Lost

By: Lupi



*Author's Notes - Sorry for the long-ass delay. My brain ceased to work for me. My bad. Anyway, I hope everyone likes it. I have other stuff waiting to be sent, only I'm not gonig to send it for a while. I wanna thank Lyndaura for her patience and Pyro George for not setting me on fire. My eternal thanks to the great Pyro George! I don't own Gundam Wing or I'd be a hell of a lot richer then I am now, I'm kinda poor at the moment. :( Anywho, the song by Christina Aguilara 'We're a Miracle' I don't own that either, I'm not Christina, though it would be nice. All that fame and money, must be nice. Anyway e-mail me if you like it, if you don't like it, please be gentle in your flaming, I have a very fragile mind right now. Too much stress. Enjoy the stories, more to come. Bye bye.



{On a colony in outer space}



Screams echoed throughout all the corridors and in all the rooms. The screams had no particular language to them…except the language of absolute agony and torture, the language of torment and abuse beyond all human endurance. There were no words in any language that could be uttered or screamed that would describe the sheer agony of the one in torment. The voice telling of pain beyond that of even the worst nightmare.



The body of the voice was barely recognizable under the dry blood, the bruises, and the freshly opened wounds that spilled more of the sticky, red, metallic liquid. Tears fell from the prisoners eyes, tears of pain and suffering unlike any other tears that the prisoner shed. The prisoner's mind, no longer able to think clearly, screams in misery, for the abuse afflicted to the prisoner's body was equal to the abuse afflicted to the prisoner's mind.



Ropes tied the prisoner's wrists and ankles down, ropes tied as tightly as possible, cutting off all circulation to the prisoner's hands and feet. The ropes ripping the prisoner's once fair and pale skin, making cuts that would leave horrible scars. The prisoner had no room to movie, tied tightly down to a large table by day, and tied to the bars of a cage at night.



By day the prisoner experienced pain greater than any other pain experienced before. By night the prisoner tried as hard as possible to sleep, but sleep was but a wish that would not be granted. The prisoner could only sit awake, staring into space while tied to the bars of the cage. Praying for some one to rescue her.



Yes her…for the screaming prisoner is a woman. A woman stolen from her husband of only hours and taken to a place of complete darkness. A woman who has suffered at the hands of her captors, as they have taken liberties upon her that no man, with the exception of her husband, should take. And some liberties that took that no man, under any circumstance, should take on a woman's body.



She prayed to god, hoping that if he existed, he could somehow save her. But days turned into weeks and weeks into months and she still screamed in agony and cried in pain. She soon stopped praying for help, she knew it was useless, she knew no one could rescue her.



By the end of two months her body would no longer move when she wanted it to. Her once strong body became nothing more than a ragdoll. She once was the strongest person alive, but this, she could not fight. Her mind and her body became two separate entities. She could do nothing but scream.



The longer she was prisoner, the more jumbled her thoughts became. The last clear and understandable thought that entered her mind was betrayal. She thought that by not being able to stop them from taking from her what she had only given to the one man who ever truly loved her, she felt she was betraying her husband, for he was the only person to truly love her. But after that, her thoughts became a mess of images and words that did not go together. The words the men said to her did not register in her mind as anything more than mindless drivel.



Sleep deprived and starving she waited in the cage, sitting a pool of her own blood. She waited for some kind of miracle; she waited, as hope seemed slip through her fingers along with her sanity and her life.



{On earth}[Days later]



He sat on his bed, not knowing what course of action he should take. They had not sent him a ransom note, he knew absolutely nothing. He didn't know if she was on earth, he didn't even know if she was still alive. Every time the phone rang he hoped it was them, but it never was. He was prepared to give anything to get her back.



"There has to be some way to get her back. There has to be." He muttered, his mind searched frantically for some way to save her. He looked out the window, a slight breeze swept over the trees in the backyard. He stood and went to open the window, to let the soft breeze in, he watched as the wind blew leaves into the crystal clear pool, "Where are you Kay?" he asked. An eerie silence swept over him as he stood at the window. He needed to take a walk to clear his mind, so maybe he could think straight. He walked out of his bedroom through the now very quiet house and he went to the backyard. The sun was shining on his golden hair and a cool August breeze swept over him. Tears silently fell from his eyes, warm tears that were finally falling. He had wanted to shed those tears for months. But in hope that she might be brought back, he held the tears inside. But now all his hope was gone, he had accepted the fact that he might not get her back alive. His mind focused only on her, he could no longer think of anything else. He stopped at a rose bush; it was the bush from which he had picked the rose he gave to her when he proposed. The roses were blood red, a red that made Quatre shudder as he thought of Kayley's blood being spilled. He walked past the bush, trying to think of a way to find her. Then he had it, "Her gundam." He whispered. A smile spread across his face, he ran back into the house, picked up the phone and dialed.



"Preventers, this is Heero." Came Heero's monotonous voice, Quatre smiled.



"Heero, I've figured it out! I think there's a way to fine her!" Quatre said excitedly.



"What is it?" Heero asked, hoping that his friend had a good idea.



"Her gundam. That gundam may be able to track her. I know where she put the keycard. We can get into it and find out from it where she is." Quatre explained, and he could tell Heero was thinking about it.



"But Quatre, she said it herself. That thing can't be trusted. It's a dangerous machine. With the Zero she has in it, I probably won't be able to go into it." Heero said.



"I'll go in it. I don't care about Zero. All I care about it Kay, I need her back, Zero or no Zero. And I think that that gundam can help us find her." Quatre said, and Heero could tell that Quatre was serious.



"Okay Quatre. Bring the keycard to the hanger. We'll try our best. But hacking into the system might be difficult…but we can definitely try." Heero said and Quatre smiled.



"Thank you Heero. I'll be there in ten minutes." He said and he hung up and went into his bedroom. He went into the large walk-in closet and opened a small drawer to get her gundam's keycard. He went to his car and drove to the Preventers building then ran to the MS hanger. When he got there he saw Heero waiting outside for him.



"Come on Quatre. Let's what we can do to get her gundam up and running." He said, Quatre's face lit up, they went into the mobile suit hanger. Heero turned the lights on and around them six huge gundams loomed over them. They went to Kayley's gundam and climbed up a ladder to get to the cockpit door. Quatre put the keycard into a small slot in the door and it opened, revealing the cockpit. Heero looked to Quatre, and Quatre went in.



"Here we go." Quatre said, he flicked a switch and the cockpit lit up. Quatre sat, amazed at the complexity of the control panels. He could feel Zero all around him, he felt as though he were dealing with Zero all over again. Quatre swallowed hard and typed, but before he could finish he heard a voice.



"You are not the pilot of this gundam." Came a computerized voice, Quatre was startled by the voice.



"I…I know. I need to find the pilot." Quatre said, hoping that maybe the computer would tell him something.



"You are not the pilot of this gundam." It said again.



"Can you help me find the pilot?" Quatre asked, knowing he was wasting his breath asking the gundam where it's pilot was.



"Why?" it asked.



"Because she's missing and I want to find her." Quatre replied, "I cannot believe I'm having a conversation with Kay's gundam." Quatre thought.



"Why do you want to find the her?" it asked.



"Because…I love her." Quatre said, "Oh please help me." Quatre thought to himself, silently begging the gundam to help him find her.



"That is impossible. The pilot of this gundam is incapable of love and not one to receive another's love." It said, Quatre was very upset.



"What?" Quatre exclaimed, becoming angry at the gundam and starting to realize why Kayley hated it so much, "She is too capable of love." Quatre said, "So are you going to help me find her or am I going to have to do it myself?" He couldn't believe what he was saying.



"Quatre are you okay?" Heero asked, he was watching Quatre struggle with the Zero system, Heero knew that it was the Zero that Quatre was talking to.



"Yeah I'm okay. This Zero is like nothing I've ever experienced before. It's…it's amazing…but frightening." Heero looked at Quatre.



"You'll have to hack. This thing can't tell you anything; it's probably programmed not to tell anyone where she is. Besides, fighting with it is not going to help find her."



"Okay…this is gonna be really difficult." Quatre whispered to himself.



"Don't worry Quatre…I'll stay here with you…I won't let it take you over. I won't let you lose your mind again." Heero said and Quatre easily remembered what had happened to him when he first used the Zero system, he had almost killed Trowa.



"Thanks Heero."



"You're welcome. Now, get to work." Heero said and Quatre began the slow process of hacking into his wife's gundam, to find out where she had been taken.



{On a colony in outer space} [Days later]



All her hope was gone. All her sanity was gone. No thoughts dared enter her mind, and no words dared leave her mouth. Even if she could think or speak, it would all be too incoherent for anyone to understand. A week before, her tormentors had grown tired of her screams. To stop her screaming they duct taped her mouth shut. She knew, somehow she knew they were going to do it. And, almost as if on impulse she got her wedding ring off of her finger and got it into her mouth. She did so in the middle of the night, and that morning they duct taped her mouth. What she had done was in no way a mental action, it was more an action of the heart.



Her sanity was gone. She had fallen into a state of schizophrenia. She wasn't able to move or think. She had gone off into her own world. The pain her captors had inflicted upon her body was a pain she no longer felt. She didn't feel anything any longer.



But soon her captors had explored every inch of her body to its fullest extent. They no longer used her body for their own pleasure…they left her in the cage until they could decide what to do with her. Then they devised another way to hurt her…they decided to torture her body in ways other than rape.



Days went by, and her captors hired a man they called the "professional" in the line of torture. He came, as he walked into the room she was in, he saw her, her hands and feet bound to the cage bars, bleeding, bruised, broken and mutilated was her body.



"She is near death. Are you sure you want me to do this?" the "professional" asked, the smaller man next to him smiled.



"Yes, do as you wish. But I must warn you, she has been with us for almost three months and her torture has been the same for all of those three months." The small man said, the "professional" looked down at him.



"Rape I see."



"Yes, rape."



"You're too narrow minded. Rape is too easy. Okay…I will do this…but only for one day," he said, "now go." And with that the small man left, then he doubled back to talk to the man.



"Oh and Bruce…we think she's lost in another of those schizophrenia's, like when she was a child." He said and Bruce looked at her.



"I remember those. I was there for one of them. You need to get some anti-psychotics for her. It should bring her around in two or three days…if she doesn't die before then." Bruce said, "Matthew, get some strong anti-psychotics to pump into her arm."



"Yes…of course sir." He said and he left to get Bruce's request to the doctors on site.



"So we meet again Kayley O' Conner. You know, I have the highest respect for you…I always have…and now, especially now, when those idiots have done this to you…I hold you in the highest regard. I remember what you once said to me, that the one thing your father would never touch was your virginity, and now you don't even have that. I really am sorry. You know, you were my best student, I taught you everything I knew, and still you seemed better at my job than me." He said to her unresponsive body. He went to her cage and gently put his hand on her head, gently stroking her blood-matted hair, "I'm sorry." He said, he grabbed a chair and sat across from the cage and watched her. Matthew returned with the anti-psychotics, he handed them to Bruce, he hooked her up to the drip and it began to give her the medication needed to bring her out of her schizophrenic state, "It's just like when she was a child."



{On earth} [Days later]



"Come on Quatre buddy. You can do it!" Duo said, trying to encourage the Sandrock pilot to keep trying.



"Duo, for the last time, leave him alone." Wufei said calmly.



"I…I got it," Quatre whispered, "I got it! She's in the L four colony cluster, on…on my home colony." He said and they were all surprised.



"I don't understand. Why on your home colony?" Wufei asked, it made no sense to him.



"I have no idea." Quatre responded.



"Did it tell you exactly where she is?" Heero asked, still watching his blonde comrade carefully to make sure Zero didn't get to him.



"Yeah, on Magnolia Street, number seven."



"Can you get a picture?" Trowa asked.



"Yeah, but I wouldn't want to look." Quatre answered sounding fatigued; Duo sighed as he realized what Zero took out of the Arabian pilot.



"Quatre, get out of that thing and get some sleep, you really need it." He said and Quatre climbed out and collapsed, Trowa caught him, "Take him to a room to sleep. I wanna see how she's doing." Duo said, and Trowa nodded and left, taking the unconscious pilot with him. Duo slowly got into the cockpit and sat down.



"Duo be careful. It has Zero in it." Heero warned, but Duo ignored him. Duo started typing, and an image appeared on a screen to his right. And there she was, sitting in a cage, her arms tied, her feet tied, barely clothed, in her ripped and torn wedding gown, and from what it looked like, not even alive.



"Oh god!" Duo exclaimed in a disgusted voice, "Heero…I think she's dead." He said and Heero and Wufei peered in and also saw the image.



"Oh my god." Heero said slowly and quietly, he looked closely at the image, "No, she's not dead, she's still breathing." Duo sighed in relief.



"We need to go after her. If we wait much longer she will be dead." Wufei said calmly.



"Okay, let's get ready. We'll fly there and get her. It's not too far away." Duo said hopefully.



"I agree." Wufei said.



"But we have to wait until Quatre is able to pilot. I think her Zero took a lot, if not everything out of him." Heero stated, the other two pilots nodded.



"He's very strong. Much stronger than I've given him credit for." Wufei said.



"His love for her is very strong." Trowa said, "That is, I think, why he lasted so long…because he loves her so much, he could defeat even her Zero." Trowa said and silence swept over them all.



"Trowa, we got an image of her now. If you want to know what state she's in." Heero suggested and Trowa slowly nodded and stuck his head into the cockpit and looked at the image.



"Don't show him that." Trowa said flatly. The other pilots nodded slowly and looked at the image one more time before turning the gundam off completely.



"We'll give him a day to rest, then we leave and get her back." Heero said and they left her gundam and went to their own gundams to prepare.



{On Quatre's home colony} [1 day later]



"I see you're coming back to us." Bruce said to Kayley as she began to move. Her head slowly moved up to look at him. She recognized him only as a man and she wouldn't look at him, "Don't you remember me?" he asked, she slowly shook her head 'no', "That's okay…it's better that you don't remember me." he opened the cage, disconnected the anti-psychotic and untied her. He then carried her out and then tied her hands to two metal rings on both sides of a large pillar, "I once taught you every torture method in history. You were as good as me, even better. You were once my best student. But I'm…sorry, I have to hurt you now." He said, he went and grabbed a whip with pieces of glass stuck in the end, "I'll be biblical…forty lashes, minus one." And he looked at her, "I hope you live through this and kill me for hurting you." He began, hearing the tearing skin on her back, blood running down her leg to the floor. She couldn't scream, the duct tape was preventing sound from leaving her mouth. As he got to 20, halfway through, she was crying, she felt the skin being torn off of her back. Blood, sticky blood was now flowing freely from where skin used to prevent it from leaving her body.



{In outer space}



"Guys, we should be there in about two hours." Quatre said. They were flying their gundams to Quatre's home colony, where Kayley was.



{On Quatre's home colony} [1 ½ hours later]



Bruce finished his 39 strikes on Kayley's back. But by the time he finished, she had fallen deeper into schizophrenia than ever before. Blood flowed freely from her skinless back; it covered every inch of her lower body and left a huge puddle red and glowing on the concrete floor.



"At least you're alive. For now." He said, then he untied her and gently put her back in the cage and tied her tightly back up. He hooked up the anti-psychotic, "If you don't die. I want you to kill me for what I've done." He whispered, and he left the room.



[½ an hour later]



"Okay guys lets go." Duo yelled, and all five pilots ran to number 7 Magnolia Street. It was a large house, not a base like they thought. There were no security cameras or locks of any kind on the doors. They went inside and looked around.



"We should split up to cover more ground." Trowa said.



"Right, then Wufei and I will go this way. And Trowa, Duo and Quatre can go that way." Heero said and they nodded and went in their given direction, opening every door that they passed, killing anyone that saw them. Heero and Wufei were going down a dark hallway. They came across a door, it happened to be the only door in the hallway. Slowly they opened it, the room was very dark, Heero took out a small flashlight and looked for a light switch. When he found it, he flipped it up…and there was a large pool of blood on the floor, and in a cage in a corner of the room sat a human being. The person in the cage was barely recognizable as being human at all. They both knew who it was immediately…it was her, "Oh shit." Heero said, he and Wufei looked at one another, "Give me your knife and I'll take care of her and you go get the others." Heero said quietly to Wufei, and Wufei handed Heero his knife and left. Heero nervously went to the cage, the lock was not locked, and it was hanging open. Heero took off the lock and threw it across the room, he opened the door, it made a screech as it opened, and for a moment Heero didn't want to touch her in fear he might hurt her. He gently took her left hand in his hand and cut at the ropes, he placed her hand at her side and began to free her other hand. Then he moved on to her feet, and once her feet were free he gently tried to take her out. He had to put half his body into the cage just to get her out. Then Wufei came back with Trowa, Duo and Quatre, but Quatre stopped when he saw Heero taking her out of the cage.



"Is…is she alive?" Quatre asked fearfully. Heero looked at her and then to Quatre.



"Yes, she's alive." He said and Quatre sighed in relief. Once she was out, Heero sat on the floor, he gently sat her up and then he saw the condition her back was in. The others saw his facial expression and wondered what was wrong.



"Heero…hey Heero! What's wrong?" Duo asked, and Heero looked up at him.



"I don't have a clue what they could have done to her…but this…can't be good." He said, Duo didn't understand, so he went to see what Heero was talking about. What he saw, was not what he expected.



"Oh fuck." Duo said quietly, he looked around to find out what was done exactly, he saw the puddle of blood near the large concrete pillar. He saw the whip with the shards f glass in it, it was covered in blood and skin, "Oh no."



"What do you think it is Duo?" Quatre asked.



"I don't think…I know what this is. These crazy people had her scourged."



"What's that?" Trowa asked.



"It was used a very, very long time ago in the time of the Romans, they usually used it on criminals before they were crucified. They are tied to a large pillar…like that one…and they whip them with these whips that have shards of glass, or metal or pottery in them. It was meant to tear the skin off of the person's back, and it usually killed the person."



"You are a very smart boy." Came a man's voice from behind them. Duo pulled out his gun and aimed it at the man, "Please don't kill me. I want her to kill me, not you."



"What?" Heero asked.



"I did that to her. Her back…I had to do that." He paused, "I once taught her…this girl…this girl knows every form of torture from all times and from all civilizations. This girl is a genius. If I had to put my money on some one who knows everything…I'd put every cent I have on her." He said, the five pilots looked to her and then back to him.



"So, you're sorry for what you did and you want her to kill you for hurting her." Wufei asked, Bruce nodded. Quatre looked at Kayley and he sat on the floor, looking at her face. He put his hand on her face and gently took the tape off. Once the tape was off, there was a metallic clang, Quatre looked to see what it was, when he saw that it was her wedding ring he picked it up and looked at it.



"Oh, Kay…I'm…I'm so sorry I let this happen." Quatre said, a tear rolled down his cheek, he kissed her forehead, "I love you." He whispered to her, as if she could hear him. Bruce was astonished to hear this.



"You love her?" he asked, Quatre ignored him, he felt he didn't have to explain his love for Kayley to the man who practically skinned her alive.



"What's in the drip?" Quatre asked, "What is it?" referring the needle in her arm and the tube that was pumping a liquid into her.



"It's an anti-psychotic. She's lost in another schizophrenia. I think it may take a miracle to get her back this time." Bruce said, and Heero turned to Bruce.



"We should kill you for hurting her like this." Heero said monotonously, "But it's up to her husband."



"Yes, Quatre…what should we do? She's your wife." Trowa asked.



"You are married to her? But she's only eighteen…that's a little young don't you think kid?" Bruce asked, putting on an adult like façade.



"Do you seriously think that she's in any way a child?" Quatre asked, "She told me, she never was allowed to be a child. If you knew her when she was young you can tell me if she told me the truth."



"She did. She wasn't ever a child. She always has been an adult, if her father allowed her to be a child she would still be with him now. It sped up training to keep her away from having a childhood."



"It's always about the training. Why is it everything about the training? How you can deny a person their childhood and force them to be an adult at the age of eight is beyond me. I just don't understand. It's not necessary to hurt people like that."



"Her father was commissioned to do it. His comrade and good friend asked him to do it."



"Who?" Trowa asked.



"Treize Khushrenada."



"But why?"



"Cullin O' Conner was an Oz soldier, he and Treize became good friends during training…I was also in the loop but that's not important. Treize needed a perfect assassin, and he asked Cullin if he was willing to allow his unborn daughter to be that perfect assassin. Cullin had no idea what to do, his wife Kayley said no. Cullin wanted to be loyal to his wife, but also loyal to his friend. He came to me for advice…I told him to do as his heart told him. Cullin explained to Treize what his daughter meant to him, and Treize understood completely. So originally miss O' Conner was not going to be Treize's perfect assassin. But after childbirth, Kayley, her mother, died, the child's name was initially Shailynn, but after her mother's death Cullin changed her name to Kayley to honor his wife, and he agreed to let his daughter be Treize's weapon. He regret it, every day he regret it. But he knew it was for the good of earth…and he ignored the pain it caused his heart." Bruce explained, Quatre could not believe it.



"Her father, he…we've met him, he…he hates her. You must be living in some kind of dream. He tried to kill her, he…he hurt her badly." Quatre said.



"Yes, because he forced himself to see the child as his enemy, and that's why he was able to hurt her so badly. He was mentally very strong. He forced himself for twelve years to see his only daughter as his enemy, and he forced himself to hurt her and train her and beat her and insult her and starve her and torture her and drug her and practically kill her." Bruce said watching the boy who was his friend's daughter's husband.



"So you think what he did was praiseworthy?" Wufei asked.



"No, not at all. But he was a strong soldier, and doing what he did hurt him very badly…" Bruce said but Heero interrupted him.



"It hurt her worse. Her face when he came back for her, that was fear, real fear. Not just 'afraid of the dark' fear, but 'there is no way out…my own father is going to kill me' fear. She begged him not to hurt us and he didn't, then she begged him not to hurt her unborn child but he wouldn't comply. He beat her, cut her, burned her and stabbed her. He was ready to let her bleed to death on the floor. Now tell me that that somehow hurt him." Heero said angrily, still holding her, watching her breathe in and out.



"We have to go. And there's only one hospital that will take her in and hospital is on earth. So we need to leave." Quatre said, he helped Heero stand up and Bruce looked to her and then to Quatre.



"Kill me kid. Do it for her." Bruce said to Quatre. Quatre had no idea of what to do; he looked to Trowa for help. And to Quatre's surprise, Trowa nodded. Quatre looked to Kayley in Heero's arms. Trowa then handed Quatre a gun, he looked at it, "I've lived a bad life kid. And my friends are dead and gone, help me get to them." Quatre help the gun aimed between Bruce's eyes, he started having second thoughts, but one look at Kayley convinced him. He pulled the trigger and killed Bruce instantly. Quatre dropped the gun and looked around.



"I wonder if there are any blankets around here." He said then he went to a large black cabinet and inside were black blankets. He pulled one out and went back to Heero. He placed it on the floor and Heero gently placed Kayley's body on it, took the needle out of her arm and then wrapped it around her. Quatre picked her up and they smiled.



"Let's go buddy." Duo said and they all went to their gundams. They slowly went to their gundams, being careful not to look too suspicious, and also careful not to hurt Kayley anymore than she was already hurt. When they made it to their gundams Heero took Kayley from Quatre so he could get in, then Heero handed Kayley to Quatre, and looked him dead in the eyes.



"No regrets?" Heero asked, referring to Quatre's killing of Bruce. Quatre looked down at the girl in his lap who was close to death, and back to his Japanese comrade.



"No regrets."



"Good. Now, will you be able to pilot?" Heero asked, Quatre sighed.



"Not likely. But I'll put it on auto-pilot."



"Okay." Heero turned to go to his gundam then doubled back, "She'll survive Quatre. She'll be okay."



"I hope you're right Heero." Quatre said and Heero left and went to his gundam.



"Me too." Heero thought. They left for earth, for the only hospital that would take her in.



[2 hours later]



"Hey buddy? How's she doin?" Duo asked, trying to sound cheerful.



"She's still alive." Quatre said quietly. He watched her take small, painful breaths, "I don't know how long she'll stay that way." He said, and he continued to watch her. Suddenly Kayley's eyes opened, she looked around, when her eyes rested on Quatre, she became afraid. She didn't realize who he was, she only knew that he was a man, "Hey, Kay…it's me. Don't worry, it's me Quatre. I'm…I'm not going to hurt you." Quatre said and the other pilots opened their com-links to see her. She was afraid of them as well, she thought that they would be like the other men that had been near her, she thought that they would hurt her. Quatre delicately wiped away her tears that fell; the gentleness that he used in just that simple touch triggered something in her. She could trust him; she finally relaxed and went back to sleep in Quatre's lap.



"Something's wrong with her man, she didn't even recognize us." Duo said and Wufei glared at him.



"Keep those thoughts to yourself Duo. Don't make it any worse than it already is." Wufei said calmly.



"Duo…she's been tortured beyond all reason. Maybe that's what's wrong with her." Trowa said sarcastically.



"Quatre, I think it's obvious what they did to her besides the…what was it?" Heero said, looking to Duo for help.



"Scourging"



"Yes. Besides that…it should be obvious what else they did to her." Heero said.



"I…I know." Quatre whispered, "But, it just seems so impossible to think that it happened."



"Quatre…it happened and you need to see it. Because she's not going to want to believe it happened, and she can't fool herself in that way." Trowa said.



"I think, she may be afraid of us for a little while." Heero said, the pilots went silent.



"What are you talking about Heero?" Duo asked.



"She might be afraid of us for a while, because we're men and look what men did to her." Heero explained.



"Yeah but Heero we're a brotherhood. You can't be afraid of you brothers when you're part of a brotherhood." Duo said, hoping Heero was wrong.



"Some brotherhood we are. We couldn't even protect her! We've failed out end of the deal when it comes to being in a brotherhood!" Wufei said.



"She just can't be afraid of us! This is a brotherhood! We're all like brothers…all six of us pilots! She can't be afraid of us!" Duo said loudly.



"Duo, shut up. Don't wake her up." Quatre said quietly.



"Duo, this goes beyond the brotherhood! She was raped and beaten and whatever you called it, and just hurt! Men did this to her and she may be afraid of us for a while because we're men!" Wufei said and Duo understood, but just couldn't accept it. Quatre turned his com link off, and kept his mind on the girl in his lap. Quatre kissed her forehead, and held her hand.



"Please be okay. Please." He begged.



{On earth} [Hours later]



"Slow down guys. I only have two legs." Quatre said as the other pilots were getting significantly ahead of him on their way to the hospital that Sally worked part-time at. Wufei ran inside.



"We need doctor Po." Wufei said and a nurse ran to get Sally. Quatre then walked in with the mutilated Kayley in his arms. Sally ran in and went to Wufei.



"What is it?" she asked and then she saw the weary looking Quatre holding a girl wrapped in blankets, "What happened to her?" Sally asked.



"A lot. Can you help her?" Quatre asked.



"Of course. Let me get an ER ready." She said.



[1 day later]



"Okay guys here's the news." Sally said to the group of worried gundam pilots, "She's in terrible shape. But she'll be okay. But now this goes into a realm I have no experience in."



"What realm is that?" Heero asked.



"Psychological. If what Quatre said is true, then she's lost in something I can't get her out of. But I know a doctor who might be able to help."



"What would this doctor do?" Duo asked.



"If it's not too bad, he'd suggest a good anti-psychotic. But if it's bad then he might suggest committing her to a mental institution."



"An insane asylum?" Duo yelled.



"Duo, calm down. I can't say for sure if that's what he'd do." Sally said and Duo was still furious.



"She can't be put in an insane asylum, she just can't. She's not insane! She's just fine, there's nothing wrong with her!" Duo exclaimed, the other pilots knew that what he said was not true.



"Duo, you're fooling yourself. There's a lot wrong with her. And even she knows it to be true." Wufei said and all the while Quatre was very upset at all of the talk. Quatre started thinking about the last times he saw Kayley before she was kidnapped…



"Quatre, I'm so sorry." Kayley had said, Quatre knew that it wasn't her fault.



"It's not your fault. It's just that I had hoped that maybe one or two of my sisters would show up, but none of them came." Quatre said and tears fell from his eyes. Kayley held him tight as he cried on her shoulder.



"It's okay, everything will be okay, I promise." She said, trying her best to reassure her husband. She gently ran her fingers through his hair in an attempt to calm him down.



"But, you're not a bad person. I told them that you were not a bad person. But they won't believe me." Quatre said, still crying onto her bare shoulder. His tears making a small stream down her shoulder to her gown leaving a small spot on her white wedding gown, she didn't care at all, this was more important than a gown.



"I'm so sorry…it would have been nice if they came. You've told me so much about them, I wanted to meet them." Kayley said and Quatre held on to her tightly, still crying.



"I know I'm probably making this day that's supposed to be happy, miserable…" Quatre started but Kayley cut him off.



"No, no, no. You're not at all making this miserable. It's okay, really, everything will be okay. Quatre, please don't cry." Kayley said and Quatre smiled.



"I'm sorry." Kayley realized that he was going to do this to himself until she stopped him, so Kayley put her hands on his face and rested her forehead on his forehead.



"It's all going to be okay." She said and she kissed his lips, her tongue slipping into his mouth to taste him. His tongue gently glided into her mouth; she gladly let him in. Soon he got carried away and his hands moved stealthily to her breasts and then to her back. Kayley pushed him away, "Not here Quatre. Not here." Quatre smiled and kissed her forehead.



"I love you."



Quatre shook his head, pushing the memory to the back of his mind. Sally was still talking and Quatre felt bad that he wasn't listening to the doctor.



"I'm just saying guys, that she might wake up insane. But it's not for certain. I'm a medical doctor, not a psychologist. But that's my own opinion." Sally said and her sentence made Quatre's heart stop.



"Insane?" was all he could muster.



"I'm so sorry Quatre." Sally said.



"Sally, can this doctor you know help her?" Quatre asked, knowing that he had to do all he could to help her.



"No Quatre! You can't let this stupid doctor see her. He'll put her in an insane asylum and we'll never see her again!" Duo yelled.



"Duo, I…I have to help her. She helped me, and now it's my turn. And if seeing a psychologist and maybe going to a mental institution is what will help her, then I'll do whatever it takes." Quatre said, though it hurt him to think that she might end up in a mental hospital.



"If she's not helped, she could become suicidal. Some schizophrenics get suicidal. If she's left alone, she may try to kill herself." Quatre couldn't understand this.



"She's never mentioned killing herself before." Quatre said.



"Most suicides don't. Sometimes you don't realize their plans until after you find them dead in their bathroom." Sally said and Duo put an arm around Quatre.



"Oh, it's okay buddy. She won't kill herself, she loves you too much for that!" Duo said and Quatre smiled.



"We'll see." Sally whispered, Heero was the only pilot who heard her.



"Are you saying that she doesn't love him?" Heero yelled in both Kayley and Quatre's defense.



"No I'm not saying that at all Heero!" Sally said in her own defense, then she calmed down, "I'm saying that in this world there are forces stronger than love, that can grab hold of you and never let go. That's what I'm saying. Self hatred, guilt, denial, loneliness, can all become much stronger than love."



[1 month later]



Kayley never once moved during her time in the hospital. Quatre visited her everyday hoping that she would wake up…but she never did. She was healing well, except for the fact that the skin on her back was taking a long time to grow back. Everyday the nurse had to redress her back because it bled so much.



"It seems to me that she'd be better off dead." A nurse noted to herself as she redressed Kayley's back, "If she ever wakes up, she'll be in so much pain. She'd have been better off dying." The nurse said kindly as she gently laid Kayley back down on the bed. Then Kayley's eyes opened slowly, and searched the room. Her eyes settled on the nurse, and the nurse smiled at her, "I'll get doctor Po." She said and she left Kayley alone, then the nurse came back with Sally…when Sally saw that Kayley was awake she smiled.



"Hello missus Winner." She said but Kayley only looked at her, "How do you feel?" but Kayley never spoke, "Can you understand me?" she asked and Kayley simply stared at her.



"Maybe she's too traumatized to talk." The nurse suggested.



"That's what I was afraid of."



"What do we do now?"



"Have you ever had children?"



"Yeah."



"That's what this will be like. She's become like a child…that's her body's reaction to all the abuse, she's taken refuge in her mind, all the abuse forced her back into herself. If that doesn't make sense, that's okay. We'll just have to teach her to talk, to walk, to read, to write…to think." Sally said as she and the nurse watched Kayley and Kayley watched them.



"This is gonna be hard."



"Yes. Very hard."



[1 month later]



Quatre knew Kayley was awake, but the nurse and Sally agreed that Kayley shouldn't have visitors. So Quatre watched her through the windows as nurses tried, with no success, to teach Kayley to speak, and think, and write and read. She couldn't do any of it. The nurses decided to let Quatre come in, to see if he might be able to get her to do some of what they tried to teach. As he walked into the room she looked at him, she made no movement to whether she approved or disapproved of his presence. Quatre stood, staring at the woman on the bed, who was also staring at him.



"Umm…hey Kay." Quatre whispered, his voice rang in her ears. She continued to stare at him. There was something about him that was different from every other man she had come in contact with. She tilted her head slightly to the right; Kayley squinted her eyes, as though examining his soul.



"Maybe we should leave you two alone." One nurse said and the two nurses left. Quatre stood where he was, not sure of what he should do.



"How are you feeling today Kayley?" Quatre asked, and he sat down on the bed next to her, she was apprehensive at first, but she felt something and let him stay. He started running his fingers through her hair; "You're hair looks nice today. You should let it grow out, it would really look beautiful." Quatre said and she looked over at him, she seemed surprised at something, "I…I'm sorry that this happened, and that I didn't protect you. And I want you to know that…that I love you." He said and her eyes widened. Then a scene flashed before her eyes…



"I love you." Quatre said to her, she smiled and kissed him, they were standing in Quatre's bedroom she wrapped her arms around his waist and led him onto the bed and pulled his body on top of her own.



"I want to prove to you that I love you." She said and she began unbuttoning his shirt, his chest bare in front of her. He took the hint and lifted her shirt and pulled it off of her body. His eyes were wide when he saw her scars, "Please…don't think about them. It's okay, they don't hurt anymore." She said and he looked away from her scars and into her eyes. Her hands timidly touched his face, in such gentleness that one would not expect from her.



It took a moment for her to realize that he had stopped talking. She looked at him from her reverie, and concentrated on him. It had suddenly hit her, he was everything to her, he was her world, he was the person that had saved her soul.



"K…keep t…talking t…to me." She stuttered, and his eyes went wide. She spoke to him…it was the first time she had spoken since he last saw her at their wedding. Quatre smiled.



"Oh, umm…oh okay, Heero told me the other day that he was going to ask Relena to marry him." He said and Kayley was stunned by this information. Quatre took his hand out of her hair and put it on her small hand, to his surprise her fingers entangled themselves in his.



"She…she is very g…good for him." She stuttered, though less than before. Quatre stood up and started digging through his pocket.



"I know I put it here somewhere." He said as he fished through his pocket with his free hand, "Yes, I got it. Here, I believe this is yours." He said and he put a small gold ring on the ring finger of her left hand. She was speechless.



"Where…where did you g…get it? I don't r…remember them ever taking it off." She stuttered. Quatre held her hand tighter.



"It was…well it was in your mouth. When I took the tape off of your mouth it sort of fell out."



"Oh. How did…how did you find me?" she asked almost without stuttering at all. Quatre looked at her and smiled.



"We…I…I used your gundam to tell us where you were and then we went after you." She thought for a moment.



"Macha? It told you where I was? It…it's not supposed to do that." She said and Quatre sighed.



"It didn't tell me really. I had to hack into it's system to get it to tell me where you were." This news was amazing to Kayley.



"You…you hacked into Zero? How did you do that?" she asked, he blushed.



"I don't know. I just did it…I mean it took a few days but I did do it." He said and she was thoroughly impressed.



"Wow." She whispered, "You have to be very mentally strong to be able to hack in that Zero system. Quatre…I underestimated you." She whispered. Quatre laughed, and kissed her cheek.



"It's so good to see you alive. You have no idea how worried I was. I started losing all hope." He admitted.



"I did." She said simply.



"I understand completely. I'm sorry I didn't get to you sooner, I really am." She didn't want him to place the blame on himself, as she knew he would.



"Quatre, it's okay."



"No it's not okay. I was supposed to protect you, and I didn't. I let you get kidnapped." He said and she sighed, suddenly another image flashed before both their eyes…



The sound of gunfire rang in everyone's ears. Kayley and Quatre stood on the dance floor wondering what was going on. Another bullet was fired and before anyone knew it Quatre was lying on the floor bleeding. Kayley immediately got down on the floor to help him.



"Quatre! Quatre can you hear me?" she asked, he had been shot in the side.



"Yeah." His words filled with pain, Kayley started tearing her gown to stop his bleeding. She unbuttoned his shirt and saw the wound.



"Oh god. Quatre, it's okay, just hang on." she said as she slowly wrapped the material around his body. The white turned red almost instantly. Then Kayley felt something long, thin and sharp in her back, then something being pushed into her body. She leaned over slightly and squeezed her eyes shut.



"Kay? Kay, what is it?" he asked, his voice still lined with pain. She reached around to her back and pulled out what was stuck there. She saw it was a syringe…an empty syringe. Kayley's eyes rolled back, and she fell down unconscious, "Kayley!" Quatre yelled, then a tall man in black walked over to her and picked her up and turned to leave, smiling at Quatre lying on the floor.



"Kid, you made a mistake, you can't love the perfect assassin. Something always will take her away from you. Move on, and forget about her…find some one else kid. She's not worth it." The man said as though he were mocking Quatre and he ran off with the unconscious Kayley.



They came from their daydream and Quatre saw that Kayley was staring into his eyes. She had a worried look about her.



"What is it?" he asked, she looked at his side, where he was shot.



"Is it better now? The bullet wound, is it better?" she asked concernedly. He stood up and lifted his shirt slightly to show her the scar.



"It's fine now." He said and she smiled. Quatre stood over her and she put her hands on his face and pulled his lips closer to hers. Kayley took his lips greedily; she had given in to the desire that was burning in her heart. Then the door slammed open as the nurses ran in when they saw the two of them kiss. Kayley jumped immediately when she heard the loud noise, but relaxed when she saw it was the nurses.



"Sorry if we startled you missus Winner, mister Winner, you really shouldn't kiss her. I highly doubt she's ready for that just yet." The nurse said, unaware that Kayley was the one that prompted the kiss.



"Why?" Kayley asked. The nurses were amazed.



"You can talk?" one asked.



"Yes." She said and the nurses smiled.



"Well, this is a surprise."



[1 week later]



The nurses and Quatre spent a week helping Kayley to walk again, on the first few days of trying, she fell down a lot. Soon she had it down enough, though it was hard for her to walk for a long period of time. Sally suggested to Quatre that he bring the other pilots to see how she would react to them. Quatre brought the other pilots, who weren't sure how they should act, and Quatre told them to act normal. They walked into the room and Kayley was sitting up as the nurses were redressing her back, her eyes were closed. She held in any urge to scream, the pain was agonizing, she sighed when they finished and sat up looking at the five men who were standing in the room.



"These nice gentlemen are here to see you." One nurse said and Kayley stared at them. They stared back, not knowing what they should do.



"How are you feeling Kayley?" Heero asked, as he watched her he remembered the state she was in when he and Wufei had found her. The image of her in the cage, covered in blood and looking dead had haunted him for months.



"I've been better." Was all she said.



"That's understandable." Trowa noted and all five pilots looked at her, waiting for someone to break the ice.



"Did you ask her yet Heero?" Kayley asked and Heero was caught completely off guard.



"Did I ask who what yet?" he asked and Duo laughed.



"That sounded funny."



"Did you ask Relena to marry you?"



"Umm…no. I haven't gotten around to it yet."



"I see. You should…she's v…very g…good for you." She said stuttering slightly. They laughed and then stopped when Kayley started coughing.



"Well, I wanted to wait until you were better." Heero said and she smiled.



"That's sweet Heero. But you might want to do it sooner than that." She said and Quatre sighed.



"Hey little girl, you'll be better in like a month, that's what Sally said." Duo said and the words 'little girl' rang in Kayley's ears…



"Hey little girl! Come on just cooperate and I won't make this living hell." A man said to Kayley as she was tied down to a table, she was kicking and screaming to be let go.



"Let me go you ass-hole!" she yelled, the man in the room simply laughed at her. She tried as hard as she could to get free, but the man was sitting on top of her and was preventing her from going anywhere.



"Is your concoction ready yet doctor?" the man asked.



"First off it's a serum and second I don't think I can create one. She's grown an immunity to any serum I can create. It's going to be impossible to create one." The doctor said and the man smiled and looked down at Kayley, her eyes were full of dread. She knew exactly what he wanted to do to her.



"Why don't you just kill me? And save the stupid rape for someone who's never been raped before. It would make life a hell of a lot less repetitive." She said indignantly as he looked down at her.



"Nah, I like you just fine. I think I'll keep you alive little girl. Besides the guys here also want to get to know you better. But they aren't coming 'til later. Now it's just me, you and the good doctor over there. But he was just leaving." He said, hinting to the doctor to leave. The doctor left, closing the door behind him, "Now it's just you and me. So miss O' Conner, this can be just like the Moulin Rouge, or when you were prisoner of war. Which ever way you decide to imagine it." He said and she realized how stupid he was.



"You're an idiot. It's rape; I won't be imagining it as anything else than rape! Dumb ass!" She said as his hands moved up her leg. She tried to ignore him, to not think about what he was going to take away from her. She couldn't handle betraying Quatre by just letting him rape her, she kicked as hard as she could and she broke the rope. She kicked him right in the groin; he fell off of the table in pain. Anger took him over and he punched her as hard as he could in the stomach and she yelled in pain and she ended up spitting blood out of her mouth.



"You'll pay for that little girl. You'll pay." As he retied her leg down, and left the room hobbling in pain.



"Kay?" Duo asked, and she shook the painful memory out of her mind. She looked around and found that she had worried the five pilots.



"Yeah? What is it?" she asked.



"You sort of left us. What did you see?" Quatre asked and she stared at him, she smiled.



"It was nothing."



"Your mouth lies but your eyes tell the truth." Wufei said and she sighed.



"I don't want to think about it. How about that?" Kayley commented and Wufei crossed his arms over his chest.



"But the first step to recovery from such a tragedy is to get it off your chest and tell some one." Wufei said and Kayley looked at him, she knew he knew what he was talking about, but telling them was out of the question.



"I know. But I just can't tell you what happened. It's a lot of bullshit that's not important. Besides it happened when I was fourteen and I didn't tell anyone then, and I got over it." She then clapped her hand over her mouth, "I shouldn't have told you that. Shit." She said and Quatre's eyes went wide, and the other pilots looked down.



"It is important Kay. It's important that we know so that it doesn't haunt you. It can't be allowed to haunt you." Quatre said and she saw in his eyes, something that was never there before. He felt pain, she saw in his eyes a pain that was greater than anything she had ever seen in a person, he was in pain. Kayley moved her body, and got out of the bed, slowly making her way to them. When she reached Quatre, she put her hands on his face, staring deep, trying to figure out what was causing him pain. She couldn't figure it out; it was a number of things. It was her, and what had been done to her, the raping and the beating and the whipping, everything was causing him pain. Kayley simply hugged him, wrapping her tiny arms around his waist and holding on tightly. Quatre knew he couldn't hug her, he knew it would hurt her back, "Guys, can you excuse us?" Quatre asked and the four other pilots left them alone, "Kay, what's wrong?"



"I…I can't take it anymore Quatre. It hurts so much. I'm sorry…I couldn't stop them, I tried, but it always had…negative results. I tried, I really did." She cried into his chest and he put his hand on the back of her head and ran his fingers through her hair. Quatre wasn't sure how to handle such a situation, he had never had to deal with anyone he loved being hurt it such a way before. This was all new to him. He wanted desperately to help her, but he had no idea how.



"It's okay. Really, everything will turn out okay. It's all going to be okay." Quatre said, but nothing would reassure her, she continued to cry, "Oh Kayley please stop crying, please. Everything will be okay; you're safe with me."



"You don't understand, you're the only person I've ever felt comfortable sharing myself with. I tried to get them off, really I did. But they kept hitting me, and it got to be too much." She said and fresh tears fell from her eyes onto his shirt.



"Oh Kayley, I had no doubt in my mind that you tried as hard as you could. But you can't let it haunt you, please don't let it haunt you." Quatre said and she tried to smile, and looked into his eyes.



"I don't deserve you at all." She whispered, Quatre disregarded her comment and he gently wrapped his arms around her, being careful not to press too hard against her back.



"Kay, listen…when Sally lets you out of here, you and I will take a long trip. Just you and me, and we'll spend the whole time relaxing and we can forget all about this horrible thing. We can take a cruise or something, go somewhere nice and quiet and peaceful. Okay? It'll be just you and me." He said as he started to cry, he was crying because he felt her pain. He felt what she was going through.



[The next day]



Quatre went to Kayley's room the next day to find that he was not allowed in. The nurses wouldn't tell him why. He went to find Sally, and when he did she looked nervously at him.



"Sally what's going on? Why can't I see Kayley?" he asked innocently.



"Quatre, she's…she's gone insane. I knew this would happen. Now, when I say insane, I mean she's gone completely to another world, she's not running around screaming or anything. She's actually very calm and has not spoken since you left yesterday. She's been staring off into space ever since you left, and nothing has worked to bring her back. I'm sorry Quatre." Sally said and as the words sank in Quatre felt a cold stab of pain. He froze completely.



"Insane? But…but yesterday she seemed just fine." Quatre said as he recalled his time with her the day before.



"I know. I'm sorry Quatre, I really am. I've called in the psychologist who runs Seaside Mental Institution. He should be here in an hour. He's going to examine her and then would like to speak with you. He wanted to speak with her relatives, mother and father figures; I had to explain to him that there were to mother or father figures in her life. I told him that you and the other pilots were all she had. I hope that's all right." Sally said and Quatre smiled.



"Yeah, that's fine. Thank you Sally." Quatre said and Sally put her hand on his shoulder.



"She'll be okay. Doctor Patterson will bring her back, I know he will. Now, why don't you go and get some breakfast, gather the other four and come back here in two hours." Sally said and Quatre took a look inside Kayley's room to see what state she was in. She was sitting up, her eyes open, and they never blinked. Her breathing was very regular, her chest heaved in and out in a very rhythm like way. She didn't move, not one part of her body was moving with the exception of her chest as she breathed.



"I'll be back in two hours then." Quatre said and he turned and left, Sally felt sorry for the Arabian pilot. Quatre walked out of the hospital and went to get the other pilots.



"Doctor Po, she's come around." A nurse said, and Sally looked in the direction Quatre had gone.



"Okay, let me see." Sally said and they went to Kayley. She was looking around like she had no idea where she was, "Kayley, how do you feel?" Sally asked, it seemed like hours before she answered.



"I feel like I just got hit by a truck." She said, holding her head in her hands.



"Where did you go?" Sally asked, Kayley was unsure of her question.



"What?"



"Where did you go?"



"Nowhere." Kayley said and Sally shrugged her shoulders.



"Okay. Well now that you're awake missus Winner, I want you to know that a psychologist will be here in about an hour or so to evaluate you." This news stunned the small Irish girl.



"Evaluate me? Why?" she asked, though she already knew why.



"Well, you came in in what Quatre called some type of schizophrenia. And I called Doctor Patterson and described your symptoms to him from last night and he said he'd be in here at around ten or so."



"Symptoms? What symptoms?"



"You were staring off into space, you weren't moving at all, you didn't respond to any form of stimuli, you were just gone." Sally explained, Kayley thought about it for a moment.



"I see." Kayley said quietly.



"Doctor Patterson is going to help you." Sally said and Kayley couldn't help but think that he wouldn't help.



"Whatever you say Sally." Kayley said.



[1 hour later]



Dr. Patterson walked into the hospital. His black suit clad with the bright atmosphere of the hospital, his short brown hair was slicked back. He looked at his watch and then went right to Sally's office.



"Doctor Po, I'm sorry I'm late, there was a lot of traffic." He explained and Sally stood up from behind her desk and smiled.



"Don't worry. Kayley seems to not want to be evaluated anyway." Sally said and Dr. Patterson smiled.



"She came around?"



"Yes, just an hour or so ago."



"Well let me see her, oh is the husband and family here?"



"No, I told them to come in an hour. But they'll be here."



"Okay. As long as they show up."



Sally led Dr. Patterson to Kayley's room. She was lying down on her side, looking out the window. Sally opened the door and they walked in.



"Kayley, the psychologist is here." Sally said and Kayley didn't move.



"So? Do I care? All he's gonna tell me is stuff I already know, and send me to some asylum like the other guy. And I don't want to go another stupid asylum." She said coldly, and Dr. Patterson sighed, Sally left and closed the door behind her.



"Missus Winner? Turn and face me please." He said and Kayley didn't move, he took the hint, "Fine then we can do it this way." He paused, "My name is James, and tell me yours." He said and she sighed.



"Kayley."



"Good now we can be on first name basis. Now Kayley I understand you've been through some very, very bad experiences recently. I'm not going to make you tell me about it unless you feel comfortable telling me." He said and a tear fell down her face onto the bed. Kayley then pushed herself up and turned and faced him, she looked down at the ground and her hair covered her face.



"I don't know what happened for most of the time I was gone. I can remember about a month's worth of torture and then it's all a blank." She said and she continued to stare at the white floor.



"Would you be willing to tell me what you do remember?" James asked, and Kayley said nothing for a few minutes.



"I was tied down to a table for hours on end, men would climb on top of me and start raping me. Sometimes it was just one man, sometimes it was more. For any time they were not beating or raping me, I was locked inside a cage. My hands and feet tied to the bars." James made no comment, but was writing everything she said down.



"Now, why don't you remember the rest of the three months?"



"I stopped feeling what they did to me. Eventually I wasn't even in that house on that colony, I was somewhere else entirely." She explained and everything she said he wrote down in a small notebook.



"And where did you go?"



"Now if I told you that, you'd be as smart as me. Sorry…have you ever read Alice in Wonderland, or Through the Looking Glass?"



"Yes."



"It was like that. A distorted world that was like life, but it was demented. And there were some familiar people, but no names or anything. Think of it as, like, you're living in a funhouse, nothing is the way it's supposed to be."



"I see and have you been diagnosed with any sort of mental illness?" James asked and Kayley looked up at him and then looked away again.



"Yes."



"And what were you diagnosed with?"



"A type of schizophrenia. I can't remember which kind." Kayley answered, Dr. Patterson looked at his notebook and back up at the small girl.



"Well missus Winner, reviewing the symptoms doctor Po described to me last night I'd say you have a type of schizophrenia called undifferentiated schizophrenia." Kayley went silent.



"I see."



"Listen, I know this is not what you want to hear, but I'm going to suggest that you come to Seaside Mental Institution for a little while so we can run some tests and do some observation." James suggested, and Kayley ran her hands through her hair and sighed deeply.



"The last insane asylum I was committed to was like hell. Treize had no idea how horrible a place it was, everyday it got harder and harder for me to keep my sanity. I sat there day after day, as people around me found ways to commit suicide, and I was ready to be the next. I'm a highly trained assassin, and then I was better than I am now, I could think of many different ways to kill myself, ways that no one could ever imagine. I usually looked out the small window of my cell and tried to think of ways to keep my sanity so that they would release me. But I failed; I quite literally went insane. It got so bad that I had to be put in a padded room in a straightjacket. Then Treize found out what was really going on there, and he immediately pulled me out and took care of me himself. I eventually came around and had absolutely had no clue what was going on around me. You can probably see why I don't like mental hospitals." Kayley explained, and James' eyes were wide.



"Well, Seaside is actually a very beautiful place. And I will let your family tour it before they say 'yes' or 'no'. And I assure you, we don't put you in cells, we put you in comfortable rooms. And there have been no suicides there either." Dr. Patterson assured.



"But it's not really up to me is it? It's up to my husband isn't it?" Kayley asked quietly.



"Yes, it's up to your family. They can choose to say 'yes' or 'no' to letting you come to Seaside."



"I thought so." She said and she giggled slightly, "Maybe Duo will convince them not to send me. He's against sending me there anyway." James looked at her.



"I have a few more questions for you, it's nothing personal, just standard questions."



"What?"



"Okay, full name…"



"Kayley Winner."



"Age."



"Eighteen."



"Height." He asked and Kayley paused.



"Four foot ten."



"Umm…okay, weight."



"Ninety five pounds."



"Little thing aren't you?"



"Just shut up."



"Now I realize that Sally told me that you have no living relatives, but I want to hear it from you. Do you have any living relatives?" he asked and she sighed.



"No…I don't."



"Okay, well I've finished here. I'm going to go and have a long talk with your family. Have a nice day." James said and he left.



"Yeah right." She said and she sat there in silence.



James walked down the bright hallway to Sally's office. He walked in and found five boys sitting there anxiously waiting. He walked past the five boys to Sally's desk and took a seat next to her. He took out his notebook and flipped to the beginning of his notes on her.



"Which one of you is her husband?" James asked and Quatre looked up.



"Me." Quatre said meekly. James sighed and flipped through his notes again.



"Mister Winner, your wife has a mental illness known as undifferentiated schizophrenia, which is really when the person exhibits symptoms that are not clearly marked by any one type of schizophrenia. She seems to have some of catatonic symptoms and some of hebephrenic symptoms. She goes frozen in a stupor with little or no reaction to anything in the environment, that is the catatonic. And she has delusions, which is the hebephrenic." He explained and Quatre was speechless.



"So you're telling us that she's insane?" Duo asked the doctor callously.



"Imagine all the things that could possibly go wrong with a person's mental life and with that in view welcome to the world of schizophrenia. Welcome to Kayley's world. Her thinking becomes illogical, her language can either become like a word salad or she goes mute, she may have hallucinations. She may hear a voice or voices keeping a running commentary on her behavior or the voices may be in conversation with one another. She has delusions, she said she went to another place while being prisoner on the colony."



"So you're telling us that she's insane?" Duo asked again even more callously than before.



"The person with a schizophrenic disorder is the one we think of when we think about real mental disorders, madness, psychosis, or insanity. But yes, young man, I'm saying that she is insane." Dr. Patterson said and the five pilots had no idea what to think. Quatre was struggling with the news.



"How do we help her?" Quatre asked.



"Well, I would suggest a month at Seaside, where I can monitor her. Run tests and observations."



"No Quatre! No!" Duo said and he stood up and faced his comrade, "No, I won't let you send her to some grimy, dirty, filthy insane asylum! I won't let you!" he yelled, Wufei stood up as well.



"Quatre, I have to agree with the loud idiot. You can't send her away. You've been away from her for months already…don't send her away." Wufei said calmly. Duo smiled, some one was on his side. Then Trowa stood up.



"She needs help. And this mental institution might be able to help her. If you don't send her, it could only make it worse for her." Trowa said and Heero and Quatre were sitting watching the three other pilots.



"Quatre, do as your heart tells you to." Heero said, not standing up, but sitting calmly, "Do what you think is best for her. She's your wife, and you love her. Do what you think is best for her. If this were Relena, I'd send her there if it would help her." Heero said and Quatre sighed, he wanted to keep her home, but he knew he had to help her.



"Doctor, if it will help her, then I'll do it." Quatre said and James smiled and went to the Arabian pilot.



"Mister Winner, I can give you and your friends a tour of the asylum before you commit to anything, if that would make everyone happy." He said, referring to Duo and his opinion that it would be a dirty place.



"Yeah, that's fine." Quatre said and Duo was furious.



"Quatre! Why? All you're doing is sending her away! She was gone for three months, and you've barely gotten a chance to be with her and now you're sending her away?" Duo asked and Quatre was having enough trouble with the fact that his wife mentally ill, he didn't need Duo making it worse.



"Duo I have to help her. She has to get better; I need her to get better. And if this is how I have to do it, then so be it." Quatre said and Duo couldn't believe what his friend was saying.



"But Quatre what if this asylum makes her worse?" Duo asked, thinking of any way to change Quatre's mind.



"Duo please. Stop doing this to me." Quatre said and Duo heard the pain in his voice and immediately knew that sending her away was hurting him.



"Umm, Quatre I'm sorry. Look I didn't mean to be mean." Duo said, but Quatre didn't say anything. Instead Quatre stood up and left Sally's office, he went down the sterilized smelling halls to Kayley's room. He opened the door and went inside, but Quatre couldn't think about anything but the decision he had just made. She wasn't even facing him, her back was to the door and she was facing the open window. She wasn't moving, and Quatre was afraid she had gone into the stupor again. He went to the other side of the bed to see that she was merely sleeping. He saw some white pieces of paper and some markers, on one paper in red writing it said 'I'M BORED!' Quatre laughed, on the next age was a tall stick figure and a short stick figure. The smaller one was broken looking and covered in red and had a big red spot under it, Quatre figured it was supposed to be blood. 'Father' was written above the taller figure and 'Me' was written below the smaller figure. Then in black writing on the back of the paper it said, 'A.C. 187- I was seven years old. He got mad at me. Like it was my fault. I can't control the schizophrenia. But he didn't care. Goddamned bastard. He broke every bone he could without killing me. I probably would have been better off it he did kill me. Ass hole.' She wrote and then Quatre looked at the picture again. The small stick figure had short curly yellow hair and blue tears were coming from the figure's eyes. The large stick figure had red eyes. Then Quatre looked at the next picture, it was similar to the one before it, only it had another stick figure along with the same two from the previous drawing. One looked like it was supposed to be a doctor, he had a speech bubble above him, 'Now mister O' Conner, your daughter has a type of schizophrenia known as undifferentiated schizophrenia. And she has it pretty bad right now.' Then her father had a speech bubble above his head, 'Well what do I do?' then the doctor said, 'Well you have to let her rest for about a month. And you can't beat her anymore. That's what's making it worse. Stop beating her.' And then nothing more had been written on that side of the page. On the reverse side was more of her writing, 'A.C. 190- Like he EVER listens to doctors! Dumb-ass never listened to that doctor. But he did at least make me take the medication the doctor prescribed, probably because he couldn't afford to have me out of training. At least I was taken away by Treize two years later.' Quatre wasn't sure if he could handle another drawing of hers, but he looked at the last two drawing, but it wasn't of her and her father at all. The first was a small stick figure and a slightly taller stick figure. The two figures were holding hands, the taller one had bright yellow hair and the small figure had curly yellow hair. Above the small figure she had written 'Me' and above the other she had written 'Quatre'. On the back it said 'A.C. 198- I have a REAL family now. And this family really cares about me, and I care about them. It's really very strange how your life can change in an instant…how everything you know really doesn't mean anything at all. How all you know suddenly becomes nothing to you, and one thing can become everything to you.' On the last picture were six stick figures. Each labeled, 'Trowa', 'Quatre', 'Me', 'Heero', 'Duo' and 'Wufei'. On the bottom of the page it said 'MY FIRST REAL FAMILY' Quatre stared at the picture, thinking about the girl he loved, and the life she lived.



"Kayley, I love you." He whispered in her ear, he sat down in a chair and watched her sleep. She was finally sleeping somewhat peacefully, but Quatre still felt this aura about her, he couldn't quite tell what it was. Then Kayley started stirring, she rolled onto her stomach and opened her eyes. She looked at the blond sitting next to her and smiled.



"Hello Quatre." She said sleepily, as she if she didn't even know she was awake. Quatre smiled at her and started playing with her hair.



"Hello beautiful." She giggled. Then Quatre held her hand, and knew he had to tell her of his decision, "Kayley I want you to listen to me for a minute okay?"



"Yeah okay."



"I've just had a talk with the psychologist. And he told us about the schizophrenia and all that. And after some thought, I've decided to let the doctor try to help you at Seaside." He said and she didn't say a word. She looked at him, at his eyes.



"I…understand." She said, and the seriousness in her voice had unnerved Quatre.



"I'm sorry. But it seems like the logical solution…I don't want to see you in that state again." He said and she pushed herself up and sat in front of him, then she took both his hands on hers.



"Quatre, I told you…I understand. It's okay. Don't be sorry. If this decision is one that you won't regret…then don't apologize to me. I don't want you to feel guilty." Then she saw that he still looked like he felt guilty for sending her to the mental institution, "Think of this as a battle. And I'm going to tell you…fight as your heart tells you to. All life is, is a war, now fight as your heart tell you to." She said and he stared at her.



"Okay." Then he paused, "The doctor suggested that it be only a month. So it'll be okay. Okay?"



"Okay. That's fine. I trust your judgement that this is what needs to be done. But…" she started and she began to kiss his lips, "if you don't come and visit me, you'll really regret it." Quatre laughed.



"I promise I'll visit every chance I get. And you have to promise to cooperate with the people there." He said and burst out laughing.



"Fine, fine, fine. I promise I'll cooperate."



"Good." Then the door opened and closed shortly after.



"How are you today Kay?" Duo asked and Kayley turned her head to see four gundam pilots.



"Fine. How about you guys?"



"Good." Duo answered, but just thinking of her being in a mental institution made him upset, "You can't let him put you in an insane asylum! You have to tell him he can't!" Duo yelled and Kayley stared wide-eyed at him.



"I have no say in it Duo. You five have the final say. I was told you'd be given some tour before you make the final decision. So go on the tour and then figure it out."



"But you have to have some opinion about this. I'm actually against this completely and I want to know what you think." Wufei said and Kayley was surprised that Wufei was also against sending her.



"I have an opinion that the doctor has already heard and I will not repeat myself, he has heard my side of the story and that should be good enough for you." Kayley replied and the four looked at one another.



[3 days later]



The five gundam pilots took the tour around Seaside Mental Institution and found that it was very clean and very beautiful. There were a lot of windows, so no one was cut off from the beauty of the ocean. Flowers adorned every room and the beach was so close that every wave that crashed could be heard. The five were astonished, but Duo and Wufei still stood against it. In the end it was decided that she would spend a month there to see how she did, if she progressed quickly then she would go home with treatments and medications, but if she didn't progress then she would stay until she did.



It was Kayley's first day there and, being closely monitored by nurses, she walked with them into Dr. Patterson's office. He stood when she walked in and then they both sat down.



"Now missus Winner, I want to welcome you to Seaside. And we want to make this as pleasant as possible. Now I have a room ready for you, it's in the section of the institution where there is usually silence; the patients there are mute, or just don't speak. And I don't expect you to scream and run into the walls, so I thought putting you there would be best. And I want to know, first what book you would like us to get for you and what your favorite color to wear is." He said and she was curious.



"Umm…my favorite book is The Little Prince, and my favorite color to wear is…I dunno…blue I guess."



"Okay, now here you will have breakfast at nine and then I will observe you from ten to two and then you will have lunch at two thirty and then you have the day to do what you will and then you have dinner at around seven and then you will be in your room and lights out is at ten."



"Okay."



"Now, to warn you, some people here will say things that don't make any sense, so if they do just say 'okay' or something."



"Sure."



"And now the nurses will get you a blue jumpsuit. Oh and before I forget…" he said, and then he went into a drawer in his desk and took a small journal out, "Here I want you to write anything in here that you want. But be wary, I will be looking at it daily."



"Okay." She said and then a nurse came in and led Kayley away. The nurse was very nervous about the perfect assassin being in the mental institution. She led the small girl in silence to get the blue jumpsuit. Kayley held the journal that the doctor gave her; she flipped through the pages. Then they stopped and the nurse went through a closet and took out the smallest jumpsuit they had and it seemed to be just a bit too big for Kayley. The nurse took the jumpsuit and brought Kayley to her room. The room was small, but looked bigger than it really was, the walls were painted a very light shade of green, the curtains were a darker green, the windows were very big and had a beautiful view of the ocean, the tiles on the floor were white and the room had a very welcoming feel to it. On a small desk there were flowers of all colors in full bloom.



"This is your room. Change into this jumpsuit." She said, handing Kayley the blue jumpsuit, "You can stay here until some one comes for you." The nurse said and she left immediately, locking the door behind her.



{A session with Dr. Patterson} [2 weeks later]



"Now I want you to know that I am recording our conversation, I want you to tell me about yourself." He said and Kayley laughed.



"Come now doctor, everyone on this planet knows about me. There are thousands of newspaper articles and hundreds of pictures of me."



"I want you to tell me about who you really are."



"You care?" she asked, somewhat surprised.



"Yes. You have a husband and friends that love you. I want to see what they see."



"Then you're asking the wrong person. I don't know what they see in me."



"Well, then just tell me about who you are now. Not who you were years ago." Kayley sighed deeply.



"I'm not sure who I am now. I only know what I was; I have no idea who I am now. I just don't know."



"Well it would seem that you fell in love with the Winner heir, and it is definite that he loves you as well. There is a person that exists now that no one has ever seen. You love him and you care about him and no one has ever seen you love or care for anyone before."



"I didn't. I didn't feel anything before. I was like a robot…and somehow Quatre changed that. He just changed everything I knew and taught me to be a real person." She said and she paused, "I just haven't figured out who I am yet."



"Well then okay. Tell me about your childhood." He said and Kayley looked out the window and sighed.



"Fine. I promised Quatre I'd cooperate. I grew up on a colony in outer space, but I was born on earth. I grew up with my father and my aunt and two uncles in a very large house. I lived and trained in basement, and the basement was the only part of the house I saw until I was fifteen. Then I stayed in a real room and was treated slightly better. But I lived in that basement…and I trained every day. I woke up at four in the morning and went to bed at midnight."



"Four hours of sleep?"



"Yeah. Anyway, I started with stretching and all that then I did whatever I was told. When I was seven I tried to escape and nearly lost all of my fingers. When father got me back he hit me a lot; it wasn't very pleasant either. After that I made the conscious decision to never love again because I tried to love my father because I thought that that daughters were supposed to love their fathers and vice-versa, and I kept with that decision until January of after colony one nine seven. I just didn't want love to hurt me again. And that's really the reason I acted the way I did, I didn't feel anything, and I wanted it that way. When I was ten I sparred a boy who was being trained almost exactly the same way as I was. I was stronger because I felt nothing, and I can easily remember what it feels like to feel nothing. It's like being alone in an empty room, silence is all you hear and black is all you see."



"How often did your father beat you?"



"As many times as he could. It seemed like everyday, I know it wasn't, but it felt like it. He made up reasons to hit me, to build up my endurance or whatever…he just made up reasons to hurt me."



"When did you have your first schizophrenic episode?"



"When I was seven I think. It was a little bit after he beat me for running away and I was told I froze completely. I don't know."



"Good enough. Any others after that?"



"Two others. When I was ten, after the match with the boy, it was such a long and hard fight and I came out a bloody mess and he fared worse, but…whoever he was he was good…and I just went into it again. I froze like the time before. And the last one was when I was fourteen, I froze after being a prisoner of war and was tortured for a month and I got out and went back to Treize and just lost it. I froze again, and he didn't notice until a while after, this guy Jack walked in and was completely shocked and got Treize and he got a doctor and I ended up in an insane asylum."



"Okay, and I really don't have any more questions for today. Do you have any questions?"



"Actually I do. Umm…I know that the nurses and orderlies are quite unsure about me being here. I know that they are all talking about me, I have excellent hearing and I hear everything they say. I was just wondering if you could sort of ask them to stop, it's really mean and I don't need to hear their own assumptions about my being here." Kayley said and James smiled.



"I'll talk to them. And you have the rest of the day to yourself, you can read or write or whatever. And if you decide to go on the beach let a nurse know so that he or she can watch you."



"Okay." She said and she stood up and left the room and walked back to her room. When she went inside the room, an orderly locked it behind her; she picked up the journal and flipped to a blank page. She began to write…



Dear Quatre,

God I miss you. I wish you were at least allowed to visit. But they won't let anyone visit me. I'm really lonely. I don't have anyone to talk to, the nurses won't talk to me and so I basically sit in this lonely room and write letters to you that you probably won't ever read. It's looking like there is going to be storm out, big dark clouds are rolling in and the wind is picking up. It's beautiful all the same. I wish I could see your face, your caring eyes, your soft lips, your gentle hands. I wish you were here to make this a little less lonely. I'm going to go crazy if I'm away from you much longer. Dr. Patterson told me the other day that I was progressing and that my brainwaves are getting more normal. Whatever that means. He asked me about my childhood today. What childhood? I didn't have one. I told him a few stupid things; god if I told him everything I'd probably had another episode thing. I need you to just hold me, even if it were for a second, I don't care at all. Just a second with you would make me feel so much less alone.

I love you Quatre. You're all I think about. I hope to see you soon.



Love always,

Kay



She finished writing, tears were falling from her eyes and her face was wet with the fresh tears. She put her head on the pillow and fell asleep almost instantly.



[1hour later]



The nurse sitting at her desk in the silent wing of the institution was reading a book, as she turned the page she heard a loud crash and a scream come from one of the rooms. She got out her keys to open the door and see what happened, in the first room the patient was sleeping, in the second the patient was awake and looking around the room, in the third she saw a tree had flown through the window due to the wind and landed on the patient's back. The girl was trying to get up, but the tree was very big and she could barely move at all. The nurse ran to get some help, but she didn't know who would be able to move the tree off of the girl. Then the nurse had it.



"The assassin. She could move it." She said and she went to Kayley's room and unlocked it and walked in, Kayley was asleep on the bed, "Umm…missus Winner, wake up." She said and Kayley opened her eyes and looked to the frightened nurse.



"What?"



"I need your help." She said and Kayley sat up.



"What's wrong?"



"A tree blew into Britney's room and it landed on her and it's really big and I don't know if anyone else can move it." She said quickly and Kayley climbed out from under the sheets and ran with the nurse to the girl's room. Kayley saw the crying girl on the bed and went immediately to the tree, she went to where it had fallen on her and tried to lift it up, it only moved a few inches. Britney moved off of the bed and onto the floor, the nurse went to her and moved her away from the tree, Kayley put it back down and went to see if Britney was okay. Britney was a girl of about fifteen, with black hair and green eyes. It was obvious to Kayley that the nurse had forgotten that she was there, Kayley left and went back to her room and closed the door behind her. She went to the journal. And decided to write, not to Quatre, but to no one.



If anyone ever asked 'Is it possible for one person to be loved by none and hated by everyone?' I know firsthand that it is possible. I know what it feels like to be loved by no one and hated by everyone. It's that lonely feeling that never leaves you. You feel it for the rest of your life, because the heart doesn't forget things like that. I want that feeling to leave me…I want the feeling that some one loves me to fill my heart instead. But it won't, deep down I still have that painful feeling that no one loves me. Why do I feel that way? I have five people who love me, so why do I feel this way?



Some other times…I have to say…I feel dead inside. I'm not alive…but I'm not dead. I'm lost somewhere in the middle. And now it's worse than it ever was before. After being raped again, I feel like there's nothing worth holding on to anymore. Not even my friends, it hurts too much. It's tearing me apart inside, I feel so disgusting. I wish that they had killed me.



I'm now begging for death, I find that the desire in my heart is no longer to be free of this cage, but to just die. I am sorry Quatre, Heero, Duo, Trowa and Wufei. I truly am sorry. But if any of you felt the pain I feel, you'd understand better. But no one could know.



No one would understand that since I was thirteen I've been things to people that no one would ever want to be. I've been a general's sex slave, a whore at the Moulin Rouge, a mother at the age of thirteen, prisoner of war and raped, and now I've been a boy's wife and kidnapped and again…raped. It hurts too much. I've been trying to block out all the pain, but I just can't anymore. I'm about to break down and lose it. Too much in too little a time-span.



She stopped writing and threw the journal on the floor. Just thinking about those things made her want to cry. She sat up and stared out the window at the storm that raged outside.



[The next morning]



The nurse came to check on Kayley and give her the medications she had to take, when she walked in she found that Kayley was sitting up and looking out the window. The nurse went to move her, but she wouldn't move. The nurse looked at Kayley's face, she wasn't blinking. She didn't respond to the nurse's presence.



"Oh no!" she then ran to Dr. Patterson's office, "Doctor! Doctor! Something's wrong with Kayley Winner! She's not moving and she's just staring off into space." The nurse informed him, he immediately got up and followed her to Kayley's room.



[3 hours later]



As Dr. Patterson looked over Kayley's test results he sighed deeply, examining every little detail to see what went wrong.



"Why did you take such a huge step backward? What happened?" he asked as she was lying on her bed and he was sitting a few feet away. He saw the journal out of the corner of his eye; he turned to see it. It was obvious that it had been thrown. He went to pick it up and saw the writing from the previous night. What he read was disturbing; "This must be the reason. But…a mother at thirteen? A sex slave? It's a wonder she hasn't already killed herself or gone off to be a nun. How could she stand all that?" he asked himself, he looked to her and then back to the journal, "Poor kid." As he realized that she was just a child, "She's only eighteen years old. And she has seen more bloodshed than any war veteran in the history of mankind. She's spilled more blood than any serial killer ever. So why do I have that feeling that it wasn't her fault? She had to know right from wrong…or maybe she didn't. Maybe the father never taught her right from wrong. NO! He had to; she had to know right from wrong. Her stories of her past alone tell that she knew right from wrong, but maybe it became clouded over her years of torture and anything to end that pain, she would do. I don't get it!" he exclaimed, he stood up and left, making sure a nurse constantly watched her to tell him of any changes. He went back to his office, opened a case file and began writing.



Date: December 17, A.C. 198

Case: Kayley Winner

Well missus Winner seemed to be doing well yesterday. Her brainwaves and tests showed that she was progressing. But this morning, as Marie made her morningly rounds to give Kayley her medication, she found that missus Winner had gone into a stupor. And after tests and such I found that she has taken a HUGE step backward. She's gone back to the schizophrenia and I really can't explain why, except for hints in her journal. She mentions things that she has been: a general's sex slave (?), a courtesan at the Moulin Rouge (she used whore, I will not), a mother at thirteen (which would make the child 5 now), and raped twice. She conveys her desire to die a few times, as well as her apologies for such wishes. Her case is a complicated one (for lack of a better word). Her mind is an intricate maze of misery and pain that I'm not sure if I can help her with. Perhaps the memory of these things threw her deeper into despair. (?) I should look into that; maybe then I could help her. She has also made it evident (in letters to her husband) that she is losing ground with reality (though not in her most recent letter to him), that she can't hold on to the reality she is living in and that the other world is fighting to take control of her mind. Perhaps that is what has happened. I must look into this. As well, these things may explain why she did what she did throughout her life. I have it! Manipulation of a mentally ill person! That's what it is! It has to be! There has to be a history of mental illness in her family, schizophrenia is passed on through heredity. Possibly the father knew of this mental illness and took advantage of her in that way. Manipulating the world around her to make things seem right when they are wrong. He may have distorted the way she saw things enough to make her see things a certain way and she would be easier to convince of such things because of the illness. Mental illness makes people susceptible to manipulation.

James Patterson M.D. etc.



Date: Later on December 17, A.C. 198

Case: Kayley Winner

I have a solution to the reason she has taken such a huge step back. She is completely miserable here. She needs her husband and her friends. And being away from them has made her fall into deep depression, which is why she fell into the stupor of schizophrenia. I have a way to make sure it doesn't happen again…once she 'wakes' up and is better I make sure she's doing fine and send her home with medication and treatment, and come by weekly to test her. This could prevent another episode. And perhaps keep her from taking her life. This I pray may save her from herself.

James Patterson M.D. etc.



[2 days later]



Dr. Patterson was examining Kayley; she still was in a trance-like state. She didn't respond to any form of stimulus. He stood up, ready to leave when he noticed that a tear fell down her cheek, and then watching her more closely he saw that her breathing was highly irregular. He knew she was waking up, then she shot up and made a painful cry. She seemed weaker than Dr. Patterson had ever seen her…her eyes were wide and she seemed to have no clue as to where she was or why.



"Kayley. Are you all right?" she looked to him and he saw the full effect of whatever she was seeing in the world she went to.



"I don't know." Was all she could say.



"Well that's understandable, you've been in a stupor for three days. Your condition took a jump back, you completely reversed your condition." He could tell she was not awake enough to understand him, "What I mean is that you were doing very well three days ago, and then in a matter of, probably minutes, you just lost it. You took a step back into the unstable state you were in weeks ago." She seemed to understand, but she also seemed not to understand.



"Sure."



"I have a solution. And I know you will agree to my answer. I think you should go back home to your husband and your friends. I give you your medication and treatments and I check up on you weekly. Because I think the whole reason this happened is because of the fact that you are alone and being alone is depressing you. So is this plan acceptable?" he asked and her face seemed to light up.



"Y…yes."



"Good. But we have to wait at least a week to make sure you recover. You're still quite unstable. I will call your husband today and tell him everything." She smiled.



"Okay." Then Dr. Patterson stood and went to the door.



"I want you to know that I am sorry about everything that happened to you. Even if I wasn't at all involved, I want you to know that I'm sorry." Kayley had no idea what he was talking about, "Don't worry about it. Just know that I don't think you should suffer alone, and I'm going to get you to the people that love you as soon as you are well enough." He then left and Kayley was still puzzled. Then she looked to see that the journal was closed and neatly placed on the desk.



"No way." She said and she stumbled to her feet, and looked at the last thing she wrote, "I…I wrote that? Oh my god." And tears fell from her eyes, "I can't believe I wrote that, I thought it was just a dream." Then she paused, "And he read it. Why did I write that shit down? No one was supposed to know about Aaron." She muttered to herself.



[6 days later]



Kayley was leaving, it was Christmas Eve day and Quatre was going to take her home after Dr. Patterson talked to both him and Kayley. Kayley sat in her room eagerly waiting for the nurse to bring her to the Dr. Patterson's office, where Quatre would be. The journal was with the doctor and the book The Little Prince was held tightly in Kayley's hand. She opened to a dog-eared page and read more to take her mind off of the long wait.



Then a nurse unlocked the door and walked in, Kayley sat staring out the window, she had finished the book and was waiting.



"Missus Winner. Your husband is here, come with me to doctor Patterson's office." Kayley immediately got up and went with her. When they reached the office, the nurse opened the door, "Doctor, missus Winner is here as requested." She said and Kayley walked in, upon seeing the blonde head of hair that she recognized immediately, she froze. Quatre stood up and faced her, she walked into his arms and he held her tightly.



"Can I hold you for more than a second?" he asked, she laughed and cried.



"Hold me forever." She said into his chest. Dr. Patterson smiled and stood up.



"Please sit down. We have few things to discuss. And one is about a small five year old child." And Kayley looked to him, hoping he wasn't talking about her child, but knew that he was.



"What five year old child?" Quatre asked. Kayley broke away from him and sat down, and Quatre sat down as well.



"Now, this child of yours, is five at the moment correct?"



"Yes." Kayley answered and Quatre was completely clueless.



"Is it a male or female?"



"Male."



"Name?"



"Aaron."



"When is his birthday?"



"April thirteenth."



"Father's name?" Kayley paused.



"General Michael Martino." Dr. Patterson saw the look Quatre carried in his eyes and he wanted to make sure Quatre knew that it wasn't her fault.



"Tell us the circumstances of the child's conception." Kayley had no desire to answer him. She stood up and took the journal from the doctor.



"I don't at all see how this is relevant. I…I wrote it in here. I can't say it, it's here…" she said and she took a pen from the doctor and circled the words 'sex slave' and threw it back to him.



"I thought as much. Mister Winner, read this." James said and Kayley was stunned. Quatre took the journal and read the page. His eyes went wide and he was silent. Kayley sat back down and put her hands over her face. Quatre looked to her and put his hand on her head.



"It's okay. I love you all the same." He said and he handed Dr. Patterson the journal back. Relief filled Kayley's being and Quatre sensed it.



"Where is the child?" the doctor asked.



"With his father. I don't know where they are. I haven't seen him since he was a few months old."



"Fair enough. Now, I have medication that I'm going to prescribe for you. And I have prescription slips for a years worth of anti-psychotics, predated of course. Take them in the morning. And here's where it gets difficult mister Winner…Kayley cannot be alone. Under no circumstances can she be alone. You need to be with her at all times. Take her to work, be with her everywhere she goes. Obviously with the bathroom, just be around. If not you, then someone close to her, your four friends, just people close to her. She can't be alone for a while. And also, keep somewhat of a quiet household. Loud noises seem to startle her. I will be coming by weekly to check up on her progress." He said and Dr. Patterson handed Quatre a small pile of prescription slips, "Now any questions?" both shook their head's 'no', "Okay then, you can go." He said and he stood up, Quatre and Kayley stood up. Dr. Patterson led them to the front door and they walked out.



"I have a surprise for you." Quatre whispered in Kayley's ear, she smiled.



"What is it?"



"Close you eyes."



"Then how will I walk?"



"I'll lead you."



"Okay." She said and she closed her eyes and felt Quatre's arm wrap around her waist and he led her. They went down stairs and through trees. Then they stopped and Quatre kissed her cheek.



"Open your eyes." He whispered and she opened her eyes to see four young men sitting on a car, they didn't know she was there, but they looked like they were waiting.



"Hey guys." Kayley said and all heads turned to see her.



"Kay!" Duo yelled and he jumped off of the car and ran to her. He slammed into her and hugged her, "We missed you!" he exclaimed and she hugged him back.



"I missed you too Duo." Duo went closer to kiss her cheek but Quatre pulled her away.



"Hey! I get first kiss, thank you." Quatre said and Kayley faced him, stood on her toes and kissed his lips. Allowing his tongue access to her mouth, he took full advantage of this access.



"I love you." She said and Quatre smiled, and kissed her forehead.



"I love you too."



"Come on guys! We have to go get ready!" Duo yelled to them.



"Get ready for what?" Kayley asked and Duo smiled.



"Tomorrow is Christmas! And Quatre still needs to decorate his tree." Kayley raised an eyebrow, "Just come on! We'll decorate and you two can spend as much time as you want making out."



"Duo!" Heero growled, "That's not funny. Leave them alone." Heero said and Kayley and Quatre got into the car, as did the four other pilots.



[The next morning]



It was Christmas morning and the bright sun was shining in through the window in Quatre and Kayley's bedroom. Quatre woke up to the harsh light, and opened his eyes. He held on to Kayley tightly and went back to sleep. She didn't notice his tightened grip, she went on sleeping.



[3 hours later]



"Hey guys time to wake up!" yelled the familiar voice of Duo as he opened their door and started singing Christmas Carols.



"Go away." Quatre said quietly as he held Kayley tighter. Kayley woke up and looked around. When she heard someone singing 'Jingle Bells' she sighed.



"Good morning Duo." She said and Duo smiled.



"Good morning Kay. Get Quatre up." He said and Kayley smiled, she kissed the tip of Quatre's nose and then his lips. Quatre's eyes opened and he was looking into Kayley's eyes.



"Good morning Quatre."



"Hey there."



"Do you know what today is?" Kayley asked and Quatre shrugged.



"Christmas?" Kayley laughed.



"No blondie! Well, yes, but no! Exactly one year ago today I was sitting on a bench with my feet in the snow, wearing shorts and a tank top, freezing my ass off, with no one who loved me, no one to call family, and you…and you came and you showed me something I didn't think humanity was capable of." She said and Quatre smiled, she climbed on top of him and stared deep into his eyes, "The best and only Christmas present I ever got was from a stranger, when he took me in, and took care of me, and let me stay in his house, even when he knew what I was. He showed me kindness and friendship and loyalty and love. That was the best Christmas present I ever got, the love of a stranger." Duo saw how they were both staring at each other, he knew that it was more than just Christmas to both of them.



"I'm gonna wait out here." Duo said and left the room. Kayley stared at Quatre.



"You realize what's going on here?" she asked and Quatre was caught having no idea what she was talking about.



"What?"



"I'm being given my life back. You are giving me my life back, the life my father and Treize stole from me, you're replacing."



"Oh." Quatre said, and he smiled.



"Thank you for everything." She said and Kayley them bent down and kissed him so passionately that he was left in a daze when she got off of the bed to change into clothing. As she took off her shirt, he saw that her back was still wrapped; though there were no bloodstains on it.



"How's your back?" Quatre asked. Kayley slipped a shirt on over it and turned to him.



"It hurts. But not as much as it used to."



"I'm glad. Come on, I have a special gift for you." Quatre said and he led her out to where Duo and Trowa were, Heero and Wufei had not arrived yet.



"Merry Christmas guys." Kayley said to them and they looked at her, and saw through her shirt the bandages for her back, but both decided against asking about it. Kayley sat on the couch next to Duo and Quatre reached for a large envelope under the tree and handed it to her. She began opening it, inside was a card, which she read first. What he wrote brought tears to her eyes.



"What's it say?" Trowa asked and Kayley smiled and put the card back in the envelope.



"Everything." She said and she then took out the other papers that were in the large envelope, as she looked through them all she realized what they were, "Tickets for a cruise in two weeks." She said and Quatre smiled.



"I promised you we'd do something together. Just you and me. It goes from the Sanq kingdom to Quebec to New York to Miami then to the Caribbean and back here. It's a month long, so we get to make up for some of the time we lost." He said and Kayley was astonished. Then she noticed something was missing, but she couldn't tell what it was.



[2 hours later]



Heero had arrived moments after Kayley had opened the gift from Quatre, and Wufei arrived an hour after that, cursing the slow drivers on the road. Then Kayley looked around and saw that someone was missing.



"Quatre?"



"Yeah."



"Where's Ellen?" the five pilots went silent. They all knew what had happened.



"She's gone Kay." Quatre said and Kayley wasn't sure which type of 'gone' he meant.



"What? Wait, where'd she go?" Duo sighed and put his hand on her shoulder.



"She got shot at the reception, right before Quatre got shot. She…well she died." Duo explained, but that just seemed impossible to Kayley. She tried to go through the memory in her head.



"But she…" Kayley couldn't finish, it was because of Ellen that she had realized her feelings for Quatre.



"I'm sorry Kay, I forgot about it. I didn't even think to tell you." Quatre said, and Kayley was silent. Then Duo patted Kayley hard on the back, but she whined slightly.



"Oww." She said, and Duo realized why. They watched as she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to make the pain go away, "Duo, not all the skin has grown back. Please be careful." She said calmly, though her voice told of the pain she was in.



"How's your back?" Trowa asked, almost making Kayley laugh.



"Well, it's okay. Still hurts quite a bit, but it's better." She answered and then looked at the four pilots, "Why aren't you guys with your significant others, I mean it is Christmas and all. Should you be with them?"



"They're coming here in a few hours. We wanted to see you after your first night back, see how you were doing and everything. They understood completely." Duo said and Kayley smiled.



"I hope this doesn't mean I'm cooking for all of you. I don't think I can mess with all that right now." Kayley said and Wufei coughed.



"Relena, Sally, Dorothy, Catherine and Hilde all agreed to cook. They realized that you wouldn't be able to do it." Wufei said and Kayley sighed.



"Thank god for that." Kayley said and she relaxed. Quatre put his hands on her waist and moved her onto his lap; she sat there, loving his touch.



[½ an hour later]



Kayley fell asleep in Quatre's arms. He held her close and protected her.



"I guess I woke you guys up too early." Duo said, and Quatre smiled.



"I doubt it, she used to wake up at four in the morning after going to bed at midnight when she lived with her dad. I think she's still exhausted from everything. She has to get all her energy back, she's almost completely drained of energy." Quatre explained. She nestled closer to him while she slept.



"She really depends on you Quatre. She will, probably, from now on depend more on you than you even realize." Heero said and Quatre looked at the sleeping girl.



"And I'll always protect her."



[2 weeks later]



Quatre and Kayley were sitting in their suit on the cruise ship. Kayley stood up and went to the deck to feel the breeze; Quatre followed her and stood with her.



"I have something for you, it's to wear tonight to dance." He said and she looked to him and smiled.



"Okay, and I have something for you too." She said and she went back into the room and went to her suitcase and took out a few pieces of paper, "This is for you." She said and she handed him the papers. On the paper was a handwritten letter to him. He began to read it, and absorbing her words. When he finished it he looked at her, "It took me a while to figure out how to get that all into words. But every word of it is the truth, that's how I feel, how you make me feel." He was still stuck on what she wrote.



"Thank you." He paused, thinking about the letter, "It's beautiful." He said and she blushed. He stood up and embraced her tightly, she sighed.



"I'm very glad that you like it."



"I love it. Now let's get you in the dress I picked out for you. We're going to dance, and we're going to have fun." He said and she laughed.



"Yes sir." She said, he laughed at her joke and brought out the dress. It was a deep purple, almost black, long dress. She stared at it, "Wow, Quatre it's beautiful."



"Put it on." he said and he handed it to her, she took it and she put it on the bed and started undressing. Her back was still bandaged, and Quatre sighed, then she took her pants off and Quatre saw scars he's never seen before. She hadn't been comfortable undressing in front of him, and he saw why, the scars were horrendous. She slipped the dress on and he zipped it up for her. She put shoes on and brushed her hair, and they left. When they arrived there were photographers waiting for him.



"What's going on?" Kayley asked, Quatre shrugged.



"Mister Winner, can you answer a few questions for us?" one woman asked and Quatre raised an eyebrow.



"What? No. Go away." He said and he led Kayley to a table and away from the reporters and photographers, "How did they find out I was here?" Kayley shrugged.



"Ignore them." Then she realized that they were taking pictures, "Shit, Quatre, they're gonna know that I'm here." She said, and she knew what would happen if one of them recognized her.



"It's okay. We just can't worry about it. Whatever they print will be of no consequence, people will line their bird cages with it the day after it's printed. It'll be okay, and I don't care about them, if they find out I married you, then that's great for them." Quatre said and she sighed, "They probably still refer to me as the eligible Winner heir, bachelor and all that crap. But they'd be wrong. I'm yours and you are mine and that's all that matters." Kayley smiled.



"You're right…I am yours." She then paused, seeing that they were watching them, "Let's given them a show." She suggested and Quatre laughed.



"Sure." Quatre said and Kayley started kissing his lips, then she took his lips and then Quatre moved his tongue into her mouth. The cameras were flashing as they got pictures of them.



"Okay, I was told there were a few honeymooning couples here!" said the DJ, and Quatre and Kayley stopped kissing to look to him, "Would my couples please stand up?" he asked and they stood up. The DJ went around asking the couples there names. When he got to Quatre he smiled, "The Winner heir has gotten married, and to a very pretty little lady too. Tell me your name missus Winner." Kayley laughed when he said it. It sounded so good in her mind.



"Kayley." She said to him and he was astounded.



"You have a very cool accent. Mister Winner you got a good one. You know, you have the same name as the assassin girl. You look a lot like her too." Kayley laughed, she knew it was coming.



"Yeah, I get that a lot."



"What's your maiden name?" he asked and Kayley's grip on Quatre's hand suddenly tightened to the point where he couldn't feel his fingers. He bent down and whispered in her ear.



"Tell them. It's okay. In a day, no one will care." He whispered and then he stood up again.



"My maiden name is…O' Conner." She said and the DJ's eyes went wide.



"Oh, okay. Well…umm…" he went back to the front of the room, "here's a song for the honeymooning couples only. Please come to the dance floor." He said, and Kayley and Quatre along with four other couples went and stood waiting for the song, "Here's 'We're a Miracle' by Christina Aguilera."



Here we are

Safe at last

We can breathe a sigh

It seems the storm has passed



Through it all

No one knew

That all the tears in heaven

Would bring me back to you



No one I know

Imagined we would make it

But it only matters

That we both believe



Then they both ignored the words and the flashing of the cameras, and focused only on each other. Kayley rested her head on Quatre's chest and held his hand. Quatre held her close to his body, being very protective of her. His head rested next to hers and never moving away from her.



[The next day]



Duo was walking through the grocery store with Hilde; they were in the checkout line when he saw a tabloid. He never usually cared about tabloids, they always seemed to try to wreck people's lives, but the picture and the cover story is what caught his eye. It read 'ELIGIBLE WINNER HEIR: NOT SO ELIGIBLE! Inside scoop, Quatre Winner takes the 'Perfect Assassin' as his wife.' Duo picked up the paper and looked at it. The picture on the front would not even suggest that she was an assassin. It showed them together, holding on to one another, though it was obvious that he was holding on tighter. Her head on his chest, and he was smiling at her.



"Hey Hilde look at this! It's Quatre and Kayley! In the tabloids! I swear if they try to wreck their love, I'll kill all of them myself!" he exclaimed, handing the paper to Hilde.



"Wow, Duo they look so wonderful together. And she looks so beautiful." Then she opened to the article, and on the inside was a picture of them kissing, and Duo laughed, "What is it?"



"They did that on purpose."



"Did what?"



"The kiss. That had to be for a show, just to give them something to talk about. And I can only imagine how badly she wanted to kill them all. We have to buy this and show it to them when they get back." Duo said and they bought it, "If they try to wreck that marriage I will personally go back to Shinigami just to make them pay. They've suffered enough already, I won't let these heartless idiots try to make it worse."

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