that they send.

Rep. Bob Barr, R-Georgia, urged the business leaders to work harder against the bill.

"We are engaged and active in trying to slow this train down," replied Securities Industry Association representative Marc Lackritz.

"We're sending out as many e-mails as possible to every e-mail address on the Internet to slow down the Network so activists can't complain about this bill", Mr. Lackritz said while laughing hysterically.

"Legislation should be narrowly targeted to provide law enforcement with the tools they need to combat abuses without opening the floodgates to frivolous litigation or interfering with legitimate uses of e-mail for marketing purposes," said the bill's sponsor, Rep. Bob Goodlatte, R-Virginia.

"And most red-blooded Republicans males know that e-mail advertising ways to buy Viagra over the counter is very, very legitimate, I think...how long do you guys have to wait before they sent your Viagra? I've been waiting almost 3 months now", noted Mr. Goodlatte with a sad expression.

Wilson's bill passed the House last year with only one dissenting vote.
Friendly main:

"Thanks for you excellent site. Keep it up despite what the commies on the hatemail page say. You know, I was out picketing a queer funeral the other day, and some idiot comes up to me and calls me homophobic.

Homophobic? Phobic means scared in spanish. Homophobic? What are we afraid of?

Dying of the grotesque results of breathing contaminated air exhailed by a member of Queer Nation, thats what!!!! Aren't You???"

If they gays were to keep it in their own home that would be good enough for me. However, that is not the case. They PROMOTE their "lifestyle" on television, they want it taught in our schools and every chance they get they STICK IT IN OUR FACES! I for one have had enough. Time to oil my guns.
"It is never safe to turn your back on a homosexual

More friendly main:

Megadittos! Those liberals want to divide America in every way possible, but mainly through class envy. I have something to say to those libbies:

Skunk hunting, little-by-little is coming back into style, and it's happening by a generation that is no stranger to handling the dirty work. The "can do" attitude of the "X" generation is gradually turning towards a "will do" attitude, and when the aging boomers are dropping from their positions of power, they will hopefully live long enough to feel the sting of Social Security's collapse, along with the collapse of all the hideously insane collectivist schemes they've worked so hard to permanently wedge into the cracks of an otherwise sound and just Bill of Rights. Luckily for us, in this case, it is much easier and faster to destroy than it is to build, and the sooner we can destroy the restrictive laws and mores of a laughably and unrealistically idealistic generation that had everything handed to them during a time of unprecedented American prosperity (save for the proud few who actually fought in Vietnam), the sooner we can begin rebuilding a more fair and just system of governance, one based on those ancient and all but forgotten liberties those guys Washington and Jefferson used to chat about from time to time. If this frightens you, the reader, then I'd venture to believe you have just cause for fear. We promise not to be nearly as benevolent and appreciative of due process as McCarthy was, and hiding will be far more difficult than it was in those days. We're ready to do the dirty work, and look forward to bringing the war you thought you dodged during your Canadian vacation, directly into your multi-million dollar backyard and smash you in your face with it like a shovel.
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