Author: Lyndaura

Author's Comments: Meh.
//: Meh :// - denotes flashbacks
Special Mention: Meh. You know who you are…… and read Tiff's (aka: Smoke and Mirrors) stories! Oh…… and Pyro George rocks……

Chapter 11
Return

"She can't!" Emily shouted back through Luke's arm. Tears and sweat sprayed from her face as she reached out to Sage.

The next events occurred almost simultaneously, in a split second they were over.

As everyone focused on Sage, Trowa seemed distant and unattached. Because of this quality he saw Heero stepping toward the frantic scene, a flower identical to the one that Trowa held in his hand neatly entwined in his calloused fingers.

"Heero," as Trowa said it out loud he seemed to laugh. Heero is a hero. The thought struck him and he looked at Heero. His mind laughed once again at the inside joke, but Trowa suddenly realized the meaning. Everything made so much sense now.

"Heero!" he called out, not knowing quite what he was supposed to do.

Heero turned to him and then back to Sage, the circumstances in which he was suddenly thrown into were completely lost on Heero as he felt Sage drawing power towards her. He dropped his flower, forgetting about the odd gift, a sign to him of both insanity and sanity.

"Sage?" Heero's words were calm, focused and mono-toned except for a slight raise in pitch at the end of his sentence, indicating a questioning tone.

Sage shook within her wings. She could hear Heero. Any other words were lost in confusion around her, and in her insanity. His calm voice melted through her mental blocks and rang in her head.

No one knew what was going on except her.

She needed to spare them.

She couldn't self-destruct with them present…… it would slaughter them.

They needed to get the stone.

Killing them would destroy the world, as she knew it.

But the flames of self-loathing sparked within her and she found it hard to break her protective shell. She needed to kill herself, the relentless need was the only option. She wouldn't, couldn't go on like this. It was more than just her family and ancestors, sparking their words of hatred inside her every waking, and unconscious moment; it was also what she was responsible for. She was evil. She was convinced of it.

The words rung through her head again. She couldn't kill them. If she were to kill herself, she would need to do it without hurting anyone else.

Sanity finally calmed her and she felt her wings loosen their death grip around her.

"She's recovering!" Emily pressed into Luke in relief.

// Did you do that Katara? //

// You know that magic can't get through the wings. //

// Then who? //

// I didn't sense anything…… //

Emily turned her head, as she was suddenly overwhelmed with Heero's energy. He was like a magnet, drawing energy away from Sage and toward him for no apparent reason.

"Heero," Duo lightly jogged over to Heero and smiled, "You don't know what you just missed!"

"What happened?" Heero's serious and husky voice seemed refreshing from the hectic panic that had taken all of them just a few short moments ago.

"Long story," Duo shook his head, his braid gracefully swaying from side to side, "But I would be happy to tell ya all about it!" Duo smiled and led Heero to rock nearby and began regaling the tale from the moment Heero left to the exact time Heero stepped onto the scene.

While Duo was obviously busy spilling every detail his mind could ponder, Luke and Emily were comforting Sage.

"What happened?" the immediate question stunned Sage for a moment. She couldn't well tell either of them the true reason for her actions, but she needed an answer for him, for Emily and for everyone else. Sage felt like crawling back into her shell, her translucent, and gradually whitening wings were spread out, spanning almost three times her body length across the campsite.

"I don't know……" Sage closed her eyes, "The ghost, I felt it again," Sage's half-truth passed for the moment as Emily and Luke exchanged knowing glances. She had lied to two of her only good friends, true friends, and the fact stung her insides like nothing else.

"The ghost is back? I thought we destroyed it!" Luke tried to control his breathing as the after effects of the adrenaline took effect. He needed caffeine, or sugar at least.

Emily as slightly annoyed at the word 'we'. HE didn't risk his life, and consequently speed up the process to rip HIS mind and body apart. HE wasn't the one to successfully pull off one of the hardest spells ever, but Emily quickly ended her mental rant long enough to listen to Sage's answer.

"I'm sorry," Sage shook her head, "I just…… I could have sworn that I could feel another one…… it was there…… I could feel it!" Sage protested as she closed her eyes, the horrific experience fresh in her mind, burning her soul, scarring it permanently.

"Where was it? Or do you think you just imagined it?" Emily tried to be gentle with Sage, but she needed her to answer the questions now, while the responses were fresh in her mind, time, no matter how small always had a distorting effect on things.

"I…… well…… I just don't know. The fear was real…… but the cause…… I just can't remember," the confusion on whether the ghost had been real or not was not an act, but the cause for her last resort of protection was. She had only felt the ghost for a moment, if she had felt it at all, after that, her actions were because of an entirely different affair, "I'm sorry," Sage whispered to them, not for just her actions, but for so much more. So very much more……

"It's okay Sage," Emily wrapped her arms around Sage's thin body. The jewelry on Sage's arm burned onto Emily, but she didn't move, letting the metal bring on the pain. Emily smiled as the sting reminded her that she was still alive. She wouldn't be alive for long, but she let Sage hold her as they shared each other's pain.

Luke watched, slightly protective of Emily, but also jealous of Sage at the same time. He didn't want anyone else touching his Emily, no one else could. She was his……

Forever his……

Finally Luke tapped Emily on the shoulder. Sage and Emily broke their hold and kissed each other lightly on the cheek before Emily got up, helping Sage as soon as she was stable. Luke looked deeply into Emily's eyes and on impulse hugged her tightly. Emily was slightly responsive, as she gently embraced him.

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" Luke barely breathed the words in Emily's ears.

"Sure," Emily swallowed down the emotion as she too was beginning to feel the lack of adrenaline in her system.

Sage lay in the middle of the campsite staring at the three remaining pilots guiltily. Quatre had stepped forward, careful to avoid the vomit that was near her, he tried to comfort her, but he knew that he would be of almost no assistance to her.

Sage burst into a new set of tears as emotion and guilt washed over her anew. She needed to confide in someone, she couldn't just bottle up her emotions any longer. She needed to confess her sins to someone. As she looked up through blurred eyes she immediately saw Quatre trying to comfort her. He had such a good heart; it killed her every time she looked into his caring eyes. Somewhere in the back…… there was Wufei. But he seemed so cold, the suppressed hatred that burned within him, startled her for a moment. But for what she did, she was not surprised that she would feed a rage that had been growing for years. Through the two of the extremes, she managed to point out the balance of the two.

Trowa.

He sat calmly, watching her with some curiosity, trying to analyze her she guessed, but he did have some human content in there somewhere…… somewhere he had experienced and endured the suffering she had. She was drawn to him immediately. He would serve her purpose quite well…… Sage stopped herself. She was starting to sound like Katara used to before the accident, and before the King's marriage. But Katara had come a long way since then. A long way since Emily and her had been merged, and even further since she had last seen her. She seemed to be growing and learning right before her eyes. She was so different now……

Sage had been aware of what had happened at the King's palace, she would never admit it, but she had had a psychic experience when that had happened. Half the fairy population had had one, seeing what had happened at the castle in detail. Everyone knew what had happened there, she could still remember the cheer when they heard Katara (which had actually been Emily, but Luke and Sage were still annoyingly unaware that the two preferred to be referred to differently) refuse the mission to find the stone. Sage shook her head. Maybe Katara wasn't that different, merely influenced by Emily. Sage supposed the influence was good…… but how much was Katara, and how much was Emily? The thought was barely disturbing, and was quickly replaced by other questions and memories, but the nagging tug of insecurity pressed on Sage's mind further.

Her thoughts were cut off when Quatre brushed up against her now pure white wings. She tensed immediately and pulled her wings in closer to her protectively, but far from the cocoon like manner that Emily had found her in. Quatre was startled, and pulled away slightly, and then began his perfuse apologies. He was such a fretty little thing. He seemed like he was always hyper-sensitive about others and himself. //He would make a good mother // Sage laughed out loud and Quatre seemed a slight bit offended, but relieved when Sage stretched her wings to their previous, relaxed state.

"Sorry," Sage smiled falsely, "They're sensitive when they aren't flexed."

"No, I'm the one that's sorry!" Quatre blushed a little and looked down at the ground.

"You can touch them if you want," Sage offered, still keeping her eye on Trowa.

"Are you sure? I mean, I won't hurt you will I?" Quatre seemed so nervous. He was such a dear, he truly was, but he was like Luke, he was going to get an ulcer.

"You won't hurt me," Sage replied and moved her wing toward Quatre, offering it to him.

Quatre stroked it almost in awe. "It's soft……"

"Yeah," Sage smiled as the tears disappeared from the rims of her eyes.

"What are they made of?" Quatre asked and then immediately felt stupid. Whatever their composition, it would obviously be foreign to him, but Sage seemed to ignore his stupidity and humoured him.

"They're made of a hard-like muscle I guess. Its like trillions tiny, long muscles in every centimetre, and when they are relaxed, they feel…… almost like fur, that's how small they are. But when I flex them, they are one of the hardest substances ever recorded. Now, when I go into…… what I went into just a few minutes ago, chemicals are added and it reinforces the muscles so much more that they are indestructible, even resistant to any form of magic. Once my wings are flexed, I can't feel a thing," Sage explained with a slight bit of joy in bragging about her wings.

"Can you flex them now?" Quatre asked carefully, knowing that he could ask the wrong question, or say the wrong thing any second and set her off.

"Sure," Sage smiled and flexed her wings. Quatre watched as her wings turned from white to a clear glass.

"Why are they clear now?" Quatre touched the smooth surface in awe.

"When I flex my muscles, they change position which shows their transparent side, see they have four sides, two opposite sides that are transparent, and then two sides that are white. It helps for the me to see outside if I ever use them to protect myself," Sage explained with a smile, though inside she was hurting so bad she could scream. She almost did too. She didn't know how much more she could take without going truly insane and demolishing half the population of the Valley of Angels, "You know, they call this place the Valley of Angels because this place used to be full of fairies. I guess they should rename this place now…… I guess I'm the last fairy left now."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to remind you. But…… wow, they're so beautiful," Quatre smiled at her, "Thank you for letting me see them."

"I think about it all the time, you didn't remind me. I know they're pretty, they're actually most commonly used to draw mates. We used to have big competitions and stuff. You see, fairies can change their shape anytime they want to, but they can never change their wings. That's why wings are so important. Well, I don't mind showing them to you. It's no problem Quatre, anytime," Sage added although she knew she would probably never bring them out again in her entire life, "Can I talk to you Trowa?" Sage guessed his quiet nature would help more than hinder their conversation in this situation, and was suddenly appreciative if him, though the voices of her ancestors still raged within her, and the joy was short lived.

As soon as they were alone Sage began, "Have you been a soldier long?"

//: "You…… You're not human."
"That's right. I've been a soldier since the day I was born."://

"Yes," the curt answer was expected and again Sage reminded herself how blessed she was for his presence.

"Do you mind me asking some personal questions?" Sage was winging it (no pun intended) and she was desperate to say anything, but she needed his consent first…… she owed him so much more than that.

Trowa's silence was taken as permission and Sage thought for a moment as to what to say. Trowa waited patiently as Sage thought, "Have you ever killed any of your comrades?"

The question shook him slightly as he remembered one of his earliest memories. The men that had betrayed him…… his mouth went dry as he remembered the words spoken:

//: "Those were the guys who made you what you are."
"But they betrayed us. You think those guys would have GIVEN AWAY our plans?"
"You IDIOT! They would NEVER do something like that!"
"I don't regret what I did. I did just what they taught me - destroy the enemy before me."
"You…… You're not human." ://

"Yeah," Trowa finally answered after a moment, even though he never considered the men he killed comrades after they betrayed him.

In betrayal he was lost…… now in trust he was found.

"Do you regret what you did?" Sage looked at him through murky eyes.

"No," Trowa answered almost too quickly.

"Why?" Sage's question made Trowa think, but his answer came almost as quickly.

"A soldier does what he or she was trained to do. Regret comes after a mistake. What I did was not a mistake. I killed the enemy before it killed me. There is no room in war for doubts or second-guessing. You do what you were told to do."

//: No-name, can't you look a LITTLE sad? You killed your comrades!"
"I used up enough sad faces as a baby to last a lifetime."
"So you'll just keep shutting down your heart, huh? How long are you going to wear that tearless mask?"
"Until the day I die." ://

Trowa was harsh in his words, but they spoke a profundity that was beyond his years.

"So you're saying that you kill whoever you are told to, despite why?" Sage was not trying to contradict Trowa, but she couldn't help it.

"When you are a soldier, there is no set right or wrong, no black and white. A soldier needs to fight, without a battle, he or she is nothing," Trowa looked at Sage, his eyes unfaltering.

"Thank you Trowa. Can I ask you one more question?" Sage asked calmly.

Trowa was silent in wait, "Are you a soldier?"

Trowa was caught off-guard.

"A soldier fights a war," Trowa answered calmly.

"I guess you wouldn't answer me if I were to ask you if you were fighting a war," Sage replied, the tears had returned in her eyes. The exhaustion had returned and now she craved the sleep she was denied.

Trowa got up and left, unwilling to reopen anymore old wounds. He had said what needed to be said.




"I need to know the truth behind you and the King," Luke went straight to the point.

"What do you mean, behind the King and I?" Emily went immediately defensive.

"I don't mean King Dirk Lowe, I mean his father. I've been thinking and I knew that you were close with the King before his…… his passing, but I need to know how close," Luke asked swallowing down his anxiety.

"What is this about?" Emily asked keeping her defensive ground, almost offended by his prying inquiries.

"Did you love him?" Luke was surprised at the words as they flowed out of his mouth so easily, though he had never actually intended to say them.

"Is that what this is about? Afraid you have competition from someone who is now gone?" Emily refused to use the word 'dead', the thought too gruesome.

"No, I just need to know if anything happened between you and the King," Luke knew that the conversation was quickly going downhill and it would probably never recover.

"What business or importance is it to you?" Emily shot back as she remembered the cherished times with the King. She was still dealing with his death, and worst off, the chaotic situation had yielded no time for her to properly grieve her deep loss……

"You were talking in your sleep about him last night," Luke admitted.

"No, how could I?" Emily then shut up. She didn't want to tell him that she had been in Heero's soul, though he would find that out later…… whether she liked it or not.

"It was near morning, after you had stopped struggling in your sleep. I thought that you were having a nightmare, but you refused to rise. I thought about trying to use magic to wake you, but I finally decided against it," Luke admitted.

Perhaps she had dreamt about it after her encounter with Heero. She had to find out how much Luke knew…… "What else did I say?"

"You repeated Heero's name in your sleep, and you were…… very cuddly…… in your sleep," Luke blushed slightly.

"I always cuddle in my sleep, you know that! I once woke up hugging a dead squirrel! That shouldn't mean anything to you, and you know what happened to Heero last night, something weird went on, and I was probably reacting to his energy fluxuations!" Emily bluntly lied.

// Do you want me to take over? //

// I have it. //

"What about talking about the King in your sleep, and what did you have to do with his energy level?" Luke didn't say it, but both of them knew that he was putting responsibility or at least involvement, on her.

"I did like the King! Okay! I was engaged to him at one time, but then little miss Queen had to come and take him away, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear?" Emily deliberately avoided the subject of Heero, for now she was safe.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" Luke shot back at her.

// What should I say? //

// Want me to take over? //

// Not yet…… //

"I'm sorry to interrupt this little cat fight," a voice came from beside them. Everyone turned toward the horrifying familiar figure.

"Much better……." Terra stood with her staff held high and her bodyguards behind her standing firm…… "So…… Hi!"

~End Chapter 11 - Return~

Author's Tidbits: Well? I need your input, I know that this is really boring…… but I have to tie up all these lose ends before we get back to the interesting stuff. Hey…… notice that every time Emily is in control, its boring, and when Katara is in control, its really interesting? Oh well…… second last chance to cast your votes for Relena's impending doom! Muhahahaha! Oh…… and Pyro George would like to know how you would like Relena to die, if she does indeed end up dying. Um…… Terra's probably going to kill her…… and the gorier the better. ^_^ I hate Relena. This is going to be so fun to write. I promise, no more than two chapters. Honest. * Laughs hysterically * Well, toodles!

~Lyndaura~

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