Real Daydreams
By:Akkiko
Authors Note: I absolutly REFUSE to put up another chapter unless I get an e-mail about this one! Got it! Anyway, lots` of love for ya`ll^__^
Chapter 1:
It hits us all, and it always will hit the unsuspecting person right in the gut on an unsuspecting day. That fear so great that it was no longer a feeling, it was real, tangible, something you could touch and feel yet you couldn`t see it.
Along with it comes trembling, coldness that coils inside you and freezes your heart but at the same time a searing heat engulfs you. Your fingers tremble as life flashes before your eyes and you wonder what death feels like and if you should do the honors yourself. Than on top of this, a paradox of thoughts that swim through your brain and rip through your heart like a plague until you scream, or fall so silent the only sound you hear is the pounding of your heart. It hits us all, when we least expect it.
It had been a few months since this feeling had struck me, six months and eleven days if you wanted to be exact. It struck again as I went to confess to my parents wrongs that had been done to me. The ice in the pit of my stomach shifted as I moved and told my brother, as he was driving. At home, I told my parents. A few months later, my brother in law was in jail.
I could have easily fancied that it had been three long years of plotting to uncover my lost innocence, but it wasn`t. It was a spur of the moment thing. Even now, almost a full year later, I don`t know why I told. That fear that was in me, that mind numbing coldness and the searing heat that left me in confusion, wore off over a few months and I was seemingly normal, but very depressed and suicidal.
I had thought fear of death was gone, and I had thought fear was gone. Death would have been a reward and life a curse. That was what I thought until my ultimate fight to live and survive came in the form of an older man who moved into our neighborhood.
Jake was a kind man when I first saw him. He was tall and strong with twinkling blue eyes and sandy blond hair. He had stopped by to give my family a pie as a "welcome me to the neighborhood" present. My parents, being the friendly people they were, invited him in. I stayed in my room as I always do when company comes. In my room I thought about my life, and worked on my many books, some I wanted to get published, and others I didn`t.
They were talking, laughing, and than I heard him say something about books. I stopped my typing for a split second, than my mother jumped in. "Akkiko loves to write."
His reply was a thick accent and an equally thick voice. I wasn`t sure where the accent was from, it was familiar yet new. "Oh really? Was that the girl here?"
I heard my mother sigh. The news of my brother in law had been very hard on her. She was a good mother and took her job as mother seriousely. While most mothers told you to wash behind your ears and part your hair in the middle than to go to bed, she would take me with her to all her cleaning jobs and all her appointments than tell me, the squeemish little girl, that my hands were washable. I could invision tears running down her face and than my father jumped in. "She has clinical depression and isn`t very intrusted in people."
I sighed in reliefe and than I heard a slight creak of the floor boards. I thought perhaps I had left one of the dogs out and so I turned to my small room, but all three were there. I shuttered when I heard another creak and a small tap on the door. I swollowed, terrified to meet a new person. "Who is it?"
The door knob began to turn slowly and I swollowed again, too scared to move now. "It`s Jake, I just moved in across the street. Will you come out and say 'hi'?" I looked at Max, the biggest and dumbest of the three. He was wagging his tail excitedly at the door.
I swollowed again, staring with wide eyes at the door as if it were a monster trying to get in instead of a simple man who wanted to meet his nabors. I didn`t want him in my room, that was my sanctuary and he had no right to invade it. I stood up finally, fingers cold and numb but I wasn`t filled with fear, I was nervouse and my painful shyness was showing at this moment. I stuttered the reply. "I`ll c-come out in a m-minute. I have three dogs here."
His reply annoyed me. I rarely speak above a mumble and now was no exception because I was scared stiff. I spoke a little louder, not bothering to repeat everything I had said before. "I`m coming." The door opened a little crack and he appeared with a big smile on his face. Sammi, our small begal, barked in greeting. He looked at me, than around my room.
My desk had a computer on it, good for little more than typing. It didn`t even had a CD rom. Behind my door was a bow and arrows which was from my sisters old house. The bow was supposedly broken but I had fixed it although I never used it. His eyes traveled to my bookcase, filled with Shakespear and Edger Allen Poe. I like psyco dramas, and so I had books about the human mind. Than he saw my school books since I was home taught.
My room I had to admit was odd for a girl my age. Instead of posters with boy bands littering my walls, I had posters of animes and old court jesters. Instead of pink sheets and comforter, I had a dark blue set with celestial themes. Instead of a bed, I had a couch. "Nice room."
I looked at him, my intuition taking over. Something was wrong. I always had these feelings about people. When I was little I used to imagine every person in the store following me home and stalking me than kidnapping me. I still had these daydreams on occation, but only when there is someone unusual that gets my attention. After my brother in law had done what he did, I took these more seriousely. He leaned further in the door. I smiled politely at him, a half smile. "I`ll be out in a little bit."
I spoke loud and so I was sure he had heard me. He finally smiled at me and left the room. I stood up with a sigh. My nerves were vibrating with fear and my heart was pounding so hard that I wondered if he heard me.
That day went by with no insodent. He left and didn`t come around too much. When he did, he was accepted warmly and I hid in my room. It was times that he did call when I wished that I still had my old friend, Katie. But I didn`t and wouldn`t. She had betrayed me in more ways than one. I would soon find out though the real definition of betrayel, although, betreyal of self is worse than betreyal by anyone else.