Grandma's Day with a Doula

This is an abbreviated version of this wonderful lady's account of the day we shared .... the day her daughter became a mother ... the day she became a grandmother and the day my soul became richer!

The alarm woke me on a dark January 20th morning - was it 5:00 a.m. already!  I had a busy day ahead of me!  I showered, dressed and made a quick breakfast - almost too excited to eat.  My duty was to pick up Ginette Walton (for the rest of this memoir she will be known as 'the Doula').  The morning was not a typical January morning, I had expected a winter snow storm and -30C but it was approximately -16C and a light feathering of fresh snow glistening under the street lights as I started my truck.  The animals could sense my excitement as I moved through the house.  I packed the last things in my 'labour bag' and, as I made my way to my warming truck, the dogs were barking excitedly inside.

As I drove into the Doula's driveway, she approached the truck with a calm but very jubilant smile and a warm "good morning".  The trip to the hospital was very deliberate.  I found myself concentrating on my every move.  The Doula's suggestion that we pick us up coffee was welcome but, again, my deliberate movements trying to control my excitement were obvious ... wrong turn into the entrance at the coffee shop revealed my excitement.  At the order window, a surprise, our next door neighbour's daughter greets me with a curious smile and I call out "we're off to have a baby" ... my first excited refrain!  Holding a coffee, driving and calming my inside excitement ... oh boy!  All the while the Doula remained steady and spoke with me in a calming and reassuring manner ... I wondered how she could do it.  But I guess she has been here a few more times than I!

The hospital loomed in the darkness ahead of us.  What was to transpire this day?  I quietly said a little prayer.  All the time the Doula was calmly talking of things that ... to tell you the truth, I cannot remember.  I was concentrating on driving and holding the coffee!

At the hospital I see Al (father- to- be) putting money into the parking token dispenser and I, very conscious of my attempts to remain calm, do the same.  I then found a spot in the parking lot beside his vehicle and the Doula and I walked through the crisp and still, dark morning to the hospital's front doors.  Along the hall to admitting we went and there was my daughter.  The staff see us and promptly ask if the Doula is the grandma.  Now you must picture this, because I was standing behind my daughter, I didn't think she would see a momentary break with my calm facade so I allowed myself an excited moment and jumped up and down and waved my hands and exclaimed that I was the grandmother to be.  They all responded appropriately and congratulated me and shared the information that I had and will always hear from other grandmothers "It is so wonderful being a grandmother - you'll see."

We all calmly walked to Maternity ... it is now 6:45 a.m. and we are taking "before pictures".  The induction is to happen soon!  The Doula is getting organized, our street clothes are to go in the closet ... most new moms don't like to watch the clock so it comes down and gets put in the closet.  The power bars are accounted for.  Carla's pillow from home is given a prominent spot and we wait, and wait and wait! 

At 8:30 the nurse advised that the doctor has arrived.  Al and I leave so he can proceed with the rupturing of the membranes.  We go to meet with Al's dad, George, who has been in the waiting room.  We find that he has gone to the cafeteria for breakfast.  We join him ... I can't eat!  I sit with them for 10 minutes or so but can't wait to head upstairs to see how things are going.

The job has been done and the doctor has opted to let Carla see if labour will start on its own now 'till 11:00 a.m. before putting her on intravenous induction since she is already dilated 2cm.  Good, we are all happy at this because we did wish for a natural labour.  We walk the halls, and walk the halls and walk the halls.  We sway sideways ... we visit with George (grandpa) in the waiting room.  Friends start filling the waiting room.  The Doula is a constant, assuring words to Carla, bits of instruction regarding positioning, etc ... nothing happens.

Eleven comes and now we are on the second phase.  Surely this will move things on quickly!  Mild labour pains, nurse coming in every half hour to turn the drip up.  I have been given the task of timing the contractions.  Thank goodness ... it keeps my mind from thinking of anything else.  Every two minutes for about a minute at a time ... the Doula breaths with Carla, they are in total control.  The Doula has us organized and on track.  We all have a job.  Al walks with Carla, I time, and the Doula accompanies us ever assuring.  Time passes and it seems like nothing is changing.  I still am timing, every two minutes for a minute then every 80 seconds for 60 seconds then every two minutes for a minute.  It is increasingly hard but nothing seems to be happening.  Carla is following the Doula, the breathing is working, walking, sitting in the rocking chair, going to the washroom and now it is 4:00 o'clock .. nurse checks Carla - 4cm.

The Doula says to me, calmly in confidence, we must get this baby down ... the baby is sitting high in her uterus.  Now the work starts, with the calm reassurance of the Doula, she and Al and Carla start assuming several positions ... squatting over the big chair, sitting on the birth ball, the toilet, all seem to cause good contractions but slow progress.  At 5 p.m. ... 5cm;  at 6:00 p.m. ... 6cm and 7:00 p.m. nothing.  Finally at 8:00 p.m. ... 8cm.  The Doula is breathing with Carla and now beginning to look tired ... I think, I can do this, I've been there through all the sessions she had with us.

The Doula first came to my home to meet us in early November,  I had heard of her through a friend at work who had her with her  for her second child.  She presented to us as a very calm, well organized, knowledgeable, middle aged woman. 

She did not pressure us to choose her services but provided the name of another Doula in our community as well who we might want to contact if we felt she was not someone we could relate to.  Carla and Al were almost decided anyway and, the next day, called her to confirm they would like her by their side on that day.  She advised them she would contact them in early December to start the preparation and she did.

The third Tuesday in December she visited Carla, Al and myself at Carla and Al's apartment.  She talked about a birth plan (they had none);  she talked about Lamaze breathing, they did not know it;  she talked about stages of labour ... new to us all.  The information was amazing ... how could I have had a baby and not know all this!  Two hours passed and we couldn't believe it was 9:30.  The next visit in a week was equally informative ... we are beginning to be friends;  a bond is developing.  She speaks in a calm, reassuring, informative manner ... we learn so much.  Sometimes her visits fill me with foreboding, is this all going to be happening to my baby?  I am so glad we will have her with us to take care of my baby as she labours to delivery of her own baby!

Al is learning massage from the Doula and he is hands-on now.  He provides Carla with such great massage on her back to the coaching of the Doula. To see the two of them caring for Carla and helping her, fills me with such a sense of relief and gratefulness that I find myself overcome with emotion.  The Doula teaches us the breathing which we will help Carla with during her labour.  She shows Carla how to sit so the baby will be in the best position possible for delivery.  She trains her on exercises on the birthing ball.  Al and I learn as well and the knowledge we gain allows us to provide support to Carla as the weeks progress to the day we are waiting for.  We are surely blessed that we have found this caring, knowledgeable woman who is preparing my daughter for the birth of her child and providing her husband and I with the information that will allow us to actively participate in this event.

The due-date week is upon us and we suffer an upset!  My friend at work gets a call from our Doula (her neighbour and friend) ... could Sue feed her children tonight, our Doula may have to have surgery?!  The scare is stomach wrenching ... how can we deliver without our Doula?!!  I don't say anything to Carla but she calls me, the Doula has contacted her ... the Doctor will see her soon;  she may need emergency surgery but she will call another Doula to fill in.  Carla is calm and confident ... I am not so.  A couple of hours pass and so the concern.  The emergency is over and our Doula is okay.  What a sense of relief ... how integral a part of our lives this woman has become.  We have given this special event in our lives to her to share with us totally and would feel naked and alone without her.

It is now 9:00 p.m., January 20th and Carla and I are breathing.  Carla is experiencing minute-long contractions with 10 or 15 seconds between.  It is so hard to see my baby in such pain but she is in control as the Doula asks her to move from the rocking chair to the bathroom;  to the squatting bar with Al at her back ... to leaning in a squat position with Al holding her up ... to marching.  The nurse comes to measure and she is still at 8cm.  No worry is shown on the Doula's face but I know she is concerned.  She goes for a break and I, thank goodness, seem to be able to help Carla through her contractions with the breathing the Doula has taught us.  I watch the breathing work for Carla ... she looks to me when the contraction starts and we start ... a cleansing breath, three short breaths in and out and one long one.  Contraction reaches its peak .. the breathing happening so quickly.  I must keep her on track, she looks at me and follows my lead, the peak is reached, we should be slowing down our breathing.  She often shakes her head that she cannot slow down but, as I slow my breathing down, she eventually follows and, on queue, takes a deep relaxing breath and blows it out.  She is in control and we, Al and I, are in control.  The Doula has taught us well!

A sense of worry is now around us.  It is almost 10 p.m. and Carla and the Doula, as well as Al and I have been working hard.  We are concerned.  What will happen if she has not dilated this time!  It takes Carla three contractions to get from the rocking chair to the bed and, at this point she exclaims in a controlled voice, "I don't know how much longer I can do this".  Unbelievable! ... I think, I was there two hours ago, but the control she has maintained was miraculous, it was Doula sent!

The waiting room has been a buzz through this day.  Friends and family came and went and came back, all waiting for the big news!  They brought coffee and support.  This, I imagined, was as close to a home birth as you could get.  When those of us who were labouring with Carla needed a break, we just went down the hall and through the doors and there in the waiting room, were friends and family watching TV, reading newspapers and waiting for news from the labour room.  I was walking around the hall with my friend on the 'the 10 o'clock dilation check' (it was imperative that Carla be dilated sufficiently or, as the nurse told me, we would have to call the Doctor and discuss alternatives).  As my friend and I rounded the corner to the hallway that lead to the Labour Room, our attending nurse was quickly rolling in the instrument tray and receiving table.  To my questioning look, she exclaimed "we're in business"!  The check of dilation had revealed 9cm with a lip - the lip was cleared and it was 10!  My friend went on to the waiting room to tell Al and we were on the next stage.

As Al came through the door to the birthing room, his face was full of expression ... everyone was elated, but Carla remained concentrated and the Doula, still at work, helped us to get into our places.    She calmly asked the nurse if Al could assume one side of the bed and she the other.  That was indeed okay.  I positioned myself into a corner by the head of the bed with my camera where I would be out of the way but in clear view of the events to happen!

The nurse positioned the mirror. Carla wanted the mirror and had been assured that no one but her would be able to see in it.  As I stood in my corner, I realized I could see.  I didn't know whether to advise the nurse and when I looked I found her looking straight at me and slightly nodding toward the mirror.  She wondered if it was positioned so I could see, she did this purposely!  I wondered if Carla would ever know.

The contractions started and the Doula instructed Carla to forget the kind of pushing she had taught us.  The baby had to come fairly quickly so the pushing was to be directed and to the count of 10 with a deep breath and another push to 10 and maybe three pushes till the contraction was gone and then a cleansing breath and deep inhaling breaths before the next contraction.  It seemed like many contractions and no progress.  I could see the Doula was interacting with the nurse ... like a silent language all their own.  On consultation with Carla, she and Al helped Carla by raising her back toward her knees on each contraction.  An hour has passed!

Now the nurse says "you're doing fine ... see the black hair"!  Yes, the size of a quarter, there is black hair on each contraction but, with the end of each contraction, it disappears!   Carla says there is pain by her pelvic bone ... the Doula kicks into high gear and provides more information to Carla ... push into your bum ... wait for the contraction ... feel your contraction ... work with it ... push hard ... count to 10 ... breath ... count to 10 ... breath ... feel your contraction ... push into your bum ... the nurse begins to nod ... the baby crowns!

Here I was in my corner, no need to time contractions now, nothing to do but occasionally confirm to my daughter that I was indeed still here.  But to watch this miracle happen before me;  to see my daughter's husband by her side with encouraging words and his strong supporting arms around her; to watch this woman (the Doula) who had not even known us a couple of months before, provide loving, guiding, knowledgeable care (not to mention unbelievable physical strength) was something I will remember for the rest of my life.

The doctor arrives ... he greets us all and moves to Carla.  The nurse speaks one or two words.  I see in the mirror the dark head crowned!  With the next contraction the head is born, suctioning ... quiet.  The little head slowly turns and to our surprise, a little hand appears tucked under his chin!  He seems to be successfully turned and, before I know it, he is pushed out into the world and placed on Carla's tummy (11:35 p.m.)  Carla exclaims Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!  The nurse checks and advises us a Baby Boy!  I am frozen.  I realize sometime later I didn't even think of the camera.  Al cuts the umbilical cord.  

Baby is lifted from Carla's tummy and taken to a waiting receiving table, more suctioning, swift rubbing with a soft towel, small crying noises, and he returns to Carla in a night cap and blanket for her first good look at him.  Now I realize I have a camera and get a picture!

Dad is told baby must be suctioned more in the nursery.  He takes baby, I get another picture and away he goes.  

Doctor is now receiving the placenta and shows us .. a big healthy placenta and he displays it for us to see.  He provides some personal care to Carla and there is general jubilation in the birthing room. 

The Doula quietly removes herself and goes to the waiting room to tell "the family" ... something both Al and I haven't even thought of!

I stay with Carla while Al is in the nursery.  He returns to find Carla exhilarated.  She is boasting of her prowess ... "now, she says, I can do anything!"  Al says the hospital has opened the nursery room curtains so "the family" can see the baby.  The Doula has returned and has started picking up our things, packing our bags, tidying up.  It appears to me, mind you some time later, that she has effectively organized all our things and moved most of them to the hospital room.

Everyone wants to see Carla ... so everyone sees Carla!  The birthing room is now full of family and friends.  The baby returns and everyone gets a chance to hold him ... more pictures!  

At one point, I see Carla has been given the movie camera and she is taking pictures of everyone!  "Wait a minute," she says, "I just had a baby, someone else do this!"

Throughout this, the Doula is calmly organizing the room, and, once Carla is wheeled to her hospital room, there is hardly a thing I need to move.  It is all taken care of.

Finally, at approximately 3:30 a.m. I come to the realization that I must head home.  Carla says she will sleep now, but I doubt it.  I slowly put on my jacket ... more excited conversation, kisses, promises of more sharing tomorrow and I head out.  I walk along the long inside corridor that brought us, it seems days ago, to this place.  Once outside into the dark cold night, the most overwhelming sense of emotion hits me.  I can't make it inside my truck before I am overtaken and cry, full, sobbing cries.  I don't really know what emotions I am feeling, it seems to be pain or sadness or anxiety because my daughter went through such a long ordeal.  I don't think I will forget the pain I saw in her eyes for a long time.  I pull myself together and drive home but, once in bed, the same feelings overcome me again and I cry!

It was noon when I awakened and called Carla.  She is anxious to have me come but Al is there and George (grandpa) is there so that's okay.  I think now of the emotional state I was in last night, the feeling is passed.  I see her happy and proud and up and about.  I see her nursing her child so motherly, I see a proud and supporting dad.  I know he will respect her strength through this event for the rest of his life and so will I.  I look at her now as more than my child but as a strong woman who went to deliver her child with a goal in mind ... no drugs ... and she succeeded, because of our Doula.  She will always be my baby but she is now also a mother.

And as for the Doula, I do believe God sent her to us.  She is a mother, wife and someone's daughter too but she is another equally wonderful thing ... a person with a gift.

I know there is a lot of knowledge one needs to be a trained Doula but, beyond the learning and reading and experience, Ginette Walton has a gift which she adds to her trade.  She is loving, caring and sincere.  She is my friend forever.

I read a quote some time ago ... "The purpose of life is finding your gift.  The meaning of life is giving your gift away." (David Viscott).

Ginette has found her gift and she gives it away lovingly.  Thank you God for our Doula.